Duck Says...

Old and Gay and Christian

I never thought I'd see 59 years old, but it's coming up here in the fall. That's like 117 in gay years in case you didn't know. In terms of the One True Faith though, I'm just barely out of the womb; a babe in the arms of Jesus; a place I find safer than any place I have ever been. I'm His little brother you know. He adopted me when I was 14. The weird thing is that He took me in with full knowledge of who I would be, the things I would do and the places I would go. He loves me like no other has loved me. I do not know why and I used to wonder, but no more. He is my Lord, my God and my brother all at once. I think I could die for Him and not regret it. He has deepened my shallowness and my resolve. He has taken my stubbornness and turned it into something useful and He uses my desire to draw me closer. I would be utterly without hope or solace without Him. He is mine and I am His. Just let someone try to separate us. Not gonna happen.

I was gay before I was Christian. Even though I grew up in the church, becoming a believer was not automatic for me. There has always been the specter of rebellion in my life. I have always been self willed; one that does not submit easily to the authority of others and most especially when I believe they are wrong. It has always been my MO to couch my rebellion in what I think is righteousness, albeit self righteousness. One spends much time alone when this is one's attitude. Normal people draw away from you and the unrighteous just want to slug you. It is a strange mix for a  Christian man that is also SSA.

I used to think how odd it was that I should have in me this sense of self righteousness and also this same sex attraction. Then there is my faith. Even after I learned about the utter sinfulness of both attitudes and desires, I continued in my belief that Jesus is the Messiah.

I was (am) a bundle of contradictions. What I realize now - as Paul said - is that all these things are working to God's glory and ultimately mine. Only the utter sinfulness of my desires could temper my self righteousness. Only my faith would have made me able to see that. Only through the these three things working together would I learn compassion for others who struggle in this life.

And I'm sure some of you are thinking, "how is this tempering him? He still seems to be a mean, compassionless and aloof old codger."

There is an element of truth here, but it all would have been much worse were it not for Jesus. He is changing me even now.

Sometimes in our efforts to be compassionate and empathetic, we become door mats. We want to help people. There are those that think we should help them too. Sometimes the best help that you can give people is help they are not looking for. I have a fairly new 'friend' whose life is a mess. He is especially challenged financially, but he also struggles with SSA and anger about being SSA and depression and ADHD and..and..and.

His car got repossessed last week. Strangely, even though he had been avoiding me, he felt the need to contact me and apprise me of his situation. I found myself sympathizing with his plight, but I knew that sending him money was not the answer to his issues. He needed to step up and man up to his situation and deal with it responsibly. I did ask him how I could help short of sending him cash. Seems that nothing else was going to cut it. He was not interested in deepening a potential friendship. He needed money to solve his immediate issue. My thought was, "how many times have you been in this place and done this very thing?"

I refused to be his enabler.

I was not very nice about it. Some might say I was unnecessarily self righteous about the whole thing. Even so, he needed some truth. At his age (60), he needs to be living differently. His life is what it is because, like Blanche Du Bois, he has always been dependent on the kindness of strangers. My advice to him, since his work hours had been cut, was to take on a part time job.

After a day and a half of emails and texts, he told me to piss off in a most graphic way.

OK. I'm good with that. I wonder how long it will be before he is in this situation again. He told me that a 'friend' had given him the money he needed. I can't help wondering what he had to do for it.

I want to be beholden to no one except Jesus Christ. I do not want to be anyone's burden but His. Is there anything wrong with this attitude? Should I have given this 'friend' what he needed? Or was it just me being self righteous? I am still of the opinion that the only way to stop a behavior is to stop it. I know all too well how hard this can be to accomplish. I feel his pain, but I also know his lack of resolve and the intensity of mine. I am sure I was right in this. What do you think?  

July 4, 1966

It was a Monday. I was 9 years old and it was the 4th of July. I was where I had always been on the 4th; with my best buddy, my friend, my caretaker when Dennis and Laurie weren't there. I was with Grandpa.

Lloyd Brady was an interesting man. He was a Christian, a husband, a farmer, a church elder, a parent and a grandparent. He was a Republican and a trustee in Four Mile Township. He was also a bit of a child at heart which made him the perfect grandfather.

Every year he would take me to the 4th of July parade in Altoona, Iowa. Just me and Gramps. We would park and then walk what seemed like miles and then stand on the street in beautiful downtown Altoona as the flags, bands, American Legionnaires and Shriner's passed by. Candy would be handed out and the Shriners would arrive, befezed and in cars of the same make and color, normally convertibles. One year they all rode minibikes. Some on foot would have a small wagon in tow that had a cannon in it firing pop corn into the crowds. I always backed up on the sidewalk when that happened because the old maids would smart like a bee sting when they hit you. It was all controlled pandemonium. A good time was generally had by all.

After the parade, there was the picnic in the park. Hotdogs would be consumed. There would be much talking. Lloyd would talk to anybody and then talk about them afterward. It was always humorous. Once lunch was processed, we would head to the battleground. The fight was always interesting. Two fire departments (always Altoona and Mitchellville) would gather on the field of engagement; pumpers at the ready. A cable would be stretched between two poles diagonally across the field with a beer keg on a pulley suspended from it. Fire hoses would be connected to the pumpers and dragged out across the open lawnscape. The opposing firemen would man their hoses and then it would begin.

Using their hoses, they would aim the water spray at the beer keg in attempt to drive the keg into their opponent's territory and the end of the cable. This was an art form in many ways. A pumper truck would only hold so much water, so you had to control the spray and still achieve your goal before you ran out of water. Sometimes Altoona won. Sometimes they didn't. Sometimes the firemen would get pissed off at each other. If your team was not winning, many times it would be necessary to hose down you opponents. All was fair in the battle of the keg. Even so, I don't think there was ever a fist fight. And the contents of the keg was later enjoyed by both teams.

After the keg wars, I would go back to the farm with Lloyd. There would be naps and supper (heavy on the sweetcorn) and then some fireworks. This last item was illegal in Iowa, but Gramps was regularly in Missouri and he would always pick some up at one of the border stores. There were never any big display items, but there were always bottle rockets and M-80's (which seemed more like dynamite) as well as the smaller firecrackers. It was fun. Lloyd knew how to entertain a grandchild. He also taught me much in regard to life in general. He taught me how to work, which might explain why I have never been unemployed. He was, to me, what the 4th of July is all about, being a free Christian, American in a dangerous world. I miss him.                

Andrew Peterson: "The Chasing Song" (Carried Along)

Dad is Foundered

I was trimming Dad's toenails this morning after a soak in the Dr. Scholl's foot tub. The soak softens them up and makes them easier to cut. It was a little like working on a neglected horse. Picture this, but as an old man instead of a horse.

This old horse probably needs a trip to the podiatrist.

Dad was definitely on his way to being foundered. He should probably be going to the podiatrist too. Toenail work is kind of gross when I have to do my own. His should probably be tended to by a professional. His toes are curled and bent with arthritis and that misshapes his toenails. It's all kind of gross and crumbly.   

Incongruity Defined

There are some things that just do not go together. Here might be two of them. I know He said,

  “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

But is this what He had in mind? I don't think so. 

240 Years

It's been 240 years since those middle class, white, mostly Christian, male colonists put their names to that traitorous document called "The Declaration of Independence" at the The Old State House (now Independence Hall) in Philadelphia. They were an eclectic group of free thinkers and Christians that were heavily influenced by enlightenment era European writers and philosophers. The Christians among them were a bit skeptical of enlightenment thinking as well they should have been, but the influence of human reason and logic over the affairs of men would rule the day and so they all signed this document of rebellion.

The notion that government exists at the the behest of the governed was a new one to be sure. Some saw this as at contractual matter that hearkened back to the the English Magna Carta. Others tried their best to make it a biblical idea. The first paragraph of the preamble to the Declatation says it all.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed, by their Creator, with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness.

When Jefferson wrote these words, he was doing his best to influence his Christian friends in the 2nd Continental Congress to sign on to this treason against George III. To do this, he had to make this rebellion against the King something that would seem OK with God in the eyes of the Christian colonist congressmen. Scripture expressly forbids rebellion against the ruling authorities (Romans 13, 1 Peter 2)  except under very specific circumstances, so it became necessary to portray the King as being in defiance of God. If the King was in rebellion against God, the Christian colonists would be justified in rebelling against the King.

To do this, Jefferson created a philosophy that all men are created equal and endowed with certain unalienable rights given by God. He drew heavily on enlightenment philosopher John Locke and the Bible for his logic. Supposedly, the 10 Commandments of the Hebrew Law given to Moses by God had, implicit in them, these inalienable rights. Jefferson had to turn these 10 regulations on their heads to get human rights out of them, but he did this nonetheless and with great effect.  

Jefferson's logic was that "thou shalt not kill" meant a right to life; "thou shalt not steal" meant a right to property and so on.

That this was never the intention of the Almighty, did not phase Jefferson. His purpose was to free the colonies from the tyranny of George III and England.

The 10 Commandments, in their context, were meant to outline responsibilities to God by His covenant people. We do not murder, because God gives life and takes it. We do not steal from our neighbor because God gave these things to our neighbor. We do not covet what our neighbor has because it was God that gave them what they have and so on.

The reality of it is that all of Jefferson's arguments for rebellion and independence were wrong.

We are not all created equal. We are not all endowed with unalienable rights by our Creator and we were not justified in rebellion against the King.

We are all different AND VIVA LA DIFFERENCE! Differently enabled, different levels of intelligence, talent, motivation etc. We are not all equal in any sense. We are not even equal before God.

We only have the rights we take and secure for ourselves and sometimes by force of arms. God does not give rights. He is no respecter of persons. Evidence for this is history itself. If these things were God given, no rebellion would have been necessary.

The hypocrisy laden in the Declaration is deep and thick. Most of those gathered in Philadelphia that day owned other human beings as slaves or indentured servants, not that there is anything wrong with that. What Jefferson really meant in that first paragraph of the preamble is that all white male property owners are created equal. That was not true either, but it got the attention of the colonists. It was enough to get a bunch of Christian men to rebel against their king.

The rest is history as they say. I would not be sitting here now typing this had they not done this deed or maybe I would be sitting here typing with a British accent or in French or Spanish. Who is to say?

I do think that God has blessed our nations efforts in some respects. We do try to right our wrongs after we commit them. Other times we just make a mess. Whatever the case, I am glad to be an American even though it takes second place to my citizenship in the Kingdom of God.  

I would close by saying, do not get all caught up in patriotism like it was some sort of divine calling. It's not. Nations come and go. What the future holds for the US is anyone's guess. I'm guessing civil war and the break up of the union. We will see. I will probably be dead when it happens. Just remember:

This world is not our home
We are just a passin thru
Our treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
Jesus beckons us from heavens open door
And we can't feel at home in this world anymore.

See ya in church!   

About Rich Mullins...

Some have wondered if I have an obsession about Rich Mullins since I post so much of his music here. The answer to that is a complicated yes and no. If I'm honest, his voice is not that good and the actual music is mediocre. It's the words. The man was a poet. I find his words honest, refreshing and in some cases, matching where I have been in my Christian walk.

His words touch me like scripture touches me; they are pregnant with meaning for me and my life. Not every song he wrote effects me like this. I do have my favorites though and you have seen those here. He was quite the wordsmith.

I hope that answers any question you might have had.  

  

Rich Mullins - The Color Green

Washed and Waiting

I've been reading "Washed and Waiting" by Wesley Hill. It's a tough read for me because I identify with so many of the things he says in his book about his early life and trying to live as a celibate gay Christian. His attitude was much better than mine when he was younger and he understood early on that you should not isolate yourself; some wisdom that I would have done well to heed. Even so, it is a painful read. I'm sort of having flashbacks. He was never angry; just sad and sometimes without hope. I was pissed off about the whole thing. It was a great wall of separation between God and myself that, thankfully, He is now tearing down. I say "thankfully" even though I spent so much time building it.

At one of his low points, when Wes was still living in the midwest, he went back to Wheaton College where he had earned his degree, to get the counsel of an old friend. His friend told him,

"Origen, the great Christian theologian of the early church, believed that our souls existed with God before we were born. What if he was right? I don't believe he was, but imagine for a moment if he were. Imagine yourself standing in the presence of God, looking down from heaven on the earthly life you are about to be born into, and God says to you, 'Wes, I'm going to send you into the world for sixty or seventy or eighty years. It will be hard. In fact, it will be more painful and confusing and distressing than you can now imagine. You will have a thorn in your flesh, a homosexual orientation that is the result of entering a world that sin and death has broken, and you may wrestle with it all your life. But I will be with you. I will be watching every step you take, guiding you by my Spirit, supplying you with grace sufficient for each day. And at the end of your journey, you will see My face again, and the joy we share then will be born out of the agonies you faithfully endured by the power I gave you. And no one will take that joy away - that solid resurrection joy, which, if you experienced it now, would crush you with it's weight - away from you."

Then his friend asks Wes,

"Wouldn't you say yes to such a journey if you had had such a conversation with God?"

As I read this, I began to weep. There was this deep mournful cry in my soul over how I had treated my heavenly Father as He walked with me all those years ago without my recognition of His presence and power.

And how would I answer the friend's question? 

I joked with a friend recently about being in line in heaven just prior to birth only to learn it was the gay line and saying, "I thought it was the glad line".

All joking aside, would I say yes? I think so.

Lord, I love you. Thanks Lord for even this. It is what it is. An atheist once said, "what does not kill you will make you stronger." I guess he inadvertently stumbled onto the truth. You are a wonderment to me. Your ways confuse me. They always have. Even so, I am looking forward to the joy. It's so close. I can almost feel it now. Thank You!          

  

Aha Moments

We all have them. Sometimes they become turning points in our lives. They usually happen after you think you have everything all figured out, then suddenly you know you don't, and it changes everything. When you have these moments late in life, they can be genuine crisis points, but you can rest knowing that you will not die without grasping and sharing the whole truth.

Those 'aha' moments can bring purpose to the last years of life. Rather than frittering away in front of a TV, letting CNN or Fox dictate your opinions, you can act on what you've learned, and become useful, waking people up to this new knowledge, whatever it is.

The Gary Larson "Far Side" cartoon above illustrates the 'aha' moment concept very well.

The day we become self aware and able to reason and even sense the spiritual movement of things in our environments is a glorious day indeed. It's a bit worrisome too because you know that the time is short. You have a limited time to act on what you know, what you've learned. If you want to change the paradigm for everyone else before you go, you have to act swiftly and maybe even have someone waiting in the wings to finish the job. 'Now' becomes the most important time because there may not be a 'later'. So...to all my friends I would say this..

"Hey, wait a minute! This is grass. We've been eating grass."

That's right. We can do better than that. There's some lovely corn on the other side of the fence and beyond that there is so much more. We just have to reach out and take it. Don't worry about the farmers. We outnumber them and we outweigh them. Let us make their carnivorous behavior a challenge. Contentment is not found in pastures.  

Sheep or Saints; Herd Animals or a Royal Priesthood?

The references are more than numerous in both testaments. God's people, be they Hebrew or Christian, regularly get compared to a flock of sheep. Their leadership are regularly called shepherds. There are many reasons for this. People and sheep have much in common.

Sheep are stupid.
Sheep have herd instincts that can bring disaster if not managed by the shepherd.
Sheep stink.
Sheep are dependent.
Sheep get sick and die easily.
Sheep are a great source of wealth.
Sheep can get themselves in trouble easily.

And some say that sheep, and particularly lambs, were created by God for sacrifice as needed.

Shepherds were charged with the care and feeding of the sheep. The rod or staff were for gentle correction and leading of the flock. The shepherd's work was peaceful and pastoral, but it also involved protection of the flock from predators and thieves. A good shepherd would know his sheep. They may look all the same to us, but to the shepherd they are as individual as you and me. To be a shepherd, you have to know and love your sheep.

Christ is the Good Shepherd of His people, the church. You may recall, at the close of the gospel of John, Jesus reinstates Peter after his night of denial and fear. He tells Peter three times, "if you love me, feed my sheep." It was a not so veiled reference to the coming Church. Big changes were coming for Peter and the boys and they had to get their acts together. God was about to take for Himself a new flock that would one day encompass the whole earth. Why one would entrust a group of fisherman, tax collectors and nere-do-wells for this task is beyond me, but it worked out.

The analogy of the sheep and shepherd(s) is a good one for the the church, but it falls short if Christ's vision for the Church is ever going to be realized to any degree. You see, in the Church, the shepherds have a much more complex job. Being a shepherd in God's Church is more than watching over a group of dumb animals unless that's what you turn it into. What's more, the shepherds in God's Church were not born shepherds - they used to be sheep. Which begs the question, "How the heck did that happen?"

Paul says this in Ephesians 4:11-16,

¹¹ So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, ¹² to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up ¹³ until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

¹⁴ Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. ¹⁵ Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. ¹⁶ From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

There is much more than proper animal husbandry going on here. Our jobs as pastors and teachers in the church is much more complex than making sure the herd stays in the pasture and the predators are at bay. We have to teach and train our sheep. We have to teach and train them so they can become us and much more, so they can become like Christ. This is a duty passing sacred and holy and for which, if we do not do it correctly, we will have to answer to the Chief Shepherd. It's a big deal!

Peter gives us more evidence about who we are in Christ and what we are to become and it is much more than a herd of woolly, stinky, stupid mammals. I Peter 2:9,10:

⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. ¹⁰ Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.

Again, this is a big deal. How do you turn herd animals into a royal priesthood - a kingdom of priests? Presumably, our task is to facilitate Christ, taking them from being sheep to being priests - quite a transformation. We serve to turn lambs into a holy nation - God's special possession. 

Did you get that last bit, you pastors and teachers? They are not our lambs! They belong to Yahweh and they are a rare and special possession that He cherishes. A Holy Nation!

Do you understand the gravity of the work we are charged with? What did John say in Revelation 1?

  

To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood, ⁶ and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.

To this I say, let us not take our work lightly. It is a gravely serious responsibility. Get to know your sheep. Learn who they are and love them. Train them. Teach them. Someday they will have to be priests (and pastors and teachers). 

Sunday

It was a good Lord's Day. Something has happened to me. I think I just came out of another closet. I felt social, emotional, loving and connected. Recent events have turned me out, turned me up and tuned me in. I am loving life and I don't think it has anything to do with bi polar disorder :^)

I took the summer off from teaching at church. My original motivation for this was negative, but the Lord seems to be turning my motivations inside out. Being out of my class room and among the brethren has been good. It started with attending youth choir tour for two weeks and it ended up with me attending the Women's Sunday School class today. Excellent teacher BTW...just saying. The class is perfect for me. It's about being alone. I am an expert in some regards in this area and I have much to learn in others. The women's perspective adds to my understanding of the subject matter.

I thought at first I might put them off, being a man and all, but as we all know, I am no ordinary man. I find myself understanding my sisters in new ways. I hope they will let me stay. No one seemed concerned that there was a boy in the room. I guess a man can share the women's room without a major crisis developing :^)

Later I went to my shepherding group. It was a good time with people in my age group, and wonder of wonders, I had a good time, I was conversational, the food was great and the weather was pleasant. I had a good time with people I love.

I tell you, something is happening to me. I'm not sure what it is, but I like it. The ladies have an expression, "I feel empowered". That would be it.

At this rate, there may actually be people at my funeral! Ha! Who would have thought?

Time for bed....nighty night.

Ghog Out! 

The Male Socio-Sexual Hierarchy

This comes from Vox Day at Alpha Game. He is a skilled observer of human behavior and he has come up with this socio-sexual hierarchy among men that seems to be spot on in regard to how men 'play the game'. You will see what I mean when you read it. I hope he does not get irritable about me reproducing it here. I think it's very interesting. See what you think. Take a trip over to Alpha Game too so you can see what's going on. It's interesting and edgy stuff.

 Alpha: The alpha is the tall, good-looking guy who is the center of both male and female attention. The classic star of the football team who is dating the prettiest cheerleader. The successful business executive with the beautiful, stylish, blonde, size zero wife. All the women are attracted to him, while all the men want to be him, or at least be his friend. At a social gathering like a party, he's usually the loud, charismatic guy telling self-flattering stories to a group of attractive women who are listening with interest. However, alphas are only interested in women to the extent that they exist for the alpha's gratification, physical and psychological, they are actually more concerned with their overall group status.

Lifetime sexual partners = 4x average+.

Beta: Betas are the good-looking guys who aren't as uniformly attractive or socially dominant as the Alpha, but are nevertheless confident, attractive to women, and do well with them. At the party, they are the loud guy's friends who showed up with the alcohol and who are flirting with the tier one women and cheerfully pairing up with the tier two women. Betas tend to genuinely like women and view them in a somewhat optimistic manner, but they don't have a lot of illusions about them either. Betas tend to be happy, secure in themselves, and are up for anything their alpha wants to do. When they marry, it is not infrequently to a woman who was one of the alpha's former girlfriends.

Lifetime sexual partners = 2-3x average.

Delta: The normal guy. Deltas are the great majority of men. They can't attract the most attractive women, so they usually aim for the second-tier women with very limited success, and stubbornly resist paying attention to all of the third-tier women who are comfortably in their league. This is ironic, because deltas would almost always be happier with their closest female equivalents. When a delta does manage to land a second-tier woman, he is constantly afraid that she will lose interest in him and will, not infrequently, drive her into the very loss of interest he fears by his non-stop dancing of attendance upon her. In a social setting, the deltas are the men clustered together in groups, each of them making an occasional foray towards various small gaggles of women before beating a hasty retreat when direct eye contact and engaged responses are not forthcoming. Deltas tend to put the female sex on pedestals and have overly optimistic expectations of them; if a man rhapsodizes about his better half or is an inveterate White Knight, he is almost certainly a delta. Deltas like women, but find them mysterious, confusing, and are sometimes secretly a little afraid of them.

Lifetime sexual partners = 1-1.5x average

Gamma: The introspective, the unusual, the unattractive, and all too often the bitter. Gammas are often intelligent, usually unsuccessful with women, and not uncommonly all but invisible to them, the gamma alternates between placing women on pedestals and hating the entire sex. This mostly depends upon whether an attractive woman happened to notice his existence or not that day. Too introspective for their own good, gammas are the men who obsess over individual women for extended periods of time and supply the ranks of stalkers, psycho-jealous ex-boyfriends, and the authors of excruciatingly romantic rhyming doggerel. In the unlikely event they are at the party, they are probably in the corner muttering darkly about the behavior of everyone else there... sometimes to themselves. Gammas tend to have have a worship/hate relationship with women, the current direction of which is directly tied to their present situation. However, they are sexual rejects, not social rejects.

Lifetime voluntary sexual partners = .5x average

Omega: The truly unfortunate. Omegas are the social losers who were never in the game. Sometimes creepy, sometimes damaged, often clueless, and always undesirable. They're not at the party. It would never have crossed anyone's mind to invite them in the first place. Omegas are either totally indifferent to women or hate them with a borderline homicidal fury.

Lifetime sexual partners < 2

Sigma: The outsider who doesn't play the social game and manage to win at it anyhow. The sigma is hated by alphas because sigmas are the only men who don't accept or at least acknowledge, however grudgingly, their social dominance. (NB: Alphas absolutely hate to be laughed at and a sigma can often enrage an alpha by doing nothing more than smiling at him.) Everyone else is vaguely confused by them. In a social situation, the sigma is the man who stops in briefly to say hello to a few friends accompanied by a Tier 1 girl that no one has ever seen before. Sigmas like women, but tend to be contemptuous of them. They are usually considered to be strange. Gammas often like to think they are sigmas, failing to understand that sigmas are not social rejects, they are at the top of the social hierarchy despite their refusal to play by its rules.

Lifetime sexual partners = 4x average+.

Lambda: Those men who have quite literally no interest in conventional male-female sexual relations. They clearly have their own hierarchy of sorts, but I can't say that I know much about it other than it appears to somehow involve youth, free weights, and mustaches.

Lifetime sexual partners = 10x average+

Vox does not seem to know much about the last category and he should not. I do, however, and I have to say, I think the numbers here are a gross exaggeration. But then again, I'm celibate, so there you go. 

Congratulations and Sorry I'm Late

I am a bit days late in saying so, but congratulations to the following:

To the now free peoples of Great Britain, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland I congratulate you. June 23rd will go down in history along with the Magna Carta when King John was forced to bend the knee to the nobles. It was well overdue. The European Union was proving to be a massive failure of unelected techno-bureaucrats. It should have been called the Fourth Reich since  Germany seemed to derive the most benefit. France and Italy, it's your turn. Time to get out.

To the Brits I say, if you really want to do yourselves a favor, elect Nigel Farage as your next PM. UKIP should now be your party of choice. Thanks Nigel for your persistence.

To Sweepee Rambo, congratulations on being voted the world's ugliest dog. I know you have tried before, but I think it was your oozing sore that put you over the top. Fine work by all.

 

Finally, congrats to political novice and history professor, Gudni Johannesson on winning the Icelandic presidential elections. His win was a slap in the face to the corrupt establishment types that were exposed in the recent release of the "Panama Papers". I am so please the one worlders are losing. Good luck Gudni.

If you have congrats coming and I missed you, I am sorry. Shoot me an email with your achievement and croppable photo. 

Hope you went to church today. I did. It was great!

 

St. Aelred of Rievaulx

I mentioned yesterday that I have been reading "Spiritual Friendship" by Wesley Hill. In his book he researches the history of friendship and spiritual friendship in the Church. One historical example he offers is  St. Aelred of Rievaulx. Aelred developed a theology of friendship based on what he saw in scripture, what Jesus said and how the disciples behaved with each other and toward one another.

I did some internet searches on Aelred. He is an interesting man. According to The Dominican Friars of England and Scotland,

St. Aelred was born in Hexham in the North East of England in 1110. He came from a family whose members were noted for their learning, and had noble ties. Aelred was educated at the court of King David I of Scotland, and served as steward of the king’s table. During this time, he read Cicero’s On Friendship, which had a lasting influence. At the age of twenty four, he entered the Cistercian Abbey at Rievaulx, and was elected as its Abbot in 1147.

 Monastic life has at its heart a tension, between the eremitical dimension and community life. Each monk is in some sense a loner, a solitary. But nevertheless, he lives in community, in relation to others. This reality has important lessons for all of us. We are all unique individuals, but we must also relate to others. So often, modern 'spirituality' emphasises the individual and his or her lone quest for God. But the search for God is one which requires relations with others. Aelred's Spiritual Friendship is about this very thing - the role of friendship in the search for God.

 Aelred presents a dialogue between himself and other monks, whom he considers his friends. It starts as a dialogue between Aelred and Ivo, with a third, Christ, present with them. They aim to learn about friendship from a friend, and in the presence of Christ, who calls us friends. The dialogue shows a process of mutual discovery. The two friends identify that there are different levels of friendship. There are friendships based solely on sense pleasure, which is the lowest kind. There are also friendships based on temporal advantage and possessions. The highest level of friendship is based on Christ's New Commandment of love, a 'spiritual friendship' attained through conforming to Christ by wholesome interaction, without thought of gain. This kind of friendship is important because it is humanising, and raises the two friends to love of God through their love for each other.

The five vices Aelred thinks are most destructive are slander, reproach, pride, betrayal of confidence and detraction. Unless both parties are perfect, these vices will inevitably show themselves. However, they can be overcome if there is repentance and a purpose of amendment. Those who are quick to anger, the fickle, and those who are overly suspicious of others will struggle to find true friendship unless they are able to amend their ways. True friends treat each other with a Christ-like gentleness and sympathy. They are constant in their love, frank, and congenial. When the friendship has these characteristics, it can be said to be a true friendship, a 'spiritual friendship', one which builds up both parties and helps them journey towards God. 

There is much to be said for Aelred's approach to friendship. While he seems to be turning the process of creating a spiritual friendship into a Christian work to achieve salvation, he also sees the mutual benefits of such a friendship for all parties involved. I love the idea that Christ is always the third friend in the mix between two friends that are learning to love each other and growing spiritually through their journey together. It is very much in line with Jesus' words in the gospel of John,  

³³ “My children, I will be with you only a little longer. You will look for me, and just as I told the Jews, so I tell you now: Where I am going, you cannot come.
³⁴ “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵ By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

This is only a small portion of John 13. In the chapter, Jesus washes the feet of His disciples. It is a bit heart wrenching to read that the Creator of the Universe is serving His creations in this way, but He does it none the less, and He tells these men that this is how they must serve each other. There is also contrast in this chapter in that Jesus makes direct reference to His betrayer. Friends and a not so friendly betrayer all enjoying the Passover meal together. Do you think Jesus washed the feet of His betrayer? I do. One has to wonder what was going through the mind of Judas as this happened and how it was that he could do what he did after that fantastic act of love. Judas' heart was never right. 

Whatever else you see here, please know this. Jesus changed the very nature of friendship, love, empathy and what it means to serve with this act. His was a new command. We are no longer to lord it over those differently blessed. We are to love them. Share our privilege with them. Become Jesus to them. We are to be spiritual friends of like mind, not as a Christian work to achieve salvation, but because we love as our Lord loves. 

This is our highest calling.  

Friendship, Spiritual Friendship and Ministry

I do not have many friends. I am not ashamed of that. I think that it has to do with my definition of what a friend is. I prefer quality to quantity

A friend is someone that I can be totally honest with and not lose them because of my personality flaws. I have many. They are willing to be brutally honest with me when it's required, telling me what I need to hear, even if it pisses me off. Their personality characteristics should complement mine and not necessarily be like mine. They need to be intelligent enough to argue with me and gracious enough to forgive me. I need to be able to depend on them when I need support; a favor I am always compelled to return. Most importantly, they have to love me.

I get all this and much more from a handful of people in my life and these people have one thing in common. Consistency. They are always available to me and they love me. It is a spiritual thing.

Love is different for me because I am celibate. No sex. No marriage. Only friendships. Since the first two are missing in my life the last one has to fill a major void. There are many that do not want to get that deep with me. Usually it's because they are married or very private or not accustomed to this depth of friendship with someone other than maybe a spouse.

For me there is nothing better than a spiritual friendship. It's kind of like marriage without sex and the added bonus that you can go home at the end of the day. To know and be known. There is no greater bond. For me it is the closet thing to falling in love. It's emotional, it's intellectual and it can even be physical to a certain point without sexuality. These kinds of relationships can be difficult to navigate early on, you can get you heart stomped on if you choose poorly or you can create a bond that will last a lifetime.

Many people will say that this kind of friendship is unnatural for older adults, that this kind of friendship should be reserved for marriage and maybe that it's even homoerotic in some cases.

Well maybe. I don't care what people think. If you are my friend, you will experience the love and loyalty of a marriage partner without as much luggage. I'm kind of high maintenance. Don't worry about it. Please just be there. I will be fine. I'm self repairing in most instances.

I have been reading a book called, "Spiritual Friendship: Finding Love In The Church as a Celibate Gay Christian" by Wesley Hill. He is a very wise and well read man (he's a teacher) and he seems to understand what I talk about above in the same unique way. He is of the opinion that all Christians should become the type of friends that I describe above and he writes about it very eloquently in his book. His research centers around how the nature of friendship in Christian circles has changed through the centuries. He thinks we need to recapture many things that have been lost or replaced with shallow acquaintances that seem almost unspiritual. I have to agree with him. I would recommend his book to you. It would certainly help you to understand me better if you are trying to be a friend to me or if you think I have too much interest as my friend in your personal life. To that last I would say 'fear not'; you can trust me.

I guess what I am getting to is that if you really want to minister to people and be effective, you have to be willing to get involved with people intimately on a personal level. We have got to get to know them. We have to be willing to risk hurt and pain and being pissed off to move forward in a Christlike manner in relationship and spiritual friendship with others.

You can find such friendships in the Bible. They are natural and normal and sometimes hurtful, but they seem to be worth the trouble. David and Jonathan or Jesus and John come to mind. Oh to be John. Think of the things you would have been privy to.

To my brethren in the church, I would say this. We need to be closer. We need to be more honest with each other. We need to share our struggles and victories and how Christ helps us work through these. We need to be more than just shallow acquaintances that discuss fishing, lawn mowing and Aunt Mabel's nephrectomy as we gather at the church coffee shop.

I have been fortunate enough to experience spiritual friendship. I would like everyone to know the joy. There is nothing like it.    

Empathy and Privilege

On June 4th I wrote about sympathy and empathy. As I recall, I believe I said that sympathy was not something that has the Biblical  seal of approval, but empathy is deeply embedded in scripture and should be practiced by all believers. This is because it requires something of you besides a feeling. It is more than saying, as James put it, "be warmed and filled". It is actually making that happen. It's more than "raising awareness", as the kids say today. Empathy is about becoming actively involved in someone's life and ministering to their needs.

Jesus and the apostles actively taught the practice of empathy. They were especially sensitive to management of wealth as a tool that should be used to assist and minister to others. Those that did not use their material blessings to help others were received warnings. Those that loved their wealth more than God had a problem. When you boil it down, God is the source of everything we have, be it life, liberty or property or talent. He did not distribute it all equitably. Rather, He arranged it so that we could all share with each other the privileges we enjoy as gifts. I think the plan was to force us to need each other. So why don't we?

The social justice warriors (SJW) in our culture wield the word "privilege" like a weapon to beat down those that enjoy certain abilities, occupations, social positions or even political power in an effort to force the "privileged" to share. It should not be this way in the world or even in places like the Church; even so, the privileged continue to deny their privilege in the face of mounting evidence to the contrary.

Think about it for a minute (or an hour). If you are a white heterosexual male, you are at the top of the privilege pyramid. You don't even need money or power or social position to exercise your privilege. You are welcome and welcomed wherever you go by others of your kind. What's worse is that you don't even realize it. You do not think you have privilege simply because you are white, straight and a man. You might even argue the contrary. Think again boy!

Despite leveling of so many cultural institutions, white men still own 99% of everything. We still grow up learning to assert ourselves in ways that women do not learn until much later. Have you ever been in a business meeting with female coworkers? They have trouble being heard many times because the alpha male in the room is dominating the conversation and minimizing anything the females say. I have seen this a lot. It's not pretty.

Now imagine that you are a female person of color that is a lesbian in that situation. You become a token and an outsider in a group of white straight men that might find your peculiarities entertaining.

What I am saying is that if you are born with more privilege in a caste society, you have more responsibility to help others with less privilege or different privileges. Those of us that are differently blessed owe it to those who are higher to let them know what we have to contribute and how it can be useful.

As a white male, I did not understand this for years...decades. As a gay man now out of the closet, I am becoming very familiar with it.

God did not create us to oppress each other and hold each other down. He made us to use our individualities together to His Glory. He loves variety. To Him, vanilla is just another flavor and not the most popular. There is a rainbow of possibilities...pun intended.     

Two of Seven Reasons to Get a Goat

Here goes....

4. Security

Everybody knows the efficacy and safety provided by a good, loyal watchdog. But what about a watchgoat? Goats will bleat at everything and everyone that passes by your house, so you will always be kept aware of when somebody is near your property.
The surprise of hearing a goat bleating can startle off any potential intruder or solicitor.

5. Companionship

Though one might not immediately think of goats as a logical choice as a pet, these animals surprisingly exhibit many character traits that make them wonderful animal companions.
The fact that they are not as traditional as dogs, cats, birds, or fish, goats can actually provide wonderful companionship, entertainment, and joviality to your home.
Because most people associate goats as being only petting zoo or farm animals, they do not realize that they are actually very affectionate, loyal, intelligent, curious, and loving creatures.
This is why more people are keeping goats as pets with great success!
If you own a property with ample fenced-in outdoor space and an outdoor shelter, large goat breeds such as Nubians or Swiss Alpines are a great option.
However, even those with more limited space – but still with a decent amount of land – can look into a smaller breed like pygmy goats.
There are a few key things to be aware of if you are interested in keeping pet goats. First, keep in mind that goats are instinctively herd animals. This means that they naturally crave the presence of another of their own species.
Because of this, it is ideal for you to keep at least two goats as pets. This way, you will not have to leave your one singular goat by itself if you are not at home and tending to it.
Because they are intelligent and curious animals, boredom and loneliness may lead to destructive behaviors or attempts at escape. Do not let this warning deter you!
The same holds true for the more intelligent dog breeds as well. A goat’s intelligence and natural curiosity should be nurtured by you through a variety of rich stimuli and varied diets.
Also, make sure that you have enough space on your property to prevent your goats from feeling restricted.
Lastly, be sure to check with your city ordinances and find out the policy on animals and pets. Some municipalities do not consider goats as pets and, instead, only livestock.
If this is the case, it may not be legal for you to keep goats in a residential area. It is worth check up on, however, as having goats as pets can be a truly enriching and wonderful endeavor.




I think I'm a goat.

Lost

There is a line in the last stanza of a song called "Hard to Get" by Rich Mullins that I can relate to in ways that most people do not understand. Here is the line.

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led

The entire song makes for a good description of my spiritual life and I would encourage you to look up all the lyrics or maybe a video of Rich singing it. It is pregnant with profound meaning.

Back to the actual line though...sometimes we have to get completely lost on our journey before we get to the point where we are willing to let God drive. It begins with brutal honesty, first with yourself and finally with others. You then have to get out of the car, get into the passenger side and hand God the keys. Relinquishing control is the hard part because even if you are riding, you still want to tell Him how to drive.

I don't want to drive anymore. I want to go where He is taking me. I am now willing to shut up about His driving skills. I am now to the point where I just want to know if we are there yet.

It seems like everyone else around me knows exactly where they are going, but I also get the impression that they have not surrendered control to Him. They have their own destination in mind. I wonder if they are going to a destination that He would approve of. I wonder if they are hearing His Voice or if their own voices are drowning out the One.

We need, sometimes, to be reduced to our simplest form before God can use us. Some painful deconstruction needs to take place before rebuilding can begin. I think I have been through that and God is trying to build something in me and with me that can be useful to others. I feel like I am ahead of the the flock and even the shepherds in these things in some respects. Does that sound prideful and self righteous or is it possible that this is correct? If it is correct, then why will no one listen?

It's is because they are not lost enough yet to let themselves be led. I think they all may be there real soon though. Lord, please send them your Messenger for the time when they are ready to admit it. Take them gently and guide them. I will try to help if I can. I long for the day. I hope I am still here when you make life spring from death. Lord, you can do anything. I know you can do this. Make the rocks cry out so they will hear You. Shine Yourself directly in their eyes so they will see You. Blind them with Your glory and deafen them with Your holy noise. Please make them understand Who You are and what You want. In Your name Lord. Amen