Commitment and Oneness are the twin pillars of marriage. I know there are people that have written about many more 'pillars' in marriage. I think these two cover most everything.
One might well ask, "what do you know about it? You've never been married. You're gay."
These are valid objections. Experientially, I know nothing. I do know what I have observed. I know what I have read in God's Word. I am well aware of what Jesus and Paul said regarding marriage and divorce and the things that would justify divorce. What I find is two things. Sexual immorality or more correctly, sexual activity outside the bounds of the marriage covenant or the desire of an unbelieving partner to leave a believer are both seen as valid reasons to allow divorce.
Let me state up front that God hates divorce. He always has. But He also loves his people. When a sexually immoral or unbelieving partner wants to leave the marriage covenant and it appears there will be no resolution to that situation, God will accept that divorce for the sake of the believer.
No married person should have to accept infidelity or the confusion of their partner about their sexual identity. If the situation cannot be resolved, there comes a time where a decision must be made. The victim of this wavering mate must at some point decide to move on and allow their marriage to dissolve. Release will bring renewal to the one and force the offender to make choices and decisions about the direction of their life.
I say this knowing that both parties may still love each other in some fashion. They may both fear the loss of security that some think comes with being married. To this I would say that the division does not have to be acrimonious. Many divorced people go on to be friends and share in the joy of their children and grandchildren. They become friends rather than marriage partners which may be what they should have been all along.
There are many motivations for marriage. Sometimes it's sex within the bounds of God's will. Sometimes it's partnership and friendship and children with sex as a side benefit. People have different reasons to merge their vital interests. Some simply want children.
There are same sex attracted people that will marry only because they want children and they want to be able to operate and appear in the straight world as normal. They use their mate and family as a disguise. This is a gross violation of the two pillars. It is deception. It is manipulation. It is hateful and it is cruel. Those that do this often do not see it that way.
To those that have done this to their partners, I say repent. This will not be an easy process, but you need to get out of the secret activities and break the habits that will eventually destroy you. This process could take years. You will probably fail along the way. This is why you must rebuild your relationship with Jesus and understand that His well of grace never runs dry. If you have left the church, then go back. You may not want to go to places openly hostile to people like us. You will need a place that understands that we are all sinners; a place where you will receive unconditional love for your repentance and desire to turn away from the sin that seems so natural. It should be a church that will support you in some way with your struggle. Most important, stop using people for cover and for sex. It is duplicitous at best.
To the partner victims I say divorce and take every last crumb in the cupboard with you; you deserve better. Let God deal with the user you married. In some regard, this seems harsh, but enabling the user is not a good thing either. If you still love them, this might be the best thing for them.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Sex and Sin
I was discussing yesterday's post with a good friend. We took it off blog and to email. It was a good discussion and I hope I can answer her remaining questions here today.
Her last question was, how is gay sex any worse a sin than the sex outside of heterosexual marriage, i.e. adultery?
The short answer is it is not. Sin is, as you say, sin. If I implied anything else, I am sorry. The intention from our Creator from the beginning was that sex is reserved for men and women committed to each other in marriage. This is what the Lord intended for the entire human race. It is more than cultural. It is supposed to be this way for everyone, whether you believe or do not.
Having said that, there are some things about homosexuality that are uniquely sinful and in some ways more offensive to God than common adultery. This also comes from the created order. The family unit is to be a microcosm of God's relationship to His people. Men and women together in a binding lifetime marriage is representative of Christ's marriage to the Church. And just like marriages between men and women, The Church can be quite the adulterer - the whore. I would say 'slut', but I will reserve that for the Unitarians.
What follows here next is my opinion. It comes from experience and it comes from history. Only some of it comes from the Bible.
So...when two men or two women come together in a love relationship (or lust), even if it is a binding monogamous relationship, it is in opposition to the created order. It is in some ways worse than adultery and here is why. The physical bodies of men and women were intended to compliment each other. The woman was to be the submissive partner when united with a man in sexual union. For her submission, she receives control and authority to raise the children produced by the union with the advice and consent of her husband. I know this grates against the modern thought process and ideas about women's roles in the world and even the Church, but is, I believe, what God intended for our lives here. In eternity, I believe it will be different. Instead, we will ALL be in submission to God and there will be no marriage...but I digress.
Homosexuality flies in the face of this created order. The bodies of men do not compliment each other. If men are to love each other sexually and in a penetrative way, they must find other means. I'm sure you've noticed that men lack a vagina and some other equipment that you straight guys seem to enjoy. Instead, if you are a man loving another man, one of you must assume a role of submission sexually. In effect, the dominant partner makes a woman out of a man that God created to be a man. It is a violation of God's created order and his original intentions. It is also why the Old Testament describes homosexuality as an abomination. Men were not intended to submit to each other in a sexual way.
It is also impossible for this kind of union to produce children.
It is true that God created sexuality. It is also true that He put heavy restrictions on this gift. He did so for his pleasure and to create order. God is not the author of confusion. It's us that does that. It's that confusion that becomes sin and creates havoc in lives that were intended to be peaceful and joyful and in union with our God. It is our choices that continue to corrupt the race, both physically and spiritually.
Sin is sin and all of them are what God is not and what He does not want. Some sins though, are more devastating and life changing than others from our perspective. Adultery and homosexuality are two of these - sins committed with the body that can have devastating effects on those involved, both spiritual and physical. Sins committed outside the body will also effect your relationship with God, but they are not usually as destructive in a spiritual sense. Recovery from these kinds of sin is easier.
Got it? Or are you more confused?
Her last question was, how is gay sex any worse a sin than the sex outside of heterosexual marriage, i.e. adultery?
The short answer is it is not. Sin is, as you say, sin. If I implied anything else, I am sorry. The intention from our Creator from the beginning was that sex is reserved for men and women committed to each other in marriage. This is what the Lord intended for the entire human race. It is more than cultural. It is supposed to be this way for everyone, whether you believe or do not.
Having said that, there are some things about homosexuality that are uniquely sinful and in some ways more offensive to God than common adultery. This also comes from the created order. The family unit is to be a microcosm of God's relationship to His people. Men and women together in a binding lifetime marriage is representative of Christ's marriage to the Church. And just like marriages between men and women, The Church can be quite the adulterer - the whore. I would say 'slut', but I will reserve that for the Unitarians.
What follows here next is my opinion. It comes from experience and it comes from history. Only some of it comes from the Bible.
So...when two men or two women come together in a love relationship (or lust), even if it is a binding monogamous relationship, it is in opposition to the created order. It is in some ways worse than adultery and here is why. The physical bodies of men and women were intended to compliment each other. The woman was to be the submissive partner when united with a man in sexual union. For her submission, she receives control and authority to raise the children produced by the union with the advice and consent of her husband. I know this grates against the modern thought process and ideas about women's roles in the world and even the Church, but is, I believe, what God intended for our lives here. In eternity, I believe it will be different. Instead, we will ALL be in submission to God and there will be no marriage...but I digress.
Homosexuality flies in the face of this created order. The bodies of men do not compliment each other. If men are to love each other sexually and in a penetrative way, they must find other means. I'm sure you've noticed that men lack a vagina and some other equipment that you straight guys seem to enjoy. Instead, if you are a man loving another man, one of you must assume a role of submission sexually. In effect, the dominant partner makes a woman out of a man that God created to be a man. It is a violation of God's created order and his original intentions. It is also why the Old Testament describes homosexuality as an abomination. Men were not intended to submit to each other in a sexual way.
It is also impossible for this kind of union to produce children.
It is true that God created sexuality. It is also true that He put heavy restrictions on this gift. He did so for his pleasure and to create order. God is not the author of confusion. It's us that does that. It's that confusion that becomes sin and creates havoc in lives that were intended to be peaceful and joyful and in union with our God. It is our choices that continue to corrupt the race, both physically and spiritually.
Sin is sin and all of them are what God is not and what He does not want. Some sins though, are more devastating and life changing than others from our perspective. Adultery and homosexuality are two of these - sins committed with the body that can have devastating effects on those involved, both spiritual and physical. Sins committed outside the body will also effect your relationship with God, but they are not usually as destructive in a spiritual sense. Recovery from these kinds of sin is easier.
Got it? Or are you more confused?
Monday, May 16, 2016
"I Don't Trust You. I Don't Trust Anyone"
I heard that twice yesterday from two different same sex attracted men that I met in two different venues in my church of all places. Even so, both of these married men talked about these deeply personal issues issues with me that I doubt they would be willing to discuss with anyone else. It's because I understand how they feel. Neither one of them is out with their SSA status in any official way, though for at least one of them, most of his entire family knows. One of them is living on the down low in another part of the country and the other one is well guarded and regarded in his sexual behavior. Strangely, both of them talked about masturbation in a passing way, but neither of them wanted to discuss it's implications. We should talk about it one of these days. That time is not now. In one case, I started that conversation, but it did not go very far. They were both more than willing to discuss their likes and dislikes in men and whether or not they had been celibate. When I revealed my 36 year streak of 'no man' status, one of these guys said it had been maybe 36 hours hours for him. There was honesty in both conversations, but I thought, " if this is what they are willing to tell me when they do not trust me, what is the real truth?" Both of these men were practicing 'modest honesty' with me.
It occurs to me that I may be getting too direct for you. It is what it is my friend. If you need to go, I understand, but the things I need to say here have a direct bearing on the struggles that we endure as Christian same sex attracted men. We are at once an enigma and a contradiction. We love Jesus, we love our families (some of us have wives) and we love our churches, but the compulsion to satisfy our man appetites is great. The battle is constant and it is always on. Many of us lose regularly in the fight. We develop a self loathing that cannot be explained because we are constantly distracted by the desire and our failures in the fight.
I seem to be blessed with a lower sex drive than most. While I enjoy the company of men, I find that I do not want the baggage of deeper relationship or the brevity of soulless, anonymous sexual encounters. In short, I cannot live with those complications. I need consistency in my life. I hate riding the roller coaster that can be gay life. I need peace and peace of mind more than sex. I am not saying my life is easy. I'm saying that my life is as it is because I cannot live with the stress of living otherwise.
If the self loathing is going to stop, if we are going to desexualize our love for men, we have to drop the anger toward God about who we are and just submit to Him. It is the only way to learn to love ourselves and thus be able to love others in nonsexual ways.
As Jeremiah said, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
Well, our Creator understands it. He knows things about us that we have yet to grasp. He knows our potential and He knows how low we can go in our lives.
Brother, I say this to you. Throw yourself on His mercy and grace; submit to Him in every way that you are able. When you fail, and you will, go to Him for your handout. That well never runs dry. You will not lose your desire, but it will becomes less interesting as you grow in your own self love and your nonsexual love for others.
Some of us need to hit the bottom of the 'grace well' before we start to drink from it. So be it. It's going to hurt, but you may need to go there. My advice is drown yourself in it. The water is so satisfying. Then as you start your swim to the top, you will see what self forgiveness means and how to love others in a proper fashion.
On a personal note, I think I am sensing right now, the direction that the remainder of my life is supposed to take. I want my SSA brethren to know the contentment and joy I am currently experiencing. I think it can be that way for all of us. We just have to 'man up' and do it. Think about what I have said here. There is so much more to talk about.
It occurs to me that I may be getting too direct for you. It is what it is my friend. If you need to go, I understand, but the things I need to say here have a direct bearing on the struggles that we endure as Christian same sex attracted men. We are at once an enigma and a contradiction. We love Jesus, we love our families (some of us have wives) and we love our churches, but the compulsion to satisfy our man appetites is great. The battle is constant and it is always on. Many of us lose regularly in the fight. We develop a self loathing that cannot be explained because we are constantly distracted by the desire and our failures in the fight.
I seem to be blessed with a lower sex drive than most. While I enjoy the company of men, I find that I do not want the baggage of deeper relationship or the brevity of soulless, anonymous sexual encounters. In short, I cannot live with those complications. I need consistency in my life. I hate riding the roller coaster that can be gay life. I need peace and peace of mind more than sex. I am not saying my life is easy. I'm saying that my life is as it is because I cannot live with the stress of living otherwise.
If the self loathing is going to stop, if we are going to desexualize our love for men, we have to drop the anger toward God about who we are and just submit to Him. It is the only way to learn to love ourselves and thus be able to love others in nonsexual ways.
As Jeremiah said, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"
Well, our Creator understands it. He knows things about us that we have yet to grasp. He knows our potential and He knows how low we can go in our lives.
Brother, I say this to you. Throw yourself on His mercy and grace; submit to Him in every way that you are able. When you fail, and you will, go to Him for your handout. That well never runs dry. You will not lose your desire, but it will becomes less interesting as you grow in your own self love and your nonsexual love for others.
Some of us need to hit the bottom of the 'grace well' before we start to drink from it. So be it. It's going to hurt, but you may need to go there. My advice is drown yourself in it. The water is so satisfying. Then as you start your swim to the top, you will see what self forgiveness means and how to love others in a proper fashion.
On a personal note, I think I am sensing right now, the direction that the remainder of my life is supposed to take. I want my SSA brethren to know the contentment and joy I am currently experiencing. I think it can be that way for all of us. We just have to 'man up' and do it. Think about what I have said here. There is so much more to talk about.
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Problems With Chapter 9
As many of you are aware, I have been teaching "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach at church in two classes every Sunday. I do like the book. It goes a long way toward bringing peace to the Gay vs Christians debate that has been so prevalent in our part of the western world and western churches. It has also done much for me personally. It has helped me to explain to my straight brothers and sisters in the faith how LGBT people can be believers even though we are same sex attracted in our sexuality. It was also an integral part of getting free of my last great secret. I desperately wanted to get out of my closet and for them to be free of doubt about who I am in Christ. In the months since my release from this self imposed prison, my life and the lives of those around me have been filled with the joy of the Lord about this. I want this for all my kind. Only a very few have looked askance at what we are doing. Strangely, some of them are like me rather than the red necked heteros that you might expect.
I could go on, but that's not what I want to discuss here. I had some problems with some things that Caleb wrote in chapter 9. I would loved to sit down and discuss these items with him, but alas, he is not here, so I will go on without the blessing of his comments about my opinions. If y'all have anything to say, I'm listening.
Chapter 9 was all about "Another Way". It advised celibacy and maybe even heterosexual marriage for those of us LGBT folks that could do it. The celibacy I do. It's easier for me than contemplating a life of domestic bliss with someone I have no sexual attraction for. I have loved women for years. I enjoy their company. I enjoy spending time with them. The specter of sex with one, though, seems unnatural to me at best and downright gross at worst. Sorry ladies. I am not wired that way. I do not even think I could fake it with a dose of viagra and images of men in my mind. It just would not work.
And all of that brings me to this. Caleb thinks celibacy is a gift from God. He uses Paul's advice in I Corinthians 7 as evidence of this as well as the words of Jesus in Matthew 19.
My thought is that if celibacy is a gift, it's like getting socks for Christmas. Sure, everyone needs socks, but you don't want them for Christmas right? To my mind, celibacy was not so much a gift as it was a requirement. It was thrust on me if I wanted to be in an obedient relationship with my God. I was angry about this for a very long time. God and I did not talk much. The discussions we had were terse and, dare I say, unloving, at least for my part. I never really came to grasp just how much He loved me until much later. Needless to say, our relationship has improved. I am not so bitter about my sexual wiring...I still have my moments though. I rely on his love and grace when I feel weak. He does empower me and He does enable me.
I just do not see it as a gift. According to scripture, everyone, regardless of their sexual wiring must remain celibate until and unless they are married to a member of the opposite sex. And even then, our sexuality must remain in the bounds of that marriage. The restrictions are incredible given the power of the human sex drive.
Caleb also talks about choosing relationship with God over "any selfish fulfillment of my own desires." I have a problem with the use of the word 'selfish' here. My desires are not selfish, they are just desires. Again, it is the way I am wired. I want these things from time to time. A man gets tired of being alone...yes even me who loves to be alone. What I have learned over the years is that generally other men have been willing to spend time with me and be my friend. I have found a lot of satisfaction in these non-sexual relationships. Thanks guys for that. You know who you are and even so, you still love me just like Jesus does. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. It helps me to desexualize men and manhood in general...which is the key to actually being able to remain celibate...that and being very stubborn.
He also talks about "redeeming same sex attractions in heterosexual marriage" and he offers a real life example of this. A same sex attracted man marries his best female friend and they fall in love. She is the only woman he is attracted to because of his love for her even though he still experiences same sex attraction.
First, I guess I do not really understand how this redeems anything. He is still as gay as Dad's hatband. Second, I think this is a very dangerous practice. I can cite many real life examples where this failed spectacularly. I admire the willingness to sacrifice, especially on the part of the woman that enters a marriage knowing this. But if you choose to do this, know that the possibility of failure is great. This idea should come with a big ole warning sign. I'm sorry Caleb, I disagree. I want to know that "Jerry and Betty" are still married after 15 more years. Call me 2031.
He also talks about something he calls "same sex temptations" in this chapter. This is way too mild in it's description of what LGBT people experience. Our SSA status is hard wired in our brains. It is part of who we are in the deepest recesses of our hearts. It is even stronger than addiction. It takes monumental strength to stand against sexual desire. You straight people need to know this and Caleb is good at helping straight folks to come to an understanding of it. I just want you to know that it is much more than mere temptation. The power of sexuality is one of our strongest drives. Imagine if it were you that was being asked to give up your mate or any potential for family or a love life.
If you can imagine that, then you can understand where I and many of my brethren have been in this struggle. This is not just a bad habit or something we resort to because we cannot get an opposite sex partner. It is an immutable part of our personalities just as your heterosexuality is.
I wish it was not this way. I wish I could flip a switch and be straight. I can't! What nut job would actually choose to live this way if they had another option.
Not me. So tread lightly with me as I work out my salvation with fear and trembling. Ultimately God will be my judge. I am confident as I come to the close of my life about what comes after. Can you say the same thing?
To those who are like me but have not yet mastered the monster within, let me say this. You won't. You will always be same sex attracted. That is not going to change with anything short of a miracle. It is part of who you are. What you can do is minimize the impact of these desires on your souls and on your bodies. Stay away from porn and internet hook up sites. Lean heavily on Jesus and sympathetic empathetic friends. Find or even create a safe space where you can talk about this with other SSA's without the sexualization that so often encompasses our lives.
Lastly...and you may not like this. Come out to your straight Christian friends. There is strength and accountability in numbers. Yes, do it even if you're married. You should have told your wife or husband prior to making that commitment anyway. I am deadly serious here.
Stop the deception and the self deception. Just stop it. Know instead what it means to be free indeed.
What's not tried is never missed. Also, it's OK to be lonely as long as you're free. Seriously. It's OK.
I think I'm done now. Thanks for reading. Tomorrow I may tell you about my new friend. I hope he's still my friend tomorrow. We will see. It was good to talk. I know Someone else that would like to talk to you...He does love you. Start trying to wrap you mind around that. OK...goodnight!
I could go on, but that's not what I want to discuss here. I had some problems with some things that Caleb wrote in chapter 9. I would loved to sit down and discuss these items with him, but alas, he is not here, so I will go on without the blessing of his comments about my opinions. If y'all have anything to say, I'm listening.
Chapter 9 was all about "Another Way". It advised celibacy and maybe even heterosexual marriage for those of us LGBT folks that could do it. The celibacy I do. It's easier for me than contemplating a life of domestic bliss with someone I have no sexual attraction for. I have loved women for years. I enjoy their company. I enjoy spending time with them. The specter of sex with one, though, seems unnatural to me at best and downright gross at worst. Sorry ladies. I am not wired that way. I do not even think I could fake it with a dose of viagra and images of men in my mind. It just would not work.
And all of that brings me to this. Caleb thinks celibacy is a gift from God. He uses Paul's advice in I Corinthians 7 as evidence of this as well as the words of Jesus in Matthew 19.
My thought is that if celibacy is a gift, it's like getting socks for Christmas. Sure, everyone needs socks, but you don't want them for Christmas right? To my mind, celibacy was not so much a gift as it was a requirement. It was thrust on me if I wanted to be in an obedient relationship with my God. I was angry about this for a very long time. God and I did not talk much. The discussions we had were terse and, dare I say, unloving, at least for my part. I never really came to grasp just how much He loved me until much later. Needless to say, our relationship has improved. I am not so bitter about my sexual wiring...I still have my moments though. I rely on his love and grace when I feel weak. He does empower me and He does enable me.
I just do not see it as a gift. According to scripture, everyone, regardless of their sexual wiring must remain celibate until and unless they are married to a member of the opposite sex. And even then, our sexuality must remain in the bounds of that marriage. The restrictions are incredible given the power of the human sex drive.
Caleb also talks about choosing relationship with God over "any selfish fulfillment of my own desires." I have a problem with the use of the word 'selfish' here. My desires are not selfish, they are just desires. Again, it is the way I am wired. I want these things from time to time. A man gets tired of being alone...yes even me who loves to be alone. What I have learned over the years is that generally other men have been willing to spend time with me and be my friend. I have found a lot of satisfaction in these non-sexual relationships. Thanks guys for that. You know who you are and even so, you still love me just like Jesus does. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. It helps me to desexualize men and manhood in general...which is the key to actually being able to remain celibate...that and being very stubborn.
He also talks about "redeeming same sex attractions in heterosexual marriage" and he offers a real life example of this. A same sex attracted man marries his best female friend and they fall in love. She is the only woman he is attracted to because of his love for her even though he still experiences same sex attraction.
First, I guess I do not really understand how this redeems anything. He is still as gay as Dad's hatband. Second, I think this is a very dangerous practice. I can cite many real life examples where this failed spectacularly. I admire the willingness to sacrifice, especially on the part of the woman that enters a marriage knowing this. But if you choose to do this, know that the possibility of failure is great. This idea should come with a big ole warning sign. I'm sorry Caleb, I disagree. I want to know that "Jerry and Betty" are still married after 15 more years. Call me 2031.
He also talks about something he calls "same sex temptations" in this chapter. This is way too mild in it's description of what LGBT people experience. Our SSA status is hard wired in our brains. It is part of who we are in the deepest recesses of our hearts. It is even stronger than addiction. It takes monumental strength to stand against sexual desire. You straight people need to know this and Caleb is good at helping straight folks to come to an understanding of it. I just want you to know that it is much more than mere temptation. The power of sexuality is one of our strongest drives. Imagine if it were you that was being asked to give up your mate or any potential for family or a love life.
If you can imagine that, then you can understand where I and many of my brethren have been in this struggle. This is not just a bad habit or something we resort to because we cannot get an opposite sex partner. It is an immutable part of our personalities just as your heterosexuality is.
I wish it was not this way. I wish I could flip a switch and be straight. I can't! What nut job would actually choose to live this way if they had another option.
Not me. So tread lightly with me as I work out my salvation with fear and trembling. Ultimately God will be my judge. I am confident as I come to the close of my life about what comes after. Can you say the same thing?
To those who are like me but have not yet mastered the monster within, let me say this. You won't. You will always be same sex attracted. That is not going to change with anything short of a miracle. It is part of who you are. What you can do is minimize the impact of these desires on your souls and on your bodies. Stay away from porn and internet hook up sites. Lean heavily on Jesus and sympathetic empathetic friends. Find or even create a safe space where you can talk about this with other SSA's without the sexualization that so often encompasses our lives.
Lastly...and you may not like this. Come out to your straight Christian friends. There is strength and accountability in numbers. Yes, do it even if you're married. You should have told your wife or husband prior to making that commitment anyway. I am deadly serious here.
Stop the deception and the self deception. Just stop it. Know instead what it means to be free indeed.
What's not tried is never missed. Also, it's OK to be lonely as long as you're free. Seriously. It's OK.
I think I'm done now. Thanks for reading. Tomorrow I may tell you about my new friend. I hope he's still my friend tomorrow. We will see. It was good to talk. I know Someone else that would like to talk to you...He does love you. Start trying to wrap you mind around that. OK...goodnight!
Friday, May 13, 2016
Trust
The verses below from Proverbs have been haunting me. I have been thinking about them all day. Today I took Dad to the dentist and it was on the freakin wall of the waiting room as a work of art.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways, submit to Him
And He will make your paths straight
Lord, I think I'm beginning to get the message...is this what you are trying to say?
"Jeff, just close you eyes and fall back into My arms. I love you. Never question My motivations toward you or your motivations when you want to do My will. Just know that I am here. It does not really matter if you comprehend what is happening to you. You may not fully grock what I AM doing in your life or the lives around you. Again, it does not matter. All you need to know is that I AM here. Leave whatever it is to Me. I know all too well that there are some things you cannot handle on your own and some that you cannot deal with at all. You already know what I want. Just do it. I am walking in front of you and behind you. I will not let you fall unless you choose to. Follow me and we will continue in peace and joy and love and everlasting life."
Is that what You are trying to tell me Lord? Did I take it too personally or over-exaggerate Your point? Probably not. You did put it on the wall for me. Is it because I'm stupid? Silly question. Sorry. Lord, I love You. Sometimes I just need to quit thinking.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways, submit to Him
And He will make your paths straight
Lord, I think I'm beginning to get the message...is this what you are trying to say?
"Jeff, just close you eyes and fall back into My arms. I love you. Never question My motivations toward you or your motivations when you want to do My will. Just know that I am here. It does not really matter if you comprehend what is happening to you. You may not fully grock what I AM doing in your life or the lives around you. Again, it does not matter. All you need to know is that I AM here. Leave whatever it is to Me. I know all too well that there are some things you cannot handle on your own and some that you cannot deal with at all. You already know what I want. Just do it. I am walking in front of you and behind you. I will not let you fall unless you choose to. Follow me and we will continue in peace and joy and love and everlasting life."
Is that what You are trying to tell me Lord? Did I take it too personally or over-exaggerate Your point? Probably not. You did put it on the wall for me. Is it because I'm stupid? Silly question. Sorry. Lord, I love You. Sometimes I just need to quit thinking.
Six Degrees Of Separation
According to Wikipedia:
Six degrees of separation is the theory that everyone and everything is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world, so that a chain of "a friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps. It was originally set out by Frigyes Karinthy in 1929 and popularized by a 1990 play written by John Guare.
It was also a pretty good movie; one of Will Smith's early ventures. I would recommend a watch if you are not easily offended.
It is strange how we all seem to be connected in some way and interesting how many us share commonality of life and lifestyle even though we never talk about it with any more than modest honesty.
There is a wide variety of men and women throughout the world and across cultures that are united by one thing. We are same sex attracted (SSA). We all share the same urge to one degree or another and it plays itself out in accordance with the traditions and truths of the cultures and nations and religious backgrounds that we share. We seem to be able to recognize each other even when separated by language and heterosexual marriage. Sometimes it's gaydar. Sometimes it's because we know somebody that knows somebody that...you get my drift.
I guess my point in all this is that there are many and varied degrees of being SSA or lesbian or gay or Bi or trans-gendered or what ever recent label you would like to apply to us folks.
This is even true in American conservative Christian subculture.
There are people that go through their entire lives with same sex attractions that they never act on them. Some of them are married with children. Some of their partners know, but love binds them to each other and their families and their faith. Others of us distract ourselves with work and blogging and teaching :^) We do our best to remain celibate and in accordance with our faith principles. It would not surprise me to learn there are trans-gendered people at church that no one knows about. Probably some lesbians and maybe some bisexuals. And there are still others failing in their sexual purity walk in some way.
But it is not the flawed sexuality that unites us. It is the saving power of Jesus Christ that brings us all together under one roof with everyone else. We are saved by His blood because we believe in its power to overcome what some regard as the worst desires and sins. Therefore we are not separated from the rest of the body. Some of us SSA's even occupy important places in the Lord's church as teachers, musicians and even pastors and elders in some churches.
None of this means that we do not struggle from time in battle against our own flesh. We are no different than any other Christian in this regard. We within the Christian SSA community have a problem though. There are still many places where we cannot talk and share with our SSA brethren in a Christian environment. This is mostly because we are afraid. We are afraid of the other members of the body and we seem to be afraid of each other. This is unfortunate because we could learn so much from each others life experiences and we could support each other in our efforts toward holy living.
The church should welcome all sinners and help them make contact with the saving blood of Christ. Liars, fornicators, adulterers, pornophiles, gossips and hot heads have all found their place in the church and help from the brethren. It's now time for us SSA's to come forward. We need to throw off the shame of our hidden desires and turn it over to Christ and we need to guide each other down the path to holiness, following Jesus all that way.
There should no longer be degrees of separation between us. Gaydar should not be the way we secretly identify each other. We should cease the 'secrets' mentality entirely. Secrets can lead to sin. What we need now is accountability. We are uniquely equipped to help each other in that only we understand our SSA status. And since we also know Christ and have experienced His power in our lives, we should be able to help each other stand in times of struggle and trial.
I want to end the degrees of separation. Let's come out from among them and work together for the common good of the body.
Is this crazy talk? Are we strong enough to do this? Do we really want to be free or do we clutch to ourselves our SSA desires in reserve in case we want to choose the path of sin?
Someone might ask, 'what if I fail? What if it all becomes known? I want to talk; I want to get free and know the victory, but I cannot be that open.'
Brother...Sister, you have nothing to lose but your chains. There is strength in numbers and there is power from the Spirit among your fellow believers.
We should talk. Ya, I don't care if you are married. I don't care if you are involved in a SS relationship. I don't care if you're cruising gay porn and hook up sites by night. We should talk. Wouldn't you like to be free of all that? You cannot do it alone. You might feel some shame and fear from the initial confession, but you might also find it extremely liberating. You can know what it is to be driven by the love of Jesus and not sexual cravings. You can!
I do not promise you an easy trip. The battle is hard fought and lengthy. You will probably fail in your journey at least once and maybe more; but you will have with you those that understand our common enemy and how he uses the worst in us to destroy us and our relationship with our God. Together we can stand and fight.
I will also tell you that you will probably always have same sex attractions. It will not stop, but it might become easier to deal with if you have support. Why fight the battle alone?
Some things to think about eh? If you know me and you want to talk we can. If you are scared, so be it. I used to be scared of my own shadow.
Fear or Freedom? What will it be?
Six degrees of separation is the theory that everyone and everything is six or fewer steps away, by way of introduction, from any other person in the world, so that a chain of "a friend of a friend" statements can be made to connect any two people in a maximum of six steps. It was originally set out by Frigyes Karinthy in 1929 and popularized by a 1990 play written by John Guare.
It was also a pretty good movie; one of Will Smith's early ventures. I would recommend a watch if you are not easily offended.
It is strange how we all seem to be connected in some way and interesting how many us share commonality of life and lifestyle even though we never talk about it with any more than modest honesty.
There is a wide variety of men and women throughout the world and across cultures that are united by one thing. We are same sex attracted (SSA). We all share the same urge to one degree or another and it plays itself out in accordance with the traditions and truths of the cultures and nations and religious backgrounds that we share. We seem to be able to recognize each other even when separated by language and heterosexual marriage. Sometimes it's gaydar. Sometimes it's because we know somebody that knows somebody that...you get my drift.
I guess my point in all this is that there are many and varied degrees of being SSA or lesbian or gay or Bi or trans-gendered or what ever recent label you would like to apply to us folks.
This is even true in American conservative Christian subculture.
There are people that go through their entire lives with same sex attractions that they never act on them. Some of them are married with children. Some of their partners know, but love binds them to each other and their families and their faith. Others of us distract ourselves with work and blogging and teaching :^) We do our best to remain celibate and in accordance with our faith principles. It would not surprise me to learn there are trans-gendered people at church that no one knows about. Probably some lesbians and maybe some bisexuals. And there are still others failing in their sexual purity walk in some way.
But it is not the flawed sexuality that unites us. It is the saving power of Jesus Christ that brings us all together under one roof with everyone else. We are saved by His blood because we believe in its power to overcome what some regard as the worst desires and sins. Therefore we are not separated from the rest of the body. Some of us SSA's even occupy important places in the Lord's church as teachers, musicians and even pastors and elders in some churches.
None of this means that we do not struggle from time in battle against our own flesh. We are no different than any other Christian in this regard. We within the Christian SSA community have a problem though. There are still many places where we cannot talk and share with our SSA brethren in a Christian environment. This is mostly because we are afraid. We are afraid of the other members of the body and we seem to be afraid of each other. This is unfortunate because we could learn so much from each others life experiences and we could support each other in our efforts toward holy living.
The church should welcome all sinners and help them make contact with the saving blood of Christ. Liars, fornicators, adulterers, pornophiles, gossips and hot heads have all found their place in the church and help from the brethren. It's now time for us SSA's to come forward. We need to throw off the shame of our hidden desires and turn it over to Christ and we need to guide each other down the path to holiness, following Jesus all that way.
There should no longer be degrees of separation between us. Gaydar should not be the way we secretly identify each other. We should cease the 'secrets' mentality entirely. Secrets can lead to sin. What we need now is accountability. We are uniquely equipped to help each other in that only we understand our SSA status. And since we also know Christ and have experienced His power in our lives, we should be able to help each other stand in times of struggle and trial.
I want to end the degrees of separation. Let's come out from among them and work together for the common good of the body.
Is this crazy talk? Are we strong enough to do this? Do we really want to be free or do we clutch to ourselves our SSA desires in reserve in case we want to choose the path of sin?
Someone might ask, 'what if I fail? What if it all becomes known? I want to talk; I want to get free and know the victory, but I cannot be that open.'
Brother...Sister, you have nothing to lose but your chains. There is strength in numbers and there is power from the Spirit among your fellow believers.
We should talk. Ya, I don't care if you are married. I don't care if you are involved in a SS relationship. I don't care if you're cruising gay porn and hook up sites by night. We should talk. Wouldn't you like to be free of all that? You cannot do it alone. You might feel some shame and fear from the initial confession, but you might also find it extremely liberating. You can know what it is to be driven by the love of Jesus and not sexual cravings. You can!
I do not promise you an easy trip. The battle is hard fought and lengthy. You will probably fail in your journey at least once and maybe more; but you will have with you those that understand our common enemy and how he uses the worst in us to destroy us and our relationship with our God. Together we can stand and fight.
I will also tell you that you will probably always have same sex attractions. It will not stop, but it might become easier to deal with if you have support. Why fight the battle alone?
Some things to think about eh? If you know me and you want to talk we can. If you are scared, so be it. I used to be scared of my own shadow.
Fear or Freedom? What will it be?
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Practicing Modest Honesty
Modest honesty. It sounds so kind and diplomatic and unoffensive. It is at once transparent and deceptive. It is almost the truth about about whatever we have done to offend God or our neighbor. It is what we do when we want to hide the painful truth of our own sins and desires by couching them in past tense terminology or generalizations that conceal the real offense. We do this when we interact with others and we do this to ourselves. We want to be good or recovered or holy and we will do what we need to do to appear that way before our brothers and sisters in Christ.
Modest honesty is a lie.
We will cop to our sins in this life and our bentness of heart, but we do not always come completely clean. We hold back. We do not want to offend and we do not want to encourage our sin or glorify it. We also do not want to look bad or be too embarrassed or seem like one of God's failed projects.
Shouldn't we stop this practice? How will we ever heal our spiritual wounds if we continue to lie to our brothers and sisters and to ourselves and even to God Himself about where we are in our spiritual brokeness? How about we practice brutal "R" rated honesty with each other? We rip off that last veneer coating on our souls that seems transparent but covers a multitude of damages. We could show each other who we really are, pock marks, tool gouges and all, then begin to heal.
Scary? Yip. Is it necessary? Will it makes us too uncomfortable to talk to each other? I do not know the answer to those last two. Yet. I am working on it.
I just think about how God knows us without those comforting, modest (dis)honesties that we practice. I think about how it's all going to be laid bare on the Great and Terrible day.
Brother, if you are embarrassed about the truth now, you ain't seen nothin yet. Dude, everybody is gonna know. Everyone will be watching. That's why we should fix whatever it is now or at least make some peace with it. We can only do that by speaking frankly about our current spiritual conditions. Am I wrong?
Whatever....
As I consider the possibility of a group of SSA Christians that gather to commiserate, confess, help each other, and uplift each other in their struggles, I'm thinking that the only way this will work is without the modest honesty that so many Christians practice. We have to be willing to strip ourselves bare of the pretentious moderations of the truth.
This, again, is scary. It scares me and most likely anyone else that might participate in such a group. I can see how it might take a while to get to this point. I just want this to work. My questions, "will it?"
Modest honesty is a lie.
We will cop to our sins in this life and our bentness of heart, but we do not always come completely clean. We hold back. We do not want to offend and we do not want to encourage our sin or glorify it. We also do not want to look bad or be too embarrassed or seem like one of God's failed projects.
Shouldn't we stop this practice? How will we ever heal our spiritual wounds if we continue to lie to our brothers and sisters and to ourselves and even to God Himself about where we are in our spiritual brokeness? How about we practice brutal "R" rated honesty with each other? We rip off that last veneer coating on our souls that seems transparent but covers a multitude of damages. We could show each other who we really are, pock marks, tool gouges and all, then begin to heal.
Scary? Yip. Is it necessary? Will it makes us too uncomfortable to talk to each other? I do not know the answer to those last two. Yet. I am working on it.
I just think about how God knows us without those comforting, modest (dis)honesties that we practice. I think about how it's all going to be laid bare on the Great and Terrible day.
Brother, if you are embarrassed about the truth now, you ain't seen nothin yet. Dude, everybody is gonna know. Everyone will be watching. That's why we should fix whatever it is now or at least make some peace with it. We can only do that by speaking frankly about our current spiritual conditions. Am I wrong?
Whatever....
As I consider the possibility of a group of SSA Christians that gather to commiserate, confess, help each other, and uplift each other in their struggles, I'm thinking that the only way this will work is without the modest honesty that so many Christians practice. We have to be willing to strip ourselves bare of the pretentious moderations of the truth.
This, again, is scary. It scares me and most likely anyone else that might participate in such a group. I can see how it might take a while to get to this point. I just want this to work. My questions, "will it?"
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
A Big Brother
I was reading a post at YOB from January 6th by Tom Zuniga. Tom is one of the better writers at YOB. He is not as prolific as some of the boys, but the quality and content is always excellent. On this particular day he wrote about how he had always wanted a big brother. Then today, another writer at YOB, Dean Samuels, wrote a similar post entitled, "Which Kind Of Brother Do I Want?". Both of these guys experience SSA to some degree, both are Christian, but Dean is married; Tom is not. Tom is celibate in a way that even I have not been. In another post he talked about being 29 years old and having never been kissed. Purity is a wonderful thing, even so I digress.
Both posts brought back memories of my childhood and a particular yearning that I had until I was almost 10 years old. I wanted a big brother; an older sibling to show me the way in life. This is passing strange on some levels because I am an oldest and only child. Any other children my parents produced would have been younger. If it happened, I would only ever have little brothers or sisters. This did not stop me from urging Dennis and Laurie to adopt me an older brother. He would not be for them. He was going to be for me. I remember considering this as early as 3 years old. As someone accustomed to getting the things in life that he wanted, I could not understand why they would not "buy" me a big brother. I got everything else that my little mind could come up with to ask for. The entire line of toy John Deere farm equipment. The first talking edition of Casper, the friendly ghost. A Vaccuform. A Thing Maker. Tricycles, bicycles and wagons. A ventriloquist's dummy (Charlie McCarthy edition). Why could I not have this? Why would they not get me a big brother? What was the big deal?
I had this idealized vision of my big brother. He would be smarter than me (I know it's hard to imagine someone smarter than me). He would show me how to do things. We would do things together. He would love me and watch out for me and he would always be with me. He would be someone I could look up to as a model of who I was supposed to be. I was desperate for a male in my life to fill all of these needs. In short, I had expectations. This would be no ordinary brother.
In the real world, I knew many kids that had big brothers. With only a few exceptions, the horror stories were replete with beatings, teasings, trickings and over all cruelty. I knew from my own experience with older male cousins that such things happened. I, nevertheless, pushed forward with my idealized vision of the perfect male companion. It was not reality based. It was not psychologically healthy. But it was what I wanted.
As I got older (10 to 12 years old), my desire for an older brother morphed into something else. I had male friends, many of whom were a year or so older than me that I began to idolize for various reasons. I would not call it sexual at that point, but it was like I was the big dog's puppy sometimes. Then, after about 12 years old, I began to have feelings for these friends and everything changed. My hormones began to rage with pubescent sexual desire. These guys I was looking up to became objects of emotional yearnings that I just could not sort out. After that, I began to withdraw from my male friends and things went down hill from there.
It was all an unmitigated teenage disaster that blew up into an adult war with God, with myself and with what I knew to be the Truth.
So tell me. How is that from early childhood I have been looking for the perfect man to love me? Where did that come from? Why was I (am I) so needy? I had plenty of male attention from family members as I grew up. I had several male friends I was close to.
Sometimes I just feel like Pinocchio. I look at Gepetto and I tell him, "I just want to be a real boy".
Both posts brought back memories of my childhood and a particular yearning that I had until I was almost 10 years old. I wanted a big brother; an older sibling to show me the way in life. This is passing strange on some levels because I am an oldest and only child. Any other children my parents produced would have been younger. If it happened, I would only ever have little brothers or sisters. This did not stop me from urging Dennis and Laurie to adopt me an older brother. He would not be for them. He was going to be for me. I remember considering this as early as 3 years old. As someone accustomed to getting the things in life that he wanted, I could not understand why they would not "buy" me a big brother. I got everything else that my little mind could come up with to ask for. The entire line of toy John Deere farm equipment. The first talking edition of Casper, the friendly ghost. A Vaccuform. A Thing Maker. Tricycles, bicycles and wagons. A ventriloquist's dummy (Charlie McCarthy edition). Why could I not have this? Why would they not get me a big brother? What was the big deal?
I had this idealized vision of my big brother. He would be smarter than me (I know it's hard to imagine someone smarter than me). He would show me how to do things. We would do things together. He would love me and watch out for me and he would always be with me. He would be someone I could look up to as a model of who I was supposed to be. I was desperate for a male in my life to fill all of these needs. In short, I had expectations. This would be no ordinary brother.
In the real world, I knew many kids that had big brothers. With only a few exceptions, the horror stories were replete with beatings, teasings, trickings and over all cruelty. I knew from my own experience with older male cousins that such things happened. I, nevertheless, pushed forward with my idealized vision of the perfect male companion. It was not reality based. It was not psychologically healthy. But it was what I wanted.
As I got older (10 to 12 years old), my desire for an older brother morphed into something else. I had male friends, many of whom were a year or so older than me that I began to idolize for various reasons. I would not call it sexual at that point, but it was like I was the big dog's puppy sometimes. Then, after about 12 years old, I began to have feelings for these friends and everything changed. My hormones began to rage with pubescent sexual desire. These guys I was looking up to became objects of emotional yearnings that I just could not sort out. After that, I began to withdraw from my male friends and things went down hill from there.
It was all an unmitigated teenage disaster that blew up into an adult war with God, with myself and with what I knew to be the Truth.
So tell me. How is that from early childhood I have been looking for the perfect man to love me? Where did that come from? Why was I (am I) so needy? I had plenty of male attention from family members as I grew up. I had several male friends I was close to.
Sometimes I just feel like Pinocchio. I look at Gepetto and I tell him, "I just want to be a real boy".
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Flamer Alert
That was close. Just had a flamer buzz the pastry counter at Caribou. Then he ordered coffee with it and took off. He (and I use that term loosely) was the definition of obvious. Pink stretch pants, light jacket, Pompadour black hair and a fluorescent green clutch with a strap. His arms were raised in an effeminate manner, kangaroo like, as he struggled to get money out. He looked and sounded a bit like Fran Drescher.
It's one of those things you see from time to time and wonder what got him to this place in his life. Has he always been more woman than man? Did he create this persona himself or does it seem natural to be as he is? I also find myself wondering if men like this are deliberately making fun of women with their characterizations.
There are many things in the LGBT world that I have never understood and this is probably because of my limited experience. I am so glad I am not like he is. I just want to tell guys like this to man up. They have effectively demasculinized themselves. Women probably laugh at him and straight guys would probably want to beat him up. He was a walking stereotype.
There are many extremes in the LGBT world. There are men and women that over- masculinize in the equal and opposite way that this one over-feminized. It is as if they are in a struggle to desperately identify who they are to themselves since they are not sure.
I can relate a bit to this struggle. It has just never manifested itself in this overt way. I pass really well in the straight world. Unless you know me personally, you would never believe I was gay. I am not butch, but I am masculine; just not in a 'gay' way. When I was a teenager, however, I was into leather for awhile. I loved the smell of it. I still have my rawhide jacket with the fringe reminiscent of Daniel Boone or Davey Crockett. Those guys were real men. As I got older, my leather became more fashionable, but I finally had to ditch it. As styles changed, it began to look gay to me. I never wanted to look like that. Still don't. I have a prejudice against effeminate men that I cannot get rid of. Even so, this is who some of my brothers are and I need to love them.
Now here's a bit of personal weirdness that, in some ways, helps me relate to the flamer of the day here at Caribou.
There is a female cop that comes in here regularly. If she is not the "L" in LGBT, I will turn in my gay card. She is actually kind of attractive to me and I think it's because she is so masculine. She is a short pile of well conditioned muscle from top to bottom. She is flat chested, wears no make up and stands in such a way, that I do believe she could kick my ass without much effort. Almost makes me want to get arrested. If you think about it, she is really trying to attract a woman by looking like a man and it's not working.
Maybe that's what I need; a musclebound lesbian to have my babies (;^). We could get married. She could keep the lawn mowed and the car waxed and I could do the domestic stuff. And and...wait for it...we could both go fishing together. It would be the best of all possible worlds...except...it would just be very weird, especially if I discovered too late that in addition to the usual equipment, she had a penis.
You think I'm kidding? This stuff really happens and there are people just like this. You don't know.
I keep thinking of that song from the 70's that The Kinks sang..."Lola". It's about a transgendered person picking up a unsuspecting young man. There's a line in it that explains the current world situation quite well
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
I do not know how we get to be the way we are. I do not know why there are LGBT people in the world. But we are here. Some of us you can't miss. Others, like me, fly under the radar most of the time and we do it well. Even so, we are here. We are in your churches, in your families, your places of work and at the coffee shop. Please don't hate us even as we try not to hate ourselves and each other.
It's one of those things you see from time to time and wonder what got him to this place in his life. Has he always been more woman than man? Did he create this persona himself or does it seem natural to be as he is? I also find myself wondering if men like this are deliberately making fun of women with their characterizations.
There are many things in the LGBT world that I have never understood and this is probably because of my limited experience. I am so glad I am not like he is. I just want to tell guys like this to man up. They have effectively demasculinized themselves. Women probably laugh at him and straight guys would probably want to beat him up. He was a walking stereotype.
There are many extremes in the LGBT world. There are men and women that over- masculinize in the equal and opposite way that this one over-feminized. It is as if they are in a struggle to desperately identify who they are to themselves since they are not sure.
I can relate a bit to this struggle. It has just never manifested itself in this overt way. I pass really well in the straight world. Unless you know me personally, you would never believe I was gay. I am not butch, but I am masculine; just not in a 'gay' way. When I was a teenager, however, I was into leather for awhile. I loved the smell of it. I still have my rawhide jacket with the fringe reminiscent of Daniel Boone or Davey Crockett. Those guys were real men. As I got older, my leather became more fashionable, but I finally had to ditch it. As styles changed, it began to look gay to me. I never wanted to look like that. Still don't. I have a prejudice against effeminate men that I cannot get rid of. Even so, this is who some of my brothers are and I need to love them.
Now here's a bit of personal weirdness that, in some ways, helps me relate to the flamer of the day here at Caribou.
There is a female cop that comes in here regularly. If she is not the "L" in LGBT, I will turn in my gay card. She is actually kind of attractive to me and I think it's because she is so masculine. She is a short pile of well conditioned muscle from top to bottom. She is flat chested, wears no make up and stands in such a way, that I do believe she could kick my ass without much effort. Almost makes me want to get arrested. If you think about it, she is really trying to attract a woman by looking like a man and it's not working.
Maybe that's what I need; a musclebound lesbian to have my babies (;^). We could get married. She could keep the lawn mowed and the car waxed and I could do the domestic stuff. And and...wait for it...we could both go fishing together. It would be the best of all possible worlds...except...it would just be very weird, especially if I discovered too late that in addition to the usual equipment, she had a penis.
You think I'm kidding? This stuff really happens and there are people just like this. You don't know.
I keep thinking of that song from the 70's that The Kinks sang..."Lola". It's about a transgendered person picking up a unsuspecting young man. There's a line in it that explains the current world situation quite well
Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola
I do not know how we get to be the way we are. I do not know why there are LGBT people in the world. But we are here. Some of us you can't miss. Others, like me, fly under the radar most of the time and we do it well. Even so, we are here. We are in your churches, in your families, your places of work and at the coffee shop. Please don't hate us even as we try not to hate ourselves and each other.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Free Indeed
In John 8:31 and 32, Jesus said to His Jewish believers, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Then, in John 8:34-36, in discussions with those that did not believe in Him He said, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
I think that we who believe in Jesus want these things for ourselves. We want to know the truth. We want to be free, to be free from sin and it's penalties, to be free of the guilt and pain associated with not living in the truth. We are tired of being slaves. We want to be part of God's family; His sons and daughters. We long to be "free indeed".
Many times however, the truth does not set us free. Instead, it makes us angry or guilty or regretful or whatever else you can think of besides free. When Christians are faced with this situation we either change or investigate the matter or tell whoever delivered the "inconvenient truth" that they are wrong.
Let me tell you right now, if whatever it is... is the truth, than you or I or anyone else that holds a contrary view is wrong and we will never be free until we make peace with this truth.
This is why I am longing for a place for people like me to gather in community. For centuries, same sex attracted (SSA) Christian people have hidden in the shadows of the Church. This has no more been our choice than our SSA status. I know that some would like to argue that last point. I will not go there today except to say that you need to get a grasp on "the truth". There are varying degrees of SSA among those that struggle with it. Some of us can make opposite sex marriage work. For others of us, there is no hope of this. This is me in case you're wondering
.
Many SSA's have married and have opposite sex partners that know of their mate's other desires. Some of have married and never told their opposite sex partners. Either way, this is possible because they love their partners and have at least some sexual desire for them in particular. Still others of us, most of us, have never married because we can't. We do not have a heterosexual bone in our bodies. We may enjoy the company of the opposite sex and spend much of our time with them, but we have no sexual attraction to them. For us, if we are Christian, if we know the truth, we must remain celibate.
What I would like to do is create a meeting place where we SSA types can all get together regularly to discuss our SSA issues. I think we need to bring together the married SSA's with the single celibates and even those SSA Christians that are in 'the life', but want out of it. There is much to discuss. We can help and support each other. We can vent. We can be ourselves. We can share in the struggle and uphold Jesus as our King and our brother.
One might ask, "what about anonymity?" Good question. Y'all may not be out like me. My answer is this. A promise of anonymity to anyone that joins the group. Secrecy of the membership. If you're in the closet, you will only have to crack the door enough to talk to us, whoever 'us' may be. It's true that we may already know you. Your secret will be safe with us until you choose otherwise. Such a group would never have 'outing' as its purpose.
Someone else might ask, "how will you prevent this from becoming a 'hook up' meeting?". Another good and slightly touchy, mildly offensive question. First, we are all Christ followers. We are called either to man/woman marriage or singleness, but nothing else. We all must acknowledge this, even though some of us may be failing. This would, in fact be one of the purposes of the group. Accountability.
I think another major purpose would be to desexualize our relationships with the same sex/gender and especially those we find ourselves attracted to. We need to face facts. Most of us SSA Christian guys do not spend much time with those of our own sex because - ya, you know. If we think they are hot, we get all embarrassed and and and whatever. If we were not subconsciously or even consciously sexualizing them, this would not happen. What do I mean by 'desexualize'? Here's an excerpt from the YOB website.
"What needs to happen, then, is a desexualization of what is improperly sexual to us. Most of my own sexualization of men was based on a need to be loved and accepted by them, to be one of them; it was a need for intimacy and connection and to see that I was indeed completely man myself."
I think we can defuse some of that. I really do. Even before coming out, I made some straight male friends. It has been the best thing for me. I love these guys, but I am not in love with them. I like to spend time with them, but I do not want to sleep with them. Why? Because they are my friends and I do not want to do anything to injure that relationship or what we share in Christ.
It can be a beautiful thing can it not?
I am just now beginning to consider all this. If I let my imagination run free with the idea, I can see Christian chapters of SSA Anonymous or something similar springing up in Christian communities everywhere, crossing denominational barriers and national borders.
We need to stop hiding. We love Jesus and we love our brothers and sisters in Christ. We bring so much to the table in terms of talent at church and we need to get free of the obstacles that are holding us back from further creation. We are a creative bunch. God loves us and that's why he saved us. With the help of the Spirit and each other, we can all become much more than what we are in the body of Christ.
As a side note, this will NOT be a place for repairative or conversion therapy. If you have an interest in such things, it can still be pursued with professionals outside of this proposed group, but it is not something that I believe should fall under the group mission. I have reasons for this that I would discuss with anyone that wanted to talk about it.
So....
Am I the only one that thinks this might be a good idea? Shall we embrace the Truth of who we are and free ourselves from it? Now might be just the time for it.
I can't say that any of this will ever happen. I can't say that I should be the one to do it. I am not what you would call a strong leader. I may not be a leader at all when I stop and think about it. I just want people to be free of fear when they come to Jesus and His church. I want us to be a people that approach God's throne of grace with boldness. I want that for all of us. Church should be a safe place; a no hate zone. This needs to happen in some way shape or form now.
We need to know the Truth so that the Truth can set us free...free indeed.
Then, in John 8:34-36, in discussions with those that did not believe in Him He said, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. 35 Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
I think that we who believe in Jesus want these things for ourselves. We want to know the truth. We want to be free, to be free from sin and it's penalties, to be free of the guilt and pain associated with not living in the truth. We are tired of being slaves. We want to be part of God's family; His sons and daughters. We long to be "free indeed".
Many times however, the truth does not set us free. Instead, it makes us angry or guilty or regretful or whatever else you can think of besides free. When Christians are faced with this situation we either change or investigate the matter or tell whoever delivered the "inconvenient truth" that they are wrong.
Let me tell you right now, if whatever it is... is the truth, than you or I or anyone else that holds a contrary view is wrong and we will never be free until we make peace with this truth.
This is why I am longing for a place for people like me to gather in community. For centuries, same sex attracted (SSA) Christian people have hidden in the shadows of the Church. This has no more been our choice than our SSA status. I know that some would like to argue that last point. I will not go there today except to say that you need to get a grasp on "the truth". There are varying degrees of SSA among those that struggle with it. Some of us can make opposite sex marriage work. For others of us, there is no hope of this. This is me in case you're wondering
.
Many SSA's have married and have opposite sex partners that know of their mate's other desires. Some of have married and never told their opposite sex partners. Either way, this is possible because they love their partners and have at least some sexual desire for them in particular. Still others of us, most of us, have never married because we can't. We do not have a heterosexual bone in our bodies. We may enjoy the company of the opposite sex and spend much of our time with them, but we have no sexual attraction to them. For us, if we are Christian, if we know the truth, we must remain celibate.
What I would like to do is create a meeting place where we SSA types can all get together regularly to discuss our SSA issues. I think we need to bring together the married SSA's with the single celibates and even those SSA Christians that are in 'the life', but want out of it. There is much to discuss. We can help and support each other. We can vent. We can be ourselves. We can share in the struggle and uphold Jesus as our King and our brother.
One might ask, "what about anonymity?" Good question. Y'all may not be out like me. My answer is this. A promise of anonymity to anyone that joins the group. Secrecy of the membership. If you're in the closet, you will only have to crack the door enough to talk to us, whoever 'us' may be. It's true that we may already know you. Your secret will be safe with us until you choose otherwise. Such a group would never have 'outing' as its purpose.
Someone else might ask, "how will you prevent this from becoming a 'hook up' meeting?". Another good and slightly touchy, mildly offensive question. First, we are all Christ followers. We are called either to man/woman marriage or singleness, but nothing else. We all must acknowledge this, even though some of us may be failing. This would, in fact be one of the purposes of the group. Accountability.
I think another major purpose would be to desexualize our relationships with the same sex/gender and especially those we find ourselves attracted to. We need to face facts. Most of us SSA Christian guys do not spend much time with those of our own sex because - ya, you know. If we think they are hot, we get all embarrassed and and and whatever. If we were not subconsciously or even consciously sexualizing them, this would not happen. What do I mean by 'desexualize'? Here's an excerpt from the YOB website.
"What needs to happen, then, is a desexualization of what is improperly sexual to us. Most of my own sexualization of men was based on a need to be loved and accepted by them, to be one of them; it was a need for intimacy and connection and to see that I was indeed completely man myself."
I think we can defuse some of that. I really do. Even before coming out, I made some straight male friends. It has been the best thing for me. I love these guys, but I am not in love with them. I like to spend time with them, but I do not want to sleep with them. Why? Because they are my friends and I do not want to do anything to injure that relationship or what we share in Christ.
It can be a beautiful thing can it not?
I am just now beginning to consider all this. If I let my imagination run free with the idea, I can see Christian chapters of SSA Anonymous or something similar springing up in Christian communities everywhere, crossing denominational barriers and national borders.
We need to stop hiding. We love Jesus and we love our brothers and sisters in Christ. We bring so much to the table in terms of talent at church and we need to get free of the obstacles that are holding us back from further creation. We are a creative bunch. God loves us and that's why he saved us. With the help of the Spirit and each other, we can all become much more than what we are in the body of Christ.
As a side note, this will NOT be a place for repairative or conversion therapy. If you have an interest in such things, it can still be pursued with professionals outside of this proposed group, but it is not something that I believe should fall under the group mission. I have reasons for this that I would discuss with anyone that wanted to talk about it.
So....
Am I the only one that thinks this might be a good idea? Shall we embrace the Truth of who we are and free ourselves from it? Now might be just the time for it.
I can't say that any of this will ever happen. I can't say that I should be the one to do it. I am not what you would call a strong leader. I may not be a leader at all when I stop and think about it. I just want people to be free of fear when they come to Jesus and His church. I want us to be a people that approach God's throne of grace with boldness. I want that for all of us. Church should be a safe place; a no hate zone. This needs to happen in some way shape or form now.
We need to know the Truth so that the Truth can set us free...free indeed.
Longing for a Better Country
It's because I have always felt like a foreigner and alien here and most everywhere I go. I have never felt like one of you, whoever you are. I might work with you or go to the same church with you or you might be part of my family. I probably even love you if I know you, but I feel unconnected from you and every single thing going on around me for reasons I can't really explain.
Then life's spot light moves toward me and everyone is watching. Weird huh?
It's like I've been watching a movie being made. The plot continues to unfold, then I become part of the cast. I have a role to play. It's a rather involved role that I received as a 'walk on' to the movie set. I started interacting with the cast late in life. I am integral to the plot, but the rest of the cast and writers cannot figure out where to put me so I become self directing, writing my own character as the filming proceeds. Never mind everyone elses role. A new plot line is in the offing that may give rise to a new film.
Suddenly there is interest in what I have to say and in my role in the film. My character tries to interact. He is having a hard time because he is so different from the others. The producers worry that he will threaten the "G" rated film they are trying to produce, driving the rating to an "R". Nevertheless, my character boldly asserts himself.
We do not deal well with people that do not conform to our preconceived notions of reality or the plots in our particular films. We have problems with where to put these people in our lives. Then when they take a position front and center in our little celluloid lifetime extravaganzas, we just want to find a way to write them out of the plot.
I can remember when I was young, there were very few black people in films and virtually none on television . When they finally did begin appearing with regularity it was as if no one knew where to put them in the white plot scenarios and so the character usually died somewhere in the film.
This is the way it's been for me and my life. Being a same sex attracted Christian in a conservative American church where everyone knows who you are (including the SSA part) is tough. They think I'm interesting, but I do not think they really know what to do with me. It has been an adventure for everyone involved. I have felt the acceptance of my brothers and sisters. They empathize with my struggles. They support. They love me. But I still feel like an adopted member of their "movie cast".
It's not their fault. I do not blame them. It's me. I can not get shed of how foreign I feel even though I have a place and a role and have been accepted as a costar in their film.
What is it with me?
I think I know what's missing. I know there are others like me at church. Only one has confided in me his truth, his secret, but I know there are others. One of them just came into the coffee shop where I am writing this. I saw him and he saw me but not at the same time. He came in, got his order and walked out. We did not acknowledge each other's presence.
We go to the same damn church (there goes the 'G' rating). It's not a big church. Not a Sunday goes by that we do not actually see each other or walk by each other. Though he's never been to my class, I regularly see him praising the Lord with his talents, but we have never talked. What is up with that? Is this entirely my fault...or does he too feel alien and foreign? Maybe.
Why can't we be who we are? Why can't we talk? Is this my fault? Is it because I am 'out' in our little movie that we do not talk? Is it because you think I might harbor unvirtuous feelings toward you? Look Bud, I am not an old pervert OK?
(Ghog is projecting here. He does this. When he's too scared to talk to someone, he blames the victim and since, I'm Ghog, I'm not sure why I'm talking parenthetically.)
I know that some have this picture of me in their mind as old, boring and conservative. There is some truth in this, but I think most folks still find me at least interesting. I don't know...or maybe I do.
I know that I wrote last week in a negative way about ministry to same sex attracted people. I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong. I do not often say that and since you know that, you are probably listening.
Guys...we are Sons of the Most High. We should not go through this life with this struggle alone. We need to help and support each other as we stand up for our King. We need some community of our own. I think we all have 'stuff ' we need to unload. Tell me I'm wrong about that! You know I'm not. Let's bust some walls down. I think we are just about ready. I've been trying to educate the straight folks at church and condition them to be able to talk about this stuff. We need to talk too.
I do not feel a call to lead a ministry or a small group. I do not want us to segregate ourselves. I do think we have things we can discuss that only we would understand and be able to help each other with. Is that so crazy? Let me leave you with this from Hebrews 11:13-16.
13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Lets quit wandering around this desert alone and find our new place to live together in peace with our God. That's all I'm saying.
Does any of this make sense? I hope so. Maybe I need to refine my thought processes. Not sure. I can tell you the Spirit is moving me to do something. I am hoping I don't mess it up. If you are out there and you are like me, pray that he guides me and that I listen. I have this urge to set people free. I do not want to hurt anyone in that process.
Now let's make this movie.
Then life's spot light moves toward me and everyone is watching. Weird huh?
It's like I've been watching a movie being made. The plot continues to unfold, then I become part of the cast. I have a role to play. It's a rather involved role that I received as a 'walk on' to the movie set. I started interacting with the cast late in life. I am integral to the plot, but the rest of the cast and writers cannot figure out where to put me so I become self directing, writing my own character as the filming proceeds. Never mind everyone elses role. A new plot line is in the offing that may give rise to a new film.
Suddenly there is interest in what I have to say and in my role in the film. My character tries to interact. He is having a hard time because he is so different from the others. The producers worry that he will threaten the "G" rated film they are trying to produce, driving the rating to an "R". Nevertheless, my character boldly asserts himself.
We do not deal well with people that do not conform to our preconceived notions of reality or the plots in our particular films. We have problems with where to put these people in our lives. Then when they take a position front and center in our little celluloid lifetime extravaganzas, we just want to find a way to write them out of the plot.
I can remember when I was young, there were very few black people in films and virtually none on television . When they finally did begin appearing with regularity it was as if no one knew where to put them in the white plot scenarios and so the character usually died somewhere in the film.
This is the way it's been for me and my life. Being a same sex attracted Christian in a conservative American church where everyone knows who you are (including the SSA part) is tough. They think I'm interesting, but I do not think they really know what to do with me. It has been an adventure for everyone involved. I have felt the acceptance of my brothers and sisters. They empathize with my struggles. They support. They love me. But I still feel like an adopted member of their "movie cast".
It's not their fault. I do not blame them. It's me. I can not get shed of how foreign I feel even though I have a place and a role and have been accepted as a costar in their film.
What is it with me?
I think I know what's missing. I know there are others like me at church. Only one has confided in me his truth, his secret, but I know there are others. One of them just came into the coffee shop where I am writing this. I saw him and he saw me but not at the same time. He came in, got his order and walked out. We did not acknowledge each other's presence.
We go to the same damn church (there goes the 'G' rating). It's not a big church. Not a Sunday goes by that we do not actually see each other or walk by each other. Though he's never been to my class, I regularly see him praising the Lord with his talents, but we have never talked. What is up with that? Is this entirely my fault...or does he too feel alien and foreign? Maybe.
Why can't we be who we are? Why can't we talk? Is this my fault? Is it because I am 'out' in our little movie that we do not talk? Is it because you think I might harbor unvirtuous feelings toward you? Look Bud, I am not an old pervert OK?
(Ghog is projecting here. He does this. When he's too scared to talk to someone, he blames the victim and since, I'm Ghog, I'm not sure why I'm talking parenthetically.)
I know that some have this picture of me in their mind as old, boring and conservative. There is some truth in this, but I think most folks still find me at least interesting. I don't know...or maybe I do.
I know that I wrote last week in a negative way about ministry to same sex attracted people. I have come to the conclusion that I was wrong. I do not often say that and since you know that, you are probably listening.
Guys...we are Sons of the Most High. We should not go through this life with this struggle alone. We need to help and support each other as we stand up for our King. We need some community of our own. I think we all have 'stuff ' we need to unload. Tell me I'm wrong about that! You know I'm not. Let's bust some walls down. I think we are just about ready. I've been trying to educate the straight folks at church and condition them to be able to talk about this stuff. We need to talk too.
I do not feel a call to lead a ministry or a small group. I do not want us to segregate ourselves. I do think we have things we can discuss that only we would understand and be able to help each other with. Is that so crazy? Let me leave you with this from Hebrews 11:13-16.
13 All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. 14 People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15 If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Lets quit wandering around this desert alone and find our new place to live together in peace with our God. That's all I'm saying.
Does any of this make sense? I hope so. Maybe I need to refine my thought processes. Not sure. I can tell you the Spirit is moving me to do something. I am hoping I don't mess it up. If you are out there and you are like me, pray that he guides me and that I listen. I have this urge to set people free. I do not want to hurt anyone in that process.
Now let's make this movie.
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Your Other Brothers
I have discovered a blog you might want to visit. It's called Your Other Brothers. I would issue one caveat. If you think I "overshare" here sometimes, then you may not want to go there. The guys are very frank about their lives as same sex attracted Christians. they discuss everything. I mean everything. They even managed to embarrass me. Even so, I found myself both laughing and crying and sympathizing and agonizing with them.
There are 14 of them in total and they all have their own stories as well as interesting blog posts. They all seem to be between 20 and 30 years old. Some are married...to women... that know who they are and I believe some have children.
I am so happy for them that they have built this place where they can be honest and open about their struggles and help the rest of us at the same time. It's some good stuff.
Here is an excerpt from "Elliot's Story Chapter One"
"But the most significant memory from this period of my life occurred when I was riding my tricycle around the parking lot watching David play basketball with some of the other kids from the trailer park. The sun was setting and the sky was a vibrant orange.
One of the boys was not wearing a shirt, and it mesmerized me.
His name was Brad, and he was very tan. The warm setting summer sun glistened off his maturing body as he jumped for the basketball hoop. My trance was broken when my brother yelled at me for being in the way, so I rode home.
That was the first time I remember being physically attracted to another guy. I remember fantasizing about that boy for years afterward. To this day, he is just as vivid in my memory. I find it odd that a three-year-old would have such a strong physical, almost sexual attraction at all — let alone to another boy. That makes me question if there are some other memories that may have been suppressed and lost in the dark hallways of that trailer."
It's all high quality stuff. The writing is great. The stories are great. The topics are diverse. Take a look. I would like to write for them, but they seem to be well in advance of me in their skills. They are a courageous bunch.
There are 14 of them in total and they all have their own stories as well as interesting blog posts. They all seem to be between 20 and 30 years old. Some are married...to women... that know who they are and I believe some have children.
I am so happy for them that they have built this place where they can be honest and open about their struggles and help the rest of us at the same time. It's some good stuff.
Here is an excerpt from "Elliot's Story Chapter One"
"But the most significant memory from this period of my life occurred when I was riding my tricycle around the parking lot watching David play basketball with some of the other kids from the trailer park. The sun was setting and the sky was a vibrant orange.
One of the boys was not wearing a shirt, and it mesmerized me.
His name was Brad, and he was very tan. The warm setting summer sun glistened off his maturing body as he jumped for the basketball hoop. My trance was broken when my brother yelled at me for being in the way, so I rode home.
That was the first time I remember being physically attracted to another guy. I remember fantasizing about that boy for years afterward. To this day, he is just as vivid in my memory. I find it odd that a three-year-old would have such a strong physical, almost sexual attraction at all — let alone to another boy. That makes me question if there are some other memories that may have been suppressed and lost in the dark hallways of that trailer."
It's all high quality stuff. The writing is great. The stories are great. The topics are diverse. Take a look. I would like to write for them, but they seem to be well in advance of me in their skills. They are a courageous bunch.
Friday, May 6, 2016
It Is What It Is...
I kind of hate that expression, mostly because it gets overused and even abused, but there is much truth in it, especially when one discusses the sin so inherent in the human race. We all sin. I may have mentioned that before. The idea is not original with me. It's in the Bible. All have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God. Paul said that somewhere in his letter to the Roman Church I think.
I may also have mentioned in the past that sin is anything contrary to the will of God. Those things that are sinful are defined quite well in the Bible. Sin is not merely behavior or activity. It can begin with a thought that is nursed to the point of desire. A simple distraction can turn into a covetous moment, a lie, an angry tirade or a year and a half long affair with someone of your own sex. No, sin is much more than mere behavior. It is a condition of the human heart. Jesus said that it is what is inside of a man that makes him unclean. Sin is desire from within for...for...whatever, for the things or activities that God says we can not have or should not participate in.
So why do we single out some sins as more tolerable than others? Is it because there are simply more covetous liars than there are homosexuals? Does a majority sinner get more leeway than a minority sinner? I'm thinking not, at least from the Lord's perspective. However, this is not true among humans. There are certain sinful activities which are more common than others and so we tend to wink at those and feel better about ourselves as we reach out and condemn those afflicted with the really big sins, whatever those might be in our culture at whatever time in history we live. This is true both inside and outside God's church.
So what causes us to sin? Why does someone covet? Why do people like to gossip? Why does someone have sex with his neighbor's wife? Why do I think the guy that just walked in to the coffee shop is really hot and I want to get to know him?
It comes down to what is in our hearts does it not? Somewhere deep inside all of us is the broken, bent desire to please ourselves and ignore our neighbors and our Creator.
Someone asked me what causes homosexuality? Did God make a mistake? Was I born this way? Is it genetic or environmental? Is it nature or nurture? Is it just a behavior to be avoided?
My answer has become this.
I don't know and it does not matter. That's right. It does not matter. You may as well ask what makes someone a self righteous arbitrator of someone else's sins? We are a broken race my friends. We are sinful. Our spiritual genetics are messed up and so we are out of plumb with our Creator's desire for what we should be. Our ancestors chose their own will over God's and so sin became systemic in the race. It's why we need Jesus. It's why God sent Him. It is what it is and why God does what He does. He wants to save us from our own self destructive behavior because He loves us.
I'm still not sure why, but I know that He does love us. What's more, He has paid the debt that sin accrues; even the sins not yet committed. Yes Christian, you have sinned, you will sin today and you will sin in the future. You may even sin on the day you die. He has paid for that and He loves you.
Do not stand back from the adulterer, murderer or sodomite pointing the fickle finger of condemnation. Rather go look in the mirror. Jesus died for your sins too. I do not know what causes you to be self righteous or to covet or lie about your own purity, but I love you anyway, mostly because God loves you.
Now sit down with me, a sinner, and be my friend. We will talk. We have much in common. Together we will walk with Jesus and help each other out of our grave clothes. We will see what it like to live in His glorious light, loving each other as He intended.
I don't know why I'm gay. I can tell you that it feels hard wired in me, like He made me this way. It is what it is. I just know that Jesus loved me enough to give His life for me.
Lord, I accept your gift.
I may also have mentioned in the past that sin is anything contrary to the will of God. Those things that are sinful are defined quite well in the Bible. Sin is not merely behavior or activity. It can begin with a thought that is nursed to the point of desire. A simple distraction can turn into a covetous moment, a lie, an angry tirade or a year and a half long affair with someone of your own sex. No, sin is much more than mere behavior. It is a condition of the human heart. Jesus said that it is what is inside of a man that makes him unclean. Sin is desire from within for...for...whatever, for the things or activities that God says we can not have or should not participate in.
So why do we single out some sins as more tolerable than others? Is it because there are simply more covetous liars than there are homosexuals? Does a majority sinner get more leeway than a minority sinner? I'm thinking not, at least from the Lord's perspective. However, this is not true among humans. There are certain sinful activities which are more common than others and so we tend to wink at those and feel better about ourselves as we reach out and condemn those afflicted with the really big sins, whatever those might be in our culture at whatever time in history we live. This is true both inside and outside God's church.
So what causes us to sin? Why does someone covet? Why do people like to gossip? Why does someone have sex with his neighbor's wife? Why do I think the guy that just walked in to the coffee shop is really hot and I want to get to know him?
It comes down to what is in our hearts does it not? Somewhere deep inside all of us is the broken, bent desire to please ourselves and ignore our neighbors and our Creator.
Someone asked me what causes homosexuality? Did God make a mistake? Was I born this way? Is it genetic or environmental? Is it nature or nurture? Is it just a behavior to be avoided?
My answer has become this.
I don't know and it does not matter. That's right. It does not matter. You may as well ask what makes someone a self righteous arbitrator of someone else's sins? We are a broken race my friends. We are sinful. Our spiritual genetics are messed up and so we are out of plumb with our Creator's desire for what we should be. Our ancestors chose their own will over God's and so sin became systemic in the race. It's why we need Jesus. It's why God sent Him. It is what it is and why God does what He does. He wants to save us from our own self destructive behavior because He loves us.
I'm still not sure why, but I know that He does love us. What's more, He has paid the debt that sin accrues; even the sins not yet committed. Yes Christian, you have sinned, you will sin today and you will sin in the future. You may even sin on the day you die. He has paid for that and He loves you.
Do not stand back from the adulterer, murderer or sodomite pointing the fickle finger of condemnation. Rather go look in the mirror. Jesus died for your sins too. I do not know what causes you to be self righteous or to covet or lie about your own purity, but I love you anyway, mostly because God loves you.
Now sit down with me, a sinner, and be my friend. We will talk. We have much in common. Together we will walk with Jesus and help each other out of our grave clothes. We will see what it like to live in His glorious light, loving each other as He intended.
I don't know why I'm gay. I can tell you that it feels hard wired in me, like He made me this way. It is what it is. I just know that Jesus loved me enough to give His life for me.
Lord, I accept your gift.
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Some Excerpts From Brent at 'Odd Man Out'
Brent Bailey's wisdom on the subject of being gay and a Christ follower continues to fascinate me. From his blog post on "Loving Men", I would like to share some of his wisdom here and comment. If you disagree, it's OK. It is some edgy stuff. It might throw some of you straight guys into panic mode. Don't be afraid. It's possible for me to love you without being in love with you and I think that's Brent's point (at the risk of putting words in his mouth).
So how does a gay guy love a straight guy or another gay guy without it leading to desire? Is that possible? Maybe...maybe not. Brent says this,
"I remain persuaded—even as the witness of other gay and lesbian Christians raises urgent, pressing doubts—that there are certain expressions of my love for men from which I should refrain, namely, the expressions involving bodies and souls mingling in physical intimacy. What has changed is the possibility that my orientation might not drive me inevitably toward sin but that it could serve as an avenue for my life to manifest the love of Jesus in tangible, ongoing ways with others, a love that isn’t self-obsessed but that serves, forgives, and endures the other. Or, as Eve Tushnet put it, “[My orientation is] inextricable from who I am and how I live in the world. Therefore I can’t help but think it’s inextricable from my vocation.” God has used my queerness for immeasurable good in my life, especially since I came out, and my orientation seems to be a key element in the relationships and ministry to which God will call me in the years ahead."
And then there is this...
"I said that the way I try to love men now is “confusing but profoundly satisfying,” and I meant it, especially the “confusing” part. This is unfamiliar terrain for me and for the friends in my life—some of whom I’ve felt attracted to, some of whom are gay themselves, some of whom have great legs, you get the picture—and the art of embracing my affections for certain men as an impetus to love them while remaining conscious of the inherent peril is a dance whose steps I’m still learning. Loving men as someone who is gay and celibate demands more honesty and self-awareness than I usually have the courage to conjure up. Even when I do manage to accomplish some measure of honesty or self-awareness, the content of my honesty is elusive and amorphous. My friends aren’t surrogate boyfriends or husbands, and whereas I do share deep intimacy with them, it’s undoubtedly different from the intimacy spouses share. There are misunderstandings, and the stakes of those misunderstandings are high, because my friends and I are sexual creatures with skin in the game. It’s risky like love inevitably must be, because the things I feel aren’t always admirable, so confession and forgiveness necessarily abound. Nevertheless, I meant the “satisfying” part, too. Interactions charged with an electric rush can give way to intimacy, fear can cave under delight, and the love I possess, which I interpret as an imprint of the one who created me, can find its objects."
And finally...
" One friend, whom I love as family, chose his words deliberately: “You handle friendship like a vocation.” The kind of conversations about sexuality I find myself having now move in this direction: about life together with friends, about honesty and confession and forgiveness, about the variety of vocations that might lead to our flourishing in God. If nothing else seems certain to me, it feels possible now in a way it didn’t before that the love of Jesus might be manifested in my life, with all my friends but perhaps especially so in the friendships I’ll share with men. “Greater love has no one than this,” Jesus says in John 15, and I don’t think the act of laying “down one’s life for one’s friends” excludes the friendships that the spark of sexual chemistry kindles."
This is, to me, some beautiful stuff. It is a way of riding the tension and still being able to accomplish what Jesus intended. For most of my life, I have avoided close friendships with men. There are very few that I have deliberately interacted with because of fear. If I am befriending them, is it because I find something attractive about them? Will it lead to lust? Why do I want to be friends with this man?
Strangely, it has worked the same way with potential gay friends. I have stood back because I have feared a conflict of interest with my faith.
In the name of spiritual purity, I have missed out on friendships that could have been life changing. I have avoided relationship and taken on loneliness as a virtue to avoid the possibility of sin.
Ya know what? That does not work. I have found that I am completely capable of of lust and desire, even when I am completely alone. So why am I depriving myself of relationships and friendships which might be useful in my pursuit of Christ and to everyone concerned?
I will not do this anymore. If I risk a bit of temptation, if I delight in a new friendship that makes me blush a bit, so be it. I will ride the tension right to the edge to gain intimate non-physical friendship with my brothers in the faith.
So guys, if I smile at you and look you in the eye, don't panic. I'm harmless. I might just need a friend. OK? You might need a friend too. I, surprisingly, understand all the 'man baggage' that your wives may not grasp. We can talk...seriously. I do not have leprosy. I have another perspective. I am your Brother in the body of Christ.
So how does a gay guy love a straight guy or another gay guy without it leading to desire? Is that possible? Maybe...maybe not. Brent says this,
"I remain persuaded—even as the witness of other gay and lesbian Christians raises urgent, pressing doubts—that there are certain expressions of my love for men from which I should refrain, namely, the expressions involving bodies and souls mingling in physical intimacy. What has changed is the possibility that my orientation might not drive me inevitably toward sin but that it could serve as an avenue for my life to manifest the love of Jesus in tangible, ongoing ways with others, a love that isn’t self-obsessed but that serves, forgives, and endures the other. Or, as Eve Tushnet put it, “[My orientation is] inextricable from who I am and how I live in the world. Therefore I can’t help but think it’s inextricable from my vocation.” God has used my queerness for immeasurable good in my life, especially since I came out, and my orientation seems to be a key element in the relationships and ministry to which God will call me in the years ahead."
And then there is this...
"I said that the way I try to love men now is “confusing but profoundly satisfying,” and I meant it, especially the “confusing” part. This is unfamiliar terrain for me and for the friends in my life—some of whom I’ve felt attracted to, some of whom are gay themselves, some of whom have great legs, you get the picture—and the art of embracing my affections for certain men as an impetus to love them while remaining conscious of the inherent peril is a dance whose steps I’m still learning. Loving men as someone who is gay and celibate demands more honesty and self-awareness than I usually have the courage to conjure up. Even when I do manage to accomplish some measure of honesty or self-awareness, the content of my honesty is elusive and amorphous. My friends aren’t surrogate boyfriends or husbands, and whereas I do share deep intimacy with them, it’s undoubtedly different from the intimacy spouses share. There are misunderstandings, and the stakes of those misunderstandings are high, because my friends and I are sexual creatures with skin in the game. It’s risky like love inevitably must be, because the things I feel aren’t always admirable, so confession and forgiveness necessarily abound. Nevertheless, I meant the “satisfying” part, too. Interactions charged with an electric rush can give way to intimacy, fear can cave under delight, and the love I possess, which I interpret as an imprint of the one who created me, can find its objects."
And finally...
" One friend, whom I love as family, chose his words deliberately: “You handle friendship like a vocation.” The kind of conversations about sexuality I find myself having now move in this direction: about life together with friends, about honesty and confession and forgiveness, about the variety of vocations that might lead to our flourishing in God. If nothing else seems certain to me, it feels possible now in a way it didn’t before that the love of Jesus might be manifested in my life, with all my friends but perhaps especially so in the friendships I’ll share with men. “Greater love has no one than this,” Jesus says in John 15, and I don’t think the act of laying “down one’s life for one’s friends” excludes the friendships that the spark of sexual chemistry kindles."
This is, to me, some beautiful stuff. It is a way of riding the tension and still being able to accomplish what Jesus intended. For most of my life, I have avoided close friendships with men. There are very few that I have deliberately interacted with because of fear. If I am befriending them, is it because I find something attractive about them? Will it lead to lust? Why do I want to be friends with this man?
Strangely, it has worked the same way with potential gay friends. I have stood back because I have feared a conflict of interest with my faith.
In the name of spiritual purity, I have missed out on friendships that could have been life changing. I have avoided relationship and taken on loneliness as a virtue to avoid the possibility of sin.
Ya know what? That does not work. I have found that I am completely capable of of lust and desire, even when I am completely alone. So why am I depriving myself of relationships and friendships which might be useful in my pursuit of Christ and to everyone concerned?
I will not do this anymore. If I risk a bit of temptation, if I delight in a new friendship that makes me blush a bit, so be it. I will ride the tension right to the edge to gain intimate non-physical friendship with my brothers in the faith.
So guys, if I smile at you and look you in the eye, don't panic. I'm harmless. I might just need a friend. OK? You might need a friend too. I, surprisingly, understand all the 'man baggage' that your wives may not grasp. We can talk...seriously. I do not have leprosy. I have another perspective. I am your Brother in the body of Christ.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Odd Man Out
If you have an opportunity, you need to visit "Odd Man Out". It's a blog written by Brent Bailey who is a gay celibate Christian. I have not completed his "background check" just yet, but I believe he is a graduate of the same school as I am and that he has worked for the Marin Foundation. Beyond that, I think he has ministered in a church or two.
I am going to give you a few links to his writing below. I want you to go and have a read. Please be prepared to spend some time. The man is deeply intellectual and also deeply faithful and he writes in accordance with those factors. He knows who he is and what he as to do about it. I wish I could write like him. I'm a bit smitten. Here to some good reading
http://oddmanout.net/post/135827424496/loving-men
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/loveisanorientation/2012/06/to-know-and-be-known/
Love Y'all. See ya in church.
I am going to give you a few links to his writing below. I want you to go and have a read. Please be prepared to spend some time. The man is deeply intellectual and also deeply faithful and he writes in accordance with those factors. He knows who he is and what he as to do about it. I wish I could write like him. I'm a bit smitten. Here to some good reading
http://oddmanout.net/post/135827424496/loving-men
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/loveisanorientation/2012/06/to-know-and-be-known/
Love Y'all. See ya in church.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
A Ministry For Gay People?
Really? Why?
I Corinthians 12:25, 26
25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
We do not need to be segregated and we should not self segregate within the church. We are all part of the body of Christ and there is so much we can learn from each other and about each other. How will we ever resolve the things that may be separating us if we do not minister to each other whether straight or same sex attracted or whatever. We must accept each other in full fellowship, ministering to each other, sharing victories and suffering. We are one Body, the bride of Christ.
Do you remember the the resurrection of Lazarus in John 11:38-44.
John 11:38-44
38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”
Jesus goes to the tomb of Lazarus. Though Lazarus had been dead for four days, Jesus commands that the stone be rolled away, even after objections over the potential odor of decay. He commands that Lazarus rise and come forth alive and so he did, well and wrapped in strips of cloth like a dead man. Jesus then calls for his friends to unwrap the grave clothes binding Lazarus to free him from death's restraint and death's stench.
We are all new creations in Christ my brethren. He has raised us from death to life so that He can lead us home. He commands us to help each other get free of the grave clothes and the stench of sin and death, so we can move on to life together as one body, His bride, His Church. There is no need for separation or separate ministries or special ministries.
Would you set up a special ministry for fornicators, adulterers and pornophiles? Would you have a covetousness ministry or maybe gossipers anonymous? Maybe one for the haters?
Come on people. Let's do this Church thing together. All have sinned and fallen short right? We can maybe help each other with that and Jesus can guide us.
What did Paul tell the Colossians?
Colossians 3:1-17
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
This is the way to go friends. We must walk this path together. Come on! I dare you! Admonish me already!
Love Y'all. See ya in Church!
I Corinthians 12:25, 26
25 so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. 26 If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.
We do not need to be segregated and we should not self segregate within the church. We are all part of the body of Christ and there is so much we can learn from each other and about each other. How will we ever resolve the things that may be separating us if we do not minister to each other whether straight or same sex attracted or whatever. We must accept each other in full fellowship, ministering to each other, sharing victories and suffering. We are one Body, the bride of Christ.
Do you remember the the resurrection of Lazarus in John 11:38-44.
John 11:38-44
38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. 39 “Take away the stone,” he said.
“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”
40 Then Jesus said, “Did I not tell you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”
41 So they took away the stone. Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
Jesus said to them, “Take off the grave clothes and let him go.”
Jesus goes to the tomb of Lazarus. Though Lazarus had been dead for four days, Jesus commands that the stone be rolled away, even after objections over the potential odor of decay. He commands that Lazarus rise and come forth alive and so he did, well and wrapped in strips of cloth like a dead man. Jesus then calls for his friends to unwrap the grave clothes binding Lazarus to free him from death's restraint and death's stench.
We are all new creations in Christ my brethren. He has raised us from death to life so that He can lead us home. He commands us to help each other get free of the grave clothes and the stench of sin and death, so we can move on to life together as one body, His bride, His Church. There is no need for separation or separate ministries or special ministries.
Would you set up a special ministry for fornicators, adulterers and pornophiles? Would you have a covetousness ministry or maybe gossipers anonymous? Maybe one for the haters?
Come on people. Let's do this Church thing together. All have sinned and fallen short right? We can maybe help each other with that and Jesus can guide us.
What did Paul tell the Colossians?
Colossians 3:1-17
3 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
This is the way to go friends. We must walk this path together. Come on! I dare you! Admonish me already!
Love Y'all. See ya in Church!
Monday, May 2, 2016
The Unvaccinated
Seriously. If you believe that vaccination is the answer to stop disease and epidemic, then by all means go ahead. I will not try and stop you. So why is it that your kind wants to force me, by law, to take the same mercury adjuvent enhanced injections?
Just sayin....
Donald, You Have To Use A Wooden Stake
From "The Hill":
Trump gets 41 percent to Clinton's 39 percent in the new poll.
I'm really beginning to believe she will go down like a Japanese Zero in 1944.
She is Bush II in a dress. Another member of the bi-factional war party.
Send her to Guantanamo for her war crimes in Libya and Syria, but do not make her president of the United States.
We have to Stop the Whore of Babylon. Donald is the man for the job.
Friday, April 29, 2016
The Mandela Effect
Are you familiar with the Mandela Effect? "The Mandela effect is a theory put forth by writer and paranormal consultant, Fiona Broome that shared false memories are in fact glimpses into parallel worlds with different timelines."
The name for the effect comes from a false, shared memory that many people have of Nelson Mandela dying in prison rather than eventually being released to become the leader of South Africa. This is not one of my false memories, but I think I do have them and I believe, in some cases, they are shared by others. Do you remember when you were a kid reading the children's books about The Berenstein Bears?
Apparently they have always been the Berenstain Bears.
I know. I was shocked when I heard this and I swore that somewhere I actually had one of these books with "my" spelling on the cover. I am still not convinced that it was not once The Berenstein Bears. I am almost sure there has been some kind of glitch in the matrix that has caused this.
There are a number of things like this that groups of people recall differently than others. It makes me think of Winston Smith in 1984 and the changing "reality" in his world. "We have always been at war with East Asia" or "we have never been at war with East Asia". In the book, Winston works for the Ministry of Truth, altering official history and media reports to reflect the needs of Big Brother to maintain control.
As I said, there are many other things like this...like the spelling of Reba McEntire's name. Didn't she used to be Reba McIntyre?
I was also one that thought Billy Graham and Muhammad Ali were dead. I, of course stand corrected. I know that both are alive and not so well...unless they aren't.
So what would cause this if, in fact it was true?
Some have suggested that sometimes parallel universes brush up against each other and histories get changed in both realities. Others have suggested that the work being done by CERN (Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire or The European Organization for Nuclear Research) in Switzerland is bringing together alternate realities in unusual ways as they experiment with finding other dimensions, opening time portals and playing with the fabric of the universe. If you think I'm kidding about CERN, you need to do an internet search. Learn about what they are doing, It's some pretty weird stuff.
Beyond that, I suppose that those in charge of world affairs could be altering our reality as needed or they could be doing it just to see if it can be done.
I don't know. I have always been one that thought seeing is believing and that our reality is rock solid and immutable. What if it's not? What if the nature of reality and history changes as time passes? Or what if what we perceive as reality is nothing more than a complex computer program projected on our conscious minds or that we do not exist in the physical sense at all except in the mind of God?
This is where science, theology and the paranormal come together in very uncomfortable ways for everyone concerned. If the human race does have a collective consciousness and it remembers, I think we will one day figure all this out.
Right now though, I still think it's "Berenstein".
Ghog Out
The name for the effect comes from a false, shared memory that many people have of Nelson Mandela dying in prison rather than eventually being released to become the leader of South Africa. This is not one of my false memories, but I think I do have them and I believe, in some cases, they are shared by others. Do you remember when you were a kid reading the children's books about The Berenstein Bears?
Apparently they have always been the Berenstain Bears.
I know. I was shocked when I heard this and I swore that somewhere I actually had one of these books with "my" spelling on the cover. I am still not convinced that it was not once The Berenstein Bears. I am almost sure there has been some kind of glitch in the matrix that has caused this.
There are a number of things like this that groups of people recall differently than others. It makes me think of Winston Smith in 1984 and the changing "reality" in his world. "We have always been at war with East Asia" or "we have never been at war with East Asia". In the book, Winston works for the Ministry of Truth, altering official history and media reports to reflect the needs of Big Brother to maintain control.
As I said, there are many other things like this...like the spelling of Reba McEntire's name. Didn't she used to be Reba McIntyre?
I was also one that thought Billy Graham and Muhammad Ali were dead. I, of course stand corrected. I know that both are alive and not so well...unless they aren't.
So what would cause this if, in fact it was true?
Some have suggested that sometimes parallel universes brush up against each other and histories get changed in both realities. Others have suggested that the work being done by CERN (Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire or The European Organization for Nuclear Research) in Switzerland is bringing together alternate realities in unusual ways as they experiment with finding other dimensions, opening time portals and playing with the fabric of the universe. If you think I'm kidding about CERN, you need to do an internet search. Learn about what they are doing, It's some pretty weird stuff.
Beyond that, I suppose that those in charge of world affairs could be altering our reality as needed or they could be doing it just to see if it can be done.
I don't know. I have always been one that thought seeing is believing and that our reality is rock solid and immutable. What if it's not? What if the nature of reality and history changes as time passes? Or what if what we perceive as reality is nothing more than a complex computer program projected on our conscious minds or that we do not exist in the physical sense at all except in the mind of God?
This is where science, theology and the paranormal come together in very uncomfortable ways for everyone concerned. If the human race does have a collective consciousness and it remembers, I think we will one day figure all this out.
Right now though, I still think it's "Berenstein".
Ghog Out
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