Friday, June 1, 2012

Bad Joke Friday

Redneck Condominiums

Two rednecks decided that they weren’t going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.
“What’s logic?” the first redneck asked.
The professor answered, “Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?”
“I sure do.”
“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the professor.
“That’s real good!” said the redneck.
The professor continued, “Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house.”
Impressed, the redneck said, “Amazing!”
“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”
“That’s Betty Mae! This is incredible!”
The redneck was catching on.
“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual,” said the professor.
“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever heard! I cain’t wait to take that logic class!”
The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.
“So what classes are ya takin’?” asked the friend.
“Math, history, and logic!” replied the first redneck.
“What in tarnation is logic?” asked his friend.
“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?” asked the first redneck.
“No,” his friend replied.
“You’re gay, ain’t ya?”
Redneck Calamari


One day, finding a wasp had entered the house, a wife shouted to her husband, “There’s a wasp in here. Do we have any spray?”
He told her there was a can under the sink.
“Honey,” she called. “This is ant-and-roach spray.”
“Well,” her husband replied. “Don’t show him the label.”
Keepinercool


A computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000.
When the delivery came, there was an accompanying note:
“We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. We hope this pleases you.”


These two deer hunters were out on a hunt, and they were lucky enough to bag a really big buck with a nice set of antlers.
Excited and eager to get their trophy home, they grab the buck’s tail and start pulling the carcass out of the woods. They pull and pull, but the big buck just won’t budge.
Another hunter comes by and says, “Excuse me, but you might find it easier if you drag that buck from the other direction. That way the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”
The two hunters thank the other man for the advise. They each grab an antler and start pulling.
A little later the man passes them once again. “How’s it going?” he asks.
“Great!” the hunters reply. “Just one problem. We’re getting farther and farther away from our truck.”

Following the recent sex scandal involving the Secret Service during the president’s recent visit to Colombia, the agency has issued new rules of conduct for agents:
Henceforth, agents can no longer get drunk, procure prostitutes or go to strip bars. If agents feel compelled to engage in such behavior, they must run for public office like everyone else.