Can You See?

My friend and local God botherer helped me wake up with a text message of the words spoken to blind Bartimaeus on the day he received his sight from the Lord. Mark 10 is a good chapter, but this incident speaks volumes to what Jesus came here to do for us. It goes something like this:

Mark 10: 46-52


^"46 Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (which means “son of Timaeus”), was sitting by the roadside begging. ⁴⁷ When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”
⁴⁸ Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
⁴⁹ Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”
So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” ⁵⁰ Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.
⁵¹ “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
⁵² “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road."

My friend texted me a portion of verse 49, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's Calling you."

My cynicism immediately set in. I was getting ready for work. I was trying to tell Dad what was available to eat throughout the day in my absence and the last thing in my head was a call from the Lord. I was not hearing it...frankly, I'm still not hearing it. My faith is weak today.

Fact is - I have longed for His healing for decades. I have wanted to speak up. I have spent years sitting by the spiritual roadside begging. I want to see! I have no doubt He can do it! But He seems to have some spiritual purpose in keeping me blind. He has not told me or showed me what that purpose is. I hope He does not expect me to see it. I can't! Sometimes He is just hard to get.

My blindness is more like a case of cataracts. I can see dimly. I can make out shapes and forms and come close to the truth about the real visage, but I cannot confirm anything.  Perhaps His purpose in my continuing blindness is so He can be my guide. Doesn't explain why He lets me wander off from time to time, but it does teach me to cling to Him, I guess. 

Lord, I can hear you, but I can't see you yet. I know you are there. Please open my eyes. I think I'm ready. Show me what may be ahead.