Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Stuttering Waitress

I was reminded of the stuttering waitress incident this morning when I walked into HyVee to order my breakfast. At the front of the line was this large 6'5" bearded man attempting to order breakfast. The cashier was extremely patient as he tried to describe what it was that he wanted to eat. He had no volume control for his voice, so while he stuttered through his order, he was also very loud. He would go through this rapid fire machine gun type noise (ah ah ah ah ah) before he could get his words out and he changed his mind several times through the course of his order, so the process took a while. At this time, I can still hear him across the restaurant as he eats and attempts to communicate to the people he came with. I'm hoping they do not ask him a lot of questions. They are obviously kind and compassionate people.

I realize it's politically incorrect to laugh at such things because the man could obviously not help himself, so even though I was laughing on the inside, I tried to display the appropriate amount of empathy on my face. I have had to learn empathy (as well as sympathy and compassion) since I have no natural well of my own from which to draw these emotions. Being a bit Asperger-like in my own demeanor, these things just do not come naturally to me.

And that brings me to the story about the stuttering waitress. It seems like it was another lifetime at this point, but I was having dinner with my best friend. Yes, I had a best friend. Hard to believe now, but I did. I will call her Denise and not use her real name here, but she was the very best friend I have ever had in my life. We knew everything about each other and in some very basic ways, we were like each other. We were both INTJ's. We would laugh at the same things as they occurred naturally in our environments - like stuttering waitresses. This is hard to explain so I won't. Suffice it to say, we did laugh together a lot. We were both easily distracted by the little things in life, but in different ways. And we were political and religious opposites even though we grew up in similar environments. We argued a lot. We were the same and very different in multiple ways at the same time and that's what made our relationship interesting. We had some long breaks in our friendship and I think it has finally ended for both of us now with this last break. I was the one to end it this time. It has not been a bad thing for me. The only thing that irritates now with regard to Denise is that there is someone still out there that is alive and knows everything about me. I hope that she remains circumspect. That's all.

Anyway, we walked into this restaurant and we were about the only people in there. It was in this small town here in Iowa and the whole experience was surreal. The waitress looked perfectly normal as she approached the table with the menus and some water. But then she began to speak. We immediately looked at our menus and tried very hard not to burst out laughing. Denise was kicking me under the table as she suppressed a deep need to release the hilarity of the moment. We managed to get through the ordering process and that took some time. If we had any questions for the waitress, it would take forever to get answers in their complete form. We learned not to question.

The meal was good as I recall and the service was good, but the communication was difficult. I suppose it would be like having a waitress that did not speak much English. That would be equally funny and fun. Those were some interesting times.

So let me close with a question or three. Why would someone that is challenged by their ability to communicate work in an occupation where communication is important and required for success? Can you imagine a stuttering radio personality or 911 operator? What would working in a call center be like if you stuttered?

I will leave you with this. If you encounter a stuttering waitress in your life adventures, do not laugh, but have some fun with it. It was hilarious.