Monday, September 28, 2015

Ode To My Physician

I went off to the doctor, I'd not seen him in awhile
A prescription I was needing to maintain my lifestyle
He said, "so what else is there, that I can do for you?"
Then I went complainimg; You could see I wasn't through

"There's pain in my neck; it's getting worse as you can see "
So I asked the doctor, 'Doc, what ever can it be?'
He said that it was 'Arthur' if you know what I mean
I said 'I really hate him, is he some kind of fiend?'

He said, "you see it is old age, that stiffening condition
Who knows now why it happens, I have no premonition
But I know this from git-go; there is nothing you can do
Just take a couple aspirin; some at 1, and some when due."

Doc then said,  "you are fat both inside and out.
You need some statin pills so you will not stroke out"
I said, 'Now do I really? How can this ever be?"
"I think that I am fine; so depart you wretch from me"

These words did not please him, not one little bit
He looked at me in anger; I thought that he would spit
He threatened me with death from my fattened condition,
And advised me to give up on my rotten disposition

I said, "but all these pills, they will cause me much more pain
In my joints and in my muscles, the pain will be insane.
My memories will die; I will forget my life is hard
I surely will be like some kind of geriatric tard"

"I have read upon the Net that the cure, it is much worse
That the statins they are wicked and the lipids not a curse.
How is it you can prescribe all these pills for me?
Can I just remain from these pills, remain completely free?"

The good doctor grinned and said, "now here, you must take these,
One every day at morn with the lowest dose now please
It should drop your lipids quick; and soon you'll surely see
Just how happy it will make us both; both you and me"

"You will live much longer now with no heart attacks
For it is my job do this; It is I that sees to that
You may have pain for real in your muscles and your joints
But you will live much longer, will that not bring me points?"

I said, "Doc, is there nothing here but this that I can do?
Like a decent high carb diet and some low fat foods?
Maybe exercise in bits would surely not kill me
I could walk and I could run to slow all this you say will be"

But the MD said that this regime would not be enough
That only statin pills could prevent all this bad stuff
So now I'm in a quandry. I don't want to obey
But if I do not do it I receive all his dismay

With death at my door, I took up his prescription
He smiled and said "now son you're making good decisions"
I smiled back so kindly, but in my mind I sure did not,
Think that I'd be taking any of his miserable lot

To cure this that's no bother does not seem right to me
It's crazy, lame and silly, but I just can't make him see
If it's not broke, please don't fix it, it should be left to be
Can he not just let it go and then go and have some tea?

My neck is what hurting and he doesn't seem to care
But he'd have me take these meds that my body cannot bear
For my pain he says there's nothing at all that he can do
But for phantasmic lipids, he can make me come unscrewed

These meds that he gives me, they are what is called statins
I'm sure that they are all quite heavily in patent
Money they will make for the huge drug companies
Still people will drop dead while attending symphony

His pound of prevention pills, it just staves off the cure
I'm not gonna take them, and of that you can be sure.
You ask, do I choose death? Am I taking a big gamble?
I say, then it's off to heaven, that I'll sure be soon amble 

So does it mean anything? My life's quality?
You can bet your statins and your medical degree
I will lose some weight my friend. I surely will do that
But you can take your pills and you can feed them to your cat

I will move my LDL on to the lower numbers
So he can't make a case for death become my slumber
Then I will say to him, "you see I did not die,
I'll die in my own time and this is not a lie"

He will say that if I took the pills that he did so prescribe
I would live much longer, this would be his diatribe
I know you cannot argue with a doctor I have tried
He wants to push his pills and to also keep his pride

So I will let him think that I took all of his pills
Deceit will be my plan while I try to cure my ills
It is said that when a man tries to be his own MD
He has a fool for patient; I guess that would be me

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