Bad Joke Friday

Three buddies are sitting around a campfire discussing how they would like to be remembered at their funerals and what they would like to be said about them over their caskets.
The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”
The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say, “Look! He’s moving!”

An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.
Sadly, he said, “I’m afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating.”
“Oh, dear God,” cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock.
“We’ve never had a liberal in the family before!”

One afternoon, a young man, who was an avid golfer, found himself with a couple of hours at his disposal. He quickly came to the conclusion that if he hurried and played very fast, he could squeeze in nine holes on the fairways before he had to attend a business dinner.
Just as he was about to tee off, an old-timer hobbled over and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not able to refuse the request, he allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise, the man played reasonably well. He didn’t hit the ball far, but he puttered along steadily and didn’t waste time.
They reached the ninth fairway, and the young man found himself with a tough shot.
There was a large oak tree right in front of him, directly between his ball and the green. He considered how to take the shot for a good long while. Then the young man heard the old man mutter, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard and hit the ball right smack into the top of the tree trunk, from where it thudded back on the ground, not an inch from where it had been originally.
The old man offered one more comment: “Of course, when I was your age, that oak tree was only three feet tall.”