Monday, August 31, 2015

Lip Reading The Lives Around You

Here's a challenge, or maybe not. Have you ever turned the sound completely down on your television and then tried to figure out what is going on with the characters in whatever show you are watching? It's an interesting experiment (and it will not work if you use the closed caption feature).

Sometimes you can read their lips. Sometimes their actions betray the plot. Sometimes facial expressions can give it all away. There are only so many plot scenarios and I think they deliberately dumb them down for television. The networks have vast audiences and they need to cover the largest demographic to keep their advertisers and so they keep it simple. My point is that it's pretty easy to figure out what going on in a TV show without the sound.

In life though, if you are not directly involved in it's drama, it's not always so easy to figure out what's going on with people. As an outsider and observer of humanity, I try to do this all the time. Sometimes I am successful and sometimes I am not. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I can still slice the tomato when necessary.

There is someone in my Sunday school class that seems to have an issue right now. I would like to approach her about it, but she is my elder by several years and frankly, it may just be none of my business. The expression on her face reveals much. I can see it. I want to comfort, but I do not want to make her uncomfortable. She is one of the Lord's saints and has been in the family of God for decades. Still, I sense a disturbance in the force if you know what I mean. Her husband is all smiles and loving life so I wonder if he might be the source of her pain. It might also be another family member or it could be her. Whatever it is, I am sensing that I need to ask her if everything is OK. It's probably a stupid question to ask someone that's hurting, still, I feel compelled to ask. Getting involved can be good or bad, but you do not know until you inquire right?

If I pay attention to the events and people outside my own consciousness, the apparent confusion and pain of life comes pouring in. It is overwhelming sometimes. I think this is why I try so hard to disengage. If you know me, you know I have my own issues and I cannot not solve mine and attend to someone else's too. But is this not what I am called to do? Love my neighbor?

What would happen if we all opened up and laid out who we really are to each other?

That is scary. Why is that scary? There are probably things that we really do not need to know about each other. It would change relationships; how we view each other. People might back away from those they were formerly close to.  This is odd, but human, behavior. After all they are the same person they were before they told you whatever it was. You just have more information about them.

I have tried sharing myself with specific individuals in an effort to get to know them better and it has not always worked out. People talk. People blab. And the next thing you know, people you barely know are backing away from you like leprosy has been detected. I would go so far as to say that I regret coming in from the outside and sharing who I am with others, because the result has not always been good.

I would rather be alone than be accepted on someone else's terms. It's OK to be lonely as long as you are free, so I will stay on the outside looking in.

This is me. Others are not like this. Most others are not like this. They have always been fully engaged in life and with the people in their environments. So I think I probably need to talk to this person and see how "things" are going. Someone needs to. It's odd that I notice these things and no one else does. I will talk to her soon.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Sunday

Well, it's about over so I guess I can talk about it now. Sunday was as it always is; tiring at first and then restful. Got up at 4 AM. Had some coffee, shaved brushed my teeth, showered and dressed and then started the process all over again with Dad. That's an experience. I got out his clean underwear, a fresh pair of compression socks and his Sunday sweat suit (blue sweatshirt, gray pants) and white sneakers.

I peeled off his current compression socks and got him out of his Saturday sweat suit that he slept in and herded him to the shower. The shower is a challenge for him because no setting on the shower head or shower knob is good enough. It's either too hot, too cold or too much water pressure or too little. Such are the concerns of the elderly in the 21st century. Once he was scrubbed and dried and in his clean underwear, he combed his hair, shaved and brushed his teeth. Then he moves to his chair.

We were now ready for reapplication of the compression socks. This is always a chore. His lower legs and feet get greased with this lotion for dry skin. We also applied Blue Emu to his sore knee. Next I trim any toenails that are out of control. He has typical old man toenails. It's like trimming a horse hoof, but I digress. Next the socks go on. I get them on his feet and get the tops in reach of his hands so he can pull them up. They are tight. They are supposed to be tight. They are supposed to squeeze the water out of his lower extremities to make it easier for his heart to pump it out of them. He has a-fibrillation in his heart and so he needs the assist of the compression socks. This actually works fairly well.

Once the socks are on, I get his clean sweat pants started - both legs in the right openings with the string in front. He then stands up  from his chair and pulls them to his waist. While he is still standing, we put on his blue sweatshirt. Then he sits down again for application of the white sneakers. He is pretty good at putting these on himself and only occasionally needs my help. As long as he does not get the orthotic inserts in the wrong shoes we are usually good to go. Only the shoe horn is needed. After this, he goes to comb his hair again and I get his coffee ready.

I then go back to the shower to police the devastation. I pick up all the towels and his dirty underwear and put every thing in the washer. The underwear get a special application of Spray and Wash. He's been wearing them for three days. I return from the laundry room to see him in his chair enjoying his coffee and a thyroid tablet. I then sit down at the dining room table to review the lesson and jokes I will share in Sunday school at 0800.

By now it's 0545 and Dad is debating out loud if it's too early to go to church. I explain there is no one there yet and he goes on about how he helps the lady that opens the church. I managed to get him to leave at 0630 today. Normally he goes at 0600 and waits for her.

After I review the lesson and get the jokes together, I iron a shirt, get my lesson bag and leave. I go to the Caribou drive thru in Pleasant Hill and get a large Cappucino with an extra shot of espresso (total of 5 shots). I then drive over to church and sit in the parking lot, finish my cries of help to the Lord and listen to Rich Mullins remind me why I am doing all this...it's love dontcha know!     

About 0730 I am ready to go in. Iris and Ruth greet me. Dad is sitting in the foyer snoozing and waiting for his friends Pete and Norm to arrive. I go to my classroom and read all the pertinent scripture again for the lesson. It is quiet for awhile. I love it. People start arriving around 0750. Steve brings some coffee in a large carafe and serves as people come in. I start the jokes while we wait for the stragglers and then I start the lesson. If key members are present, normally the discussion is good, but if they are missing, class can be short.  Regardless, the fellowship is usually good and that is the more important part I think.

At about 0855, I wrap it up and we all go downstairs for church. By this time I am ready for a nap, but the other worshipers are just getting wound up.

Sometimes I am into the song service and sometimes I am not. The choice or worship tunes effects my attitude. That's probably not an optimal approach to worship, but it is what it is.  Dad has trouble comprehending what is going on, but he is trying. I wonder what a song service is like when you have Alzheimer's. I wonder what it's like to try to follow a lesson or sermon when both your understanding and hearing is impaired. I wonder what it's like when everyday is a struggle to manage simple tasks and you have all the input of the modern world to process in your debilitated brain. I cannot imagine it.

It's at this point that I realize why I do this. Suddenly I am worshipful, grateful and humbled because I know that Jesus has done much more for me. This is the emotional part of my faith that is normally stiff, intellectual and logical. But now I feel. It's usually an incredible mix of love, compassion and fear and awe. The right song can just crack me like a nut and the tears will roll. I think that Jesus just absorbs it all. I am vulnerable. If you wanted to hug me, this would be the time...just kidding...really you probably shouldn't. :^)

I regain my composure for the sermon - the last half of Romans 8. Dave did a good job with it. It's all up hill from here man. It just gets better and better.

It was a productive morning. Two transfers and a baptism. If you've never seen Steve baptize someone, it's a treat. He tries to drown them. I saw it. He held the poor guy under water. I guess he wanted him to know he was dying to sin. That's one way to get the message across. It was fun.

Dad went home after church. Instead of taking in another Sunday school class (I have been skipping) I go do my favorite thing right now. I find a grocery store parking lot and I sit and think. I crave down time and alone time. I have to take it while I can get it. After about an hour, I go home and fix lunch, eat, fill the dish washer, read and then take a nap.

After my nap I did something impulsive. It was about 6:30 pm and I got dressed and went fishing for a couple of hours. I caught three bass. The biggest one I hooked got away with my lure - the line broke. He was jumping and shaking his head trying to get it out of his mouth. I don't know if he ever did. I will have to go back and try to catch him again. Since he got away, I will say he weighed 4 lb. There is nothing wrong with exaggeration for illustration purposes.

On my return home Dad wanted to know where I went. I had left somewhat abruptly. I told him I went fishing and then I fixed myself an ice cream. About ten minutes later Dad asked me how work went today and if we were very busy. I said it was Sunday night, that we had both gone to church, had lunch and a nap.

It was all news to him.

Time to go to bed now. A new week awaits. A new set of challenges or the same ones in a different wrapper.           

I Need A Breakthrough

Breaking out is never easy. It's a lot of work.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Corruption In The US Political Process? Say It Ain't So Ma!

In the category of "Everything Is Fixed And You Can't Change It", Hillary Clinton is claiming victory in the Democrat nominating process for president before a single caucus or primary vote has been cast or counted. Bloomberg is reporting

"As Hillary Clinton's campaign seeks to project dominance in a field that could soon include Vice President Joe Biden, her top advisers are touting a decisive edge on a little-discussed metric: superdelegate commitments. 
At the Democratic National Committee meeting in Minneapolis, where Clinton spoke on Friday, senior Clinton campaign officials are claiming that she has already secured one-fifth of the pledges needed to win the Democratic presidential nomination. They come from current and former elected officials, committee officeholders, and other party dignitaries.
The campaign says that Clinton currently has about 130 superdelegates publicly backing her, but a person familiar with recent conversations in Minneapolis said that officials are telling supporters and the undecided in the last few days that private commitments increase that number to more than 440—about 20 percent of the number of delegates she would need to secure the nomination." 

So Joe Biden, Martin O'Malley and Bernie Sanders might as well stay home. The inevitability of Hillary is a fact and there is nothing that can be done to stop her.

What a load of codswallop. This is Clintonesque chicanery at its finest. I hope everyone involved realizes this.

How, in a representative republic, can anything like this happen? Surely these delegates can change their minds? I suppose if they did, they might find themselves Arkancided and replaced. This is a dangerous bunch.

So what if Iowa, Vermont and South Carolina all go for Bernie or one of the other boys? Does that not obligate delegate votes? If it does not, then why vote? The question has to be asked. Are we all disenfranchised?

This is the number one reason this woman has to be stopped. She has no regard for voters. Her only interest is in convention delegates and ultimately power. She is, after all, the Whore of Babylon.

In light of Ms Clinton's little announcement of disregard for the voters, I think these pledged super delegates need to reconsider their pledges.

It may not matter. Hillary may be under indictment by the time the actual election rolls around anyway.

Ya know, if the election were held today, she would lose to Trump anyway. This is what we have come to.

I've often wondered what would happen if everybody stayed home on election day. What would they do? Would they make voting compulsory? I bet they would. What they need to do is allow us to vote for 'none of the above' and also require the winner to have at least 65% of the vote. I'm a dreamer I know. The whole thing is a racket anyway. The nation needs an enema. We need to purge. We need to let the political waste go swirling down the lew. It's time. Are you with me people?

Ground Hog in 2016 anyone? I am accepting Super delegate pledges right now. Let's make it happen. Let's put all those other rodents in their place. After the election I will send them all to Guantanamo as a terrorist threat.  

Immigration

Invasion. I think there is no other name for it. It's happening in Europe. It's happening in North America and it is purposeful, intentional and by our own hand. It is our own government that has caused this and it is by their support that it continues and will continue into the future. It is a political and financial weapon being wielded by the one percent that control 99 per cent of the wealth. It is a war crime of unprecedented magnitude against the Caucasian race in North America and Europe.

For Europe, it is US foreign policy in the middle east and North Africa that has been the cause of the problem. Particular to the problem are the private wars of Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and Barack Obama in Libya and Syria. This has driven tens of thousands of people from their homelands in search of safety, work and survival to Europe in search of a social safety net that can help them in their time of need. It is difficult to blame the immigrants for this. It can only be put at the feet of foreign politicians and their ceaseless meddling in the affairs of other formerly sovereign nations.

In North American, the situation is somewhat different, but it is still the result of political chicanery in Washington. Millions of immigrants from Mexico, Central and South America are currently pouring across our borders to the south. Most are undocumented, meaning that the government does not know they are officially here, yet they take jobs, use our public schools and public services as if they are citizens of the United States. Again it's hard to blame the immigrants for wanting to improve their lives, but why do they come here to do it?  The answer to that seems to be, because they can.

The US government does not enforce current immigration laws. They do not repatriate those that are here illegally. Where there is no fear of the law and its penalties, there is no obedience. Our immigration laws are currently toothless. There is a reason for this. American businesses want a cheap source of labor. White people are too expensive to put it bluntly. If the cost of labor can be driven down by immigrants, then so be it. American business also drives the Washington politicians to pay lip service to the problem, while at the same time doing nothing about it. There is no motivation in Washington to fix this.

The Democrats in Washington see votes. It is believed these immigrants will become voting Democrats (even though it is not legal for non citizens to vote). The Republicans see labor costs going down and they also see future Republican voters as the immigrants begin to prosper and become wealthy. It's just a win win for everybody except white middle class people that pay the taxes but now apparently have no representation.

A similar event is happening in Europe with the middle eastern immigrants. There is currently a shift in power taking place there though that may force repatriation of these invading foreigners. The right and far right nationalist parties are gaining in numbers. It is a trend that I hope will eventually translate to North America. We will see.

There is currently only one presidential candidate that is willing to talk frankly on this issue and that is Donald Trump. He may well be all bluster and blunder on the problem, but he is talking about it. One has to wonder how many undocumented workers he has making beds and sweeping floors in those hotels he owns. I'm sure it will all come out in the end.

My point here is that if western immigration is allowed to continue at its present pace, western culture, history and the European races will gradually disappear from the planet. The world we built will be given to others. Caucasian birth rates have plummeted all over the planet.

We will at first become a minority in our own lands. We will then be forced to accept the same terms of labor as the immigrants and we will then be persecuted for standing up for our own humanity when we object. Genocide will not be far behind.

The odd thing is that the people at the top will still be white, mostly European and mostly Jewish. I would venture to say that this is what is desired. These are the one percent. They are at the top of the pyramid. We are the worker bees.

The step after this is general population reduction across the board. The goal is 2 billion people or less on the planet. In the coming, fully automated world (of singularity where man and machine merge), they will probably not need this many slaves, but it remains to be seen.

I would like to say that this should and could be stopped, but at 58 years of age, I find I do not care. I am not leaving any progeny so, I do not care. But you....what about the futures of your children and grandchildren? Do they have one? What will it be like? You might still be able to do something. What? Not sure, but it's something to think about.

I have often wondered why terrorists target civilians. It would seem to me that the source of their pain is not the people, who ever they may be. It is the one percent in the banks, the corporations and governments of the world. This leads me to believe that maybe the terrorists of the day are not what they seem to be. Yes, I am suggesting that they are in fact creations of governments designed to strike fear in the hearts of the people that pay the bills.

So maybe our long term answer is to direct our vitriol at the one percent. Bring them down. Think about it. Make a plan. They are your problem.     

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Liang Xiuzhen is Having Her Horn Removed

Liang Xiuzhen, the 87-year-old is a resident of Guiyan village in Ziyang City, in south-west China’s Sichuan Province is finally having her horn removed. Yes, that's right. She has a horn. It started out small, then her daughter knocked that one off and then it grew back with a vengeance. I wonder if other humans have experienced this horn phenomenon? Doctors think it's the result of a skin tumor gone haywire. Read the whole article at the Mirror.


You know, when Michelangelo depicted Moses in marble, he carved out horns for him. I've always wondered why. Perhaps Moses had the same issue.
From what I am finding, I would say this is not all that uncommon. People with horns seem to be ubiquitous.
So is it possible that the dark lord of the abyss merely has skin tumors and they are not horns at all?

And why is it that he is sometimes depicted as a goat? One has to wonder. It might go back to the Knights Templar I suppose. They worshiped a goat's head image called the Baphomet.
It's all a mystery to me, but I think if I had a horn or horns growing on my head or anywhere else for that matter, I would have them removed. You would think they would get in the way of everything. I'm glad to see Liang is having hers excised. Satan should have his done too. He will never trick anybody in person with those monsters. I guess the devil is in the details though. He probably doesn't really have horns. Who knows what he looks like? It probably all goes back to serpent worship, which is the oldest religion in the world. Some day we will discuss that.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Bad Brain Chemistry II - The Addiction

Something that I failed to share yesterday was that bad brain chemistry can be addictive. What do I mean by that? As someone who has experienced this, what I found was that my brain, my mind would go into this psychical loop where I dwelt on my personal misery or pain or sense of worthlessness. As time passes, this becomes addictive behavior. I learned that when I was alone, I would fall into this pattern. If I was at work or at church, this would not happen. It's important to keep the brain preoccupied with things other than self. Work, doing things for others or taking part in some recreational activity seems to break the cycle or interrupt the loop. New brain chemicals, hormones and neurotransmitters produced by this then become part of your overall brain chemistry and a kind of new balance is achieved.

This is probably what I need right now. Overall, I would say that my brain chemistry is good - at least much better than it was say 10 years ago. Events in my life have made this a challenge, but over the long haul, things seem to be steady. I have bad days and even months, but I feel much better than I did. I would credit this to my faith, to my friends and my own desire to be "normal" whatever that is :^)). Realistically, that is probably not going to happen, but I might get close.

I am not so much depressed right now as I am just kind of numb and unmotivated. I do not know where this comes from. I do not take any prescribed medications that would cause this, so I can only assume it's - forgive me - bad brain chemistry. I know my friends in the faith would look for other reasons - spiritual causes. I don't think that's the case, but I will listen. If I seem to be smiling quietly to myself, it will mean 'thanks, but no, I disagree'.

So the challenge here is to wake up my mind from it's current lethargic, aimless, unmotivated and even procrastinating state. I am apathetic I guess. I just don't care right now. Actually, the only thing that I seem to really care about is typing my thoughts into this blog. I suppose this could be a new addictive behavior. Whatever it is, I always seem to feel a bit better after doing it - ready to go to work.

I was thinking about a long vacation or even relocation last night while I was posting comments on a friend's blog. In my mind it sounded wonderful. I was considering New Zealand or British Columbia or New Mexico or Colorado. This may be the ultimate answer, but then again, when you feel trapped, going across town can be liberating. Trapped? Yes, I said trapped. I get this way every 10 to 15 years and it is made worse by my current situation. Whether in a room or in life itself, I am always looking for a means of escape to somewhere else in case the present situation becomes untenable. How would you diagnose that?

I might just need a good cry and a hug, but that comes with its own problems. (That made me laugh.) Someone at work suggested that I needed to get laid. I am almost nonfunctional there and I really don't seem to care about that either. In my mind, you really need to be married before you do that anyway and who would put up with me with that kind of commitment on the line. I'm not all that interesting.

So I've rambled on for awhile now and I'm feeling like I want to go to work. Thanks for reading if you did and if you gave up in the middle, who can blame you. My brain chemistry is as good as it's going to get today so I'm off to the airfreight races. Later

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Bad Brain Chemistry

Maybe I should not say "bad brain chemistry". Perhaps it's malfunctioning brain chemistry. What ever it is, it can be in the driver's seat of our lives if we allow it to rule. Notice that I said allow. That would imply some measure of control over the chemistry of our brains.

I should back up here a bit and explain. There are many shades of the human personality. The extremes tend to be those of us that live by our feelings and emotions and those of us that live through knowledge and intellect; as logically as possible. If you know Star Trek, it's the difference between a Klingon and a Vulcan; a human being would fall somewhere in between. I would suggest that humans have that full range of these types of personalities.

So where does that come from? Is it genetic? Is it environmental? Or is it something else that might actually be related to the other two? I think, as many others do, that it comes down to brain chemistry. There is much evidence to support this. It's the reason why there are so many different kinds of anti-depressants, ADHD drugs and tranquilizer type medicines being produced by the pharmaceutical companies. Brain chemistry can be manipulated. Some have called it personality in a bottle. If you are shy, take a pill. If you are too aggressive, the doctor has just the thing. If you are depressed, take these. If you can't concentrate, take these. That is the world we live in. We can fix our moods with the doctor's approval and prescription. I think, in some respects, this has been a good thing. Lives have been saved. Life paths have been changed. In other instances, it has not been so good. I will not elaborate except to say lives have been lost due to pills that were supposed to make you feel better. Treating the human brain for disease or malfunction is still not an exact science. It's like hacking a computer; you may get the result you are seeking, but other things may cease to work or work properly.

As humans, we have our own wills and we can take control of our lives and our environments. However, if our brains are malfunctioning due to improper chemistry, can we really make appropriate decisions with our free will? Is our will actually free if it is encumbered with low serotonin or dopamine levels?

What is serotonin and dopamine you ask? These are neurotransmitters produced in your brain and they regulate mood and emotion and motion. Things like impulsiveness, clarity, physical movement, concentration, happiness and sadness, even depression and suicidal thoughts are effected by the levels of these neurotransmitters in you body. Procrastination is directly linked to these two chemicals. Physically, we are just a bunch of chemical reactions. Taking control of those reactions can be hard and it's even harder when the brain chemistry muddles the thought process. This is evidenced by my rambling here :^)).

So how do you manipulate the levels of these neurotransmitters in your brain to optimize who you are? Well, pharmaceuticals is one way. It is possible to go natural though. In his blog, The Utopian Life, Thai Nguyen elaborates.

He talks about the effects that four neurotransmitters have on our personalities and on our lives and he also offers advice on creating them through natural processes rather than medication. Besides Serotonin and dopamine, he discusses oxytocin and endorphines as mood enhancers.

He calls oxytocin the 'cuddle hormone'. I obviously have none of this. I am repelled by the notion of  being in close enough proximity to another human to actually cuddle for any amount of time or even waste time doing it. This is where I lose my will to bad brain chemistry. Cuddling is a very human, natural and normal thing...or so I am told. So what do I do? Thai quotes Dr Paul Zak:

" Dr. Paul Zak explains that inter-personal touch not only raises oxytocin, but reduces cardiovascular stress and improves the immune system. Rather than just a hand-shake, go in for the hug. Dr. Zak recommends eight hugs each day."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have trouble getting through one hug. It's intimacy on a level that I was not cut out for....or is it just bad brain chemistry? What if it is? The prescription is too much. Maybe I should go for the pills on this one. If I start hugging people, they will think something is wrong with me. It is not who I am.  Do I want to change their perception of that? I have this fear of becoming awash in emotion and not being able to think because of it. And that scares me...probably a cure for that too.

Go read the article. I am still mulling it over and I may write more. I still can't get my mind wrapped around 8 hugs a day. Sort of cheapens a hug doesn't it? Takes the meaning out of it. I can't imagine getting used to that.  

Monday, August 24, 2015

Floaters

I had a room mate in my freshman year that was fond of buying a half gallon of chocolate milk and then drinking it straight from the plastic bottle. I did not figure out that it was a hang over cure until later in life,  but he was always kind enough to offer me a quaff from the jug. I always told him 'thanks, but no thanks'. When he would offer to pour it into a cup, I would also decline his kind offer. I would explain that it was not germs that were my concern as much as floaters. You see, he was always enjoying some kind of food with his half gallon jug of United Dairy Farm's finest and the detritus of whatever it was would invariably backwash to the container and be visibly floating in the jug. One time he was eating nacho Doritos with his chocolate milk. To my mind, this was more than just a mismatch. It should be prohibited by law, but I digress.

Ken, if you are out there and still alive, I hope you have refined your tastes. The best cure for a hangover is steak and eggs and a bloody Mary. I'm sorry I did not know that at the time. Fortunately, I have given up alcohol abuse and even alcohol all together, so this is no longer an issue for me. Nevertheless, if you find yourself in need, try that.

There are a lot of floaters in our chocolate milk this morning. Despite the fact that it is a beautiful September like day in August, the world economic outlook is one of gloom and doom. The US and Chinese stock markets continued their downward slide this morning. 401K's, IRA's and other retirement type funds are taking a considerable hit. This is of particular concern to me as one hoping to retire, but it is what it is.

I think this could be a major correction. It may make 2008 look like a sleigh ride. Bonds are the ticket I think, provided that the Fed decides NOT to raise interest rates. Physical gold will hold it's value over the long haul, but no one will want it if this is indeed the beginning of the big crash that has been predicted. If this is the big one, invest in bottled water and Campbell's soup.

The financial powers that be may just be letting the air out of the stock market bubble in a controlled fashion. That would be fine as long as it stays controlled. This could also be a cry by investors to the world's central banks not to raise interest rates. I do not know what it is, but I am sure that, whatever it is, it will enrich the 1 % to the expense of everyone else. It always seems to work that way.

Sunday school was good yesterday. No floaters there. It was very enjoyable and enlightening. I have some very bright people in my class. Church was just OK. I get to feeling cramped in the auditorium though. For some reason, crowds are freaking me out of late. Probably just more bad brain chemistry. It occurs to me that I may be depressed and not be aware of the fact. I think you build a tolerance to it and you don't notice it until you find yourself crying and can't figure out why. Moods are like roller coasters. You just have to throw your hands in the air and enjoy the free fall because it is going to bottom out soon enough. So be it. It is the way I am.

Work should be interesting this week. Founder's Day is coming up. I'm hoping someone else will take care of the details. I don't really give a rats you know what about Jim Casey. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's fine. You are not missing anything. Let's just say that I never became fully integrated into my current corporate environment. Seems like I am outside of most everything I am involved in and yes it's possible to do that when you are an introvert. It's an art form.

I myself am a floater in other people's chocolate milk. For some reason, I think that's incredibly funny. No one ever knows what to do with me. I kind of like it.

Dad seemed happy and carefree when I left the house this morning. He had already been out to start the mower. It would not start. He thinks it's the battery. I think he forgot one of the three steps to starting it. I am glad that Alzheimer's is not currently floating in my chocolate milk. I wish it was not floating in his. People at church were talking directly to him yesterday. That always makes me happy. I don't know if it does anything for him, but it's good to know that others still see him as a viable and useful human being. I hope that when that ceases to be the case, the Lord will take him home quickly. I do not want him to have to endure years in a nursing home flat on his back and crazy as a loon. Alzheimer's takes decades sometimes to reach full bloom. There are many other things that can kill you, and quickly, while you wait out the Alzheimer's process. More often than not though, in our age of advanced medical procedures, this does not happen. An unproductive life of indignity proceeds and what was once a vital and useful person becomes something to be tended like the philodendron on the kitchen counter. This is sad and it hurts when it is someone you love; when you know how intelligent and capable this person once was. It makes me question the purpose of things. I think maybe the Inuit peoples of the north have the answer. Yes, I am talking about the final adventure on the ice floe of life; becoming another floater among the debris of the planet, slowly dissolving in the chocolate milk of the sea to become an offering to the cycles of the earth.

Woe. That was some pretty crappy prose. Time to give it up. Here's to dodging the floaters in your life!       

Friday, August 21, 2015

"Everything Is Fixed and You Can't Change It"

It's not in scripture, but those were the words of Jesus to Pilate in the musical, "Jesus Christ Superstar". The point that was being made in song was that events were happening in the Roman province of Judea that neither Rome, nor Pilate, nor any man on earth could stop. Jesus would be offered as the perfect sacrifice for Humanity's sins. It was inevitable. It was predestined. It was going to happen. God Himself was in control of that moment in history and no one could stop the sequence of events as they unfolded.   

This will dismay many when I say it, but God is not the only spiritual being that has power in our universe. There is another and even God's Church will hand him the keys from time to time. His original name was Lucifer. His heavenly name was unpronounceable, but if you care to try, you will find it in the book of Enoch, an extra-biblical writing that is quoted in the New Testament. He was originally the highest ranking angel in the heavenly court. He was the 'one who covers'. The story is that he hovered above the Lord's throne covering the radiance of the eternal I AM. He also acted as the one who funneled all the information gathered by the other spirits to God. He was the original Metron.

Today, in his fallen state, we know him as the accuser - Satan. He and his demons have worked for two thousand years now to try and undo the work of Jesus on earth.

I am going way out on a limb here but, I think they are about ready to bring everything together. The world stage is ripening. I believe it is about ready for a one world government. It could be triggered by a world financial collapse or an electro magnetic pulse that wipes out the grid and internet or even a faked alien invasion. It will be something that will cause world chaos on a level never before seen. After the initial dust clouds settle from whatever it is, governments will realign, currencies and national militaries will merge and one power will dominate. Order will slowly be restored and a new leader will emerge from the rubble. He will be Jewish. He will claim to be the Messiah and he will try to destroy the one true faith and God's Church on earth from within its very walls.

Go ahead and say I'm nuts if you like and that this is pure fantasy, but the seed for these events is already in place.

You want a time frame? It will happen within the next 100 years.

I have more prognostications about how it will play out, but I will leave you with this. The last remnant of the Church will be here for the entire event. Don't look for a rapture, because there will not be one. After the initial shock of these events when they think they have finally achieved their dream, He will return. And He will be unstoppable. He will lay waste to all things, saving those that belong to Him and chapter one of humanity will be finished. Chapter two will begin and it will last forever because the accuser and his demons will be gone along with all those that followed him. The lake of fire awaits them.

Tick-tock people. Are you ready?

Thursday, August 20, 2015

There's A Honky in the Woodpile

This is too good to be true from the Daily Beast.

"Prominent Black Lives Matter activist Shaun King said for years that he is biracial, because he was born to a white mother and a black father, but Kentucky public records reviewed by The Daily Beast show that King’s father is white. Jeffery Wayne King, born Nov. 11, 1955, is listed as Shaun King’s father on his birth certificate. Criminal records identify Jeffrey King’s ethnicity as white. After Breitbart News questioned King’s race, the activist tweeted that he “did not concoct a lie” about his race. King also said, “If you have known me from when I was in elementary school at Huntertown Elementary until now, you’ve known me as black or bi-racial.”

Image result for Shaun KingI think what we have here is another wannabe in the vein of Rachel Dolezal.

Image result for Rachel DolezalIf you are an African American in your mind, then, as Jessie Jackson said, " you are somebody".

To my mind, Shaun and Rachel are stealing. They are stealing a culture and a race in the same way the Bruce Jenner stole a new sex.

I remember a song back in the 70's by the Kinks called "Lola". Lola was a man, but he really did not want to be a man. There is a line in the song to the effect that, "...girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it's a mixed up world, muddled up world except for Lola". That may not be an exact quote, but it seems today that we truly can be anything we want to be. We are not constrained by our gene pool or the amount of melanin in our skin or the God given equipment between our legs.  

You might say, "Ghog, why is this happening?"

With regard to the race thing, if I had to hazard a guess, I would put it down to white people in America not having a defined culture of their own. We have lost connection with our European roots and so we are searching for a history and a way so we can have something to identify with. We have not suffered as other races have suffered. Ours is a history of invention, of innovation and of military dominance. For 2500 years we have been the most creative as well as damaging force on earth, while at the same time bringing civilization to it's peak. All of that is crumbling now because we have been taught to be ashamed of our achievements. We need a replacement heritage, because the one we have is tainted by racism and brute force.

It's all crap my friends. We need to rise up and embrace our heritage. The world is a better place because of white folks. Get over it. You need us. When we are gone, then you will know. Your ethnic worlds will collapse and you will again be enslaved by the people at the top; the last and most evil white folks. This is just around the historical corner my friends. Be prepared to embrace the demise of our race and the western world with it.

"But Ghog", you say, "What about the sex thing and Bruce"?

Well, this has been an issue to some degree or another throughout history. I think it is made worse in our time by androgyn mimicing chemicals in the environment and in the womb. Feminize a male fetal brain with these chemicals or with too many hormones from the mother and you end up with boys that would rather wear mom's dress than pick up dad's fishing pole.  I am not sure what the answer is.

I do know this. The world is a screwed up place. It's a place where even seemingly harmless choices can bring devastation for centuries.

Also, we cannot be choosing who we are simply by the way we feel. It does not work that way.

Unless you think you're a ground hog.

I have to get back to the burrow now. Winter is coming. I will be asleep for several months. Have to get the house ready. Later
   

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

September is Coming

Today is August 19th, but the weather today is more like mid-September. It was in the mid 50's this morning and it is not expected to get above 70 today. The summer is almost spent and my 59th year on the planet approaches. As Lloyd would have said, "if I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself".

This week I saw and talked to someone that I had not seen since 2004. He said I looked distinguished. I'm sure he was trying to offer a complement, but I never thought anyone would say I was distinguished. In 11 more years, what will I look like? Will they be using terms like "spry" and "old coot"? Or will I have been toasted and boxed for ash spreading by then? Who knows? At my age, everything seems to come and go so quickly that I can't keep track.

What I do know is this. Every day that I get closer to the last day, I feel closer to Jesus. I still do not feel like I know Him as I should, none the less, I feel a very strong friendship. I want to meet Him. There is only one way to do that that I know about and no way to avoid it. Death is never easy. It is the last test of faith. When one dies, it is the adventure of a lifetime I think and maybe a bit scary. Now if He wants to come back while I still live, that would be fine too. I am not above being caught up in the air like Elijah never tasting death. That would make me immortal right? Still there would be a change. A new mind, a new body (20 something, but with a brain this time please) and a new existence unlike anything in the physical world at present. Adventures scare me. Change scares me. But if Jesus is going to be there, it's all I need to know. He is my big brother. I miss Him even though I have never seen Him...isn't that weird? Even so, it will be a long overdue family reunion.

Death is the window to forever. It is not the end. It is the beginning.

Matthew 11:28-30

    28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Hope to see you topside.  

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

It's Not Personal

I get tired of things sometimes. I recently quit going to a class at church because I was tired of it. It was an apologetics class that I really had no interest in from the start. I was attending to help the teacher, who is also my friend (I think) to get attendance up and stimulate discussion. After some time, all those things happened and so I quit going. I probably should have told him what I was doing and that I was not angry or something else stupid like that, but I didn't. Whatever. Maybe I will address it Sunday. Anyway Gary, it was not personal.

I also like to vent from time to time. People can do with that what they will and they do not have to respond to it. I am not a dripping faucet even though I behave that way from time to time, but I occasionally leak when I get frustrated. Eventually the dripping stops. I suppose someday I could burst a pipe, but I don't think that's going to happen. Sometimes I think I am the most tightly controlled person alive. That has been both good and bad. I suppose you could also say I am high strung or high maintenance, but really, I am self repairing too. No need to get out the wrenches and offer sage advice. Just let me ramble on that men may know I am mad. Don't respond. My whining WILL stop. Again, it ain't personal. You do not have to do anything about it. I just like to vent, to share the minutia. Take it all with a grain of salt. Laugh at me if you like. It's ok. I will be OK.

If it's a real emergency, I will tell you.

This is not it.

So here goes with the drips. Dad was talking to the television again last night. I have arrived at the conclusion that it is best just to let him do it and say nothing. He is also having trouble remembering how to start his lawnmower. It's a three step process and if you have Alzheimer's, chances are good that you will forget one of them. This could be a rough winter.

I have also been in one of my withdrawal moods. I do not want to be with people except from a distance. Church has been kind of dicey. It's like I am running from the building every Sunday. People always ask me the same thing - "how's your Dad?". I know you mean well, but seriously people, he has Alzheimer's, what do you expect?  He will not get better! Sometimes he is perfectly normal. You would never know there is anything wrong with him except old age. Other times he is bat shit crazy if I might be so bold. I am not sure if these conversations with people at church is what's frustrating me or possibly the off chance that I might actually tell them he is bat shit crazy? There are other times where Dad will be standing right beside me and they will say, "how's your Dad?"

Seriously? He is standing right there. Ask him yourself. What is wrong with you?

He has Alzheimer's. It's not contagious. He can still talk and carry on conversations. It's not great. His level of awareness is not high, but you can talk to him. So what if it does not necessarily make sense? He might enjoy the visit anyway and I might enjoy the break from my duties as "translator". Then again, it might be one of those days where he is making prefect sense and then you might think it's me that is bat shit crazy. Wouldn't that be fun? You could start a rumor that I made it all up and that there is nothing wrong with him.

Whatever.

I'm done dripping now...for the present. If you don't like it you can always stop reading. I feel much better.





Serious As A Heart Attack

Dr David Brownstein says that everything he was taught in medical school about cholesterol was wrong.

"Folks, what I was taught about cholesterol was 100% wrong. What I was not taught was that approximately 50% of people who suffer heart attacks have normal cholesterol levels. Furthermore, I was not taught that a higher cholesterol level was predictive of a longer life span in the elderly. Nor was I taught that lowering cholesterol levels with cholesterol-lowering medications fails well over 97% of the patients who takes them.

A recent study in Critical Care Medicine (43:1255-1264, 2015) is titled, “Lipid Paradox in Acute Myocardial Infarction- The Association with 30-Day In-Hospital Mortality.” This study followed 724 hospitalized patients who suffered an acute heart attack (i.e., myocardial infarction). The scientists attempted to clarify the relationship between the lipid profiles and the 30-day mortality in patients who suffered a heart attack.

The authors found that those with lower LDL-cholesterol and triglyceride levels had a significantly elevated mortality risk when compared to patients with higher LDL-cholesterol and triglyceride levels. In fact, lower LDL-cholesterol less than 110 mmg/dl and triglyceride less than 62.5 mmg/dl were identified as optimal threshold values for predicting 30-day mortality. The lower LDL-cholesterol level was associated with a 65% increased mortality and the lower triglyceride level was associated with a 405% increased mortality. Furthermore, as compared to patients with LDL-cholesterol levels >110mg/dl and triglycerides >62.5 mg/dl, those with lowered LDL and triglyceride levels had a 990% (or 10.9x) increased risk for mortality.

Why would lowered cholesterol and triglyceride levels be associated with a higher mortality rate? Fats from triglycerides are a major energy source and LDL-cholesterol is critical for cell membrane synthesis and is needed to fight infections. Adequate LDL-cholesterol and triglyceride levels may be critical for cell function and survival in the case of a heart attack—as well as in other conditions.
Folks, we have been hoodwinked to believe that we must all take cholesterol-lowering medications in order to prevent and/or treat heart disease. People do not get heart disease because their cholesterol level is elevated. Remember, 50% of patients who suffer a heart attack have normal cholesterol levels."

Dr Brownstein is not the first doctor to say these things. I have come to believe that there are a lot of medical myths surrounding the whole heart attack / cholesterol link that just are not true. It is a mythology pushed by the pharmaceutical companies that make statin drugs which is a multi billion dollar business here in the US.

Information like this from Dr Brownstein crushes the mythology. There are also links between statin drug use and memory loss as well as muscle pain and cramps that cease immediately when the statins are discontinued. 

My thought is that if your doctor recommends a statin, do some research first. Do not allow yourself to become a statistic in a study that never sees the light of day. At the end of the day, much of what the pharmaceutical industries do is designed to make money. If you are cured of whatever it is, the gravy train stops. They have no interest in you getting better. They do have an interest in selling you pills that will require more pills to fix the side effects of the pills you are taking. Don't become a statistic.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Top 20 George Carlin Quotes


George Carlin has to be my all time favorite comic, mostly because he was completely honest about who he was. He is also my favorite atheist, mostly because, despite his disbelief, he was willing to put up with my belief. Since he's dead now, I think he knows for sure that there is a God. Here are some quotes that come close to being timeless truths.

1. I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
2. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
3. I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
4. If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
5. It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
6. Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
7. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
8. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
9. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
10. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
11. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.
12. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.
13. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.
14. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
15. People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
16. The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
17. The status quo sucks.
18. When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.
19. You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
20. “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

Prayer Does Not Work

(;^))) Now that I have your attention, please let me clarify a bit. Prayer does not work in the way that we always want it to. Sometimes we have it in our heads that we know exactly what will solve the prayed for issue and we ask, seek and knock as instructed, but we do not find answers that are in line with what we are looking for.

I have concluded that this is the "8 Ball" method of praying. Do you remember those 8 balls they used to sell at places like Spencer's Gifts? You would ask the 8 ball a 'yes or no' question, then shake the ball and turn it upside down to view the answer that would appear in the transparent opening at the bottom of the ball.

I think we do this with God. We are always pushing Him to do things or to give things or to magically change things in our lives. We want life to be effortless. We do not want to have to deal with pain or suffering or contradictions. We want everything to be free, easy, smooth flowing, emotionally satisfying and logical. This is not how life is. In a world where our Creator offers us free will, life will never be like this.

So, for good or ill, I have decided to limit my prayers to what Jesus modeled for all of us. He said specifically, at least twice in the sermon on the mount, that our heavenly Father knows what we need. I am going to go with that promise and keep it simple.

So do I want you to pray for me or those close to me or my church or my sick friend or the missionary in Malaysia whose wife was eaten by cannibals?

I'm thinking no. As Eli the priest said in I Samuel 3,“He is the Lord; let him do what is good in his eyes.” 

God will do what He wants as it suits His will and His plans. I am no longer going to try to interfere with that. Moses could get away with that. I cannot. I am no Moses. I will keep it simple, offer thanksgiving, and move on. Praying for anything else is kind of a waste of time. I have no clue what He wants beyond my obedience. I cannot even give that with any consistency. How can I possibly bother Him with the minutia in my life? I am not going to. He knows it cold anyway and so do I. 

Lord, I love you. I thank you and praise Your Name for all the wonderful things you have provided for me. Thanks for seeing to my needs and for helping me deal with life in general. Thanks for saving me and loving me.
Lord, please help me to forgive, to help when it is needed and to keep your commands. Make me able to do for others as you have done for me and to treat others as I would like to be treated.
In all things Lord, Your will be done!

In Jesus' Name, Amen 
 

Friday, August 14, 2015

Matthew 7:15-23...False Teacher and False Disciples

There has always been a class of people willing to use God's Word for fun and profit. We see them on television. Benny Hinn, Jimmy Swaggart. Jim Baker. Pat Robertson. Robert Schuller. The list goes on. These guys come and go. Most of them are in it for the money and the fame. But there are people, social groups and secret societies that take the long view. They will use religious teachings for social control and agenda advancement and they manipulate the very terms of history when they do this. The biggest offenders here, especially in the US, are the Masons and the Zionists and Christian Zionists. For centuries they have assumed positions of authority and power in America's Churches and Christian colleges writing about a particular eschatological point of view that fits their vile plans for the future of the world. These people push the false teachings of dispensationalism, premillenialism and dominionism within mainstream, Bible believing churches to manipulate the very terms of history in favor of the Zionist cause. To my mind, this is the very spirit of antichrist working within the church. It needs to be called what it is...false teaching. The men in this camp are people like John Nelson Darby, Cyrus Scofield, Lewis Sperry Chafer, Hal Lindsay, Tim Lahaye, Jerry Falwell and others. They all insist on purveying this 19th century Zionist Masonic lie and the Church in America has suffered for it because it takes the focus off our mission and looks instead toward a future that Jesus Himself says we cannot know much about. No man knows the day or hour, yet there are Christians that regularly waste their time in endless speculation about blood moons, Shemitah years and Jubilee years trying to discern that time.

There is also a kind of New Age Christian Gnosticism which also seems to be taking hold. I do not know much about this movement or their beliefs, but I do know that gnosticism has been a scourge in the Church from the beginning. These are the people that believe they have secret knowledge about the Scriptures. They find secret codes where there are none. They look to extrabiblical writings for assistance in interpreting their beliefs. They discount orthodoxy to justify immoral behavior. They too are the great Christian liars of our time.

Perhaps this is why in Matthew 7:15-23 Jesus said,
 
15 “Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ 23 Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

We have to be on alert. We have to pray for guidance. And above all, we must study and continue to study. We must hold our teachers and pastors words up to the light of the Scriptures to learn if they speak truth about God's Word or merely convey the lies and false teachings of men with an anti Christian agenda. My advice here is this. Do not follow easily. Think for yourself with the Bible as you guide. You will not go wrong. If a Christian calls himself a Zionist, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. If a Messianic Jew offers you advice about the end times based on America being the new Israel, shake the dust from your feet. Move on to the truth Christian. Love God. Love your neighbor. Preach the gospel. Jesus will be back when God is ready to send Him. See you in heaven!

Thursday, August 13, 2015

And Now A Story...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!  The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.

The moral of the story? If youre going to have a senior moment make it memorable.
----------------------------
Thanks Janet!

The Imensity of His Intensity

There are things that confound, that seem impossible, that beg the constraints of reality in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount in the gospel of Matthew. When He points out that we must be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect, when He says we must not judge, when He tells us how hard the true life in Him will be; we tend to find some way to brush off these things in some metaphorical fashion or say, "He really meant this or that.".

What if He meant every word of it? I was reading what follows here, trying to unlock the meaning since I have to teach this Sunday and it struck me how sterile and un-Christian I am. I had to ask myself if I am really a doer of the Word or if I just like to talk about it a lot. I do like to talk about it, but I am negligent in doing it. Perhaps this conviction is the whole point of the sermon?

Matthew 7:7-14
 
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! 12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. 14 But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Jesus is, of course, talking about prayer activity in verses 7-12. He is talking about a prayer life that goes beyond rambling on about our day or the needs of the family or the church or the missionary or the sick. He seems to be saying that prayer should involve your entire being and senses. We should not only mutter the words verbally; we have to assault the things we pray about by physically seeking answers to those issues and we must be persistent in our pursuit. Knocking at God's door is a start, but the path God wants us to take will lead to other doors. More knocking will be required and we may receive hostile answers at first. We must be do all these things for prayer to be effective. God gave us all brains. He expects us to use them in conjunction with prayer. Our pursuit of what we pray about must involve our own activity. He will open the doors if we will pursue the 'prayed for' outcome.

I believe this is what is missing from my prayer life. It is probably why I am having issues praying. I can get through the thanksgiving portion and I am thankful, but I can not seem to work out the rest. I have always kind of been at a loss in knowing what He wants from me or if He really wants anything besides my obedience. And what does obedience involve? Actively pursuing what Jesus commanded. Love God and love your neighbor. If you take that one seriously, it's a bunch of work. 

God is not a cosmic vending machine where we put in our prayers and pick up our goodies in the slot below. We need to pray prayers that will involve ourselves in their completion. We can't just stand back and wait or watch. The answers to our prayer may be 'no', but we will not know that for sure unless we actively participate in the answers. 

Verses 13 and 14 are tough. Don't kid yourself, they are tough. Entering the narrow gate refers to following Christ. He makes the degree of difficulty sound very high and I think it is. In later scripture Jesus talks about the cost of discipleship, about leaving friends and family and things that are familiar to serve the Kingdom. This is that narrow gate. Taking up a cross and following Jesus is more than just dragging around a heavy piece of lumber. It is dying on that cross to all the things that keep us preoccupied doing other than kingdom work. 

I find myself saddened like the rich young ruler. I do none of this. My prayer life is as dry as a bone and my cross is made of styrofoam. I am convicted. 

Lord, what will I do about it? Maybe I should start with a prayer. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

When The World Was Young....

It was back in the early 70's, circa 1973. The youth group at church had gone to Lake Aquabi for the annual youth retreat in August as was becoming the tradition. As state parks go, Aquabi is well maintained and beautiful and has been so since I can remember. The bass fishing is good, but there is never anything larger that 20 inches or about three pounds. That's OK. It's always fun. They have those red eared sunfish that are both beautiful and delicious. There is also a swimming area and camp grounds. It is a wonderful place, even at night.

It was on an August night that we were encamped. It was too hot to stay in a camper or tent so some of us slept on the ground outside, laying on sleeping bags and staring up at the stars. There was me and my cousin, and let's call him Bob. As we talked and ogled the stars in the night sky, we were awed by the number of "shooting stars". It was amazing. They would light up the sky as they entered the atmosphere. Some would give off colors like bright greens and blinding whites and a few of them seemed to make a whooshing noise as they burnt out. We felt incredibly blessed to be able to witness the event and the watching stirred thoughts about the power behind the universe and we knew there was a God.

At that time, our entire lives lay before us. We had not yet entered the real world. We had not experienced life as we would later. We talked about things. Personal things. It was a rare conversation for three people so young to have. It was open and honest and we became transparent to each other. I knew then that life in my real world was not going to be easy. My cousin had his own adventure ahead and it would collide with mine from time to time, but I would not have traded my life for his as his road was rough too. I can only speculate about Bob's adult place in the universe, but I would bet real money that he has lost much because people would not accept what he had no choice but to be. I wish him the best if he still lives. It might be interesting to talk to him. We were similarly conflicted.

It's odd how events in the macrocosm of the night sky can stir thoughts in the microcosm of the human soul. I have to wonder about Abraham all those millennia ago staring up at his sky only to discover that there is but one God and then to follow Him in faith. Abraham viewed the same stars I did in 1973. He may have seen the same annual meteor shower (Perseid's) I saw in 1973. And likewise, he was moved seek the Power behind it.

We seek and find God in strange places. We see His story in the night sky, in the lives of our friends and in the words that come from the inspired hearts of musicians. He is a powerful force that cannot be ignored if you are really...really....paying attention.

Go out tonight and have a look. He may have a meteor with your name on it. He is showing himself to you in so many ways. Just relax. Clear your mind. Discover what everlasting really means. He is there.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Back In the 70's I Had No Grace

Yes, I am kind of old. I came of age in the late 1970's. It was an interesting time. The Viet Nam was was over. The draft had ended. Eighteen year old's could consume alcohol and vote - hopefully not at the same time. Large cars were still prevalent and many drove them with pride despite the skyrocketing price of gasoline. My generation came in on the tail end and also start of many things.

We enjoyed the freedoms that came out of the sixties, but we did not have the philosophical ties to those freedoms that our for-bearers did. What they did out of principle, we did out of pleasure and we were not sure what was behind it, but we would not be giving it up anytime soon. There was also, the recessions. Repeated economic back sliding throughout the Nixon, Ford, Carter and Reagan years that I believe goes back to Nixon's decision to kill the gold standard and let the dollar float on it's own. It was and is economic tyranny, but I digress.

They were interesting times. I had many 'rite of passage' friendships that enabled me to see many aspects of the real world that I had been carefully protected from for my entire childhood. I had gay friends and stoner friends and mentally ill friends and stupid friends and really intelligent friends that may have been any one of those other things too....from time to time. None of them seem to have any guilt or trepidation about who they were. Some were believers and some weren't, but they accepted there lot in life and pushed forward to where they thought they should be going.

With a Christian fundamentalist background, many of these things were a sort of revelation to me. They were a shock as well. All my prejudices were being challenged. People were all these things and they did not die (though some did later), they did not hate, they lacked fear and they loved life and the world around them. 

My point here is that I believe this is where Christians, and particularly Christian parents, get it wrong. It's not a good idea to shelter your young people from real life and expect them to continue as if the actual world does not exist when they become adults. Once they are adults, they will need to be able to live and work in the world. It's realities can be crushing unless they are prepared.

I was not prepared for many of the world's realities. Some of this stuff came as a shock to me. It did not sit well with my faith and it started a questioning that did not stop until 1997. To say that everything I was taught about the world and God was wrong would be quite a stretch, but I was woefully unprepared. I blame no one for this. I tend to take things way too seriously and sometimes to an extreme degree and that was part of the problem. I had to learn grace. I had to learn that God had it and wanted to share it. It is what was missing from my faith and it's why it did not work. I was a Christian in name, but I was a spiritual Jew. I was unable to live up to God's standards or my standards (which, oddly, were higher than God's) and so I was crushed, discouraged and thought I was hell-bent. It's because there was no grace for me. It was there, but I did not recognize it. It was there, but I refused to take it. It was there, but I thought I didn't deserve it. And that's thing I could not wrap my mind around. Grace is not grace if you deserve it. If you deserve it, it becomes a reward for something earned. You cannot earn God's grace.

My life from that time eventually brought me to this here and now time. I am a better man because God taught me grace. He taught me how to love and forgive myself and that made me able to love and forgive others.

"love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul, my all."

Lord thanks for this gift. I am yours. Take me where you will.