Most of you know that Dennis is my Dad. Some of you know he has Alzheimer's. It is a bazaar disease. He is at a special stage right now where he goes a bit crazy after sunset. In Alzheimer's parlance, it's called sundowning.
I think I miss out on the worst of it through the week because I do not get home from work until 8 or 9 PM, but I see the results and I get to experience it on Saturday nights first hand. It's strange stuff.
One night last week I came home and he had removed the cable box to his TV and unscrewed the plate on the cable outlet on the wall. I had to hook it all up again. I am not sure what that was about and he could not explain it. On other nights, and this happens several times a week now, he takes all the items (which he uses regularly) that are on his end table next to his chair and will put them in a box and place them in the back of his Toyota Highlander. This will include his TV remotes and the telephone. The telephone is a land line that he physically has to unplug from the wall outlet.
When I asked him why he did that he would say he was getting ready to go home or he was moving out. Tonight when he did it, he told me he was worried they would get stolen. Earlier this week, he was putting his remotes and a toothpick holder in a Corning ware ceramic baking dish with a glass lid. When I asked him if he was going to bake something, he said 'no', he 'just needed something to carry them around in'. Weird.
Tonight he also called me 'dad'. This is new. He was getting himself some ice cream and cookies and he said , "Dad, do you want any cookies?". Now it's conceivable that he thought his Dad was really here, but I am the only other human in the house. Whatever is going on in his head, it's not right. There are other times when he confuses me with his brother Dick. He talks about "our dad" and asks me if I remember things from back in the 1940's. Last Sunday when I got home from Church, he asked me where Dad was.
It's all just a very odd experience. I tried an experiment tonight to see if I could calm him by praying for him silently. I believe it worked to a certain extent. He did not get argumentative as he usually does and he seemed to settle down from his packing behavior and his phone is still plugged in at this hour.
I cannot imagine what it must feel like being inside of his head. I find myself wondering just how much is actually left of what was once my Dad in there. Dad was multi talented in his earlier years. He was a carpenter, an electrician and an auto mechanic. He could fix anything. He was a technician in that middle 20th century way that no longer exists. Now he is completely out of his element in everything and it makes me sad. It also makes me feel guilty because it makes me angry at the same time. I know we all have to die, but why should anyone have to die in this way, piece by piece, bit by bit, memory by memory? He was not the perfect father or husband and his personality may have needed some work. He could be a bit of a bully at times. But I do not think it merits a slow death from Alzheimer's disease.
I think the time has come for me to get him evaluated again by a neurologist to see how far the Alzheimer's has progressed. From there, I may need to begin looking for appropriate care facilities. We will see what the doctors say. My concern at this point is, should he be left home alone? I'm thinking no, but we will see. He did fall in the driveway earlier this week. It had just snowed a bit and he thought he was going to get the mail. When I pulled in from work, I could see the snow angel he had made while trying to get up. Since it was still snowing, I knew that it was fresh and he did tell me about it when I got inside. He seems to be unscathed with the exception of a small scrape on his right cheek bone. He also says his ribs are sore, but there are no bruises and he is able to get up and down and move around as always. Had he hit his head that night and become unconscious, it could have been more serious. It was very cold and he is on blood thinners.
I worry. Is this transition going to be forced on both of us? It's looking like it. If he forgets how to catheterize himself, that will be the clincher. I will do many things for him, but inserting a catheter into his penis is not one of them. He has not been able to urinate without one since his knee surgery. So far, self cathing has gone well for him with few UTI's (even though he will reuse them from time to time). I suppose it's only a matter of time before he forgets how to cath or forgets to urinate all together.
One has to wonder how this need will effect how he is placed in a care facility too. Can an Alzheimer's patient be place in general population in a care facility because they cannot pee on their own? I do not know.
When I was an orderly in a nursing home back in the mid-seventies, all the old folks were together, crazy and otherwise. I found myself pitying the dementia patients because they could not die and feeling sorry for the quick minded because they were trapped in bodies that did not work so well anymore.
My grandpa told me once, "Jeff, getting old is a terrible thing." I believe he is right.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Friday, January 22, 2016
Sports
Or 'sport' as the Brits call it, is something that I cannot wrap my mind around in any effective way. I know it constitutes entertainment for many people. They will buy season tickets to be physically present just to watch their favorite team play or they will watch it for hours on television at home. I just do not understand the fascination with it. I have actually enjoyed playing various games and participating in competitions, but watching it is just boring. It is, to my mind, an incredible waste of time. Watching multi millionaires with hormone issues playing grab ass in pursuit of a ball is just ridiculous. Most of what passes for sport is not sport anyway. It is just a game. As John Irving pointed out in "The World According to Garp", if it involves the use of a ball, it is not a sport, it's just a game.
Activities like running, swimming and wrestling are true sports. These involve one on one competition as well as competition against one's self. These are the greatest measure of a man's athletic prowess - continually bettering one's own numbers is the healthiest competition of all. This is true from both a physical and spiritual point of view.
I can remember wrestling in gym class in high school. It was fun. I do mean fun. I never cared much whether I won though. I enjoyed the process. I hate to admit it, but it was a lot like foreplay to me. This should be understandable if you know me and I'm sorry if I offended you by being out front like that, but I did like it.
Even so, watching wrestling does nothing for me. It is like watching paint dry...that might have more interest for me. Whatever.
These days I wrestle with God. I know I will never win, but I know He loves me and He would never hurt me in any spiritual way. He is gentle.
I like to teach others how to do this, mostly because there is so much to learn from the process and I do enjoy watching others grapple with their Maker. It is the single best way to get to know Him.
Get out there on the mat with Him. He's tough, but you will learn.
Activities like running, swimming and wrestling are true sports. These involve one on one competition as well as competition against one's self. These are the greatest measure of a man's athletic prowess - continually bettering one's own numbers is the healthiest competition of all. This is true from both a physical and spiritual point of view.
I can remember wrestling in gym class in high school. It was fun. I do mean fun. I never cared much whether I won though. I enjoyed the process. I hate to admit it, but it was a lot like foreplay to me. This should be understandable if you know me and I'm sorry if I offended you by being out front like that, but I did like it.
Even so, watching wrestling does nothing for me. It is like watching paint dry...that might have more interest for me. Whatever.
These days I wrestle with God. I know I will never win, but I know He loves me and He would never hurt me in any spiritual way. He is gentle.
I like to teach others how to do this, mostly because there is so much to learn from the process and I do enjoy watching others grapple with their Maker. It is the single best way to get to know Him.
Get out there on the mat with Him. He's tough, but you will learn.
Thursday, January 21, 2016
Words Of Encouragement From Simon Peter To The Church
"As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ...you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy...Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good."
I rearranged it a bit, but I think you get the point. Do not forget who you are, who you belong to and how much all of that cost. We were an expensive bunch and we are marked as His now. Keep that in mind today as you go about His business and yours. See ya Sunday.
I rearranged it a bit, but I think you get the point. Do not forget who you are, who you belong to and how much all of that cost. We were an expensive bunch and we are marked as His now. Keep that in mind today as you go about His business and yours. See ya Sunday.
Wednesday, January 20, 2016
Truth Revealed Under Cover of Darkness
In the gospel of John, chapter 3, a Pharisee that is also a member of the Sanhedrin, approaches Jesus at the place He is staying. He comes by night. His name is Nicodemus.
This is interesting. Why at night? Does he want to talk privately with Jesus or is he fearful of what the other Jews in leadership will think? Whatever the case, Jesus seems undisturbed by this intrusion into His privacy. He welcomes the questions that Nicodemus presents and there does seem to be a genuine interest on the part of Nicodemus in what Jesus has to say. Perhaps he just wants to talk to Jesus without the interference of his other more skeptical friends. This is good. It is the way we should all approach Jesus - one on one and without guile and pride in our heart.
Nicodemus was an educated man. He would have known the Law of Moses backward and forward. He would known the traditions of the Pharisees in the same fashion. His honest but covert Christ seeking is commendable. Even so, he is confused. He has never seen or heard a rabbi do or say the things that Jesus does and says. It is other worldly and spiritual in a way that the Jews were only beginning to grasp and Nicodemus does not understand. And yet...you get the impression that he is almost a believer.
Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. 2 He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.[a]”
4 “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit[b] gives birth to spirit. 7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You[c] must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”[d]
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
10 “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things? 11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. 12 I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? 13 No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man.[e] 14 Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,[f] 15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”[g]
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
Nicodemus asked one question, and an innocent one at that, and what he got was a Sunday school lesson. I am not sure that he understood what Jesus was saying, but I am certain that he thought about it for a very long time.
This is supposed to be very basic stuff for us Christians and yet I wonder, if we really understand what this means? We say we are born again, but we continue to live lives that reek of death born in fear and darkness. If we believe, then we need to move into the light.
Once in the light, we have to live as if we were enlightened. We have to bring the grace and truth of Christ to a fallen world so they can find their way back to God. Jesus started this process with the Jews. Most of them rejected His ideas and ultimately He moved on to the Gentiles through His disciples. The idea that God would seek man was a new idea in the Gentile world. It caught on very quickly.
I believe it also caught on with Nicodemus. He was one of two Pharisees that tended the body of our crucified Lord after His death and placed Him in that now empty tomb.
Join Nicodemus and I out here in the light. Get yourself born of the water and the Spirit and come into His glorious light. Someday everything will be made known. There will be no more secrets, no stealthy night meetings to seek truth or anything else.
To my brethren I would say this. Learn what it means to be truly born again. Earnestly seek Him and His will. Faith and obedience - obedience and faith. This is the path to that answer. For myself, I find daily that there are things standing in my way to Him. We have to shift those obstacles and move forward. Personal pride, anger, hatred, prejudice, unbridled desires and self righteousness - it all has to go. These are the old self that must die if the new creation is to grow in the knowledge of this new life we must embrace. Seek the light. He will be waiting there.
This is interesting. Why at night? Does he want to talk privately with Jesus or is he fearful of what the other Jews in leadership will think? Whatever the case, Jesus seems undisturbed by this intrusion into His privacy. He welcomes the questions that Nicodemus presents and there does seem to be a genuine interest on the part of Nicodemus in what Jesus has to say. Perhaps he just wants to talk to Jesus without the interference of his other more skeptical friends. This is good. It is the way we should all approach Jesus - one on one and without guile and pride in our heart.
Nicodemus was an educated man. He would have known the Law of Moses backward and forward. He would known the traditions of the Pharisees in the same fashion. His honest but covert Christ seeking is commendable. Even so, he is confused. He has never seen or heard a rabbi do or say the things that Jesus does and says. It is other worldly and spiritual in a way that the Jews were only beginning to grasp and Nicodemus does not understand. And yet...you get the impression that he is almost a believer.
Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus who was a member of the Jewish ruling council. 2 He came to Jesus at night and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God. For no one could perform the signs you are doing if God were not with him.”
3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.[a]”
4 “How can someone be born when they are old?” Nicodemus asked. “Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother’s womb to be born!”
5 Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit. 6 Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit[b] gives birth to spirit. 7 You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You[c] must be born again.’ 8 The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”[d]
9 “How can this be?” Nicodemus asked.
10 “You are Israel’s teacher,” said Jesus, “and do you not understand these things? 11 Very truly I tell you, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. 12 I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things? 13 No one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven—the Son of Man.[e] 14 Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up,[f] 15 that everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.”[g]
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God’s one and only Son. 19 This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
Nicodemus asked one question, and an innocent one at that, and what he got was a Sunday school lesson. I am not sure that he understood what Jesus was saying, but I am certain that he thought about it for a very long time.
This is supposed to be very basic stuff for us Christians and yet I wonder, if we really understand what this means? We say we are born again, but we continue to live lives that reek of death born in fear and darkness. If we believe, then we need to move into the light.
Once in the light, we have to live as if we were enlightened. We have to bring the grace and truth of Christ to a fallen world so they can find their way back to God. Jesus started this process with the Jews. Most of them rejected His ideas and ultimately He moved on to the Gentiles through His disciples. The idea that God would seek man was a new idea in the Gentile world. It caught on very quickly.
I believe it also caught on with Nicodemus. He was one of two Pharisees that tended the body of our crucified Lord after His death and placed Him in that now empty tomb.
Join Nicodemus and I out here in the light. Get yourself born of the water and the Spirit and come into His glorious light. Someday everything will be made known. There will be no more secrets, no stealthy night meetings to seek truth or anything else.
To my brethren I would say this. Learn what it means to be truly born again. Earnestly seek Him and His will. Faith and obedience - obedience and faith. This is the path to that answer. For myself, I find daily that there are things standing in my way to Him. We have to shift those obstacles and move forward. Personal pride, anger, hatred, prejudice, unbridled desires and self righteousness - it all has to go. These are the old self that must die if the new creation is to grow in the knowledge of this new life we must embrace. Seek the light. He will be waiting there.
Tuesday, January 19, 2016
Who Do You Love?
I was thinking about the woman at the well in Sychar yesterday. It's not like I'm so old that I remember her. I was not there and I would never go to Samaria anyway (:^))) However...
In John 4, Jesus finds Himself in Samaria in the town of Sychar at noon. His disciples go into the city to buy supplies and they leave Jesus at the town's well. This well is famous. It was one sunk by Jacob, the father of all Israel and it had not run dry even in the time of Christ.
Back in the day, people, usually women, would go to the local water source to retrieve water for the day. In desert climates this was usually done early in the morning. The people that would gather for water would converse. It would have been a social center for the town; a place for exchange of information and maybe even local gossip. And this last bit may be the reason why Jesus encountered a woman at the well getting water at noon. She did not go to the well when others did because she was not what you would call virtuous; adventurous maybe, but not virtuous. Her reputation probably did not sit well with the other hens in the chicken house at Sychar. She would have been the one about which the others gossiped. She had relationships with more than one rooster.
Jesus, being God in the flesh, knew this about her as she approached the well and He engaged her in conversation. There are several reasons why this conversation should be impossible in Christ's day and the woman herself points this out.
1. Jesus was born a Jew. Jews do not associate with Samaritans. They would be considered like Gentiles, unclean sinners outside God's family.
2. A Jew and particularly a rabbi would not have accepted a drink from a Samaritan.
3. Any righteous Jew would not have gone through Samaria if it could be avoided and they would certainly not have stopped to socialize or eat.
4. An observant male Jew would not have spoken with any woman that was not his wife.
So Jesus is breaking all the rules here. He is socializing with unclean sinners and His goal seems to be to enlighten them about who He is and why He has come.
The story kind of breaks my heart. I see the courage of the woman whose life is a mess addressing her Messiah without fear, but with respect. I see her hospitality as she invites Jesus and His disciples into town to meet everyone. She is amazed and enthralled by what Jesus knows and what He knows about her. Despite her sinful life, she is smitten in spirit by the gentle rabbi from Nazareth. She desires immediately to tell others about Him and she does. As a result of her enthusiasm, many in Samaria learned the Truth that day. Jesus took a harvest of believers among these Samaritans before He departed.
I love this story. Jesus took what could have been a tense situation and turned it into an opportunity. While holding fast to the Truth, He presented Himself and His Father with the grace these people so needed and brought them into the fold. Grace and Truth, living in the tension between the two. This is what we as believers are called to do.
Do you know anyone like this woman? Is she at church or at work? Is she marginalized by the rule keepers and relegated to going to the well at noon? Strike up a conversation with her. She could introduce you to people that are just waiting for what you have. In our pursuit of grace and truth, sometimes we are called to go to Samaria. Is that time now? Well, maybe.
In John 4, Jesus finds Himself in Samaria in the town of Sychar at noon. His disciples go into the city to buy supplies and they leave Jesus at the town's well. This well is famous. It was one sunk by Jacob, the father of all Israel and it had not run dry even in the time of Christ.
Back in the day, people, usually women, would go to the local water source to retrieve water for the day. In desert climates this was usually done early in the morning. The people that would gather for water would converse. It would have been a social center for the town; a place for exchange of information and maybe even local gossip. And this last bit may be the reason why Jesus encountered a woman at the well getting water at noon. She did not go to the well when others did because she was not what you would call virtuous; adventurous maybe, but not virtuous. Her reputation probably did not sit well with the other hens in the chicken house at Sychar. She would have been the one about which the others gossiped. She had relationships with more than one rooster.
Jesus, being God in the flesh, knew this about her as she approached the well and He engaged her in conversation. There are several reasons why this conversation should be impossible in Christ's day and the woman herself points this out.
1. Jesus was born a Jew. Jews do not associate with Samaritans. They would be considered like Gentiles, unclean sinners outside God's family.
2. A Jew and particularly a rabbi would not have accepted a drink from a Samaritan.
3. Any righteous Jew would not have gone through Samaria if it could be avoided and they would certainly not have stopped to socialize or eat.
4. An observant male Jew would not have spoken with any woman that was not his wife.
So Jesus is breaking all the rules here. He is socializing with unclean sinners and His goal seems to be to enlighten them about who He is and why He has come.
The story kind of breaks my heart. I see the courage of the woman whose life is a mess addressing her Messiah without fear, but with respect. I see her hospitality as she invites Jesus and His disciples into town to meet everyone. She is amazed and enthralled by what Jesus knows and what He knows about her. Despite her sinful life, she is smitten in spirit by the gentle rabbi from Nazareth. She desires immediately to tell others about Him and she does. As a result of her enthusiasm, many in Samaria learned the Truth that day. Jesus took a harvest of believers among these Samaritans before He departed.
I love this story. Jesus took what could have been a tense situation and turned it into an opportunity. While holding fast to the Truth, He presented Himself and His Father with the grace these people so needed and brought them into the fold. Grace and Truth, living in the tension between the two. This is what we as believers are called to do.
Do you know anyone like this woman? Is she at church or at work? Is she marginalized by the rule keepers and relegated to going to the well at noon? Strike up a conversation with her. She could introduce you to people that are just waiting for what you have. In our pursuit of grace and truth, sometimes we are called to go to Samaria. Is that time now? Well, maybe.
Monday, January 18, 2016
Crazy
"Crazy" is riding your recombitant bicycle to the grocery store when it's 2 degrees below zero and there is a breeze from the west. I just witnessed this behavior. The rider was a middle aged woman that appeared to be heavily insulated in sturdy winter wear. I can remember when I used to go outside and run every day; even on days like today. There are few things that make you feel more alive than working up a sweat in subzero temps. After that, even a cold shower seems warm. Cold showers are important. They get you just as clean as the warm ones and they also drive away the "urge". Yes, I thought you knew what I was talking about.
I need to get back into some form of exercise. I have fallen away from that church in the past 5 years and I need to get back to it. As I said, I used to run every day. I was usually out for an hour and on weekends I would run until I could not run anymore - 3 hours or longer. I would get quite the endorphin buzz. It would leave me feeling like I was floating on air for the rest of the day. Sometimes I would even come home from work and run again at night. I loved it. There is something sexy about running at night in July wearing only running shorts and a wife beater undershirt when the air temp is still 85 degrees and the humidity is 100%. It's like the atmosphere and the darkness are caressing you. There is pain and there is pleasure. The sweat flows like streams. You get soaked from head to toe and your natural aroma permeates the air. It's then that you become aware of how you are indeed "fearfully and wonderfully made". Running nude back in those days even crossed my mind. I was not such an eyesore then and I'm sure it would have felt wonderful, but I'm told reliably that one can be arrested for such activities and being known to the police is not my goal in life.
There is also a reason why the original long distance runner collapsed and died at Marathon on that fateful day when he delivered his message.
Such activity does take a toll on the body and particularly the joints. I believe my knees have mostly healed by now, but my cervical vertebrae are kind of a mess. And since they have to hold up my head, I probably need to take better care of them.
So I'm thinking of some kinder, gentler means of exertion. Something low impact that will raise the heart rate and still make the perspiration flow. Walking is probably not going to cut it. I may start that way, but I will eventually have to ratchet up the burn. We will see what develops. I am told that wind sprints are better than long distance runs for the calorie burn. Maybe that will be the answer.
If you find my head snapped off my body like a dry twig, you will know my cervical damage is complete. Please try to get it to the crematorium with my body if you find them.
I love y'all. Thanks for stopping by.
I need to get back into some form of exercise. I have fallen away from that church in the past 5 years and I need to get back to it. As I said, I used to run every day. I was usually out for an hour and on weekends I would run until I could not run anymore - 3 hours or longer. I would get quite the endorphin buzz. It would leave me feeling like I was floating on air for the rest of the day. Sometimes I would even come home from work and run again at night. I loved it. There is something sexy about running at night in July wearing only running shorts and a wife beater undershirt when the air temp is still 85 degrees and the humidity is 100%. It's like the atmosphere and the darkness are caressing you. There is pain and there is pleasure. The sweat flows like streams. You get soaked from head to toe and your natural aroma permeates the air. It's then that you become aware of how you are indeed "fearfully and wonderfully made". Running nude back in those days even crossed my mind. I was not such an eyesore then and I'm sure it would have felt wonderful, but I'm told reliably that one can be arrested for such activities and being known to the police is not my goal in life.
There is also a reason why the original long distance runner collapsed and died at Marathon on that fateful day when he delivered his message.
Such activity does take a toll on the body and particularly the joints. I believe my knees have mostly healed by now, but my cervical vertebrae are kind of a mess. And since they have to hold up my head, I probably need to take better care of them.
So I'm thinking of some kinder, gentler means of exertion. Something low impact that will raise the heart rate and still make the perspiration flow. Walking is probably not going to cut it. I may start that way, but I will eventually have to ratchet up the burn. We will see what develops. I am told that wind sprints are better than long distance runs for the calorie burn. Maybe that will be the answer.
If you find my head snapped off my body like a dry twig, you will know my cervical damage is complete. Please try to get it to the crematorium with my body if you find them.
I love y'all. Thanks for stopping by.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
Yes, I will
For those concerned, I will be teaching Caleb Kaltenbach's "Messy Grace" in the spring quarter at church. The wrestling match is over and as usual, I lost. God remains undefeated. I do not know why I even try to challenge Him. If all else fails, He breaks my heart into a million pieces and says, There now...how are you gonna deal with that?" You would think I would have learned by now (as I sit here in my truck in the Hy Vee parking lot crying) that you cannot challenge the living God and expect anything but His will to come out of it.
So I will start by writing a few lessons, getting my head right and trying to anticipate questions and comments that I might not otherwise expect. I will prepare my self to love the unlovable and care for the broken. I will be obedient and love God and my neighbor.
Lord, I hope you are going to support me. You know that things sometimes things come out of my mouth that are offensive to some. I know that sometimes offense causes thought and thought can bring surrender and submission to Your will. Perhaps you can use my failed articulations in that manner. So, along with opening my heart and soul to your truths, you might consider preparing those that you know will attend. A little cultivation prior to planting never hurts the crops. I want this to be an open forum Lord where people will not be afraid to speak there minds and discuss the relevant issues in an open honest way. I hope that is your goal too. I guess we will find out. This needs to be your undertaking more than mine Lord, so I will need your guidance in showing me where and where not to go. My personal thought is to overturn every stone in the yard, exposing what is beneath to Your light. If that is like taking an ax to a sapling, then show me a better way. I will listen for Your voice as carefully as I can, but You might have to yell to get my attention. You know how I am. It can be hard to break my concentration, especially when I think I am right.
Lord, I love you and if there are only 3 or 4 of us, I will do this. Ministry is ministry, even if it's only one on one. Some of the best ministry I have experienced has come from Your servants in a one on one situation. I thank You for them all. You have done well to put them in my way. It's time to go do something productive now. Jesus, in Your Name I pray these things...Amen
So I will start by writing a few lessons, getting my head right and trying to anticipate questions and comments that I might not otherwise expect. I will prepare my self to love the unlovable and care for the broken. I will be obedient and love God and my neighbor.
Lord, I hope you are going to support me. You know that things sometimes things come out of my mouth that are offensive to some. I know that sometimes offense causes thought and thought can bring surrender and submission to Your will. Perhaps you can use my failed articulations in that manner. So, along with opening my heart and soul to your truths, you might consider preparing those that you know will attend. A little cultivation prior to planting never hurts the crops. I want this to be an open forum Lord where people will not be afraid to speak there minds and discuss the relevant issues in an open honest way. I hope that is your goal too. I guess we will find out. This needs to be your undertaking more than mine Lord, so I will need your guidance in showing me where and where not to go. My personal thought is to overturn every stone in the yard, exposing what is beneath to Your light. If that is like taking an ax to a sapling, then show me a better way. I will listen for Your voice as carefully as I can, but You might have to yell to get my attention. You know how I am. It can be hard to break my concentration, especially when I think I am right.
Lord, I love you and if there are only 3 or 4 of us, I will do this. Ministry is ministry, even if it's only one on one. Some of the best ministry I have experienced has come from Your servants in a one on one situation. I thank You for them all. You have done well to put them in my way. It's time to go do something productive now. Jesus, in Your Name I pray these things...Amen
Friday, January 15, 2016
Earning It
A rich man once asked Jesus, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
There are many that think this event is recorded here to illustrate the difficulty involved in saving the wealthy. That may be part of why it's in our Bibles, but I believe there is a deeper reason. There are many that think they can earn their way into God's good graces and the rich man in Matthew 19:16-30 is one such person. He has been obedient. His only real question is, "what do I lack?"
7 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
18 “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’[c] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”
20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
Is it just me that notices this or is this man arrogant to the extreme? Who among us has kept the law perfectly? Who among us is that righteous and that consistent in our righteousness? I may need to re-access my approach to righteousness, but I do not believe anyone is this good. Am I a cynic or an astute observer? You decide.
So when Jesus was rattling off commandments in verse 18, which ones did He leave out? I will tell you. He left out the ones dealing with devotion to God and also covetousness. Interesting no?
There are many of us that appear to be good. We do all the right things. We do not purposely harm others and we look good in our communities. Everyone likes us. That's important. You can't network and use your community for your goals in life without that kind of reputation. In our world, to look good is to be good. This rich man looks really good. He knows it. Jesus is about to wipe off the rich man's mirror so he can see what he really looks like.
21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
There was something that the rich man loved more than God. Some would say it was his wealth. My assessment is that it was himself. His God was his ego. His sense of self righteousness and entitlement is just overpowering. One does not need to be rich to be like this, only deluded.
You cannot earn God's favor and He owes you no favors. We are His creations. He made us to love and serve Him alone. If we bend the knee to Him in faith, He will teach us what it means to love Him and love our neighbors. Those relationships are what determine our eternal status. These are not works that save. They are acts of love in response the love of our eternal parent. Our salvation is not dependent on good works. It is dependent on our relationship with Him.
Wrap your mind around the beauty of that. Incredible.
There are many that think this event is recorded here to illustrate the difficulty involved in saving the wealthy. That may be part of why it's in our Bibles, but I believe there is a deeper reason. There are many that think they can earn their way into God's good graces and the rich man in Matthew 19:16-30 is one such person. He has been obedient. His only real question is, "what do I lack?"
7 “Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
18 “Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, 19 honor your father and mother,’[c] and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’[d]”
20 “All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
Is it just me that notices this or is this man arrogant to the extreme? Who among us has kept the law perfectly? Who among us is that righteous and that consistent in our righteousness? I may need to re-access my approach to righteousness, but I do not believe anyone is this good. Am I a cynic or an astute observer? You decide.
So when Jesus was rattling off commandments in verse 18, which ones did He leave out? I will tell you. He left out the ones dealing with devotion to God and also covetousness. Interesting no?
There are many of us that appear to be good. We do all the right things. We do not purposely harm others and we look good in our communities. Everyone likes us. That's important. You can't network and use your community for your goals in life without that kind of reputation. In our world, to look good is to be good. This rich man looks really good. He knows it. Jesus is about to wipe off the rich man's mirror so he can see what he really looks like.
21 Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
22 When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
There was something that the rich man loved more than God. Some would say it was his wealth. My assessment is that it was himself. His God was his ego. His sense of self righteousness and entitlement is just overpowering. One does not need to be rich to be like this, only deluded.
You cannot earn God's favor and He owes you no favors. We are His creations. He made us to love and serve Him alone. If we bend the knee to Him in faith, He will teach us what it means to love Him and love our neighbors. Those relationships are what determine our eternal status. These are not works that save. They are acts of love in response the love of our eternal parent. Our salvation is not dependent on good works. It is dependent on our relationship with Him.
Wrap your mind around the beauty of that. Incredible.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Oil Prices Are Bringing Down Stock Prices
This is just my guess, but I believe the collapsing world stock markets are directly related to dropping oil prices. Saudi Arabia has been pumping oil like crazy. There is a glut on the world market. They are doing this for two reasons. First, they want to break the Russian bank. It costs Russia much more to pump and process a barrel of crude than it does Saudi Arabia and Russia is much more dependent on that oil money. Further to the point, the Saudis can afford to sell at a loss. These things are intended to induce economic collapse in Russia and get them out of Syria. Syria is a Saudi enemy religiously and geopolitically. The Syrians are Shiites and the Saudis are Sunnis. The Saudis also want to run a petrol pipeline through Syria to Turkey and on to Europe. The cost of this petrol will be cheaper in Europe than the current cost of buying from the Russians. The whole thing is really a plot by the Saudi allies, Europe and the US, to bring down the Russians.
The second reason the Saudis are doing this is to shut down American oil production for a time. Like the Russians, it costs us much more to produce a barrel of crude than it does the Saudis. Places like the Bakken and Alaska will probably cease production soon. I believe this will be temporary. Once the Russian collapse takes place BRICS will collapse and the US will be firmly in control again.
Yes, I know...a conspiracy. It's a good one.
So how do oil prices effect stock prices. The US dollar is heavily dependent on the value of the petrodollar. The value of the petrodollar is plummeting right now and it is effecting the value of our currency. People are selling stocks that were overvalued to begin with for liquidity.
Once the current oil glut subsides and prices come back up again, so will the world stock markets. The pretenders to the US empire are being pummeled right now. A financial war is being waged. Let's hope it does not turn into a real and hot war.
My blog. My opinion. If you're an economist, tell me what's wrong with my theory.
The second reason the Saudis are doing this is to shut down American oil production for a time. Like the Russians, it costs us much more to produce a barrel of crude than it does the Saudis. Places like the Bakken and Alaska will probably cease production soon. I believe this will be temporary. Once the Russian collapse takes place BRICS will collapse and the US will be firmly in control again.
Yes, I know...a conspiracy. It's a good one.
So how do oil prices effect stock prices. The US dollar is heavily dependent on the value of the petrodollar. The value of the petrodollar is plummeting right now and it is effecting the value of our currency. People are selling stocks that were overvalued to begin with for liquidity.
Once the current oil glut subsides and prices come back up again, so will the world stock markets. The pretenders to the US empire are being pummeled right now. A financial war is being waged. Let's hope it does not turn into a real and hot war.
My blog. My opinion. If you're an economist, tell me what's wrong with my theory.
The Powerball
I am not a gambler. I have been to a casino once in my life. I did walk out with more than I left behind (USD 120.00 more), but I have not been back. I always considered multi state lottery tickets to be a waste of cash; a voluntary tax. The odds of winning are astronomical unless you're some toothless hillbilly in Dry Ridge, Kentucky with a major appliance on your front porch and at least one car up on blocks in the front yard of your double wide trailer with a still in the back.
However....for the last two Powerball drawings, a member of management (not me) in my office has been running a ticket pool among the employees in an attempt to increase the odds of a win. I was asked to join. I thought long and hard about it and then I chucked in three bucks the first time and six yesterday.
I will not be the last man standing. If I had not paid my lottery tax, they would win and leave me holding the broom and everything else in the building. If that happened, I would die before I had a chance to retire. I refuse to let that happen, so I made a bad investment.
We will not win though. The odds are still against us. It is an impossibility. Some people believe in luck. I do not. Something either happens or it doesn't and it has nothing to do with some mystical ability to win or succeed or or or. I do not understand the forces that drive contests such as these, but I do believe that someone somewhere already knows what state and city and store the winning ticket(s) will be sold. This would mean that they had already derived the correct numbers through some calculus of gambling, the science of which few understand well. I do not think the algorithm favors Norwalk, Iowa where our tickets were purchased. It's a racket plain and simple. It's something only state governments can get away with. There is a lot of misery that comes out of state sponsored gambling, but at least in my office, no child will be left behind. I see it as insurance that will never get used.
I can rationalize anything. I should have been a lawyer.
However....for the last two Powerball drawings, a member of management (not me) in my office has been running a ticket pool among the employees in an attempt to increase the odds of a win. I was asked to join. I thought long and hard about it and then I chucked in three bucks the first time and six yesterday.
I will not be the last man standing. If I had not paid my lottery tax, they would win and leave me holding the broom and everything else in the building. If that happened, I would die before I had a chance to retire. I refuse to let that happen, so I made a bad investment.
We will not win though. The odds are still against us. It is an impossibility. Some people believe in luck. I do not. Something either happens or it doesn't and it has nothing to do with some mystical ability to win or succeed or or or. I do not understand the forces that drive contests such as these, but I do believe that someone somewhere already knows what state and city and store the winning ticket(s) will be sold. This would mean that they had already derived the correct numbers through some calculus of gambling, the science of which few understand well. I do not think the algorithm favors Norwalk, Iowa where our tickets were purchased. It's a racket plain and simple. It's something only state governments can get away with. There is a lot of misery that comes out of state sponsored gambling, but at least in my office, no child will be left behind. I see it as insurance that will never get used.
I can rationalize anything. I should have been a lawyer.
Teaching Messy Grace
I am in the midst of deciding whether and what I want to teach in the next Sunday school quarter. For me, decision making is usually a process of me initially deciding not to do something based on reasons that negate the need for whatever it is. From there, I try to get help - input from others to justify my immediate and visceral desire to back away from a proposal. Sometimes that help is immediately agreeable to my resistance. Other times I get a backwash of "what? are you stupid? how can you not do this". This time however, I am getting mixed input. Tomorrow may be decision day.
I had initially thought I wanted to teach from "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach. I enjoyed the book for many self centered reasons and it was my thought to inflict it on others and I have already been trying to do this by giving away the books. It's been tough giving them away. I am met with skepticism and time issues. I understand both of those and I sympathize. There is also the lack of teaching materials other than the book. In the fall, those materials will be available, but if I do this now, it will be up to me to create the lessons. I am fairly good at that process, but it is time consuming. I also had the thought that maybe no one at my church cares about this stuff - the subject matter of the book. Then there are the usual questions about offending people. I am an opinionated man. I am very conservative in some respects. I am not graceless, but I am finding I am not nearly as graceful as I should be in regard to the issues approached in the book.
Maybe this last statement is the single best reason for doing it. Maybe I need the book's challenge and the challenge of others to push me towards a more graceful approach to my faith. In conversations with some of my brethren, I have found that some of them are more graceful than I am and perhaps I could learn from them. That has been one of the major benefits I have enjoyed as a teacher over the last 17 years. I have learned much and it has effected me in very positive ways. I am thankful I am allowed to teach for this reason. I will think some more on this and decide whether to move forward here shortly.
I told someone last night that maybe I just need to set down and see if I can prepare two or three lessons from the book and see what they look like and sound like. I could use my present class as crash test dummies. They always seem more than willing to put up with my eccentricities. I do love them. We will see what happens.
See you in class.
I had initially thought I wanted to teach from "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach. I enjoyed the book for many self centered reasons and it was my thought to inflict it on others and I have already been trying to do this by giving away the books. It's been tough giving them away. I am met with skepticism and time issues. I understand both of those and I sympathize. There is also the lack of teaching materials other than the book. In the fall, those materials will be available, but if I do this now, it will be up to me to create the lessons. I am fairly good at that process, but it is time consuming. I also had the thought that maybe no one at my church cares about this stuff - the subject matter of the book. Then there are the usual questions about offending people. I am an opinionated man. I am very conservative in some respects. I am not graceless, but I am finding I am not nearly as graceful as I should be in regard to the issues approached in the book.
Maybe this last statement is the single best reason for doing it. Maybe I need the book's challenge and the challenge of others to push me towards a more graceful approach to my faith. In conversations with some of my brethren, I have found that some of them are more graceful than I am and perhaps I could learn from them. That has been one of the major benefits I have enjoyed as a teacher over the last 17 years. I have learned much and it has effected me in very positive ways. I am thankful I am allowed to teach for this reason. I will think some more on this and decide whether to move forward here shortly.
I told someone last night that maybe I just need to set down and see if I can prepare two or three lessons from the book and see what they look like and sound like. I could use my present class as crash test dummies. They always seem more than willing to put up with my eccentricities. I do love them. We will see what happens.
See you in class.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
What Did God Intend?
On Sundays in my class we have been going through the gospel of Matthew. Last Sunday we did Matthew 19. In this chapter, Jesus is approached by a group of Pharisees that are intent on testing Him. This is not unusual. They were always testing rabbis that did not adhere to their traditions and their approach to the interpretation of God's law. "They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”"
The question in itself says much about who these men were and where their hearts were in regard to their families and in relationship to their God. In ancient times and particularly among the Jews, women and children were regarded as property, sometimes to the exclusion of any notion of love for family. There were two schools of thought among these men - rabbinical traditions handed down from rabbinical schools by men long dead in Christ's time. Rabbi Hillel and his school would have said, in answer to the question, that you could divorce your wife for anything you did not like about her...her cooking, her mother, her housekeeping skills. One of Hillel's disciples went so far as to say that if you found a better looking woman, you could write your present wife a certificate of divorce and marry the other one. It was awful.
The other rabbinical school, founded by Rabbi Shimmai, had a gentler, kinder approach. The only reason you could divorce your wife was over some kind of sexual infidelity. Jesus, in His day would have approved this as a reason for divorce, but he would not have commanded it. You see, the Pharisees and their rabbinical schools before them, haggled over the meaning of a Torah passage from Deuteronomy 24. They did not take into account other Torah passages when they considered the issue of divorce.
Jesus in His reasoning, went back to Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. In the first passage, Moses makes clear that God created men and women for each other and in the second, he makes it clear that God intended men and women to marry - to leave their families, commit to each other and become one flesh, one mind, one soul; more than mere room mates or even partners. "Leave and cleave". Commitment and oneness. The two pillars of successful marriage. This was so far away from where the Pharisee were, that you have to wonder, were they stupid or what? Why would they not consider 'original intent' when debating this issue? There are things people do not want to hear when they consider how they should live their lives. The notion of marriage as a covenant or even a partnership would have upset their apple cart of control, therefore they could not even entertain the idea that Jesus was promoting.
God intended men and women to marry, have families and live lives committed to each other and to Him. He did not intend that you should be able to trade up if your present situation was not working out as you had hoped. Jesus gives us one valid reason for divorce in the gospels. That reason is sexual infidelity. Paul gives us another reason in I Corinthians 7 (verse 15 I think); that is if an unbelieving partner leaves the relationship. There is compelling spiritual logic behind both of these reasons for divorce. They destroy the two pillars of marriage; oneness in regard to the first and commitment in regard to the second. Does this mean divorce has to happen? No, but these would be justifiable reasons for it.
So having said all this, I wonder how many Christians see their marriages in this light? I wonder how many have divorced because they wanted to trade up like the Pharisees? Buyer's remorse notwithstanding, this cannot be your attitude. It is not what God intended.
At this point, if you know me, you are probably thinking, "who is he to lecture us about marriage?".
It's true that I cannot speak from experience, but you know, I have heard any number of you complain about your situations. It is tiresome, but it is what it is. Work to change the freakin situation so that you do not violate there terms of your covenant with you wife or husband. Oneness and commitment should be your goal.
This was God's intent from the beginning. His Word says as much. I do not need to be married to know this. It is not a Christian thing of a Jewish/Hebrew thing. It is an ordinance from God handed down to ALL humanity from the beginning of time. If you are married or making plans to marry, you need to remember how God views this institution and take it very seriously.
If you are like me, you might want to consider staying that way. As Paul would say,
"But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
One more thing. If you are like Paul and me....not married...you must remember your covenant with God and the fact that He is living in your body. You must remain chaste in terms of sexuality. If you cannot do that, then find a suitable opposite sex partner and marry.
Is chastity and celibacy a gift? Well maybe, but it's also a requirement if you are single. Do not forget that. It's what God intended.
The question in itself says much about who these men were and where their hearts were in regard to their families and in relationship to their God. In ancient times and particularly among the Jews, women and children were regarded as property, sometimes to the exclusion of any notion of love for family. There were two schools of thought among these men - rabbinical traditions handed down from rabbinical schools by men long dead in Christ's time. Rabbi Hillel and his school would have said, in answer to the question, that you could divorce your wife for anything you did not like about her...her cooking, her mother, her housekeeping skills. One of Hillel's disciples went so far as to say that if you found a better looking woman, you could write your present wife a certificate of divorce and marry the other one. It was awful.
The other rabbinical school, founded by Rabbi Shimmai, had a gentler, kinder approach. The only reason you could divorce your wife was over some kind of sexual infidelity. Jesus, in His day would have approved this as a reason for divorce, but he would not have commanded it. You see, the Pharisees and their rabbinical schools before them, haggled over the meaning of a Torah passage from Deuteronomy 24. They did not take into account other Torah passages when they considered the issue of divorce.
Jesus in His reasoning, went back to Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. In the first passage, Moses makes clear that God created men and women for each other and in the second, he makes it clear that God intended men and women to marry - to leave their families, commit to each other and become one flesh, one mind, one soul; more than mere room mates or even partners. "Leave and cleave". Commitment and oneness. The two pillars of successful marriage. This was so far away from where the Pharisee were, that you have to wonder, were they stupid or what? Why would they not consider 'original intent' when debating this issue? There are things people do not want to hear when they consider how they should live their lives. The notion of marriage as a covenant or even a partnership would have upset their apple cart of control, therefore they could not even entertain the idea that Jesus was promoting.
God intended men and women to marry, have families and live lives committed to each other and to Him. He did not intend that you should be able to trade up if your present situation was not working out as you had hoped. Jesus gives us one valid reason for divorce in the gospels. That reason is sexual infidelity. Paul gives us another reason in I Corinthians 7 (verse 15 I think); that is if an unbelieving partner leaves the relationship. There is compelling spiritual logic behind both of these reasons for divorce. They destroy the two pillars of marriage; oneness in regard to the first and commitment in regard to the second. Does this mean divorce has to happen? No, but these would be justifiable reasons for it.
So having said all this, I wonder how many Christians see their marriages in this light? I wonder how many have divorced because they wanted to trade up like the Pharisees? Buyer's remorse notwithstanding, this cannot be your attitude. It is not what God intended.
At this point, if you know me, you are probably thinking, "who is he to lecture us about marriage?".
It's true that I cannot speak from experience, but you know, I have heard any number of you complain about your situations. It is tiresome, but it is what it is. Work to change the freakin situation so that you do not violate there terms of your covenant with you wife or husband. Oneness and commitment should be your goal.
This was God's intent from the beginning. His Word says as much. I do not need to be married to know this. It is not a Christian thing of a Jewish/Hebrew thing. It is an ordinance from God handed down to ALL humanity from the beginning of time. If you are married or making plans to marry, you need to remember how God views this institution and take it very seriously.
If you are like me, you might want to consider staying that way. As Paul would say,
"But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this."
One more thing. If you are like Paul and me....not married...you must remember your covenant with God and the fact that He is living in your body. You must remain chaste in terms of sexuality. If you cannot do that, then find a suitable opposite sex partner and marry.
Is chastity and celibacy a gift? Well maybe, but it's also a requirement if you are single. Do not forget that. It's what God intended.
Monday, January 11, 2016
Taking Dad To The Doctor and What I Did Sunday Afternoon
Every morning I wake up around 4 AM. I usually take a leak (wash my hands) and get Dad's meds for the day together. He is usually up and around and making some coffee by 4. This is the way old guys and farmers are about mornings. Dad is an old guy, pushing 80 and he used to be a farmer in his youth. His sleep cycles are all messed up because of the Alzheimer's, but he still manages to be awake at 4 AM.
This morning I gave him his pill container and reminded him that we were going to see the cardiologist at about 1000 today. He has afib and they like to check it out every six months. After that, I had intended to go back to bed for awhile. It was a long time until 1000 AM.
But alas, this was not to be. Once Dad knew that he was going to the doctor, he had to get ready immediately, even though he would be all dressed up with no where to go until 1000. It's easier to surrender to this than to fight it. Had I gone back to bed, he would have been visiting me every 15 minutes asking about when he should get ready and when we were going to leave, so I got him herded into the shower, rinsed off, dried off with his compression socks on and then helped him put on the sweat suit du jour.
Now I have all this time on my hands before the appointment and he is still asking me when we are going to leave. So here I am doing something productive...ya right. I complain a lot on this blog don't I?
Really, I think that's what it's for. I vent. Strangely, it always, and almost without exception, makes me feel better. It's probably got something to do with putting it all down in words. It's my way of talking it out. Whatever.
Yesterday was relaxing. I skipped Sunday school after church and visited the grocer and then went home to prepare lunch. Dad seems to like those Hy Vee take and bake pizzas. I usually buy a medium with the hot Graziano's Italian Sausage and then add a couple of things like a box of fresh, sliced mushrooms and some green peppers for Dad's portion. After that, I took an accidental nap.
When I was younger, I could not fall asleep sitting up in a chair. Now it all seems kind of natural. I think this is a talent that is acquired as one approaches senior status. Anyhow, after that, I cranked out a few emails and posted some videos to my YouTube channel. I really had not done much with it since I started it 5 years ago, but it's looking a little better now. While I was on YouTube, I looked up some people from church and work to see if any of them were there. Yep, sure enough. Creativity blossoms outside the sanctuary and cubicle.
It seems like everyone has some kind of internet presence. I suppose some people might think it borders on creepy when they find out they have been Googled, especially if they do not know you all that well. And if you leave your footprints in the form of a comment, that could be freaky too, but you know what? The internet is not a private place. If you plaster your name all over it, others will find you and is that not the idea to begin with? I think it has as much to do with who you want to communicate with and what your original vision was when you set up your internet presence. Managing expectations is hard to do in a public place. There are people that come to this blog from all over the world. In most cases I imagine they were not even looking for TDGH, but they got here anyway through some word search on a search engine that landed them in the middle of a related subject that I wrote about. My thought is, "come on down". I can sort you out and ban your ass if you get troublesome. I suppose something of that nature is what happened to me yesterday. Sorry if you felt like I was on your turf. It's the internet man! Oh well.
Small talk was never my strong suit anyway. I wish you the best.
That's funny. I can ramble on here, talking through my fingers with very little to say, but doing it in person is a whole other enchilada...probably chicken with some Monterrey Jack, but I digress. I think what I need to do is type out all my proposed conversations a day in advance. Then I can turn them over to the conversation victims for them to answer in kind. They can answer in person or in a typed format of their choosing, but I will only respond on paper or other electronic media and only when necessary.
That is just crazy talk (or typing as the case may be). But what did you expect from The Daily Ground Hog?
This morning I gave him his pill container and reminded him that we were going to see the cardiologist at about 1000 today. He has afib and they like to check it out every six months. After that, I had intended to go back to bed for awhile. It was a long time until 1000 AM.
But alas, this was not to be. Once Dad knew that he was going to the doctor, he had to get ready immediately, even though he would be all dressed up with no where to go until 1000. It's easier to surrender to this than to fight it. Had I gone back to bed, he would have been visiting me every 15 minutes asking about when he should get ready and when we were going to leave, so I got him herded into the shower, rinsed off, dried off with his compression socks on and then helped him put on the sweat suit du jour.
Now I have all this time on my hands before the appointment and he is still asking me when we are going to leave. So here I am doing something productive...ya right. I complain a lot on this blog don't I?
Really, I think that's what it's for. I vent. Strangely, it always, and almost without exception, makes me feel better. It's probably got something to do with putting it all down in words. It's my way of talking it out. Whatever.
Yesterday was relaxing. I skipped Sunday school after church and visited the grocer and then went home to prepare lunch. Dad seems to like those Hy Vee take and bake pizzas. I usually buy a medium with the hot Graziano's Italian Sausage and then add a couple of things like a box of fresh, sliced mushrooms and some green peppers for Dad's portion. After that, I took an accidental nap.
When I was younger, I could not fall asleep sitting up in a chair. Now it all seems kind of natural. I think this is a talent that is acquired as one approaches senior status. Anyhow, after that, I cranked out a few emails and posted some videos to my YouTube channel. I really had not done much with it since I started it 5 years ago, but it's looking a little better now. While I was on YouTube, I looked up some people from church and work to see if any of them were there. Yep, sure enough. Creativity blossoms outside the sanctuary and cubicle.
It seems like everyone has some kind of internet presence. I suppose some people might think it borders on creepy when they find out they have been Googled, especially if they do not know you all that well. And if you leave your footprints in the form of a comment, that could be freaky too, but you know what? The internet is not a private place. If you plaster your name all over it, others will find you and is that not the idea to begin with? I think it has as much to do with who you want to communicate with and what your original vision was when you set up your internet presence. Managing expectations is hard to do in a public place. There are people that come to this blog from all over the world. In most cases I imagine they were not even looking for TDGH, but they got here anyway through some word search on a search engine that landed them in the middle of a related subject that I wrote about. My thought is, "come on down". I can sort you out and ban your ass if you get troublesome. I suppose something of that nature is what happened to me yesterday. Sorry if you felt like I was on your turf. It's the internet man! Oh well.
Small talk was never my strong suit anyway. I wish you the best.
That's funny. I can ramble on here, talking through my fingers with very little to say, but doing it in person is a whole other enchilada...probably chicken with some Monterrey Jack, but I digress. I think what I need to do is type out all my proposed conversations a day in advance. Then I can turn them over to the conversation victims for them to answer in kind. They can answer in person or in a typed format of their choosing, but I will only respond on paper or other electronic media and only when necessary.
That is just crazy talk (or typing as the case may be). But what did you expect from The Daily Ground Hog?
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Friday, January 8, 2016
Tell Me What This Is About..
I've been sitting at Caribou Coffee in Pleasant Hill by the fireplace while eaves dropping on a conversation between two apparently Christian women. One of them seems to be in the place of the counselor, advising the other and guiding the conversation.
The other is a woman that seems to have a glancing acquaintance with the faith and is at a difficult place in her life and marriage. She seems frustrated by the fact that she has nothing to do since the kids are in school and her husband is at work. She wants to get a job but no one will hire her; she wants to home school her kids but her husband does not like the idea. She wants to be a motivational speaker and increase the family income despite the fact that she stutters and her voice tone is akin to fingernails on a blackboard. She complains because they have a combined income of less than 2000.00 a month and she also informs all within earshot that she and her husband have not practiced their conjugal rights more than three times in the last six months.
The counseling friend should be a diplomat. Without being offensive, she manages to inform the woman that she has to be willing to take jobs that may not be high paying or glorious to gain job experience and move up in the working world. She also advises frugality in financial matters and to set goals that are at once within capabilities and reachable. There is also an implication that both she and her husband need to support the efforts and dreams of each and do what they can, working together for the good of their family.
They share phone photos and humorous family stories and then they depart separately and amicably.
My thought is that the counselor left to do something productive and that her days are filled with activities like this and that the other went home to watch Jerry Springer reruns.
I think there are people in this world that have no idea what their capabilities are and lack the motivation to do anything other than what they dream about or what they heard about on the latest infomercial. The fact is that many of us are not fit for anything but the most menial jobs. Despite our delusions of grandeur, our capabilities limit us. Going for your dream is one thing, having the necessary IQ points and natural gifts to make it happen is quite another. Despite the politics of the time, we are not all created equal. We are all different and at differing levels mentally, spiritually and physically. I could not play for an NBA team. I do not think I would ever be able to do brain surgery no matter how much education I received. I will probably never be a diplomat either.
When we become adults, we get ourselves in to life situations that we sometimes regret after a few years. I believe this woman is reconsidering her options to explore the dreams she had prior to her marriage. This is unfortunate. She needs to find a job, even if it's at Walmart, and help to support her family and she and her husband need to support each other in these efforts to move forward. I think that this is what the counselor friend was trying to get across to her, but she seems deluded by her dreams.
A grasp on personal reality is the essence of 'other' centered life I think.
What would I know about any of this? I am not married. I have had unrealized dreams, mostly because I lack the capability or there were many others far better suited for whatever it is than I am. I just think it's interesting that there are so many of us that live a completely different life in our heads than we do in the world.
The other is a woman that seems to have a glancing acquaintance with the faith and is at a difficult place in her life and marriage. She seems frustrated by the fact that she has nothing to do since the kids are in school and her husband is at work. She wants to get a job but no one will hire her; she wants to home school her kids but her husband does not like the idea. She wants to be a motivational speaker and increase the family income despite the fact that she stutters and her voice tone is akin to fingernails on a blackboard. She complains because they have a combined income of less than 2000.00 a month and she also informs all within earshot that she and her husband have not practiced their conjugal rights more than three times in the last six months.
The counseling friend should be a diplomat. Without being offensive, she manages to inform the woman that she has to be willing to take jobs that may not be high paying or glorious to gain job experience and move up in the working world. She also advises frugality in financial matters and to set goals that are at once within capabilities and reachable. There is also an implication that both she and her husband need to support the efforts and dreams of each and do what they can, working together for the good of their family.
They share phone photos and humorous family stories and then they depart separately and amicably.
My thought is that the counselor left to do something productive and that her days are filled with activities like this and that the other went home to watch Jerry Springer reruns.
I think there are people in this world that have no idea what their capabilities are and lack the motivation to do anything other than what they dream about or what they heard about on the latest infomercial. The fact is that many of us are not fit for anything but the most menial jobs. Despite our delusions of grandeur, our capabilities limit us. Going for your dream is one thing, having the necessary IQ points and natural gifts to make it happen is quite another. Despite the politics of the time, we are not all created equal. We are all different and at differing levels mentally, spiritually and physically. I could not play for an NBA team. I do not think I would ever be able to do brain surgery no matter how much education I received. I will probably never be a diplomat either.
When we become adults, we get ourselves in to life situations that we sometimes regret after a few years. I believe this woman is reconsidering her options to explore the dreams she had prior to her marriage. This is unfortunate. She needs to find a job, even if it's at Walmart, and help to support her family and she and her husband need to support each other in these efforts to move forward. I think that this is what the counselor friend was trying to get across to her, but she seems deluded by her dreams.
A grasp on personal reality is the essence of 'other' centered life I think.
What would I know about any of this? I am not married. I have had unrealized dreams, mostly because I lack the capability or there were many others far better suited for whatever it is than I am. I just think it's interesting that there are so many of us that live a completely different life in our heads than we do in the world.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
The Quality of My Mercy is Strained
You know how some former tobacco users become anti tobacco nazis?
My current situation is similar. In just a few short weeks, I have gone from being the most severe closet case to believing that everyone I know that is in the closet should come out.
Is this unfair? Ya, probably, but in that short time, I have come to believe that the "closet" effects everything else in one's life. It colors it in very negative ways. It can turn you into a liar, a manipulator, a hypocrite to the things you believe and it functions as an involuntary lens through which you are forced to view all of your life. If you are looking at life through the keyhole of the closet door, it is bound to give you a bent world view and if you are a Christian, I KNOW it gives you a bent faith view.
If you are out there and in a closet that you have built, I urge you to leave it. I do not care if you have been faking it with a family, wearing a wife like a beard or dating like mad to appear straight. Get it out. You will feel better in the end. If you have a family, they will appreciate the honesty and understand you better than they once did. They will most likely still love you too. The best part is, you will be able to change all those things you had to keep in place because of the closet door. You can let them go. You will not have to manipulate conversations to draw attention away from yourself and toward others. No more pretending.
At the very least, let me advise that you find someone to confide in that you trust so that you have some accountability. This should not be a fellow traveler. It needs to be a straight person. You need perspective.
Ya, I think I know everything now. But how is that different from before? Get yourself where I am at and we will talk.
My current situation is similar. In just a few short weeks, I have gone from being the most severe closet case to believing that everyone I know that is in the closet should come out.
Is this unfair? Ya, probably, but in that short time, I have come to believe that the "closet" effects everything else in one's life. It colors it in very negative ways. It can turn you into a liar, a manipulator, a hypocrite to the things you believe and it functions as an involuntary lens through which you are forced to view all of your life. If you are looking at life through the keyhole of the closet door, it is bound to give you a bent world view and if you are a Christian, I KNOW it gives you a bent faith view.
If you are out there and in a closet that you have built, I urge you to leave it. I do not care if you have been faking it with a family, wearing a wife like a beard or dating like mad to appear straight. Get it out. You will feel better in the end. If you have a family, they will appreciate the honesty and understand you better than they once did. They will most likely still love you too. The best part is, you will be able to change all those things you had to keep in place because of the closet door. You can let them go. You will not have to manipulate conversations to draw attention away from yourself and toward others. No more pretending.
At the very least, let me advise that you find someone to confide in that you trust so that you have some accountability. This should not be a fellow traveler. It needs to be a straight person. You need perspective.
Ya, I think I know everything now. But how is that different from before? Get yourself where I am at and we will talk.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
Psalm 27
The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
3 Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
4 One thing I ask from the Lord,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.
5 For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.
6 Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the Lord.
7 Hear my voice when I call, Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
be merciful to me and answer me.
8 My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, Lord, I will seek.
9 Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
The Unmerciful Servant
In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus tells His disciples a story about a servant that owes his king a great deal of money. The story has an interesting twist in that the servant has a friend that owes him money. Before Jesus begins the story, He has a short conversation with Simon Peter about forgiveness. The story illustrates the principle. Here's is how it plays out.
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[g]
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[h] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[i] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
So it would seem that the servant owed his king a great deal of money. Chances are good that this servant was not a food and wine taster or butler. He was more likely a court official or maybe even a governor of a province in the king's kingdom. I say this because of what was owed. This man owed his king millions of dollars by our measure. A king would not loan this kind of money to his body servant. This particular servant probably had some juice of his own; he had power, but none over the king.
Whoever this servant was, the king was ready to call in his loan. His servant did not have the cash. The king was not happy and ordered that his servant, family and possessions to be sold to pay the debt. The servant sued for mercy and the mercy was received. The king was magnanimous to the point of full forgiveness of the debt. This kind of grace was uncommon in the ancient world.
So the servant was freed from his debt; released from his responsibility. He must have felt good. He must have felt free. He was probably happy, peaceful and content. You would think so right?
But such was not the case. After leaving the king's presence, this servant sought out another servant that owed him a mere 100 silver coins to force him to pay. The contrast is astounding. The first servant had owed 10000 bags of gold. His fellow servant owed him 100 silver coins; a mere pittance by comparison. Yet the servant that had been forgiven so much, was not merciful to his colleague. He demanded payment. When it was not forthcoming, the servant did to his colleague what the king saved him from. He had him thrown into debtor's prison.
The story did not end well. Word got to the king of what this wicked servant had done after being forgiven so much and so the king brought justice to bear. The man was thrown into prison to be tortured and to suffer until he paid the original debt. As you might be aware, you do not make money in prison; at least not enough to pay off a debt like his. So the wicked servant was probably imprisoned until he died.
Jesus concludes the story by saying that this is how God will deal with us if we do not forgive each other.
-------------------------
I have been this unmerciful servant. I do not want to be like him Lord. I am sorry for my failure to forgive. I repent of it. Please take my anger and wash it clean. Purify me so that I can serve again. I have unclean hands. Teach me to love and take responsibility for my brethren as they care for and are merciful to me. Please give me back my clean hands and pure heart and help me to turn away from the fear. It is evil. Help me Lord to do what is right...even if it kills me. In your name I pray these things..Amen
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.[g]
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[h] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[i] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”
So it would seem that the servant owed his king a great deal of money. Chances are good that this servant was not a food and wine taster or butler. He was more likely a court official or maybe even a governor of a province in the king's kingdom. I say this because of what was owed. This man owed his king millions of dollars by our measure. A king would not loan this kind of money to his body servant. This particular servant probably had some juice of his own; he had power, but none over the king.
Whoever this servant was, the king was ready to call in his loan. His servant did not have the cash. The king was not happy and ordered that his servant, family and possessions to be sold to pay the debt. The servant sued for mercy and the mercy was received. The king was magnanimous to the point of full forgiveness of the debt. This kind of grace was uncommon in the ancient world.
So the servant was freed from his debt; released from his responsibility. He must have felt good. He must have felt free. He was probably happy, peaceful and content. You would think so right?
But such was not the case. After leaving the king's presence, this servant sought out another servant that owed him a mere 100 silver coins to force him to pay. The contrast is astounding. The first servant had owed 10000 bags of gold. His fellow servant owed him 100 silver coins; a mere pittance by comparison. Yet the servant that had been forgiven so much, was not merciful to his colleague. He demanded payment. When it was not forthcoming, the servant did to his colleague what the king saved him from. He had him thrown into debtor's prison.
The story did not end well. Word got to the king of what this wicked servant had done after being forgiven so much and so the king brought justice to bear. The man was thrown into prison to be tortured and to suffer until he paid the original debt. As you might be aware, you do not make money in prison; at least not enough to pay off a debt like his. So the wicked servant was probably imprisoned until he died.
Jesus concludes the story by saying that this is how God will deal with us if we do not forgive each other.
-------------------------
I have been this unmerciful servant. I do not want to be like him Lord. I am sorry for my failure to forgive. I repent of it. Please take my anger and wash it clean. Purify me so that I can serve again. I have unclean hands. Teach me to love and take responsibility for my brethren as they care for and are merciful to me. Please give me back my clean hands and pure heart and help me to turn away from the fear. It is evil. Help me Lord to do what is right...even if it kills me. In your name I pray these things..Amen
Monday, January 4, 2016
The Dark Side
I can't seem to shake it. It's going to dog me until I'm dead. I really hate that. There seems to be several levels of ME at war this morning. No one is winning. I need some divine intervention. I am, at this moment, indignant, angry and hateful. I think I need something to eat.
What I said yesterday in this blog is part of that war. I will not tell you to ignore it. It has been said.
I have already deleted two blog posts this morning because of the battle going on inside me.
There was some regret after I wrote them and clicked 'publish' so maybe there is some hope for resolution here.
I am going to need some time to work this out. I am angry at someone. I don't often feel that way. I have to stop writing or I am going to have to delete this one too.
If you want to put me on your prayer list, that would be good.
What I said yesterday in this blog is part of that war. I will not tell you to ignore it. It has been said.
I have already deleted two blog posts this morning because of the battle going on inside me.
There was some regret after I wrote them and clicked 'publish' so maybe there is some hope for resolution here.
I am going to need some time to work this out. I am angry at someone. I don't often feel that way. I have to stop writing or I am going to have to delete this one too.
If you want to put me on your prayer list, that would be good.
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