I am having the urge to flee the scene. I want to bug out. To escape. I have no clue where I would go or what I would do. I just want to leave.
I get like this when I have spent too much time in one place. I have been here since 2004. The longest that I have stayed anywhere in my adult life was 13 years. That was 3 years too long. I am feeling this morning like I have worn out my welcome here. I could change up a few things and stay here, but I do not think that would work. There are things that cannot be escaped.
I think I am pretty much stuck here for the foreseeable future. My mind will probably settle down here in a few hours and be all right, but right now, I just want to run away.
Frankly, I am feeling kind of awful. Maybe I just need an Egg McMuffin.
That may be the answer to all my life's issues. Egg McMuffin. A heart attack in a nice wrapper.
I am not sure why I get this way. I never feel secure anywhere. I could own a bomb shelter in the Rockies and still feel insecure.
I hate conflict and yet I seem to cause it everywhere I go. All I have to do is express an opinion or worse...be myself. Maybe that's the problem. I need to be someone other than who I am. How do I do that? This is what God has left me with. I try to do what I can with it, but sometimes I over reach. Maybe that is what's happening now.
I feel trapped.
The table is set. Do I sit down to eat or move on?