Finished

I have a sense that I am just about finished here. I do not say that to sound morbid and I know it's not normal to think in these terms, but I think I'm about done. I look to the future and I cannot see past my 60th birthday. I know that people plan all their lives for that time of life, but I see nothing. More to the point, there is nothing that I really want to do badly enough to stay here. I have this glimpse of the heavenly going on in my head and it seems so much more attractive than anything that is going on here.

I guess what I'm saying is that I will not fight when death comes. I will just go. We try so hard to stay here and I do not understand why. We are obsessed with it. As Christians, if we really believe what we teach about eternal life, why do we cling to this one so tightly? I don't know.

Please don't let what I am saying cause you concern. I have no issues with staying past 60, I just do not see a future. I think I'm going to be bored. I will confess that I have always been blind to these things, the possibilities that others grasp as they contemplate retirement. It's just that I am not as firmly rooted here (or anywhere else) as you are. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever really supposed to be here at all and maybe my presence here was some kind of bonus I was granted.

I don't know. I have always sort of lived day by day. I do not plan anything. Life happens to me. I let it. Unlike Peter in the previous post, I am not one to get out of the boat first. Sometimes I'm not even sure I was ever in the boat. If you don't understand that, it's OK. I'm not sure I do either.

I'm thinking retirement is not going to be that big a deal for me. My opinion. We will see.