Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Intensity

I was emailing an old friend last night (very, very old) who was concerned about my current mental status. She thought that I might be depressed, because of the tone and topics of my blog. (And we are talking the clinical variety of depression here I think if I understand her correctly.) I will admit to having a tough time in November and December. Actually it was awful, but I think I'm pretty much over it. I probably should consider that I may have gotten used to it and that it has continued, but I don't think it's something you get used to really. I'm pretty good at knowing where my head is and I don't think it's there anymore.

What I do think is that I have become more intense since January. I am not sure why this is. I just cannot seem to quiet my mind. It's like there is a fire in my head. I need to write things down. I have been using this blog for that purpose. Surprisingly, I always feel much better after offloading my excess thoughts to the internet. I'm not sure anyone would want to hear or read my excess thoughts, but strangely, I do not care. If you don't like it, don't read it. It's basically therapy for me anyway. That's why I closed the comments section. I would put it back if I thought someone would use it, but there appears to be a lack of interest there. No one (except the usual suspect) will engage. I put it down to fear. Taking issue with me is a fairly useless endeavor for the most part. I guess that's why I  can't even get a good troll. (:^0

If I really am mentally ill, I suppose you would call all this typing I do 'note taking behavior'. It could be a symptom of schizophrenia. Maybe I will look into lithium treatments or electro-convulsive therapy. That should drive every last thought right out of my head and then I can be "normal" like everyone else. Now that would be totally boring.

I am so funny...