Wednesday, April 13, 2016

We Get Letters

Here at the Daily Ground Hog, we get the occasional letter to the editor and these letters are taken as serious and insightful attempts to communicate on the important issues that are addressed in our regular blog posts. Far be it from us here at TDGH to silence any voice on any issue...and by 'us', I mean me. Please read the following gracious and kind letter received only today by a dear reader.


I was so happy to read about your testicles this morning!  I'm sitting here laughing and thinking of the stuff that people will say... "why does he write that stuff down.  Does he know that church people read his blog".  

Some of us just say, as we have for 50 years, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff...we love you matter what!  Just write what you want.  As my Bob said about something a while back, "No one has to read what he writes".

Love you much
Your Aunt Fran
We would be remiss if we did not reply in kind to this missive.

Dear Reader 

I mean, 

Dear Aunt Fran

Thank you so much for your email today. I am glad you enjoyed reading about my testicles in my "Distinguished" blog post. There were, however, other things in there, but I suppose reading about your nephews' testicles can be a startler.  They have changed a bit since my diaper days.

Have you ever wondered why people get squeamish when discussing reproductive organs of the human body? It seems odd since everyone has one variety or another. Did you know that nearly 50% of the people that inhabit our planet actually have at least one testicle? That's correct. Fortunately, I have two. I suppose I could be a donor for the oneseys out there. Actually, I'm not using either one of them as I pointed out, so if you know someone in need, they can call.
Back to the issue at hand though. Don't you think we should all be able to discuss these practical matters without embarrassment and in full confidence? There is nothing intrinsically wrong with testicles, especially when used properly, and even though many people find the discussion of testicles to be humorous, they are really no laughing matter, especially when they are just in the way.
Beyond all that, church people have testicles too or at least some of them do. I know that it may not seem like it sometimes, but trust me, they do. Someone at our church must surely have a set because they continue to allow me to attend despite blog posts about testicles and such. This speaks well of them in that they are not easily cowed by a frank discussion about said testicles.     

Thank You for continuing to love me despite the subject matter here at TDGH. We also hope you will continue to read and critique as you see fit. Tell Uncle Bob I said 'Hi'. I'm sure now that he knows we have no fear here at TDGH, he will want to read too.

Try to have a better Thursday. See you at church. I love you.




As we all grow older, our physical appearance changes. Some of us become "distinguished". I love that one. I recently had an encounter with someone from Cedar Rapids that had not seen me since 2004. He went back and reported that I looked "distinguished". I'm never sure what that means, but I chose to view it in a positive light.

When I look in the mirror in the morning just prior to my shower, what I see is a candle that seems to be melting at an ever increasing rate. As we age, our shape changes. Elasticity is lost. Things that were once tight, stiff or firm become bouncy or jiggly at best and saggy at worst. Pecs become moobs. Six packs become kegs. And for whatever reason, my testicles seem to drop lower and lower every year. I swear they are getting bigger too. I have to be careful when I sit. They get in the way. I guess I could follow the example of Origen of Alexandria and just have them removed. It's not like they serve any purpose in my life. What do I need all that testosterone for anyhow?

I could lose some weight and try to fight the melting candle effect, but I think at this point, nothing would tighten up. I would resemble a stick inside a empty white garbage bag. I suppose I might be healthier, but who knows? It might make things like arthritis worse. Perhaps a life of sedentary slothfulness would make for a good finish. Then again, if I took a page from Origens' handbook, perhaps I would become more useful. Who is to say?  

I just kind of dread that "going to seed" factor. The dying flower in autumn. I don't want to become brittle and crumbly like vegetation after the first frost. I suppose it's inevitable though. Have you seen David Letterman lately? Talk about going to seed! He looks a little like Wishbone from Rawhide.

See what I mean? This is what happens. This is a prime example of "going to seed". It even happens to celebrities. And now it's happening to me. The worst part is that I really don't care all that much. I seem to be content in my downward slide into a congealed puddle of wax. I wonder how much longer I will look distinguished and at what point I will just seem extinguished. I'm sure no one will tell me. I will just be considered spry or some other term you youngsters have for old codgers like me. Here's to getting old. There's only one other alternative.

Inflamation, Pain, Opioid Meds and More Natural Forms of Relief

Since 1980, when the government put down recommendations for what we should and should not eat, Americans that adopted these guidelines have become progressively more obese. BMI's of 35 are not uncommon. In 1950, 12% of Americans were obese. In 1980 15 %, of Americans were obese. By 2000, that number had increased to 35%. Today,  for Americans over 20 years old that number is at 68%.  Stiff, arthritic joints worn down by excessive body weight have become major medical issues. Inflammation in arteries and organs cause everything from heart disease to cancer. These problems are all directly related to the US government dietary guidelines issued in 1980.

They told us to avoid saturated fat, eat margarine, cut the red meat, and consume grain products and fruit and vegetable juices. This has been nothing short of disastrous for the American public. The trans fats and fructose are the biggest culprits along with processed grains.

It's hard to avoid these things and it's even harder to avoid the pain that comes with the arthritis and inflammation, heart disease and cancers that results from this kind of government sponsored diet. And again, it's government regulation that determines what is legal in terms of pain relief for these ailments. Our government makes all kinds of opioids for pain relief legal for prescription. These are among the most addictive substances known and yet the government would prefer that we use these to more natural, nonaddictive remedies for pain. "Opioid drugs like Vicodin, OxyContin, Percocet, codeine, and Fentora are perfectly legal despite being molecularly very similar to heroin, with a high risk for addiction."

It all smells like a conspiracy to me. You know what I am talking about. A citizenry weakened and crippled by a government sponsored bad diet and then medicated with government approved,   addictive drugs cannot actively resist or move to change that government.

Beyond that, nonaddictive, nonlethal, pain killing, cancer arresting, natural botanical medications like marijuana and cannabis oil are regulated as schedule one illegal narcotics by the federal government. This is ridiculous. It is criminal in itself. It is wrong on so many levels.

Consider that if cannabis were completely legal, it would put much of organized crime out of business. It would lower the nonviolent prison population. And it would stop addiction to the more dangerous, legal drugs mentioned above. So why does this not happen?

The pharmaceutical companies cannot patent a natural plant. There is no money in it for them. They are also the ones that run the FDA. It's like an interlocking directorate. Pharma company employees regularly take turns working for the FDA. It's like a circle of self congratulating academics approving each others' work to gain recognition and wealth. There is also the prison employment factor. Federal and state governments are heavily invested in the operation of penitentiaries and correctional facilities. If we have large prison populations, there will be more government jobs available. The United States has more people in prison than any other nation as a percentage of the overall population. What's that about? Money. Many industries serve the prison industry. It's big business.

These are just some of the reasons we see active resistance by the powers that be to things like marijuana. This is slowly changing state by state, but we need the feds to bend to these changes. It can start with taking cannabis off of schedule one. It should not be classified with addictive controlled substances like heroin. Marijuana is not addictive and it is impossible to overdose.

I invite you to do some research. You will find that cannabis and cannabis oil is being used for many things - fighting inflammation, treating nausea from chemo, fighting cancer itself (especially prostate cancer), and general pain relief. There are even varieties that contain lower amounts of THC that allow for treatment of whatever without the major buzz. It is medicine as God intended it. He created it. It should be used. The plant can also be used to make paper, rope, clothes and many other things. George Washington even grew it on his plantation in Virginia at Mt Vernon. That's good enough for me.

Just give cannabis another look. It should be legal for medical uses alone. So what if it gets used recreationally. It is less dangerous than that other popular and legal drug, alcohol, and it is less toxic. Actually, it is not toxic at all.

This is my opinion. I was a user in the late 70's and early 80's. At that time, for me it was an anti- depressant and it worked quite well. I am convinced that it probably saved my life because it drove away the suicidal urges that I was experiencing. It made me more fun in some ways too.

These days, my drug of choice is caffeine, another of God's natural, mood enhancing, thought focusing and harmless medications. Even so, if I became sick, I think I would turn back to this plant of my youth for relief and maybe a cure.

There is nothing wrong with it people! We have been lied to for decades by our government about many things. This is one of them.