It's Not Personal

I get tired of things sometimes. I recently quit going to a class at church because I was tired of it. It was an apologetics class that I really had no interest in from the start. I was attending to help the teacher, who is also my friend (I think) to get attendance up and stimulate discussion. After some time, all those things happened and so I quit going. I probably should have told him what I was doing and that I was not angry or something else stupid like that, but I didn't. Whatever. Maybe I will address it Sunday. Anyway Gary, it was not personal.

I also like to vent from time to time. People can do with that what they will and they do not have to respond to it. I am not a dripping faucet even though I behave that way from time to time, but I occasionally leak when I get frustrated. Eventually the dripping stops. I suppose someday I could burst a pipe, but I don't think that's going to happen. Sometimes I think I am the most tightly controlled person alive. That has been both good and bad. I suppose you could also say I am high strung or high maintenance, but really, I am self repairing too. No need to get out the wrenches and offer sage advice. Just let me ramble on that men may know I am mad. Don't respond. My whining WILL stop. Again, it ain't personal. You do not have to do anything about it. I just like to vent, to share the minutia. Take it all with a grain of salt. Laugh at me if you like. It's ok. I will be OK.

If it's a real emergency, I will tell you.

This is not it.

So here goes with the drips. Dad was talking to the television again last night. I have arrived at the conclusion that it is best just to let him do it and say nothing. He is also having trouble remembering how to start his lawnmower. It's a three step process and if you have Alzheimer's, chances are good that you will forget one of them. This could be a rough winter.

I have also been in one of my withdrawal moods. I do not want to be with people except from a distance. Church has been kind of dicey. It's like I am running from the building every Sunday. People always ask me the same thing - "how's your Dad?". I know you mean well, but seriously people, he has Alzheimer's, what do you expect?  He will not get better! Sometimes he is perfectly normal. You would never know there is anything wrong with him except old age. Other times he is bat shit crazy if I might be so bold. I am not sure if these conversations with people at church is what's frustrating me or possibly the off chance that I might actually tell them he is bat shit crazy? There are other times where Dad will be standing right beside me and they will say, "how's your Dad?"

Seriously? He is standing right there. Ask him yourself. What is wrong with you?

He has Alzheimer's. It's not contagious. He can still talk and carry on conversations. It's not great. His level of awareness is not high, but you can talk to him. So what if it does not necessarily make sense? He might enjoy the visit anyway and I might enjoy the break from my duties as "translator". Then again, it might be one of those days where he is making prefect sense and then you might think it's me that is bat shit crazy. Wouldn't that be fun? You could start a rumor that I made it all up and that there is nothing wrong with him.

Whatever.

I'm done dripping now...for the present. If you don't like it you can always stop reading. I feel much better.