Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Condiment Intolerance

In my top ten list of most disgusting things (that are not human), condiments are many of them. The most disgusting item here is mustard.

1 Mustard
2 Catsup
3 Mayonnaise
4 Pickle Mustard (very diabolical)
5 Tartar Sauce
6 Sandwich Spread (very deceptive name)
7 Pickled Herring
8 Pekingese Dogs
9 Carp
10 Sitar Music
11 The Bee Gees (they are not really human and I think they are all dead)
12 Blue Cheese (rotten milk so rotten it has turned blue green)
13 Persian Cats
14 Teletubbies
15 Soap Operas 

I know, that's more than ten. I am grossed out by many things.

I was telling a friend (who is a floss miser) that opening a jar of mustard is like opening a baby diaper. It's simple. Mustard is disgusting. It smells bad and tastes bad. I'd sooner eat a lard sandwich. It should be illegal. Everyone that ate mustard in the 19th century is dead. See what I mean? It's a killer. It should at least come with a government warning label. Even the word, "mustard" is gross. How can you put something that smells like that in your mouth? Seriously, just give it up now.   

Why do people use condiments anyway? It covers up the taste of what you are eating. Few people ever enjoy the flavor of a good steak or hamburger because they cover it with fowl smelling sauces and vegetables. My thought is that if you don't like the taste of beef, you shouldn't eat it.  And leave the fries as they are. Why do you have to slather them in what appears some sort of catsup hemorrhage? It's just bloody awful.

Are you convinced yet? Ya, I thought not.

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