Well, That's Embarrassing...

There was a British comedy show on the BBC in England that eventually made it to the States via PBS. I have always enjoyed British humor. The Monty Python crew were among the funniest in some respects, but their show is not the one I am talking about.

"Keeping Up Appearances" was primarily about a British middle class woman and her husband and extended family. Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced 'Bouquet' as she was always reminding people) was very class conscious. She wanted people to believe that she was middle class through and through, but the truth was that she was from lower class stock. She had a sister that was married to a bookie,  another sister married to a permanently unemployed lower class man and a third sister that was not married and was always the "other woman" in her love relationships. The latter two lived in the same house in a poor part of town with their 90 year old father who was also Hyacinth's father.

Hyacinth was continually trying to deny her roots, and maintain her British middle class veneer and also maintain a relationship with her extended family. She wanted to move up in the world. She was trying to maintain the appearance of something she was not and her lower class family was always bringing her back to reality. Try as she might, she was not able to keep up appearances. Comedy would always ensue.

Unfortunately, this kind of 'situation comedy' takes place in real lives everyday. I am of the opinion that we in the church are among the worst offenders. We never talk about where we have been in our walk with the Lord. We never talk about the daily trials we experience and we certainly never talk about our sin. 'Never' may be to precise a word. Let me call it most of the time.

We are the Body of Christ. We have a responsibility to keep the Body healthy. We cannot do that if we do not know each other's struggles. We are always quick to celebrate the victories, but when we fail, the only way our brethren know about it is if it lands us in the newspaper or on the news.

Why is this? Well, we like to keep up appearances don't we? In our pride and in our shame and embarrassment we want to hide our failures, our sins and the temptations that plague us each day. We want to look good.

"Nothing to see here. Just move along".

We worry about how things will look to others, to our families and other associates, but we never stop to think that actually talking about things like this might bring healing, self forgiveness and accountability. When we behave this way, the result is a festering of spiritual disease that can actually shorten your life. It's a good possibility that the cycles of temptation and sin will continue. Whatever it is will continue to happen again and again.

What's the answer?

We need to climb out of our spiritual graves, admit to ourselves that we are not righteous and seek help from the brethren and the Lord.

"Well yes" you say, "but what will they say? What will they think? I will lose face! It's all so embarrassing".

Well, maybe.

So what?

Do you love Jesus? Do you want to live that joyful life you keep singing about and hearing about in sermons?

The only way we will have any victory with these things is to be open and honest about who we are with each other. We need to know each other the way Jesus knows us. Then together with Him we can move forward to create a functioning, healthy Body that functions properly inside and associates well with others on the outside.

You say that we should not air our dirty laundry in public. I say bring it to church and we will help you wash it clean.

In our pride, our fear of embarrassment and in our sense of self righteousness, we will not admit we are weak and that we need each others' love and support.

How will we ever be able to overcome these things if we do not work together to rid ourselves of them?

We need transparency people. We need to love each other, confess to each other and forgive each other. We need to submit to each other and receive healing.

Finally there is the person that says, "well, I am a very private person. I see no reason to burden others with my life issues, not that I have any. I see no reason to share these things. They are not encouraging, they are ugly and they make me uncomfortable talking about them and I do not want to hear others talk about their problems. It makes me squirm out of my seat"

What is the source of your discomfort you silly rabbit? Could it be that it bends your pride all out of shape? Get over yourself and be who you are. Jesus knows who you are. Do you think you've been tricking Him?

That sounded self righteous. I'm trying to get over that, but in my defense, I have been wearing my life issues on my sleeve of late too.

We can help each other with the brokeness. It can get better. We will be more like family and less like Sunday acquaintances that share coffee in the church lobby and talk about the news or politics. Authentic life is possible. Small talk can be our starter kit, but we need to go deeper with each other.

I think I'm done. I love you. Let's talk.      

News Of The Week In Review

I have been reflecting on the events of the past week and I am so thankful for all the amazing people in my life that love me. Some of them even like me. Sometimes you don't get both you know.

God is moving. He is bringing me healing. He is getting me ready to go home. I did ask Him for that some time ago. The loose ends are being tied up, the kinks are getting ironed out and I just may be a complete man when I see Jesus' smiling face on that first day in Paradise. I don't think there is much here that I will miss when the time comes to go home. I also think that we do not understand what living really is. Eternity with the Creator is not going to be boring by any stretch of the imagination.

Family, friends and church are gathering around me. God is coming alongside me. It's the perfect place to be if you're on earth. What lies ahead here for me is a blur right now. I do not know where He is taking me. The mystery and uncertainty are both thrilling and daunting. It might just be that I die. It might be that I go on to serve in some capacity beyond what I am already doing or maybe it will be just maintaining the current situation until I am done. At this point, I don't care. I am just going to enjoy the peace.

I'm still not much good at anything useful beyond maybe teaching. This I can do. I really want to quit my job at the airport. I need some time to get things together. I need to sell my house and shed myself of all the material burdens. I want to be free. It's hard to do that when you are a slave to stuff if you know what I mean. I also have responsibilities to Dad that would be better served by quitting full time work. I had initially planned to retire in March of 2017. I need to think about moving that up.

A guy needs to be ready to go at a moments notice.

There are still some things that could go wrong with the short term situation. There should be resolution one way or another by the end of November. Whatever happens, I remain fluid. If God does not want this in its present form, I will be OK with it. He has already relieved me of the load. Perhaps that was His only intention...in which case I say, Lord I love you and thanks. I was kind of tired anyway. 

I'm getting a bit long in the tooth to be considering a new adventure. Sometimes it's best just to stay on the porch and let the younger ones do it. I'm all for that. Did I mention I'm tired?

See ya in church.

The Schedule

I have spoken to many of you about the events of Monday night and my blog post from Tuesday via email and phone and I wanted to thank everyone for your love and support. If you are a member of my church will  probably be wondering when everyone will know.


The plan is to advise my Sunday school class members on the 22nd and then take it to the church on the 29th. If that changes, I will advise.


I also have family members that will need to be advised if they have not heard already.


I no longer have fear about any of this. All I can see are the possibilities for spiritual growth internally and an outreach by the church to those that want out of the life or do not want to be in it.


I am excited. I am pumped. I know Jesus' hand is in this.


Let the walls come down. Let the world see how we love one another and we share in each others trials and victories.


Maranatha!

Celibacy

Celibacy is an interesting subject in the Christian world. It is, or can be, a wonderful gift. The apostle Paul talked about it in those terms and Jesus spoke of those that become eunuchs for the Kingdom of God. I do not believe Jesus was speaking in the literal, surgical sense when He said that, but the more spiritual sense of living like a eunuch.

I am celibate. I have been so for 36 years. I probably would have made a good eunuch.

Early on, my thoughts about celibacy were, "what kind of gift is this? It's like getting socks and a toothbrush for Christmas."

But you know what? You need socks and toothbrushes in life. Further to the point, God gives everyone gifts. Some are teachers, some are pastors, some are ministers. Others have musical or writing talents or mechanical abilities or administrative abilities. The list could go on and on.

God gives us gifts. He expects us to use them. He expects us to glorify Him with them. We should want to do our very best to polish our gifts, to get better and better at them and then give them back to the Lord in kind; not to earn salvation or try to buy His favor, but because we love Him.

So if this is the case, how does this work with celibacy if it is indeed a gift? Good question. When you are truly celibate, you are preparing a rare and precious gift for your Father in heaven. It's called a life of purity.

Now if you know me, you know that I am probably not the highest example of purity. Purity has as much to do with daily living as it does with sexual abstinence. Sometimes I am not as pure as I could be in that way. I am unfinished though. As an excuse I offer that God is not finished with me yet.

So here it is. We are to be living sacrifices to God as believers. My sacrifice is sex among other things. I'm not trying to be smug here, but that's a pretty big deal.

I have learned how to enjoy my gift. It gets better everyday. I think God likes it too. Socks and a toothbrush become much more relevant when you see them in the correct light.

Celibacy is not for everyone. You will know if you can do it. An acquaintance once said that it's OK to be lonely as long as you are free. He was right. He was not married. And he was one of the most talented Christian song writers of the 20th century. 

Loneliness can be a part of it. You just have to learn how to make the most of it. Get in contact with your Creator. Draw near to Him. Let Him inspire you and be your friend. He is the best friend a boy could ever have. He will show you things that you never thought possible.

Love

Last night I experienced love. No, not that kind of love...silly rabbit. I have been off that wagon for quite awhile. I enjoyed the love and grace and joy and peace that comes from acceptance. I met with the elders of my church. I took my mask off and I told them who I was and they loved me anyway....just the way that Jesus loves me.

I shared with them my hopes and dreams for our church. I told them I wanted to be apart of it. They were not only supportive, but in many senses, they were way ahead of me. Apparently I am just catching up with them. Here is a bit of what I shared. For some this will be a rude awakening; for others it will be a "ya, I guess I knew that" type thing.

It's been said by some that I am a man with walls; that I am hard to get to know and it's true that I am not a socializer. I am not what you would call a "people person". I do fairly well in small groups and with people that have been in my life for many years, but I do not embrace or trust others easily.

I have been trying to get past this for awhile; to open myself up and bring the walls down, but it's hard for me. There is a point in relationship development with other people where I hit brick wall because honesty about who I am and even, to a certain extent, where I have been in my life is not something I have been able to share since I do not know how others will react. This is especially true in the Lord's Church.

It's been my thought for a very long time that the Church should be a place where we can all take our "masks" off and be ourselves so that we can know each other as Jesus knows us; that we should have no secrets and that we should share and help each other as we pursue our walk with Jesus together.

It's with that thought in mind, that I would like to take the mask off. I am a same sex attracted person. Some would say "gay". Since I am not sexually active and have not been so since I was 22 years old, I do not use that term. Others might. I do not. I am not involved in the gay community. I know people who are, but I am not. I have been celibate for 36 years. It has been tough, but it is only a small part of who I am. It's not really my identity. Nevertheless, I wake up everyday knowing that I am not like most other people.

Having said all that, it is very difficult to develop relationships with new people because inevitably someone will want to know why I am not married. I can always make up a story or joke and tell them that I was wiser than they were, but really, it's just deceit. Further to the point, if one is not open about these things suspicions develop and relationship becomes difficult, if not impossible. I have even found myself walking away from people because I did not want to go through the evasive tactics. 



This should not happen. I am not going to let it happen anymore. I understand that I am bent in the flesh in a very peculiar way and that I have a very grave responsibility to keep that bend in check with the continuing help of the Lord, but seriously, does that mean I cannot enter into deeper relationship with the other members of the body because someone might find that my particular bend makes them uncomfortable or even fearful?

I would like to see this change. I would like to be able to share this, to share my struggle with people and to tell them how much the Lord and yes, even this very church has done for me. I am at a point, for the first time in my life, where I genuinely feel secure in my salvation. I know that some day I am going to see Jesus and there is nothing else in this world that brings me more joy and peace of mind. 

The conversation went on from there as we explored the possibilities of what lie ahead in terms of ministry. 

I probably should not do this in this way, but I want to put it out there for everyone to see.

It is possible to love Jesus and be same sex attracted. You can be a part of His church and help others that are struggling with whatever it is in life. Life is messy. God wants to teach us how to be clean. The time has come for the Church to step out of its middle class fortresses and embrace those that need the grace and love and truth of Jesus Christ.

Last night and together, my church made huge strides in that direction. I am humbled and honored to help in whatever way the Lord may lead us. I do not know where this will go. I do not know what to do next so I am doing this.

As Isaiah said about 2700 years ago, "Here am I Lord. Send me."

I think maybe I just need to start doing this and let the Lord sort out the details.

Lord, thanks so much for last night. The peace and joy I feel right now is more than enough payment for all the years of solitude. I know that was not your doing and yet you give to me anyway. You are my Lord and my God. Thanks you for choosing me to be in your family. I love you Lord. I just need one more thing. Ya, I know I always say that. I need to know where to go from here. I can see the possibilities, but I am indecisive. Show me the way. Show us the way as we move forward in the church. Lord, what I see is a church that needs to know each other, the way you know each of us. Do you want this to happen? I kind of think you do. If not, you need to find a way to tell me and it's going to have to be loud and brash because I do not always notice the trees in the forest if you get my drift.Please clear my head and help me to think this out in a way that is beyond human logic or emotion so that I...we....can see your purpose. I love you...no matter how this goes.

In Your Name I Pray,

Amen  

Psalm 27....Again

The Bible says we should fear two things.

God.

And nothing.

Easy to say right? What I find, though, is that when I come along side of Him, He comes along side of me, and when that happens, fear takes a hike.

The opening and closing verses of Psalm 27 are powerful in this regard. The entire Psalm is one of reassurance in the time of trouble, but I will give the opening and closing and let you read the rest. David was a man that seemed to understand fear because of his life situation and he learned early on that a close relationship with the Lord can break that fear.

The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

and
 
I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Lord, I think my waiting is over. I know that You are with me and that I have nothing to fear.
Lord, I thank you for the gift of courage, for being with me in this present time, for helping me to break free from the bonds that that our common enemy puts upon me. He is a cagey adversary and he has wreaked havoc in my life, but there comes a time to say "no more" and to enlist the help of the brothers in this battle. Please Lord, help me in Your way to make them see what we must do. I think they know. Only a nudge may be necessary.

The things that You have done for me in my life will stand as witness to Your power. Please make it so Lord. I thank You and praise You for these things.

In Your Name I Pray!

Amen   

This Bulletin Just In....

Oliver, the Soft Coated Wheaton Terrier, has just proclaimed victory. He has defeated a ground hog in 3 rounds of battle. The groundhog is dead as Oliver struts the yard victoriously with the carcass of the enemy firmly ensconced between his jaws. As blood dripped from the lifeless body of the ground hog onto Oliver's paws, the young K9 shook his prey one more time to be assured of its death. Oliver can rest assured, knowing that his family and friends are safe from this menace.

Meanwhile, the old man (not the old, old man) went out with a shovel to retrieve the body from Oliver before he had an opportunity to dine. Since the rodent was heavy and encumbered the terrier's pace, the old man was able ware Oliver down so he dropped the deceased beast long enough to scoop up the carcass. 

When asked later how he intended to celebrate, Oliver said, "woof, woof. woof, woof and woof.", which apparently has something to do with Disneyworld. We are not sure how that will work, since his shock collar prevents him from going to the end of the driveway, but we will see.

I for one, am hoping this is not an omen for a number of reasons that I will not go into right now.

Do You Love 'Em Even When They're Dirty?

I am assuming most of you had children at one time or another; maybe even now they are in your house. Those that don't probably have nieces and nephews or young cousins.

Did they ever come up to the house after a long day of playing covered in dirt, clothes maybe torn and grass stained, with maybe some blood or a small wound that needed attention? Did you let them in the house anyway? Did you love them, even though they were dirty and wounded because they were yours? Did you bring them in the house and help clean them up; make them a presentable member of the family again? You know why you did that right?

Christian - this is what God does for us and a billion others every single day of every single year since the day the blood of His Son flowed on that cross for us. He brings us back into His House and cleans us up and helps us heal so we will be ready for another day of play. He loved us when we were still dirty and wounded and He loves us now. He also knows we will get wounded and dirty again and He needs the more mature members of His family to help teach the others not to get so dirty and to be more careful.

This is to be at least part of our life in God's Kingdom - the Church.

He also has other dirty and wounded children out there that have no family to bring them inside to clean them up. They need to be adopted and brought into His house. He wants us to bring them in and love them; teach them how to be clean and why they should even care about such things. We have family we do not even know about...yet.

So the next time your brat comes to the house covered in filth, think about that and help him get cleaned up.     

Messy Grace Equals a Messy Church

In Chapter 10 of his book, Messy Grace, Caleb Kaltenbach says that messy grace will give you a messy church. He goes on to say that he wants us all to have messy chruches. He wants them to be  places where there can be healing from sin and life circumstances. Chapter 10 opens with this.

"Think about your church and ask yourself if it's a place where it's OK for people to say things like these:

"I am and addict and I want to know my next step"
"I can't handle my finances"
"I'm struggling with porn"
"I'm not doing well in my marriage"
"I gossip and feel better when I run down people"
"I'm having issues with my kids"
"I'm struggling with my sexuality"
"I'm gay""

This list could go much farther. Humanity as a whole is bent. We, as Christians within the Church, are trying to recover from this kind of brokeness, at least in theory. I guess my question is, how are we doing?

Can these things be discussed in your church on more than a general, abstract basis? Would people be comfortable with someone confessing their sin or spiritual issues with others in your church or even in front of the entire church? Is your church coming alongside these people to help, minister and support?

As Christ's body, if we are to know each other fully and function as a healthy body, is it not incumbent on us to help each other recover from what we once were, moving forward.? Do we let part of the body die because we do not want to discuss whatever it is?

Believers in search of healing tend to look in other, and possibly wrong places if they do not find it in their church. This is not good. I think we need to be confessing churches that support each other in the full spectrum of struggles that our members endure. There are some things that get a pass at church simply because many people have to deal with it on a daily basis. It is seen as common, what ever it is, and so it gets a pass and most of the time does not get fixed. There is a list of these things that I could name, but I will not. Instead, I will name mine. I tend to be self righteous and prideful. What I find is there are many in church that have this issue. Sometimes we support and uplift each other in our self righteousness and pride rather than seeing it for what it is. We need to get beyond that kind of behavior or we will have a different kind of messy church on our hands - one that is judgmental toward people with life issues and sin issues, that has no sense of compassion for those that are suffering at the hands of our common enemy.

Is your church 'messy'? I hope it's a good kind of messy. 

Weeds

Do you remember Jesus' story about the weeds? Do you have weeds in your life? Trust me, they will be there for the duration. There is too much danger in uprooting them. Please read the parable below.

Matthew 13:24-30

²⁴ Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. ²⁵ But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. ²⁶ When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
²⁷ “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’
²⁸ “‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.
“The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
²⁹ “‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. ³⁰ Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”

As Jesus tells us later in the chapter, the farmer is the Son of Man, Jesus Himself. The weeds are the Devil's own - evil people with evil intentions in the world. The harvest is the end of the age and the harvesters are angels that will separate the weeds from the wheat - the saved from the unsaved - and then cast the unbelievers into hell where they ultimately belong with their father the Devil. The saved, on the other hand, will live in the Kingdom of God where they will "shine like the sun". Jesus calls them righteous.

So then, as long as we live here in the time and space of our planet, believers will live with unbelievers. We have to put up with it. We still have to try and grow despite their influence and we have to do so without the help of the farmer. He will not allow His servants to separate us just yet. For one thing, it would be a danger to us. Some of us might become uprooted in the process and perish. The thing the farmer is really counting on though I think is transformation of the weeds. In the real world, weeds do not suddenly become grain or vegetables or flowers or beautiful shrubs or anything else useful. In the spiritual world however, this is not the case. Weeds can be influenced by the grain to change. Unbelievers can choose faith based on what they see and hear promoted by believers. Imagine a field where the actual crops crowd out the stubborn weeds and convert other weeds to fruit bearing status? Imagine that John Lennon.

I have probably taken Jesus' parable too far here, but my considered opinion is that there are weeds out there that would love to be wheat, but they hesitate because they think the wheat hates them or does not accept them. There is something to this.

If you grew up in the Church, you probably never experienced this. Or maybe the power of the weeds influence early on pulled you away or worse still, you were angry at the Farmer for making you a weed in the first place, and was that really His doing?

Brethren, we all start out as weeds regardless of our backgrounds. It's easier for some weeds to change than it is for others. Some weeds will not make it. But the ones that will need our support to become the very best wheat possible given their circumstances. You know what I am saying I hope. You do not want to be guilty of uprooting some of the Farmer's crop.

Chris Rice - Thirsty

Chris Rice - Missin' You

Bad Brain Chemistry III

This morning's post,  Not Good...I'm Feeling Trapped is a prime example of my bad brain chemistry. I apologize for inflicting it on you. I should have kept it to myself along with a few other things.

I will try to be a bit smoother next time, if there is a next time. There are more important things going on than my wild hairs. I am sorry. 

Channeling Mark Twain....

Not Good...I'm Feeling Trapped

I am having the urge to flee the scene. I want to bug out. To escape. I have no clue where I would go or what I would do. I just want to leave.

I get like this when I have spent too much time in one place. I have been here since 2004. The longest that I have stayed anywhere in my adult life was 13 years. That was 3 years too long. I am feeling this morning like I have worn out my welcome here. I could change up a few things and stay here, but I do not think that would work.  There are things that cannot be escaped.

I think I am pretty much stuck here for the foreseeable future. My mind will probably settle down here in a few hours and be all right, but right now, I just want to run away.

Frankly, I am feeling kind of awful. Maybe I just need an Egg McMuffin.

That may be the answer to all my life's issues. Egg McMuffin. A heart attack in a nice wrapper. 

I am not sure why I get this way. I never feel secure anywhere. I could own a bomb shelter in the Rockies and still feel insecure.

I hate conflict and yet I seem to cause it everywhere I go. All I have to do is express an opinion or worse...be myself. Maybe that's the problem. I need to be someone other than who I am. How do I do that? This is what God has left me with. I try to do what I can with it, but sometimes I over reach. Maybe that is what's happening now.

I feel trapped.

The table is set. Do I sit down to eat or move on?  

A Heart Condition

In the parable of the sower in Matthew 13, Jesus tells a story about a farmer planting a field. The  condition of the soil has much to do with it's fertility. The hard packed path will not allow penetration of the seed. The rocky areas of the field have shallow soil where the seed will try to root, but it has no moisture or depth to nourish the seedling. Then there is that part of the field where the thorn and weed seed competes with the wheat seed. The weeds inevitably chokes out the wheat as it tries to grow. And finally there is the good soil that that is ready for planting, receptive to farming and will produce a bumper crop.

In the context of the parable, the field is the world, the seed is the good news and the condition of the different types of soil represent the hearts of the people of the world and their receptivity to the spread of the gospel - the coming of the Kingdom of God.

I was thinking about this parable in the context of the Church. Even though Jesus intended the field to represent the world, what if we applied this story to the Church, God's Kingdom on earth?

The heart conditions of the people in God's Church is very diverse. When we come into to it, we all start in one of these "soil" categories or maybe we even experience all of them. In time though, our "fields" get worked, get conditioned by the Holy Spirit and the Word of God. The soil of our hearts becomes more verdant, more useful to His Kingdom. And because He is an excellent farmer, He is able to take even the poorest field and make it grow something useful.

When I think about this in the context of my personal life, I find I have been hardhearted and judgmental. I have been angry with God and with His people. My heart has also been choked with the weeds of personal life issues and career. Both of these worked to keep me from becoming the fertile field that I could have been. Now, here at the end I am figuring this all out. I'm thinking God may yet leave a fertile field behind that was once the desert of my life. His grace and His love has been poured out on me with a good stiff, draught of the Truth mixed in. My field is now the work of His hand. He has reclaimed me from my desolation. It makes me so happy, I just want to cry. This from a man that would not bust any emotion but anger 30 years ago! He has made me feel again. I have to say that while this kind of ticks me off, I do understand other people much better than I used to. At the same time it has left me vulnerable and a bit weaker. The discipline slips, but the grace and the love begin to flow.

What He has done for me is nothing short of a miracle from my point of view.

The sanctification process is much like the process of cleaning up a field for farming. The fact is that dirt is dirt. It's only what's mixed in with it that determines its fertility. Clean it up and it's ready to go. The concept of cleaning up dirt might seem foreign to city dwellers, but it can be done. I am proof of that.

So the next time you are at church and you meet somebody that seems kind of weird, well...maybe they are in the process of having their field cleaned. You might consider coming alongside them to help the Lord with that process. I have found that it goes much faster with help and thanks to all who do that for me.

I am still finding the occasional weed or hard clot, but at least I recognize them when I see them now.

How's your field?

Are We Understanding Him?

In Matthew 13, where we find the parable of the sower, Jesus quotes the prophet, Isaiah. The quote comes from Isaiah 6, but Jesus changes it up just a bit to fit what He is telling His disciples. As an aside, this is permissible when you are the Son of God. It should not be attempted by us mere mortals though. The results are seldom good.

Anyhow, paraphrasing Isaiah, Jesus says this.

“‘You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
    you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
¹⁵ For this people’s heart has become calloused;
    they hardly hear with their ears,
    and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
    hear with their ears,
    understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.

To understand the quote in it's proper context, some background might be necessary here. To this point in His ministry, Jesus had managed to create some powerful enemies among the elite religious leadership of the Jewish nation. They were not liking what He was putting down. If Jesus really was the Messiah, He was not the one they wanted. They had already begun plotting to entrap and kill Him.

This is why Jesus changes His sermon strategy. He begins to share His message to the people in parables - or stories which will reveal the truth about the things He wishes to say to His people. The stories are not complex from our 21st century point of view. We have the benefit of the years of study put in by scholars over the last 2000 years as well as the Holy Spirit to help us understand what Jesus meant in these stories.

The people of Jesus' time though, were having issues with His method. Even His disciples said He was speaking in riddles to some extent. Nevertheless, it had to be done this way to slow the plans of those that wished to execute Jesus. It was not yet time for the final events of Jesus' life to unfold and if He was only a story telling Messiah, then He was not as much of a threat to the religious establishment. And so, He speaks to the people and His disciples in parables. 

Scroll up and look at the quote again. Jesus is talking about the willful ignorance of the people of His day and how, even though they see and hear the things He has done and said, they do not understand. They do not want to know the truth that Jesus is trying to share with them because it would require change and that change would upset everything. This is especially true for the religious leadership of the time. Jesus was upsetting the establishment apple cart in a way that would make it impossible to upright it. Power, money and authority were at stake. Business as usual in the Jewish state would have to change if they accepted His message. 

Beyond all that, Jesus was making many people uncomfortable. He was telling people that they had to love God, but also love their enemies and their neighbor. That would mean associating with people that were...formerly unacceptable...to put it politely. It's one thing to overthrow the established order; quite another to make people uncomfortable. From the Jewish perspective of the time, that was just rude.

Jesus, through Isaiah, indicates that the reason for all this is the hardheartedness of the people. If they would just open up their hearts and minds to what He is saying and doing, they would experience His spiritual healing, but that was not to be the case. 

As I thought about this, I found myself wondering if maybe we in evangelical churches in America have gotten a bit blind and deaf to the things Jesus wants us to be doing. We hear and see, but do we understand and perceive what our real mission is to be? Are we afraid to overthrow the established order, experience the discomfort and extend love to the people that presently hate us? We like to think we have the Truth. I think we do. What are we doing with it? Do we understand it?

We are supposed to be bringing the grace and truth of Jesus to the world. Can we do that when we have unacknowledged filters on who we associate with, who we let into our churches and what we are willing to do in terms of ministry in church? Are their groups that we will not minister to in the world because it is just too hard or scary or gross in our minds? 

Christian, we need some review here. Go read one of the gospels and then tell me we are doing what Jesus expected if you can. Read, understand, perceive and listen to that still small voice of the Holy Spirit and see if you are not convicted. If you are convicted, then healing is not far off. 

Am I off base here? What do you think? Mull it over friends.   

  

 

Thanks Lord

Yesterday at work was good. Lord, you gave me and everyone else at work a peaceful day. I hope Lord, that this will continue. Please make it so. Thanks so much for that and all the other things you do in a day for me and others. Dad seemed happy when I left today too. There's currently peace and contentment all 'round. Thanks and amen to all that Lord.

I know it will not always be this way at work or at home, but I will take whatever you give Lord with joy in my heart! Thanks again.

Now Lord, I would pray that you would prepare my mind and spirit for what is coming in the near future. You know what I am talking about. Some final sign of your approval would be good Lord. I am not demanding a sign in an evil way as the Pharisees did, but it is important to me to know that this is what you want. Also, as the time approaches, please prepare the others. They will need Your peace with this as well. Guide us all with Your Spirit to come to understanding, agreement and maybe some ideas of a plan to move forward. If these things are not your will Lord, then please help me to let the whole thing go and continue to function in my regular capacity for you. I am fond of saying there is a time and a place for everything. Maybe there is not such a thing for this matter in your Church. I will accept whatever outcome. Thanks so much Lord.

Lord, we have customers coming into to work today for a 'meet and greet'. I know it seems like a petty thing, but it's important that this goes well for the future of our local organization and the employees. I will not be there much longer, but the others will be. Please watch over us today. Thanks.

As always, please take care of my church. Guide the leadership and staff. Help them to see where you want us to go on our journey for you.

Please lift the countenance of my friend who is in Minnesota today. Help him to find what he is looking for and please do not let him fall out of the tree. And please do not let him forget to bring back the bacon.

Please bless my friend to the south. Give him wisdom regarding his future with You Lord. He is your good servant and he has helped many. I pray that in whatever way You direct him, he will continue as your servant in this powerful way.

Finally, I pray that you would open the minds and the hearts of your church around the world. There are many that still need to hear and come alongside you in relationship. Help us to answer that need Lord. If we can each do our part in our own back yards, in our own nations, the impact would be tremendous. Please invigorate us with Your Spirit to offer your love and grace wherever we go.

In Your Name I pray these things.

Amen      

A Prayer

Lord, I feel kind of like David this morning; you know, when he wrote the 23rd Psalm. I'm going to work, but I feel like I am going to a table prepared for me in the presence of my enemies, I am so tired of the struggle at work. There is one in my office that tests me at every point. Lord, please bring her some peace; or maybe, find her another job. Lord, I have a concern that there may even be a demon involved. Only you would know this for sure, but I pray that if this is so, you would remove it so that she can find her peace and thence leave us all in peace. Help her to adjust whatever needs adjustment and to whatever extent is necessary, I will try to meet her work needs in a way that will help to make that possible. I see in her a kind of pain that I once experienced. I pray that you find a way to take that from her Lord. Thank You for this. It has been foremost on my mind. Help me also to love in ways appropriate to her needs.

Lord, I would pray for my church, for the staff and the leadership. Please guide us in paths of righteousness. Teach us how to minister to and love even the most unlovable. Enable us to show them who you are by the way we live.

Please take care of Dad today. Watch over him as you always do, keeping him from injury and clearing his mind as much as possible. Thanks for that.

Lord, thanks for close friends both here and away. They have shown me Your Face in terms of Your mercy and Your grace. I would be in a very bad place without them Lord. I will continue to thank you daily for putting them in my life at just the right time. I praise Your Name for them!

Thanks Lord for bringing me out of the land of my sojourn and back home. Thanks for letting me back into Your Church and helping me to find real faith and salvation; to know you truly as My Lord and My God. Thank You for making strength out of my weaknesses and for changing my strengths to vulnerabilities. I continue to 'enjoy' that process.

Finally, thanks Lord for your love, grace, forgiveness and compassion. Please continue to lead me in the paths of Your Truth while teaching me to pass on Your grace to others.

In Jesus' Name

Amen    

My Greatest Sins

It's confession time. I have eluded to these issues in the past and it's time for me to come clean, to repent and to put it behind me. It will be hard since I have practiced these sins all my life. They seem like a natural part of me, but they must die.

I am a proud, arrogant, judgmental and self righteous man. If you have ever had to suffer this from me, then I apologize right here and now. I have always been able to see and even point out these sins in others, but if I take a long, hard look in my spiritual mirror, there is a prideful man looking back at me.

If I have ever walked away from you when you tried to speak to me or engage me in conversation, I am deeply sorry. It has much to do with my own insecurities and nothing to do with you. If I have made you angry or hurt you because of my unwillingness to be a real friend, I would like to repent of that too.

I should not judge people and especially those I do not know or have not bothered to get to know. I should take the time to know them. And I should offer them and myself some grace. The ability to come alongside of people in empathy and love and maybe with some helpful advice has eluded me for too long. I have to learn how to do this. Many have extended me just such a privilege. It might be time for me to start returning the favor. I need to learn how to minister to the needs of others. I am good at sharing my knowledge base with them. I am not so good with sharing compassion and kindness and understanding with them.

I am able to love, but I do not do it or express it. I do have feelings and emotions, but I fear the relationships and where all that will take me and so I put on this facade that people seem to accept.
"Ya, he knows his stuff, but he seems to have walls." "He is a good teacher, but he never takes what he knows outside the classroom to practice."

This has to stop. I do not want to be like the Pharisees or the teachers of the law in Christ's time. I want to be like Jesus. I know we Christians say that all the time and never quite seem to live up to it, but I could at least do better than I am doing.

Self righteousness is seldom a good thing unless you are truly righteous, in which case you most certainly got that from God and not self. Whatever is good in me, what ever is pure and holy, came from my Lord. There is not much of it, but it is there. It's my prayer that He builds on that base and finishes my spiritual construction before I die. I hope we have some time to work things out. Only He would know that.

Lord, I love you. Please forgive me for being as I have been. Please use Your Spirit and the power of your Word in my life to change me. Help me to learn the empathy, love and grace that You and others show me on a daily basis. Please do not let me leave this world unfinished and please forgive me this grievous sin...In your Name I pray these things. Amen
________________________

Some day we will talk about my greatest temptation, my thorn in the flesh and how it has convicted me of what I was just writing about. That day is not today. I love you. Thanks for reading.       

Are You Hyphenated?

In our politically correct age, the old designations we have for each other with regard to who we are just does not work. No one wants to be just an American. We are Irish-Americans, Italian-Americans, Native-Americans, African-Americans. Hispanic-Americans and the list goes on and on. The whole process can be kind of divisive, but past discrimination and mistreatments based on race and national origin have have yielded this crop of prideful hyphenations. We also now have gay-Americans, lesbian-Americans, differently enabled-Americans and what ever other denominator that you would like to apply. It would be nice if we could all just be Americans would it not....said the white boy from Iowa who is an Irish-American among other things!

Whatever happens in the country that we live, we do not want this sort of hyphenation to take place in the Church. And yet it does. It was a problem in Corinth in Paul's day and it is a problem in some precincts today within our churches. We have liberal Christians, conservative Christians, born again Christians, traditional Christians, gay Christians, recovering Christians and so on. And to add to the trouble we have Calvinists, Armineans, Catholics and Baptists, and something called Unitarians for which there is no absolute definition.

It is mass confusion. Our identity in Christ should be just that. We are to be Christians. We are to be disciples (small d). We are to be followers of Christ or even Christ seekers. Let us not denominate ourselves any further than that.

Do you love Jesus? Then die to all the labels and live for Him! Let Him be your label. Put on Christ and leave it at that. Do not pigeon hole yourself OK?

I love you. Go out there and love someone else today. Remember...grace and truth people. Live in the tension between the two. And no labels. Just stop it.

1 John 3:2
Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears^[a] we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is

Messy Grace: A Final Review

I have finished Caleb Kaltenbach's book, "Messy Grace". I need to read it a couple more times. He is unflinching in his devotion to God's truth, but he is also unflinching in his grace, kindness and love for people that are suffering from sin's temptations and entanglements. His emphasis in the book is on the LGBT community both inside and outside the Church and how to deal with it on Christ's terms - grace and truth.

I know that some of you are thinking, "there are 'mo's inside the Church?" Yes brethren there are homosexuals in the church, in our Bible colleges, campus ministries and on and on and on. Deal with it. God loves everybody, even the self righteous. I'm sure you will get into heaven too. (;^)

Caleb's perspective is unique among pastors. Both of his parents are gay/lesbian. He grew up in the gay community. His mother took him to gay pride parades when he was a child.  He witnessed first hand how Christians would mistreat LGBT people. He saw the outright hate and judgement. This caused him to empathize with and love gay people from an early age and despise Christians for their hateful attitudes.

Later, in his teen years, he set out to disprove the Bible since it seemed to be the source of all the "Christian" hate. He started going to an evangelical church. He joined a youth group, but all of his efforts were turned against him. He had fallen in with a loving bunch and God used them to bring Caleb to a knowledge of the truth and Caleb came to accept that and much more. He became a Christian and later a pastor.

My favorite part of the book was when he had to "come out" to his gay parents as Christian. The irony of it is just incredible. It made me think of all those TV shows, movies and books from the 70's where a character comes out as gay to friends and family. The reactions were completely the same for Caleb, but the issue was completely different. It was funny and sad all at once. But everything eventually worked itself out. If you read the book, and I do recommend that you do so, you will see what I am talking about.

The overriding message of the book is that we have to live in the tension that exists between grace and truth as Jesus did - with everyone. He defines that tension as love. We must maintain the biblical standard as regards sin, but we must also love and embrace sinners when they come seeking Jesus. We all started there. We should be able to understand it. We do it for adulterers, pornophiles, drug abusers, fornicators, liars, gossips, haters and even murderers and the self righteous. Why can we not do it for LGBT folks?

Good question.     

Caleb says we can do this. I agree with him. I think this can be done with some education or maybe re-education and some real life examples of people that love Jesus, enjoy a successful Christian life, but also deal with same sex attraction. If you are thinking they are not there, "not in my church", well Christian, buckle your seat belt and put your tray in the upright and locked position and prepare to learn otherwise! Our plane is full of all kinds of people just waiting for God to fully integrate them into His Church. LGBT folks are just a few of those passengers. Let's move them out of coach to first class and love them like everybody else....OK?

Read the book. You will see what he's talking about. The practice of messy grace will give you what might seem like a messy church, but it will be an open an honest one. No more facades of perfection that look like well groomed cemeteries. Broken people alive and growing in Christ onward to full maturity. There's a concept.

Easy to talk about; maybe hard to do. What do you think? Can we love that much? Maybe not now, but we can learn to love like that. So I am told. Ya, it's an issue for me too and it really comes from a strange place which someday I may explain to you. That day is not today dear reader, suffice it to say that sometimes loving yourself is hard too.
 
Get the book. Share its biblical message with others in your church. The field is ripe for the harvest but the workers are few (and it seems like no one wants to go to this field).   

Mark Twain Knew

He's right...

What Do You Want?

We live in a strange world; one where you can get just about anything you want if you have the desire and the means and the energy to follow through. This was not so true in ancient times. Getting a leg up on the competition was not easy. There were "glass ceilings" for just about everyone at every level of society except those at the very top. It was, most of the time, very hard to get what you wanted, at least in the material sense.

In Jesus' time, in the Roman world, there were many people searching for the things they wanted. Among the Jews, there were people searching for the Messiah and signs of His arrival. It's in that setting, at the beginning of the gospel of John, Jn 1:35-39, that Jesus has the following conversation.

³⁵ The next day John was there again with two of his disciples. ³⁶ When he saw Jesus passing by, he said, “Look, the Lamb of God!”
³⁷ When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus. ³⁸ Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, “What do you want?”
They said, “Rabbi” (which means “Teacher”), “where are you staying?”
³⁹ “Come,” he replied, “and you will see.”
So they went and saw where he was staying, and they spent that day with him. It was about four in the afternoon.

That is always the question of the day isn't it? What do you want? 

For me, the answer has always been hope and peace. Jesus has been the only one that has been able to help me with my goals. It has not always been so. In the days when I did not know him well, we had disagreements. We still experience conflict from time to time and it usually comes down to my lack of faith and trust. Sometimes I lack the willingness to do the things He wants me to do because I am scared or I lack information or I do not fully trust the people in whose hands He has placed me. People get banged up in this life, even within the Church, and trust is the first thing that goes out the window. 

I am naturally skeptical. I am always looking for ulterior motives and hidden agendas. I wonder why that is? Maybe that's because I have seen so much of that in my life. You never see what's really driving people until a plan comes to fruition.

My thought is that I need to give up the skepticism about people. If I get burned, so be it. It's not like that never happened to Jesus now is it? Jesus loved despite the fact that He knew He would be betrayed and His own people would kill Him.

I guess what I am getting at is that if I give up the skepticism and distrust, let the chips fall where they may and become vulnerable to whatever happens, then maybe I will find what I want. I have the hope. I just need the peace. I did not find the hope in others - not my peers in the world or even in the church. I found my hope in Jesus. I will also have to find my peace there. 

Hope and peace does not come from other people. The only source of those things is the Messiah! If there was one thing that He could count on, it was the fickle nature of His people. Why should I expect it to be any different for me? And further to the point, what about my own fickle nature? How many times have I not been what others were looking for - or what Jesus wants me to be? 

Ghog needs to get over his bad self and start living in the tension that he talked about yesterday - the tension between grace and truth. 

I hope I'm ready to do that. I'm kind of old to start with, but we will see how it goes.

Onward into the fog.     

Grace and Truth

I started Caleb Kaltenbach's book, Messy Grace, on my Kindle last night. I have to say that I am already impressed with it. It is set up so that you can use it as a lesson book. It's got questions at the end of each chapter. I am already thinking about ways I would teach it. I don't suppose that will ever happen in my present environment, but I am definitely going where God takes me with this.Things are changing in my life right now. I am in a "who knows what's going to happen" mode. We will see. This is not what I am writing about today.

In the book, Caleb talks about grace and truth and how John points out that Jesus was both of these things. John 1:14 and 17: 

¹⁴ The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. 

¹⁷ For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

So what does that mean? It means that Jesus came with a message of forgiveness and a call to the righteousness of God. Friends, that is a big deal. That is all over the board. That is full spectrum. It covers everything about the character of God. It's not what you would call an oxymoron. These are not opposites in the real sense, but it is the reality of the situation. As Christians we long to be like Jesus, but we are a broken, bent race and so we need the grace. 

Often we set high standards for ourselves. We do not always achieve them and worse, we expect others to live by our standards (that may actually be higher than God's). We err on the side of truth and we become defensive and even hateful when others fail to live up to our standards, both in the church and in the world. The other extreme here would be living in grace all the time. Anything goes. God will forgive. If He wants me to change or stop a behavior, He will have to do it.

Both of these are examples of how not to live the Christian life. Caleb, in his book, says that we have to live in the "tension" between grace and truth, because that is what Jesus did. This is why He was the personification of grace and truth. Caleb names that tension. He says that tension is love, and I think he is exactly right. It is possible to live in grace and truth as Jesus did as long as we love. Love makes forgiveness happen and it pushes people toward God's righteousness when it is applied correctly.

A scriptural example of this is found in John 8; the story of the woman caught in adultery. There is much going on in that story, but the bit about grace and truth comes at the very end. After Jesus has defeated the attempt of the religious leaders to entrap Him, He says to the woman in John 8:10, 11,
 
“Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
¹¹ “No one, sir,” she said.
“Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

Do you see it there? He forgives her and He advises her to leave her life of sin. Grace and truth administered in love. 

This is where the Church needs to be. We can no longer afford to be the world's morality police. That was never our job anyway. Instead, we need to be bringing each other grace and truth in our church communities and showing it outwardly to the world with love.

As Caleb would say, we need to live in that tension between grace and truth and that tension is love.

Let me leave you with another question. Do you think that woman ever sinned again? I kind of think she did. Grace and truth in love people. Let's do it! 

March 31, 2017

I just came from an hour long visit with my investment counselor. I am pleased to announce that I will be retiring in March of 2017 at the age of 59 1/2.


It's amazing how something like that can change your out look on life. This is my first glimpse of life without air freight.


Free at last, Free at last. No more wandering in the desert wilderness. I will enter the promised land!




This must be what happy feels like...Wow! I should have tried it sooner!

I'm Just a Tad Cranky

I remember when there were no mobile (cell) phones. Those were good times. You had one unit that was hard wired to the wall in your house. If you were home, you answered it and it was always a real person that cared about you. There were no robocalls from politicians, storm window salesmen or mortgage vendors. But alas, the good old days are gone. Now we can be reached anywhere, any time for any reason or for no reason because we always have a phone with us. It is really annoying.

There needs to be a code of conduct. If you are driving, you must use an ear piece or be able to take calls from the radio unit in your vehicle. This morning as I was pulling out of Caribou Coffee in Pleasant Hill and a woman in her van was pulling in; the back seat was filled with yuppy larvae, and she had her phone pressed between her shoulder and ear. She was unable to turn the steering wheel quickly enough to negotiate the turn and not hit me, so she came to a complete stop to get her wheels turned, cranking with one arm. She was almost rear ended by the person behind her and she almost hit me and it was all because she had to be on the phone.

Age has been good to me. It has made me much more patient. I did not give her the universal love sign. I did not stop, get out of my truck and tell her how stupid she was. I did not smack the livin' $h!T out of her. I did not respond at all. The day will come when she will not be so fortunate. She will either be involved in an accident or someone will get out of their vehicle and share their mindset with her. I hope they are not armed. She needs to think about her kids and stop talking to her sister about how horrible her husband is.

We need phone discipline people. Whatever it is can wait until you are stopped. There is nothing that pressing!

OK. I'm, done with that now. Thanks for reading!

Carey Nieuwhof Interveiws Caleb Kaltenbach

Caleb Kaltenbach is lead pastor at Discovery Church in Simi Valley, California. He is also a graduate of Ozark Christian College in Joplin, Mo. The thing most interesting about Caleb though is that both his parents are gay. The story of his life is an interesting one. He grew up marching in gay pride parades and, as a teenager, he joined a church to disprove the Bible. That's when his life changed. He became a Christian and later a pastor. Still later in his life, both his parents, both noted Christian haters, became followers of Jesus.

In this podcast, Carey Nieuwhof interviews Caleb. Caleb tells his story in brief, but interesting fashion. Caleb also has a new book out (which I should receive in my Kindle tomorrow) on the 20th called, "Messy Grace: How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction".

Follow this link to the interview.

http://careynieuwhof.com/2015/04/episode33/

The interview can help you decide whether to buy the book.

Accepting The Gift

Yesterday in my second class at church, we were talking about our identity in Christ and particularly about how secure we feel in our relationship with Him. This is a big deal if you are in the faith; if you call yourself a Christian. There were a couple of people in the class and I have met many Christians outside of the classroom setting, that seem to lack the necessary security for their spiritual growth. This fear of status loss and security in the Kingdom is the single biggest thing that holds our churches back from becoming what Christ intended.

The thing I have heard most often is that, "some of the things I have done in my life are so bad, I don't know if God can forgive me".

Christian, if you are thinking this, the problem is not God forgiving you! It's you forgiving you. God did everything possible to make you His. What does John 1:12, 13 say?

¹² Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God— ¹³ children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

You are his child. If He did not love you, if you were not significant, He would never have given up His first born Son to die for your sins.

Further to the point, Paul explains it this way in Romans 5:1-11:

 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we^[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we^[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. ³ Not only so, but we^[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
⁶ You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷ Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸ But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
⁹ Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! ¹⁰ For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹ Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Friends, there is no reason for you not to be secure in your salvation. You are forgiven; freely justified before God by the blood of Christ. You have no cause to fear. What you need to work on is forgiving yourself. And if God has forgiven you, what does that say about your standards? You are not God! Accept yourself as you are. He does. Your past is covered. The future is bright and full of possibilities. You are His. He will save you. If there are changes that need to be made, He will take care of it. Sanctification takes a lifetime.

If you are still doubting your status as God's child and whether He forgives you, consider this. When you refuse to forgive yourself and accept His free gift of forgiveness and salvation, what are you doing? Is it possible that you are saying to Him, "Your sacrifice was not sufficient to cover my crimes against God"?

Do not bar the door to His grace. Accept His gifts and ask for more. He loves you so much! Let me close with Paul's words in Colossians 3:15-17.

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Let it go Christian. Love yourself and then get out there and love everyone else! Go and grow and enrich the lives of the people around you so that when they see you, they will see Jesus.   

A Foul Mood, Work and Way Too Much Attitude

I need to talk about this some more.

This morning when I woke up, I was in a foul mood. I cannot even begin to speculate what caused it. Maybe I just did not sleep well and I was tired, but I was most definitely depressed. I really did want to cry. I have felt that way many times in the past, but usually I notice it building up. I have never just woken up out of a sound sleep and felt that bad. It felt just like someone close to me had died. I felt irreparable loss. Or maybe like someone had told me I would never walk again. I suppose I could have been coming off a bad dream that I did not remember.

It was probably just bad brain chemistry caused by something I ate. I've been eating a lot of rainbow sherbet lately...stop laughing...maybe that was it. Whatever.

Church seems to have fixed it, or maybe the Holy Spirit. He does me some favors sometimes that I actually notice. I say that because most of His work is behind the scenes in my life. I don't notice it until I look back. I appreciate that Lord. Thanks.

I should probably go to bed now. I have to go back to work tomorrow. I am dreading it. Cooped up in a cube farm with two 50 something, menopausal women that hate each other, one 70 year old black woman that will not retire and a gay guy we got from Newark. He's OK. Good worker. I'm not complaining. If he wasn't there, I would never get any vacation and he's the only one in the office that seems to be really happy all the time. Kind of puts the gay back into Gay if you know what I mean.  Truth is, he's probably the only one in the office getting any....did I say that? Sorry.

My boss is in St Louis. He hears about our office drama, but he has no clue what it's like to be trapped there day in and day out in that box among the cubes. I swear there are undeclared contests to see who can be last to answer the phone. It really pisses me off.

The best days I have at work is when I am the only one there. I always know everything that is going on with everything. There is no failure to share important information. No one drops the ball. The phone gets answered on the 2nd ring every time and no one argues with my decisions.

It's heaven.

I used to work in our office in the eastern part of the state. It was a two person operation.  I would share 30 minutes every day with the other employee and we worked together to get everything done. That office is now down to one person and it still operates perfectly because we carry some of there load in our office.

I like working alone. I suppose if the others read this, I will get to do that sooner than I care to.

Whatever...I'm saying that a lot lately.

Maybe I will wake up with something relevant to write about tomorrow.   

Dogs and Miscreants In Flathead County Are At It Again

From the Flathead County Beacon in Flathead County Montana...Chickens are dying and no one is doing anything about it! Excerpts from the Policeblotter! The call at 4:09 would indicate that Bruce Jenner is in the vicinity.

8:03 a.m. An irritable dog with a reputation of bad behavior was on the run and threatening the welfare of child-sized residents on Willow Drive.
8:56 a.m. Five chickens lost their lives to an ambitious husky on Lore Lake Road.
10:14 a.m. A woman on Cooperative Lane reported that someone left her sister’s stolen backpack on porch with a creepy note that read “you are pretty… call alone.”
10:30 a.m. Six dogs were barking on East Cottonwood Drive.
11:06 a.m. A resident on Highway 93 South reported that someone dumped lawn chairs and other trash in his garage last night.
11:52 a.m. A resident on East Cottonwood Drive reported that the neighbor man threatened to harm his dogs. Apparently, he was upset over their barking problems.
12:30 p.m. A Kalispell man reported that his wife was “taken” by her mother yesterday.
1:11 p.m. A Kalispell man complained that he couldn’t work out in his yard because of the neighbor’s dog and its intense interest in his activities.
2:13 p.m. Hundreds of fluorescent light bulbs were found in a ditch along Mcmannamy Draw.
2:33 p.m. An eight-year-old boy was seen driving a red Toyota down Main Street. Apparently, he was not doing a good job.
4:09 p.m. A woman called from Evergreen to report that a man carrying a purse was walking along Highway 2 East screaming profanity into his phone.
8:24 p.m. A Columbia Falls man complained that the neighbor’s dogs frequently enter his house through the doggy door and help themselves to his dog’s food. Apparently, they also visit his in-law’s house via their doggy doors.

I Can't Quit

About 5 minutes after I said I was signing off for awhile, I began to feel bad. I think I may have some kind of electronics addiction. Whatever it was, I am feeling better now, but it was almost like someone had died this morning when I got out of bed. I was seriously depressed, crabby and sad and I wanted to cry.

I know. Why should today be any different? Right?

Seriously though, I feel much better.

Going to church helped immensely. The fellowship of the two Classes I taught today and the uplifting service did much to raise my mood. Maybe it was just seeing and sharing with friends, but I do feel better now. I am also blogging again so the combination of the two should be enough for me to be ready to go back to work tomorrow.

There will be some people that will be PO'd too. I just decoupled the blog from Google+ and so they will have to find me all over again. I apologize, but I think Google+ was skewing my numbers. If I lose page views after dumping them, I will know for sure. I was getting page views from Linux operating systems. These are usually corporate or government computers. They would sweep the blog posts with their scan. At 0700 in the AM, I would get 40 page views all at once. It was just weird. I do not know who would do this or why, but I hope that dumping Google+ will help that. Blogger is also a Google platform, so the issue may persist. We will see. I may have to move the blog.

Anyway, for good or ill, I am back. Can't seem to quit. It's like nicotine addiction with less deleterious effects. I just can't quit. 

I Quit

I'm done blogging for awhile. I will be back soon I'm sure. I am behind in many things. Got to get them caught up. See Ya Soon!

Dad's Having An Episode

Dad is really out it of it tonight. He thinks that the people on TV are in the house. He says he recognizes them. They are the "Cleanse Aid guys" from the dairy. He has been all over the upstairs and downstairs looking for them. He went outside with his flashlight and the dog to look for them. I let him go and advised him to report back. When he came back in, I asked him if he found anything. He said, "are you trying to  make a fool of me?". I said "no" and told him it was his disease. He has finally settled down and the dog is back in the house. If he goes to sleep, I think I will go to bed.

He also said several times tonight that he was going to go home. Each time I had to break the news that he was already home. He was definitely going somewhere. He took all the stuff off his coffee table and put it in a box. I think he may have been talking about going to Grandma and Grandpa's place. If he ever found his way there, it would be quite a surprise. It's gone.  It was just last week that he asked me if either of them were still alive. It's been 15 years since Grandpa died and 16 for Grandma. 

He did not go out into the garage or try to drive anywhere. And I do have an advantage in that he wears out easily. I think he finally went to sleep.

When he went out and got on the mower today, he did an excellent job mowing. You would not think that anyone that could mow like that was bat shit crazy, but he is. Alzheimer's is the weirdest disease. Tomorrow he will not remember any of this and he will wonder why all his stuff is in a box.

Lord, you need to take him home. He misses Mom so much. He goes to the graveyard every Sunday. He does not deserve this. He did the best he could with what you gave him for all of his life. Please at least calm his mind. I hope he does not sense what is happening to him. He needs your help Lord. There is only so much I can do for him. Please help. We both need you right now.  I love you. In Your Name, Amen.

I Feel So Used

I am supposed to be on vacation. I had to go to work yesterday. It was not for very long, about an hour and a half, but it's just the idea. I was thinking, what would they have done if I had been 1000 miles away? What will they do when I'm not there at all and the company does not replace me?

It's nice to be indispensable, but it can get on your nerves after awhile. Everyone in my office is of an age where family emergencies and frequent doctor appointments are more than common. I am not exempt from either of those, but I always try to communicate what is going on if I have to leave. I recognize that the world does not revolve around me - (unless you know me and think, "he thinks the world revolves around him").

I suppose it's OK. I will get over it. Uninterrupted vacation is nice, but I will take what I can get. It's better than last year.

I believe I will go fishing again today. I might take some live bait with me this time. My shoulders hurt from casting the artificial stuff repeatedly. Carrying a minnow bucket will not help that though I guess.  I do like getting some sun, even with the burn, it feels good on this old body.

At some point, I am going to have to get out the work laptop and go through my emails before I return. I also need to write some reviews for the employees. They will be blessed. I am in a good mood. I seem to care about them. Hard to imagine, but I do.

I actually care about many things, some I should not. I have a concern about what others think of me. Up to a point, that's important, but there are times when that should not be relevant, even when you love the people involved. There are things they need to know and sometimes there is no nice way of saying them. Perhaps "nice" is not the proper word. How about delicate? OK. Sometimes I spend way too much time trying to be politically correct, both at work and at church.

Getting to the point is sometimes appreciated, sometimes not.

When people have agendas or are impulsive, sometimes they cannot be stopped with anything less than blunt, brute force resistance. That may actually be what they are throwing back at you. So be it. In their face it will be.

As a friend would say, it is what it is.
-------
I just read this to myself and I seem to be all over the board this morning. Undisciplined random thoughts. I think that means I am too relaxed. That's what I need! Some stress to make me organize my brain before it becomes a mass of oozing, emotional jellies that vacillate from subject to subject without proper conclusions.

Nah...

I'm going fishing.  

Life in the Slow Lane

Just some random thoughts from the last two days.

I've been enjoying my time off. Next Monday it will be back to work though. I am not looking forward to it. I think it might be time for me to pack it in and find something that takes less out of my day. I have things I would rather be doing and who knows how much time left to do them.

Going fishing for a while again this morning.

Sunday was fun. I got to teach two different classes. My regular 8:00 class was enjoyable as always. Then, after church, I taught another class. I thought it went well despite the fact that many showed late and some did not show at all. I guess they thought the substitute would not be worth the trip. I understand that mindset, nonetheless, many came and we had discussion. It's tough to get people to talk and think when they are used to being spoon fed. How to get people out of that pattern is a challenge. There are some teachers that do not like a lot of discussion. Their approach is to say, "here is what you should think. Please do not depart from it and you will be all right." For myself, I like to challenge the class to think; to talk about their spiritual journeys, the victories and the not so victorious moments. This kind of thing brings healing to the soul and creates a kind of purposeful, practical kind of fellowship within the body. A liver cleanse for the soul. If you don't know what that is, that's OK. Just consider it an enema for your liver. I will not say more.... You are welcome! 

Teaching someone else's class is like riding someone else's bicycle. It takes some getting used to. You have to learn the quirks of the bike and you have to be more prepared for surprises. I imagine the class felt the same way about their replacement teacher. I did very much enjoy doing it though. It was a new group of people that really don't know me all that well and so it was a good interaction in that sense.

Church was very good yesterday. There was a girl that recited the entire 12th chapter of Romans. I admire her discipline. We will need people like that when the Bible is illegal. The best part is that she recited it in such a way that you could capture the meaning of Paul's words. It was not boring.

The sermon was excellent. We are fortunate to have a Spirit driven preacher that is not above educating us or rethinking old patterns of belief. He is refreshing to listen to. I look forward to hearing more about not conforming to the world and being transformed. This is what the Church in general needs. Transformation. We are coming into a new age in the outside world that will not tolerate us. We will need to change, to transform our approach to survive the coming persecution. Church as usual will not be in the offing. I know Paul was talking more about transformation of our individual spiritual characters, but really, so am I. I could go on about this, but I want to go fishing now. Try to have a good Monday.