Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Per Mark Twain....

Flamer Alert

That was close. Just had a flamer buzz the pastry counter at Caribou. Then he ordered coffee with it and took off. He (and I use that term loosely) was the definition of obvious. Pink stretch pants, light jacket, Pompadour black hair and a fluorescent green clutch with a strap. His arms were raised in an effeminate manner, kangaroo like, as he struggled to get money out. He looked and sounded a bit like Fran Drescher.

It's one of those things you see from time to time and wonder what got him to this place in his life. Has he always been more woman than man? Did he create this persona himself or does it seem natural to be as he is? I also find myself wondering if men like this are deliberately making fun of women with their characterizations.

There are many things in the LGBT world that I have never understood and this is probably because of my limited experience. I am so glad I am not like he is. I just want to tell guys like this to man up. They have effectively demasculinized themselves. Women probably laugh at him and straight guys would probably want to beat him up. He was a walking stereotype.

There are many extremes in the LGBT world. There are men and women that over- masculinize in the equal and opposite way that this one over-feminized. It is as if they are in a struggle to desperately identify who they are to themselves since they are not sure.

I can relate a bit to this struggle. It has just never manifested itself in this overt way. I pass really well in the straight world. Unless you know me personally, you would never believe I was gay. I am not butch, but I am masculine; just not in a 'gay' way. When I was a teenager, however, I was into leather for awhile. I loved the smell of it. I still have my rawhide jacket with the fringe reminiscent of Daniel Boone or Davey Crockett. Those guys were real men. As I got older, my leather became more fashionable, but I finally had to ditch it. As styles changed, it began to look gay to me. I never wanted to look like that. Still don't. I have a prejudice against effeminate men that I cannot get rid of. Even so, this is who some of my brothers are and I need to love them.

Now here's a bit of personal weirdness that, in some ways, helps me relate to the flamer of the day here at Caribou.

There is a female cop that comes in here regularly. If she is not the "L" in LGBT, I will turn in my gay card. She is actually kind of attractive to me and I think it's because she is so masculine. She is a short pile of well conditioned muscle from top to bottom. She is flat chested, wears no make up and stands in such a way, that I do believe she could kick my ass without much effort. Almost makes me want to get arrested. If you think about it, she is really trying to attract a woman by looking like a man and it's not working.

Maybe that's what I need; a musclebound lesbian to have my babies (;^). We could get married. She could keep the lawn mowed and the car waxed and I could do the domestic stuff. And and...wait for it...we could both go fishing together. It would be the best of all possible worlds...except...it would just be very weird, especially if I discovered too late that in addition to the usual equipment, she had a penis.

You think I'm kidding? This stuff really happens and there are people just like this. You don't know.

I keep thinking of that song from the 70's that The Kinks sang..."Lola". It's about a transgendered person picking up a unsuspecting young man. There's a line in it that explains the current world situation quite well

       Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola

I do not know how we get to be the way we are. I do not know why there are LGBT people in the world. But we are here. Some of us you can't miss. Others, like me, fly under the radar most of the time and we do it well. Even so, we are here. We are in your churches, in your families, your places of work and at the coffee shop. Please don't hate us even as we try not to hate ourselves and each other.