Wednesday, February 24, 2016

The Old Man, The Dog and The Opossum

There are few things in God's creation uglier than a possum.
I rest my case.

Anyway, I was made aware of a possum infestation under the east deck of the house by my Dad and a digging, barking wheaton terrier so I set the harmless trap and today I had my first possum. These are interesting critters even if they are ugly. They are marsupials. Like a kangaroo, the female carries her young in a pouch. The male possum has a bifurcated penis, which means it has two ends and this corresponds well to the female possum which has two vaginas. It sort of reminds me of Double Mint gum. Wrigley's had a commercial jingle that went something like, "double your pleasure and double your fun with Double Mint, Double Mint, Double Mint gum" and then they would show you video of twins chewing gum....but I digress.

So, finding my possum this morning, trapped and very crabby and with an excited wheaton terrier barking and running circles around it, I had to decide what to do with my prize. I considered calling my friend Steve. He likes to kill things. He probably would have skinned it and made me a hat. I was more concerned about him finding a way to eat it though. He is from Missouri. I think I will wait for a raccoon. Nicer hat.

My solution, in the end, was to take the possum for a ride. We went to Yellow Banks where I detrapped my toothy friend and she ambled out into the thicket toward the river where I am sure she will be happier than a pig in shit.

I then returned home and reset the trap. I think there's more possum to be had. This morning's was the female. Daddy possum is out there and it's my desire to reunite them at Yellow Banks. I'm sure his wife will be missing him and his bifurcation.  

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