Thursday, March 24, 2016

Sharing a Brownie

I don't know how old they are - maybe late 70's - but there is an old couple that comes into Caribou every morning for coffee. Today they are sharing a brownie with their coffee and talking quietly. They seem to genuinely enjoy each others company, I have no idea how long they have been together, but I think that they would not do well apart. Their oneness is showing. People like these two seem to die together. My Aunt Mabel and Uncle Lee were like this. They died a week apart.

I envy you people that can keep this kind of relationship going for decades. It is nothing short of amazing to me to see how two people can compliment and complete each other in this way.

I find myself wanting this, but at the same time, I do not think I would be successful. There are times when I require solitude. The input of others is like static on a radio to me. I just want to reach over and shut them off or out as the case may be. This is probably not conducive to a life of shared brownies and quiet conversation.

I like being alone. I don't know if it's pride or selfishness or fear, but solitude is a glorious thing to me. Is it possible to have a life partner and still enjoy time off from the relationship? Does that kind of arrangement destroy the oneness and single-mindedness of true partnership? Most normal people know the answer to that question. I do not.

I have also observed other aging couples that lose their partner and their life changes in many positive ways. It seems cruel, but the release of the dead weight invigorates them and they become more active and vital in their communities of friends. Others seem to be racing to the grave...which one will go first. Perhaps, even though these people have spent their lives together, they have come to resent each others presence? Commitment rather than love is what binds them, or maybe it's just puerile stubbornness or worse, a fear of being alone. Whatever it is, they are driven to fulfill their commitments to each other, even it it's simply spite. Funny that!

I have come to realize in recent years, and too late, that we humans are not complete when we are alone. God was on to something when He said, "it's not good for man to be alone." I suppose He would know. He's the one with the human blue prints.  Whatever.

I have tried letting Him fill that void in my life. Jesus is a good partner, but I can't argue with Him or share a brownie with Him in public without people thinking I'm crazy, but maybe they think that anyway. Jesus never seems to eat much. I would get the whole brownie. That's a plus.

Lord, I do not know why You made me as I am. It's a genuine mystery. I am weird for many reasons besides the obvious one. Nevertheless, like You, I am what I am. I love You. We are stuck with each other and dying will not get me out of that. So here's to a brownie and some quiet conversation in Paradise. In the meantime, I think I will eat this one myself.