Bad Joke Firday

A young lady visited a computer dating service and inquired, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?”
The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?”
“Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman.
The results read, “Buy a television.”

“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’”
“So we stopped playing chess.”

A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn’t figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, “I appreciate how hard you’re both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: “The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.”

A lady called up a pet store and said, “I’d like to order 2,000 cockroaches.”
“What in the world do you want with 2,000 cockroaches?” asked the astonished clerk.
“Well,” she replied, “I am moving today, and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found it.”

Facebook Divorce

The Facebook IPO may be failing miserably, but something else is up. Quentin Fottrell of Smart Money magazine says it may be wrecking marriages.

More than a third of divorce filings last year contained the word Facebook, according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a  legal services firm. And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “I see Facebook issues breaking up marriages all the time,” says Gary Traystman, a divorce attorney in New London, Conn. Of the 15 cases he handles per year where computer history, texts and emails are admitted as evidence, 60% exclusively involve Facebook.
“Affairs happen with a lightning speed on Facebook,” says K. Jason Krafsky, who authored the book “Facebook and Your Marriage” with his wife Kelli. In the real world, he says, office romances and out-of-town trysts can take months or even years to develop. “On Facebook,” he says, “they happen in just a few clicks.” The social network is different from most social networks or dating sites in that it both re-connects old flames and allows people to “friend” someone they may only met once in passing. “It puts temptation in the path of people who would never in a million years risk having an affair,” he says. Facebook declined to comment.

Did you get that? More than one third of divorce filings mention that Facebook is in some way involved. Is this not a good reason to get out people? Just sayin...and I hope you were not stupid enough to invest.

Second Timothy 1:8-12

According to the New International Version for the Bible, Second Timothy 1:8-12.

So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given to us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our savior Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel  I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.

Commentary

So Paul continues to encourage Timothy, urging him not to be ashamed of what he has been called to do - which is preach the gospel. Paul did not want Timothy to be timid or fearful of what might happen. Instead, he wanted him to push forward, without regard to the result, even if it meant persecution.

Paul didn't want Timothy to be ashamed of him either. There may have been a concern that people might take Timothy less seriously if they knew his chief mentor was in prison. The thing that Timothy needed to remember was that Paul was in prison for doing what was right. He was really a prisoner of Christ and not Rome.

It was more important that Timothy seize the power granted him by the Spirit and join Paul in suffering for the gospel. Timothy had to make a choice. He could trust God or cower in fear.  

Paul then lists some very important reasons for Timothy's perseverance. Paul reminds him that it was God that saved them. It was God that called them to a holy life. What's more, it was not because of anything meritorious that they had done. Rather, it was because of God's divine plan conceived before creation; one that would offer salvation to all humanity. It was a plan revealed through the saving work of Jesus; a plan that would destroy the powers of sin and death forever.

How could Timothy shrink away from that? He couldn't and neither could Paul. Paul said frankly that this was why he was in prison. God had called him to preach and spread the word and God's calling had landed him with a death sentence. But he would not be deterred by this. He refused to be ashamed, but instead, chose to stand firm. Why? Because he knew that what he believed was the truth, that Jesus Christ is the only hope for a dying world. It was for this reason that Paul knew God would take care of him, even in suffering and death. Paul wanted Timothy to embrace this attitude.

Questions

1) Paul urged Timothy not to be ashamed of Jesus or his calling or Paul and that situation. Why would shame be an issue here?
2) What would people think if they knew your best friend was in prison?
3) Have you ever suffered for your faith?
4) Suppose a church elder is falsely accused of something at work because of his moral stand on an issue and gets fired simply because his accusers thought his attitude was hateful or bigoted. What should our response be to this elder? Is this persecution for your faith?

5) Why did Paul invite Timothy to join him in suffering?
6) Paul explains that God saved us to fulfill his purposes. We receive his grace and so we serve. Nothing we did brought us this salvation, but we still have to deal with the bad times and hang on to our hope of salvation. Why can't the Christian life be pain free? Why is it sometimes so difficult to be a Christian? Or is it? (John 16:33)
7) In verse 12 Paul says he knows what he believes and for that reason he's willing to trust God with the outcome. What are you willing to entrust to God's care?
   

Second Timothy 1:1-7

Second Timothy 1:1-7 according to the New International Version of the Bible:

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus.

To Timothy, my dear son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift  of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline.

Commentary

So Paul, now facing execution in the very near future, begins his last known letter to Timothy, his young protege. His words are not the words of a condemned man, but instead, they are full of hope. He talks of Christ's promise of life. He uses words like grace, mercy and peace - even in the face of immanent death. He also expresses his thanks to God. He knows he's done nothing wrong. His conscience is clear. The simple fact of the matter is that he is in prison for serving God; for doing what he is compelled to do.

But he also remembers Timothy in his prayers. He remembers their last parting in Macedonia and how Timothy wept. Paul would really like to see him now. Few things would have made him happier.

It was the sincerity of Timothy's childlike faith that had impressed Paul; a faith handed down to him by his mother and grandmother. It was not bogged down with pretense or a desire for self aggrandizement. It was simple, pure and strong. Timothy trusted God and Paul longed to fellowship with him because of that.

Paul also wanted for Timothy the best things that such faith and trust in God had to offer. So he urged Timothy to press on, developing his spiritual gift that Paul had passed on to him. He told Timothy to fan into flame this God given gift. He was to use it for God's glory and the good of God's church. More to the point, he was not to be timid about it, but allow the Holy Spirit to use it with power and love and in self discipline. After all, what good is a gift if it's hidden or unused because of fear?

Questions

1) So if you were in prison, facing your death, how would your letter to a friend sound? Would it begin like this one?
2) Why does Paul talk about having a clear conscience?
3) What makes for the kind of sincere faith that Paul says Timothy has? (James 2:18-26)    
4) Paul opens the letter on a note of self confidence. There is no doubt in his mind that God has called him to serve as an apostle? What has God called you to do? How can we be as confident as Paul was?
5) Who does Paul credit for Timothy's sincere faith?
6) Paul urged Timothy to fan into flame the gift of God passed on to him by Paul. What does he mean by this? What does it mean for us?
7) What are these gifts for?
8) Timothy was apparently a bit reluctant to make use of his gift - so much so that Paul thought he was being timid in its use. What is it that prevents us from making use of our gifts?

An Introduction to Second Timothy

Second Timothy may well be the last letter that Paul ever wrote. At the time of its writing, Paul was imprisoned in Rome for a second time. This time it was quite serious.

His first imprisonment was mild by comparison. At that time he was permitted to live in a rented house while he was under arrest waiting for trial; a trial that his accusers never showed up for.

Now though, things were different. His accusers were imperial and his prison was quite real. Probably a dark, damp dungeon where he was chained to a wall - rat and filth infested. His fate may already have been decided. The impression Paul gives is that his death is near.

As we study this letter, please take the time to consider Paul's attitude, his faith and how he still cares deeply about the evangelism of the world. Even in the face of death, Paul stands firmly on God's promises and the hope of a better life to come. To his grave he upheld the standards that Christ gave him to live by, proving himself to be the greatest missionary that ever lived.

He wrote this letter for three basic reasons. First, he was probably lonely. He had been deserted by many of his friends and those that remained loyal had trouble finding him. He also wanted to see Timothy again - so much so that he asked him to come to Rome. Secondly, Paul was concerned about the state of the church and how it would hold up against this first official state persecution under Nero. And third, he also wanted to address the Ephesian church through Timothy specifically and thank the faithful members and those that had stuck with him to the end.

Paul probably wrote this letter sometime in AD 66 or 67. Tradition says that Paul was beheaded toward the end of Nero's reign and Nero died sometime in AD 68.

Bad Joke Friday

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam
after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was
already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute
the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up
and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group
wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written
anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83-years-old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel as good as the day I was born.”
“Really? Like the day you were born?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.”

On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point. “Start preparing for landing when you’re at 300 feet.”
One student asked, “How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?”
“A good question. At 300 feet, you’ll start to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
She thought about this for a moment before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know”?

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”

One night a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota, The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes.
Helga had been visiting her friend, Lena, when the flood came. They escaped to the roof of Lena’s house.
As they were sitting on the roof waiting for help to come, Helga noticed a baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back toward the house.
It kept floating away from the house, then back toward the house.
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, “Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floating away from da house, den back again?”
Lena replied, “Oh ya, dats my husband Olaf. I tole dat lazy man he vas gonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!”

A Dog's Life; A Cat's Life

 

Bad Joke Friday

A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively.
“I feel terrible,” she told him. “I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes, and it’s lucky you have,” said the woman, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”

 


The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.
“Can’t you see, Ben,” intoned the parson, “that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?”
“Well, I sort of disagree there,” replied the backslider. “It makes me miss the folks I shoot at.”

 
Iran just produced a new stamp with a portrait of Mahmoud Ahmadinejab on it.
But the Iranian post office reported the new stamps keep falling off the envelopes.
Ahmadinejab demanded an explanation. One brave post office official suggested the people were spitting on the wrong side.
 

A black man, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says:
“Hello, Mr. President.”
 

What Is Wrong With Humanity? Are We Irretrievably Bent?

There are days when I feel really good about the world and mankind in general, and then there are days like today. Reading the news is not a good way to find hope for the race. It certainly explains why most philosophies and world religions have to find a way to explain the way we are and how to change that way. I have to say, after reading about the latest health trend in South Korea, the change is not happening fast enough. 

What impulse would compel someone to come up with the idea to dehydrate dead humans, mostly infants, and put them in gelatin capsules to sell to people as medication? What kind of bent, unregenerate, sick, twisted soul could do such a thing? Hitler, Stalin and Mao did not do such things. The Spanish Inquisition did not do such things. The Romans did not do such things. Why would anyone in the 21st century think this was a good idea? Is it merely greed or is it just plain evil?

According to Mary Simon at CNN:

South Korean customs officials said they are cracking down on an operation that is smuggling in pills from China made from the flesh of dead babies, according to Korean media reports.

Twenty-nine smugglers of "human-flesh capsules" have been arrested after trying to smuggle 11,000 pills into South Korea from China while disguised as tourists, according to The Korea Times.

“Some put herbs together in the capsules so that customs agents cannot distinguish the unique smell and color of the human-flesh capsules," a Korea Customs Service official told the newspaper. "Others put the capsules in medicine containers to deceive inspectors."

The pills, which are taken by people who believe they may help increase stamina, for rejuvenation or by terminal cancer patients, are made of powder made from dried fetuses or dead babies, the customs office told the Korea Times.

More than 35 cases and more than 17,000 pills have been found by customs authorities since August of last year, the South Korean website Dong-A Ilbo reported. 

South Korea is not exactly a back water country. They are solidly members of the first world. They are an educated, wealth producing and highly disciplined society. How can this be happening there in the 21st century? The health risks alone should be enough to deter people from this, but this would also be in opposition to the tenets of every major far eastern philosophy or religion.

I am not picking on South Korea here. They just happen to be providing the most glaring example today. There are others in other places more egregious and I could go on, but I won't. 

What will we not try? Is there anything? I do not believe there is. We are doomed. Never mind climate change and nuclear proliferation. We are doomed because we will not stop even at eating our own young. It's over people. I'm sorry. It's just over.

Could you turn this:

into this:

and then sell it, buy it or swallow it? Some have been doing just that and now I fully understand why there is a hell. There needs to be. It's only just and right.

Mama Ground Hog's Garden - The Video

This is my first video. My camera technique needs work. Walking while carrying a video camera must be an art form. Stability is a learned thing I suppose. Either that or I have a cheap camera. Anyway, here it is below.

Mama Ground Hog's Garden

It's been just about a year now since my Mom died. I miss her and so does Dad, but we have many beautiful reminders of her work here. She was, among other things, a Master Gardener, in the very official sounding sense of that term. She was certificated. She could do wonderful things with the botanical life that God put into her hands and so I thought I would share some of these with you so that you can experience them too. Her garden is a little poorer without her, but I'm betting Paradise never looked so good. Mom, this is for you. You did good work.

 Dad took the pictures.  I hope to have a video tomorrow.

First Timothy 6:17-21

First Timothy 6:17-21 from the New International Version of the Bible:

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides for us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasures for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of the life that is truly life.

Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith. 

Grace be with you.

Commentary

Paul closes his letter with some advice for Timothy on how to handle the wealthier members of the Ephesian church. He wants Timothy to remind them of where their real security lies. It's not in money or social status. These things are temporary and should not be cause for arrogance. Rather, their real security lies in God who provided for them and made them stewards of this wealth. For this reason, Paul tells Timothy, that rich Christians need to be generous with what God has given them. They should use their money for godly purposes, doing good deeds and sharing with those in need. This kind of attitude toward wealth will prepare them for the real rewards later - and these rewards will last forever.

Then Paul finishes his letter with a reminder. He tells Timothy to guard the faith and not tolerate false teaching. It can only lead to a bad end.

Questions

1) Is Paul saying that being rich is a sin?
2) Can wealth be spiritually dangerous? (Proverbs 30:8,9)
3) What do you say to someone that tells you he or she is self made - they have what they have because they earned it? (Deuteronomy 8:17,18)
4) In verse 20 Paul told Timothy to guard what had been entrusted to him. What was it that had been entrusted to him?
5) What has God entrusted to you?

   

First Timothy 6:11-16

First Timothy 6:11-16, according to the New International Version of the Bible:

But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in His own time - God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who is alone immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.

Commentary

So now Paul advises Timothy how to handle himself in the face of these church problems. He reminds Timothy that he is a man of God. His pursuits are not to be the material pursuits of the false teachers. Rather, he is to pursue the good things that lead to godliness and contentment; things like righteousness, faith, love and endurance. Practicing and promoting these things is what Paul calls fighting the good fight - boldly taking hold of the rewards granted by the Christian life.

He charges Timothy to be invigorated by his faith that he confessed before witnesses all those years before; and to keep these commands without failure until Jesus returns. Paul then closes with a brief prayer of praise, beautifully illustrating God's glory, majesty and place.

Questions

1) Paul reminds Timothy in verse 11 that he is a man of God. Why do you think he does this?
2) What's the significance of the word "pursue" in verse 11?
3) What things can hinder us from the pursuit of godliness until Jesus returns?
4) What does Paul mean when he says Timothy should "take hold of the eternal life to which he was called"? 

First Timothy 6:3-10

From the New International Version of the Bible, First Timothy 6:3-10:

If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.

But godliness and contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 

Commentary

Paul concludes this last section of his letter to Timothy in much the same way that he opened it. He hits the false teachers in the Ephesian church hard, exposing their true motivations. Paul's perspective on this issue is obvious from his words. He sees these teachers as self obsessed - so much so that they reject the instruction handed down to them by the One they report to follow and worship - the Lord Jesus Christ. He says they are both ignorant and arrogant; that they enjoy causing division in the church with false doctrine, thus sowing the seeds of mistrust, envy, strife and gossip. The result is a constant friction between the divided groups that have been deluded by these false teachers and an abandonment of the truth. But the real motivation of these men is financial. They seek to enrich themselves through their divisive activities. They take the money of those they mislead thinking that their false form of godliness is a means to material success.

Paul tells Timothy though, that true godliness leads to contentment and not the desire for power and money. Life is short. We are born with nothing and what we have when we die stays here. We cannot take it with us. So, rather than fall into the trap of constant scheming for financial gain, Paul says that Timothy should focus on being content. The desire to get rich is a distraction that can make people miserable. If there is sufficient food clothing and shelter, Christians should be content with that. Why? The love of money is a root of evil that can cause grief and ruin one's faith.

Questions

1) In verse 3 Paul talks about false doctrine and sound instruction. What makes a doctrine false? What lens do we use to determine what false doctrine is? Look at Second Timothy 3:16 and while you are there ask yourself what "God breathed" means.
2) What false teaching today endangers the church?
3) How does false teaching divide a church?
4) What does internal controversy do to a church?
5) Where do you draw the line between holding church leadership accountable and promoting unhealthy controversy?
6) Paul said that at the root of the false teacher's motivations was the desire for money. What can make a ministry susceptible to dishonest gain?
7) Paul says that godliness with contentment is great gain. Isn't pursuit of wealth intended to bring contentment? Does it work? How does godliness bring contentment? Does this mean we should give up trying to improve our financial status?
8) How many of you have more than you need? How much could you give up and still be content? Is having food shelter and clothing enough for contentment? Can contentment even be defined in terms of material possessions?
9) Which of these situations could you accept without endangering your faith? Which of these would bring the most contentment? (Philippians 4:10-13)

1. The ability to work for the rest of your life.
2. Enough money for food, shelter and clothing (and nothing else) for the rest of your life
3. Enough income to eliminate the need to ever work again.  

Bad Joke Friday

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it
above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he yelled forcefully.
No one answered.
“All right, I’m going to have another beer, and if my horse isn’t back
outside by the time I finish, I’m going to do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t
want to have to do what I dun in Texas!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another
beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of
the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go, what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed
to break wind. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of
the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I remembered I was listening to my iPod.

One day, a man notices that his next door neighbor is erecting a tightrope in the backyard. The neighbor goes out to practice every day. He uses balancing bars, carries weights, and even pedals a unicycle across.
Then he starts focusing his practice on the tightrope with a wheel barrow. Every day, he puts more and more weight in the wheel barrow and goes back and forth on the tight rope.
One day, the man chats with his neighbor. “I’ve been watching you practicing on the tightrope for weeks now, and have to say, you’re amazing. But, what’s it all for?” the neighbor asks.
“I’m glad you’ve noticed. As a matter of fact, tomorrow, I’m going to cross over Niagra Falls on my tightrope. Why don’t you come out and see?” the man replies.
The next day, the neighbor is there watching the man get ready for his big show.
“Do you believe I can make it?”
“Oh yes, I’ve seen you practice. You can do it – easy!”
“Great – get in the wheel barrow.”

Last Sunday in Flathead County

April 22 was another rough day in Flathead County. Per the Flathead Beacon Police Blotter:

Injured Duck

Flathead County Sheriff's and Kalispell Police Reports

By Christie Burns, 04-26-12

Sunday 4/22

10:05 a.m. A woman on Parliament Drive reported that someone egged her vehicle. Additionally, she stated that her friend called her a mean name and is most likely the perpetrator.

11:46 a.m. A resident on Fourth Avenue West reported that the screen has been removed from their basement window twice in the past two weeks.

11:51 a.m. Someone found a cash register lying in a field off of Big Horn Drive.

12:00 p.m. Reportedly, a 15-year-old was kicked out of his Grandma’s house for the eighth time after threatening and frightening her.

12:37 p.m. A woman on Shady Lane reported that her ex-boyfriend attacked her with a shampoo bottle and hit her with his shoes.

1:18 p.m. Someone on Liberty Street complained that a stray black lab got into the garbage.

1:43 p.m. Reportedly, a man at a Kalispell park became combative after someone asked him to put his dog on a leash.

1:44 p.m. Reportedly, an injured duck was being picked on by other ducks at Woodland Park.

2:43 p.m. A Whitefish woman called 911 to report that a dog attacked her cat.

8:04 p.m. A Whitefish resident complained that the neighbor was blowing something up. She said her windows were shaking and thought it sounded as though he were using dynamite. Apparently, the neighbor was shooting his .22 rifle at exploding targets.

First Timothy 5:17-6:2 Elders, Accusations, Appointments and Slaverys

First Timothy 5:17-24 from the New International Version of the Bible:

The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. For the Scripture says, "Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain." Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that others may take warning.

I charge you in the sight of God and Christ Jesus and the elect angels, to keep these instructions without partiality, and to do nothing out of favoritism.

Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, and do not share in the sins of others. Keep yourself pure.

Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because your of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.

The sins of some men are obvious, reaching the place of judgement ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them. In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not cannot be hidden.

Commentary

So now Paul changes the subject from widows to church elders. He wants to be sure that both Timothy and the church are treating the church elders in the manner they deserve. The work of a church elder, if done well, is worth much. And those elders that teach and preach are invaluable to the spiritual health of the congregation.  Paul says they are worthy of double honor, implying both that a high respect and perhaps even a financial incentive are due. In support of this last item, Paul quotes Moses from Deuteronomy 25:4.

Paul then goes on to say that church elders should not be subject to unjust or false accusations. Only factual assertions brought by at least two or three witnesses should be considered. If the assertions are proven, then the elder must be rebuked publicly before the whole congregation as a warning to others.

Next Paul charges Timothy to keep to these guidelines he has set down, showing no sign of partiality. Just because an elder may be a close friend, he should be treated no differently than others among his peers. These rules were to apply to every elder without exception. To do less would make both Timothy and the church look bad.

Paul also advises Timothy not to be too quick in ordaining elders. It's important to know these men and their character, even when others sin by wanting to appoint unqualified people to the eldership. Timothy was to remain spiritually pure in this regard by appointing only qualified candidates.

Then, almost parenthetically, Paul adds that timothy should take care of his physical health as well as his spiritual purity. Water quality in those days was not always good. And it was obviously causing digestive problems (dysentery or some other intestinal ailment) for Timothy. For this reason, Paul advised that a bit of wine for medicinal purposes couldn't hurt. Though Timothy probably abstained for spiritual reasons, a sick pastor could not perform his duties adequately. A bit of wine might solve that problem.

Then, returning to the ordination issue, Paul suggests that careful observation of candidates for the eldership can yield good results. Sooner or later the character of the candidates for the eldership will reveal themselves. Both the good ones and the bad ones will ultimately reveal their character in their deeds.   

Questions

1. What does Paul mean when he says that the elders that run the church are worthy of double honor?
2. Should church elders be paid?
3. Who does the church pay in our time? Are they elders? Should they be?
4. In light of what Paul says regarding the financial care of the church leadership, do you think we properly reimburse our pastors and elders? Give reasons.
5. Verses 19 and 20 advise about accusations against elders and pastors. Do you think people in church leadership positions are more vulnerable to false accusation? Why do you think this is true or untrue?
6. Do you think elders and pastors that fall into serious sin and are removed from their office should ever be restored to their ministry?
7. Verse 21 and 22 advise Timothy not to show partiality in his treatment and appointment of elders and not to be hasty. What do you think are some bad reasons for choosing church leaders?
8. In verse 23 Paul tells Timothy to care for his physical health in addition to his spiritual purity. He advises a bit of wine for medicinal purposes. What do you think about those that say taking any kind of medicine demonstrates a lack of faith in God's power to heal?
9. In verses 24 and 25, Paul suggests to Timothy that by careful observation he can determine who is fit for the eldership and who is not. Ultimately no one's deeds can be hidden, be they good or bad. What types of subtle sins manifest themselves over time? What types of subtle good works manifest themselves over time?

First Timothy 6:1,2 from the New International Version of the Bible:

All who are under the yoke of slavery should consider their masters worthy of full respect, so that God's name and our teaching may not be slandered. Those who have believing masters are not to show less respect for them because they are brothers. Instead, they are to serve them even better, because those who benefit from their service are believers, and dear to them. These are the things you are to teach and urge on them.

Commentary

It's interesting that the issue of slavery in the Bible is always dealt with as the social norm that it was at the time. Slavery is not condemned, but neither is it encouraged. Rather, it's always about the slaves attitude toward his or her enslavement and the one who owns them.

We think in modern times how abhorrent the notion of slavery is to us and some wonder why Paul and the other apostles did not condemn it and rail against it's evils. But really, who are we to judge them on this issue? We live in a world where all of us are employed in one way or another so we can support ourselves and our loved ones. Those that are not employed, must seek out the kindness of other for sustenance. No matter how you look at it we are all dependent on others for our livelihoods. We are very much like the slaves of Paul's time. Sure, we can quit our jobs, but we would have to work for someone else if we wanted to live in the manner to which we became accustomed.

Paul's whole point is that if you are a slave, be the very best slave you can be and show the world how your Christian faith drives your desire to serve, even when you serve without choice.

We are to have the same attitude today.

Questions

1. Verse one speaks of what the attitude of Christian slaves was to be toward their masters. What kinds of slander might pagans have spoken against the church if they knew that Christian slaves were disrespectful or disobedient to their masters?
2. How does this apply to us? Do we have to deal with the slavery issue today? Does this advice to Christian slaves have application for us?

Bad Joke Friday

“Well,” snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered private. “I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave.”
“Not me, Sarge!” the private replied. “Once I get out of the Army, I’m never going to stand in line again!”


Barack Obama was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
“Mostly baloney,” said the proprietor.


A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her sick Grandpa.
When they are there, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly. “As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”
“What?” said her Grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog, because Grandma said as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World.”


An eight-year-old boy says to his dad, “When I grow up, I want to be a musician.”
The dad replies, “Sorry – can’t have it both ways.”

First Timothy 5:1 - 16: Widows

From the New International Version of the Bible, First Timothy 5:1-8:

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers. older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help. But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives. Give the people these instructions, too, so that no one may be open to blame. If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Commentary

Most of chapter 5 consists of Paul's instructions to Timothy on how to deal with the membership of the church in Ephesus. The way an evangelist shepherds his church is very important, and because of Timothy's youth and relative inexperience, it was especially vital that he know how to work his congregation.

Paul outlines some very general guidelines in the first two verses. Older men were to be treated with respect. Strong rebukes would not be in order here. Mild exhortations toward righteousness would be better. Treat them like a father. Younger men were to be treated like brothers, implying that stronger rebukes may not be out of order here. As for older women - treat them as mothers - again with great respect and mild exhortation. And finally, younger women were to be treated like sisters, with only the best motives on Timothy's part. Inappropriate behavior toward the younger women might bring cause for accusation against Timothy. This had to be avoided.

Next, Paul addresses the "widow problem". He spends the bulk of the chapter on this issue. Since the Church's early days (Acts 6) in Jerusalem, the care of widows had been a main concern of the Church. In those days, women whose husbands had died and left them childless had few places to turn for help. If the widow was very old, she might not even be able to work. These women had a special need. Paul opens his advice on the "widow issue" by saying that these women who have no place else to go for help, deserve special recognition from the church. Implied in this statement is an obligation on the church to help deserving widows in any way they can - even financially.

But Paul does draw a line on when this kind of assistance should be given. If the widow has children or grandchildren in the church capable of taking care of them, the duty falls to the widow's family. The care of an aging, widowed mother should be a natural concern of the Christian family and it also pleases God. However, for the widows that are alone and have a genuine need, assistance should be provided, but even this is conditioned on the widow's behavior.  She must put her hope in God and be devoted to prayer continually.

Paul then tells Timothy to remind the congregation of their obligations toward family members, so that they can remain blameless in this regard. Everyone must provide for their own without exception to minimize the burden on the whole church. For those that refuse to care for family members in need, Paul has a veiled warning. He says these kind of people have denied the faith and that they are worse than unbelievers. He stops short of saying that they should be put out of the church.

Questions

1) In verses 1 and 2 Paul advises Timothy on how to deal with people of different age groups within the church. How does he say to treat them? What is the common theme here? What does it tell you about the nature of the church? See Matthew 12:46-49. What is Jesus saying here and how does it apply to family and church issues?
2) In verses 3-6 Paul said that widows with a genuine need should receive help from the church. Besides financial needs, what other ways can the church help needy widows and others?
3) Paul made it clear in verses 7 and 8 that Christians have an obligation to care for family members in need. Is it a violation of this command to put an aging parent in a nursing home?
4) Suppose you chaired a benevolence committee at your church and your group had $1000.00 to share with needy members of the congregation. Among those petitioning for help are:
          A single mom with 3 kids
          A two parent family on public assistance
          an older couple with large medical bills
          And a healthy college grad that quit his job so he could concentrate          
          his guitar lessons.
What kind of questions would you ask these people? How would you distribute the money?

First Timothy 5:9-16, from the New International Version:

No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over sixty, has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds, such as bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of the saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

As for younger widows, do not put them on such a list. For when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ, they want to marry. Thus they bring judgement on themselves, because they have broken their first pledge. Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to. So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander. Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.

If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help widows who are really in need.

Commentary

So now Paul gets more specific about the "widow issue" and he makes mention of a list. Apparently the Ephesian church had a list of widows to whom they provided assistance. Paul wanted to ensure that only widows with a genuine need were on this list so there was not an undue burden on the church. His first condition for this list was that the widow be at least 60 years old and that she was faithful to her husband while he lived and that she was known for her good works. Younger widows were to be excluded from this list for a number of reasons. His advice to them was that they should marry again and, if possible, have children, busying themselves with family work. This would help them avoid the distractions of the single life and enable them to focus on god and family rather than meddling in the affairs of others and becoming a burden on the church.

Questions

1) Paul put conditions on the charity that the church was to offer widows. They had to be 60 years or older. They had to have been faithful to their husbands. and they had to show evidence of their faith by their good works. Why does the church have to be selective about its benevolence?

2) Younger widows were not to be eligible for the widows list at the church in Ephesus because they still had the option to marry and were young enough to have children and care for a family. Why do you think Paul advise them to marry?

3) What happens when people that are capable of supporting themselves refuse to work and live off of the charity of others?

4) What do you think about the statement, "idleness is the devil's workshop"?

5) Paul said that the Christian women in the church should help the widows in their families so they would not be a burden on the church. What are some ways families can take burdens off the church today?

More Trouble in Flathead County

 

 

Flathead County Sheriff's and Kalispell Police Reports

By Christie Burns, 04-19-12

Monday 4/16

7:41 a.m. Two horses busted through a Caroline Road resident’s fence and stood on their property. They were rounded up and taken home.

7:52 a.m. Someone reported an intoxicated man, who at the time of the call was rummaging through a tackle box, might want to get in his vehicle and drive. He did and was arrested.

8:30 a.m. A parent on Smokey Bear Line reported that their son rode his bike to the end of the road yesterday and left it there. It is no longer there.

10:27 a.m. Two poodle-type dogs were abandoned on Airport Road.

11:22 a.m. Reportedly, a pit bull that lives in a camper at the old Wal-Mart bit someone.

4:41 p.m. A four-wheeler that was described as “small” was stolen from a Eid Lane location.

7:10 p.m. A man in Pleasant Valley claimed that an acquaintance of his refused to return his boom ladder.

8:36 p.m. Reportedly, someone was smoking meth as they drove their maroon Subaru through Evergreen.

11:10 p.m. A Bigfork man complained that his wife went crazy and threw things around the house. He decided he would go to a nearby bar and leave her alone for the night.

Bad Joke Friday...Late Night Edition

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted they head out together in search of her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick bush and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing,” said the husband, “The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.”

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”
Surprised, the visitor asked, “Was Joshua Hemingway also a writer?”
“Yes, indeed,” said his guide, “He wrote a check.”

Cannibals capture three men.
The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes.
Then they are each given a final request.
The first man asks to be killed as quickly and painlessly as possible.
His request is granted, and they poison him.
The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted, and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes.
Now it is the third man’s turn. He asks for a fork.
The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give him a fork.
As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, “To hell with your canoes!”

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out the store.”
“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager.
“Here, give me the broom, I’ll show you how to do it.”

Artificial Meat

Pink Slime and meat glue were just the start. All that will be unnecessary when we have artificial meat. Yes, that's what I said. It will no longer be necessary to execute barnyard fowl or the prize Angus because just a few scrapings from the muscle tissue of the creature will soon grow the meat of your choice right in the lab. So can your kitchen be far behind? That remains to be seen. This article from the Financial Times by William Little explores the possibilities.

You wouldn’t normally expect to find a thick red steak quietly pulsating in an oversized Petri dish inside a laboratory. But such is the hype around the team scheduled to produce the world’s first lab-grown cut of meat this October that I can’t help but imagine it. The research being done by bioengineer Dr Mark Post at Maastricht University in the Netherlands has provoked global headlines about “test tube meat” and fierce ethical and scientific debate. Getting access to his laboratory is about as exciting as it gets in the world of food engineering.

But when I arrive, the home of in vitro meat is quiet – no research assistants racing to turn out joints of beef, chicken or lamb. Instead, Post slowly opens the door to what looks like a large fridge, or a bioreactor. Within lie row upon row of tiny Petri dishes in which float minute fibres of almost transparent meat. I find it rather deflating but Post is excited. “I’ll need about 3,000 pellets of meat to make a hamburger,” he says.

The idea of creating our own meat has a long history. In 1931, Winston Churchill wrote in the Strand Magazine that separate parts of an animal would be grown in a lab in the future to “escape the absurdity of growing a whole chicken in order to eat the breast or wing”. And when it started experiments in the 1990s, Nasa became preoccupied with producing a non-perishable meat for its astronauts – it managed to grow goldfish cells in 2002.

Well, I think I'll wait awhile to do a taste test. I want to see how it works out for everyone else. I'm also wondering if it will spawn a new meat industry or if they will come up with a small kitchen appliance that only requires a "starter" to begin  producing chops, fillets and tenderloins. The possibilities are endless. They could include a smoker to do hams and bacon. There could be corn fed and grass fed varieties. Every chicken breast could be free range.

This might be just the thing to make PETA shut the heck up too. No animal harvesting and so nothing to cry about. We can only hope.

Even so, will it be the same as eating something that was once a living, breathing creature? I'm thinking not. We will see.