Thursday, June 9, 2016

Then and Now

I was thinking about the events in my life in the last three weeks and the last six months as I was trying to wake up this morning, standing in the cold water spray of the shower. Yes, cold water. Even at 58, there are things that just will not subside without a dose of cold water. But I digress :^)))

Anyway, as I was standing there on the edge of hypothermia, it all came together in my mind.

I am sooooo saved. I feel like I have aged 100 years in the last three weeks, but the events have not thrown me into panic or depression as it would have a year ago. I am good with whatever happens because He, the Lord, is with me. I have done what He wanted me to do. I did it six months ago and I have been steadfast to do what He wanted in the last three weeks of the current difficulty.

There is peace of mind in obedience.

I know that many of you think I am an unsubmitted, unregenerate sinner at this point. To this I say, I am a sinner, but the Lord's Spirit within me is now, and has been, changing me. I see things I have never seen before with a clarity I wished I had at 23. The path is clear to me and there is no turning back. I will, I must continue to help others like me find the way to freedom. There are many places that this can be done. I do not really want to move on. I want to stay and work where I am, but I do not want to be the house homo that proves how loving and accepting everyone else is. I want to be me and I want others like me to join us. Some are already in the house, but they are now afraid to speak and be themselves because of recent events. There is a chill in the air that was not there before. It's as though someone said, "this far and no further".

I think what I need to do is dial up the hot water and try to melt the hearts of those that bring the chill. There are some whose hearts are so hard, they will just crumble to dust. So be it. The Lord always loves a remodeling project. I just cannot, at this point, bring myself to pull up stakes and move on. Now is not the time.

------------

Lord, you never gave up on me. I praise your name for that. Who am I to give up on my reluctant friends and even those that oppose me. I cannot. I must love them and do the right thing even if the whole process frustrates me and those I am loving cannot see the forest for all all the trees in their way. They are yours too. Even so, please soften their hearts, open their minds and invigorate their souls. Help them to see the contradiction in their behaviors then and now. Help me to be patient and not angry, to be merciful and not self righteous, to be loving and not vindictive.

Lord, I love you. In Your name I Pray These Things

Amen

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Behold His Mighty Hand


Sometimes, despite protests to the contrary, we really have no desire to be free. We sacrifice freedom for safety and security and a life of comfort and calm. We depend on government and law to protect us from those that harm us and we depend on our employers to see to our material needs. We love our grocery stores and discount stores and paved roads and air conditioned homes with two car garages with room for a boat. Why would anyone want to get free of all that?

What we fail to realize is that we have these things because we are slaves. We have been laboring so long in the land of Egypt that we have forgotten what it means to be free.

For most of a year, Moses and his brother Aaron labored alongside the Lord to bring His people, Israel, out of slavery in the land of Egypt and into a new life where their only leader was the Lord God and their only life was one of uncertainty and trusting in His guidance. The proposition was a scary one. I can imagine that many of these people thought, "we can trust a God we cannot see and go with Him to who knows where or we can stay here in the peace and safety and plenty of this land of prosperity building monuments to dying kings."

The choice was one of trusting in uncertain circumstances versus no trust required. It would have been a no brainer for many. Why give up all of this to wander in a desert toward a place we have never heard of, lead by a God that we cannot see? Is all that suffering and uncertainty really necessary?

In the end, they decided to go, but all the way along the road people had second thoughts. Those regretful moments began on day one at the shore of the Red Sea and they continued throughout their 40 year journey.

Day One -   They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”
13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

15 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. 16 Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground.

Most of you probably know that this attitude of fear and doubt among the people and their never ending desire to appeal to the power of the state to protect them, feed them and save them, did not end well. Of all those that came out of Egypt on that day, only two families of that generation ever saw the promised land. The others of that generation died in the desert in their rebellion against a God that had set them free. Only Caleb and Joshua with their families were spared and this for their obedience and lack of fear. It was them that lead the second generation to the promised land.

You might ask, "So what's your point Jeff?"

Last year I stood at the shore of my "Red Sea" deciding whether I would obey the Lord and cross over into an age of uncertainty and adventure with Him as my only guide. I decided to cross. I trusted the Lord and His people with my last secret and I went to the desert with Him and everyone else. 

Now there are many that want to go back. They want to appeal to Pharaoh to save them rather than trust in the Lord our God for our journey. To this I say, Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.

The time is now to obey the Lord. Please come with me. Enjoy the security that comes with trusting in the Lord. It will not be what you were used to in Egypt, but one day you will have a land of your own flowing with milk and honey. Turn away from the kings of this world and put your eyes on Jesus. He is our King and Our Savior. Do not stand there crying out to Him. Rather, move forward in faith to an uncertain future in the desert with only Him as your guide. 

Are you ready to go? Or do you still want to seek Pharaoh's permission one more time?

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Thanks Lord

Thanks Lord for a day filled with hope; for the emails from those who pray with me for peace. I lift up again their prayers to you and also mine.

Please guide the leadership of our church tonight as they move through the decision making process on things that will effect so many. Help them Lord to walk for a minute in the shoes of others. Help them to put on your sandals and know the empathy you feel toward those lost and without faith and to those with faith that need the encouragement and help of their brethren.
.

Put upon their hearts your love and grace and compassion. Help them to turn away from the path of wrath and defiance and fear. Cause in them a desire to embrace those that need you in a consistent manner and not with olive leaves in one hand and a sword in another. Help them...help us all to fear only you and nothing else.

In Your Name We Pray,

Amen! and Amen!

Glorified

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

I am feeling glorified this morning. There is a lot of crap going on right now in my life and in the lives of others in my world, but I think it is going to resolve itself in a way I do not expect and it will ultimately work out for everyone involved.  

I am up for that adventure. I started one last Sunday. I need some more.

I've been feeling betrayed or maybe 'used' is a better word. I am so over that today.

I am beginning to move on. I suppose we are all traitors to something. I am not perfect either. I know I should strive to be perfect, but I am not, and it does not bother me all that much. I find that the less perfect I am, the better I understand and relate to people.

I know self righteousness because I have been self righteous.

I know judgmentalism because I have been judgmental.   

I understand the angry because I have been angry.

And I understand stupidity, because I have been stupid. (I know. I can't believe it either.)

I have become all things to all men so that I might commiserate with some of them.

Somewhere in heaven Paul is laughing...or maybe not. 

Whatever. I am moving forward with the Lord to a glorious future

Wanna go?

Albert Einstein






The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.


Albert Einstein

Monday, June 6, 2016

Model The Church That You Want

Christians, by in large, tend to gravitate to churches that support them in ways that go beyond their faith. We all want to learn and do what the scriptures teach, but there is divergence on some life issues about how to proceed in practical ways that will not be damaging to the Body internally or be harmful to those that might be seeking Christ from outside the body.

It can be a divisive matter if we let that happen, especially if leadership within your local body is not hearing what they need to hear, or out of ignorance, behaving in ways that may not be beneficial to the long term good. And while it's true that God can take even the worst scenarios in this genre and make them work out to the benefit of all believers, we should not act hastily or out of anger or even righteous indignation in an effort to resolve them. Instead let me suggest an alternative.

I read somewhere that we have to model the church that we really want to go to. Our behavior among our brethren needs to reflect what we have concluded Christ wants from His church. So instead of saying, "I'm mad", "I'm Unhappy" or "this is wrong so I am leaving", we should become the church that we want to worship at.

So here's the deal. Find like minded believers. Begin to model the church you want to see. Begin to do the things that you have been lead by Christ to do. Help those that you disagree with to see the advantages of this kind of church. Help those undecided to see the possibilities. Increase in numbers. Enter positions of leadership.

Influence your brethren through your behavior. Stand up and show them the way. This will be hard. There may be persecution, but if we are truly doing the work of Christ, we should not expect an easy road. Opposition from fellow believers can be exasperating or it can be a joyful event if one is motivated correctly to do the will of the Lord and to love one another. We can all learn and teach each other by doing things for Jesus.

Some say there comes a point where this is too late and it's time to move on. I am not there yet. I will not jettison those I love, even if I believe them to be in grievous error and have failed previously to convince them to live differently. Instead, I will live in the way I believe I am being called to live and model that for others. My presence does not support them. My presence will act as an eternal reminder of an alternate path still available. 

So when is it time to shake the dust from the feet and move on? I would say it's when no one has an interest in alternatives, but only rule of law.       

Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Rising Sun Youth Choir In Yale, Iowa

I had what you could call an unusual experience today, at least for me. Instead of teaching a bunch of adults as is my normal Sunday gig,  I was invited to go on an adventure by my friend and sister in Christ, Karla Van. She is the director of the Rising Sun Youth Choir. They are currently performing their music at local area churches. This one was in the small town of Yale, Iowa. I have not been on a choir tour since I was in RSCC Teen choir back in the Day, c.1972-75, so this was all quite refreshing for me in my current dottage. But I digress.

It was a small, but mighty group.

Zach Stemsrud (future preacher I think)
Emily Hurley
Madison Rowland
Stephen Keys
Grace Rowland
Abby Hurley
Alaina Stemsrud
Lars Seiberling (future comedian)

Sponsors included Karla Van (director), Johnny Kurtz (pianist) and Nancy Curry (sound). Also assisting were Denise and David Keys.

I hope to go with them next week to Bayard, Iowa. I hope I get by with just watching again. Thanks Everyone. It was good therapy for a tired old man. I felt young again for a few seconds.


Pastor Gene Lockling is standing in the left of this pic. He is 85 years old. A determined servant of the Lord!

 A white peoni in the church garden. Beautiful.

Lunch was wonderful. We gathered in the church basement. There was fried chicken, egg rolls and crab rangoon among other things. It was a good time and good fellowship.

Lord, I'm looking forward to an interesting summer. I hope you have other plans besides these. this was certainly a good start. Thanks so much for these people. Please bless them and give them a safe, successful and uneventful trip again next Sunday to Bayard.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Sympathy and Empathy

Did you know that the Bible condemns the practice of sympathy?

15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

Yes, showing sympathy to someone's plight is all too common in our culture and even in the church. We wish people well, we send condolences, we are sorry for someone's unfortunate circumstance, but we never do anything about it!

Jesus never called us to be sympathetic. He called us to be empathetic. It was something He practiced all the time during His ministry. 

So what's the difference? How is sympathy different from empathy? Well, from what I have seen, sympathy is where you think understand how someone feels and you want them to feel better and you might even express that wish for them. Empathy, on the other hand, involves spending time with those afflicted or aggrieved or injured or marginalized in some way and then using what you have to help make their situation better.

Think about the story of the Good Samaritan, You all know it. A man is injured along the road, badly beaten and robbed. Two religious types, a priest and a Levite, pass him on the other side of the road. They do not help. They may have been sympathetic to his plight, but they had to be somewhere and also, they had to maintain ceremonial cleanliness as a requirement of their occupation. If they were made unclean by this man's blood, they would not be able to serve at the altar. They forgot that God prefers mercy to sacrifice (Hosea 6:6 I think).

However, a Samaritan passer by saw the man and his sympathy for the beaten and robbed man, turned into action. He gave medical attention to the man's wounds and paid to put him up in an inn until he was able to travel again. The story goes on from there, but this is a prime example of empathy and I will tell you why.

The Samaritan knew what it was to be looked down on, ignored, despised and feared. He knew the pain of the man that lay by the road and it drove him to act. He did not do this to be honored or rewarded or to receive public accolades. He did it because he cared - he had empathy.

Many times we church folks have a lot of sympathy for the plight of others. We see their need, we welcome them and then we fail to give them what they need to become a successful part of the body of Christ. We do not give of what we have to see to their needs in their time of trouble. We do a fair job of seeing to people's physical needs, but oft times we do not help with their spiritual needs because we find who they are to be distasteful for whatever reason. We welcome them, but then say, "you're on your own". We may not use those words, but our lack of action to help the spiritually injured says that in spades.  

Many of us are blessed with spiritual wisdom and biblical knowledge that could help our less fortunate brethren. We have spiritual privilege. Those privileges should be used to help others, but instead we ignore the problems or offer sympathy and no empathy. 

The world is full of people that need to hear what Jesus has to offer. Even so, we guard that information inside of spiritual fortresses in suburbia where we meet. We do not reach out to help. We might bring them in, but we do not give answers. Instead, we offer a smile, a welcome and polite conversation about lawnmowers and lunch with the mother in law over a latte a the church coffee shop.     

Is this what Jesus called us to? Just wondering.

CHRISTIANS: 4 tips for talking to your gay friends

Synchronicity


I do not know any other name for it. It's that thing where you look at your phone or your digital clock and it says 11:11 or 12:12 or 1:11 or 2:22 or 3:33 or 4:44 or 5:55. Repeating numbers, every time I check the time.

It's been happening to me with alarming frequency. Now some will say, "well, you just remember that because it's odd. You don't remember all those other times you checked the time because it was not unusual."

That would be called confirmation bias, or more technically, the Van Restorff Effect.

Maybe, but I do not think so.

There seems to be something almost spiritual about it. It happens at home and it happens at work. At home I have an alarm clock that projects the time on the ceiling. I woke up the other night to see 3:33 projected on the ceiling in big red letters. I've also seen 4:44. At work, I usually get 11:11. It's just weird.

Does this happen to anyone else? Is it just a temporal anomaly? It's just very odd.

Feel The Everlasting Power of The Word of God

There is no commentary required here. Read these words my brethren and know the power of our Lord and Savior. Do we need anything more than Him? I love you! See you soon.

Philippians 4:4-9

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Ephesians 3:14-21

 
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a] in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

It is well with my soul - Chris Rice

Dead Man Walking

That's what they call someone facing the death penalty in a prison - a dead man walking. And that's how I feel today. I'm still breathing, but I can see from here the time when I will not be.

Life is like walking down a very long hallway. On the way down the hall we enter the various doors to the right or left and spend time in those rooms with different people, but eventually we always end up back in the hallway, moving in one direction toward the exit. I can see the exit sign from here and those ahead of me making their departure. Some try very hard not to leave. Others fly through the door like it was not even there.

I will be taking that last option. It's not an exit. It's an entrance to something more glorious than I can even imagine. Victory is at hand just beyond that door. That sentiment grows stronger within me daily.

I am tired. I long for that final peace that passes all understanding. I want to look back on it all and say to myself, "why did I struggle so?" My hope and true home has always been on the other side of that door. I may well be a 'dead man walking'. I'm good with that.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

I Have Failed

I wish I had been a more effective teacher in my church. I suppose I may have not been focused enough or I should have studied more or maybe I'm just a lousy teacher. It's probably the last one. Obviously it's that last one. I just wish somebody had told me before now. It makes everything else just that much harder.

I would like to thank my church for the opportunity to teach. I wish it could have been better. I would also like to thank you all for helping Jesus set me free from my last secret. The months since November 29 have been some of the best. 

I spent the last quarter attempting to teach the book, Messy Grace. I do not think it generated much enthusiasm. I apologize for that. I wish we could have all caught the spirit of that book, but it does not seem to have worked.

If any of you have taken offense to my recent writing, both in private and publicly, I'm sure we will both get over it one way or another.

Whatever you think now, know this. I love all of you. I would not have raised the current issue as I have been doing if I did not love our church. My concern is that a grave error is about to be made that will forever label us before sinners as a place to avoid at all cost. I cannot abide that.

I cannot abide the use of this legacy, our church, as a pawn in legal battles. For three generations, my family on both sides has worshiped with you. It tears me up that anyone would think so little of that and willingly use a church nearly as old as the state of Iowa in a legal test.

There has to be a better way. I hope you find it and so avoid the course of the law.

There is no courage or concern in legal courses of action. There is no love. There is no grace or mercy. It says to all in witness, "I defy you."  The day may come when we have to do that. That time is not now and this issue is not worth it.  

Courage is when you stand at the door and say "come in" to people that are different from you. Legal action says you're not so friendly, maybe a bit touchy and maybe a bit unwelcoming.

It's been a good run since 1997. It's been good to be home. Home is not always where you think it is though. Sometimes there just isn't one.     

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Joke Du Jour

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a bar. Donald leans over, and With A smile on his face, says, "The media is really tearing you apart for That Scandal."

Hillary: "You mean my lying about Benghazi?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the massive voter fraud?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the military not getting their votes counted?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Using my secret private server with classified material to Hide my Activities?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything Else?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Using the Clinton Foundation as a cover for tax evasion, Hiring Cronies, And taking bribes from foreign countries?

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean the drones being operated in our own country without The Benefit of the law?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million, and right afterward it Declared Bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean arming the Muslim Brotherhood and hiring them in the White House?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Whitewater, Watergate committee, Vince Foster, commodity Deals?"

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "The funding of neoNazis in the Ukraine that led to the toppling of the democratically elected president and to the biggest crisis that country has had since WWII ?"

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "Turning Libya into chaos?"

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "Being the mastermind of the so-called “Arab Spring” that only brought chaos, death and destruction to the Middle East and North Africa ?

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "Leaving four Americans to die in Benghazi and go to sleep?

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "Trashing Mubarak, one of our few Muslim friends?"

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "Encouraging and supporting the murders of Palestinians and the destruction of their homes, towns and villages by Israel ?"

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "The funding and arming of terrorists in Syria, the destruction and destabilization of that nation, giving the order to our lapdogs in Turkey and Saudi Arabia to give sarin gas to the "moderate" terrorists in Syria that they eventually used on civilians, and framed Assad, and had it not been for the Russians and Putin, we would have used that as a pretext to invade Syria, put a puppet in power, steal their natural resources, and leave that country in total chaos, just like we did with Libya?

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "The creation of the biggest refugees crisis since WWII

Trump: "No the other one:"

Hillary: "Leaving Iraq in chaos? "

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "The DOJ spying on the press?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "You mean HHS Secretary Sibelius shaking down health insurance Executives?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Giving our cronies in SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 Months Later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "The NSA monitoring citizens' ?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "The State Department interfering with an Inspector General Investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "Threats to all of Bill's former mistresses to keep them quiet"

Trump: "No, the other one."

Hillary: "I give up! ... Oh wait, I think I've got it! When I stole the White House furniture, silverware, when Bill left Office?"

Trump: "THAT'S IT! I almost forgot about that one".

Passive Resistance

Well, I could not even last for 24 hours. Yes, I am supposed to be on sabbatical, but for some reason, I am unable to shut off my mind and my mouth. I have to speak and this seems to be my favorite venue.

As someone once said, "you don't have to read it". Unfortunately, I do have to write it. I am incurable.

So...passive resistance.

I am all about passive resistance. It seems to be an inborn part of my character. It is what I do when I want to rebel against the current state of affairs, whatever that might be at the time. It started, as near as I can tell, when I was about three years old. I would be ordered to comply with whatever by the parental units. My immediate refusal would be forthcoming. I would fall to the floor, arms crossed and cross legged, joints locked in place. I could not be moved, except with physical dragging by the parental units. There would also be much screaming on the part of the aggrieved party which was always me. When done in public, it appeared to all concerned, to be child abuse. No amount of paddling, detention or other parental persecution could dissuade me to admit any error on my part. I was always right and righteous in my own eyes. I would call upon God to vindicate me in my persecution and especially when I was asked to apologize for something that I was never sorry for. I would not lie. That would be unrighteous. There could be no compromise.

I have never learned not to do that. It is my mode of operation. To this day, I see no need to try reasonable means in pursuit of justice. It's my experience that true justice is never forthcoming. The cards are always stacked in favor of the authorities. One must not compromise with evil and one must not use the tools of the enemy in an effort to defeat them. Their tools are designed for their use against us; hence they will not work well when we attempt to wield them.

All of that brings me to this.

If you wish to fight injustice that is dictated by government, governmental bodies or the enforcement arms of either, you should avoid using their means to appeal. You will get nowhere very fast. You may receive a delay. You may prolong the arrival of the day of reckoning, but they will always and inevitably win...unless you passively resist them. No lawsuit, no hearing for a TRO, no amount of lobbying of legislative bodies or courts or commissions will avail you like passive resistance.

In the style of Gandhi and MLK, Christians must learn the art of passive resistance as governments and unelected bureaucrats encroach on territory that God has placed in our hands. We are commanded to spread the gospel. We must obey and we must passively resist any attempt to silence the Word of God in our communities. It was the way of the Church in its first 300 years and it should be our way.

I will not stand with you if you appeal to Caesar. He is already set like flint against the Kingdom of the Most High.  Nor will I stand with you when you use irrelevant issues like bathroom privileges to demand justice. It only demeans our cause. It makes us look like idiots.

I will however, stand with you for the sake of the gospel!

I will stand with you when they come for us. I will throw myself to the ground with you and lock arms. I will go limp as they pepper spray and zip tie us and take us to jail. I will chant "we shall overcome" and "the whole world is watching"' as they beat us with night sticks like they beat the evil ones. I will be with you when they send their dogs. I will help you passively disrupt and short circuit what passes for authority and justice in this corrupt world.

The time is at hand friends when we will be forced to take our stand with Christ. The courts will avail us nothing. They are controlled by the dark prince that opposes us, may the Lord rebuke him.

I say let them come. The world needs to see that no one is safe in their persons or property or faith from the powers that are currently rising. Some of us may even have to die before people wake up and smell the coffee that has been brewed for us.

Now lets all practice...drop to the ground, lock arms and say "no" to all that can hear. What comes after that will not be easy. It will hurt. It will sting. There will be pain, but in time, others will join us. Can they incarcerate us all? They can try. They will fail.

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor is not in vain"

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery."
  
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people."   

Are you scared? You should be. Once the battle is on, it will not stop until there is a winner. Are you ready? That remains to be seen.

A Sabbatical

Ya, I know I have not been doing this long enough to take a sabbatical, but I need some time off. I'm not sue how long I will be gone. Could be two days or two years. I might not make it through tomorrow. We will see. I seem to be losing some rationality. Can't seem to get my mind right. I fear I'm turning into a hater. I gotta let it go.

Thanks for reading. I will return to annoy you at a later date.

Friday, May 27, 2016

No Mercy, A Different Mess

In my pursuit of a messy church I have recently been befuddled by a church leadership that embraced and loved me as I am. Their recent contradictory behavior, the resolute fear and loathing I sensed this past Sunday, has me doubting the sincerity of their desire to welcome sinners, people different from themselves and those that fit no one's mold of what a human is.

It took me awhile to process what happened Sunday at the congregational meeting that I am not supposed to talk about. There is a desire by my brethren, those that would shepherd and lead me and other church members, to "protect us" from men that think they are women. More specifically, they are concerned that these transgendered people will want to enter the women's restrooms.

I think the real concern here is the Iowa Human Rights Commission and their interpretation of recent executive orders from Washington that requires all restroom and locker room facilities be made available to everyone. If you are a man that believes he is a woman, you should be able to use the women's restroom or locker room or shower. Likewise for the women that think they are men. There is currently no regulation about people that think they are giraffes, but I sure there will be something forthcoming.

There is no regulation that specifies whether the transgendered person is pre-op, post op or non-op. In fact, a man could surreptitiously claim to be transgendered so that he might enter premises previously reserved for women only. The nefarious intent of such an individual I will leave to your imagination, but I think as this plays out, more people on every side of the situation will begin to object to implementation of this policy. Indeed, 11 states have already filed suit against the federal government over theses executive orders.

My opinion is that these executive orders represent an overreach on the part of the White House and the Iowa Human Rights Commission and that implementation of these orders should be fought. But who should be responsible for doing this?
   
Increasingly, there is a desire within certain evangelical and conservative churches to take on this fight themselves in the courts out of the fear that if we give up this ground, they will soon also be regulating speech in church and even the promotion of the gospel message.

Let me suggest another way.

Let them come. Instead of fighting, why don't we bring in some transgendered people, give them the full use of our facilities - all of them. Let them see who we are. We could even love them and welcome them, all the while sharing the Truth with them.

Going with legal remedies says two things.

1) We are afraid. We cannot handle what the dark prince throws at us as we pursue Christ. We are faithless and loveless and fearful. And so we build our middle class fortresses to keep the sinners out in our efforts to protect ourselves and the Truth.

2) We are law keepers and rule keepers bent on controlling others, forcing them to submit to the way we live, all the while refusing to tell them why they should do so.  There are obviously some sinners that are too sinful for salvation.

I ask you, are these the crosses we took up in our pursuit of our salvation? Jesus said, "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me." Did we really sign up to fight bathroom rules, gay rights, placement of the 10 commandments in public places, abortion or prayer in public schools?

My answer is a categorical "NO". Our mission is to seek and save the lost - all of them. We cannot exclude cross dressers and trangendered people when they want to use the "wrong restroom". It is not our place in the kingdom to deny access to anyone that has an interest, even wrong headed interest, in what we do.

There was once a pharisee among the Jews in the time of the apostles that was feared far and wide for his persecution of Christians. Christ Himself changed the man and made him the greatest missionary of all time. His name was Paul. You might recognize the name. He wrote a large chunk of your New Testament. If the gospel turned him, I'm sure a man in a dress will pose no problem. Just sayin...

So let's reorder our priorities. We preach the gospel. As we face the prospect of persecution by the state, we preach the gospel. As they fine and arrest us, we preach the gospel. As we die for the sake of the lost as our King did, we preach the gospel.

No other issue is more important. No other issue should take precedence. All such distractions must be ignored. A messy church will have messy people. Only a few will be transgendered or gay or bisexual or desire to use the wrong bathroom. Some, probably many more, will be self righteous pharisees. We all need God's love and grace for our sins against Him as we all become one in the Body of Christ.

A church with no mercy and no love is a different kind of mess. A church that excludes and engages in court battles is using the tools of the enemy. We have done this for too long and to no avail. We need to change our tactics, change our attitudes, love those that Christ loves and offer His salvation to those that want it.

So what do you want my brethren? Do you want to attract every legalist for miles around or do you want to be a place about which outsiders say, "see how they love one another"?       

We need to be building a hospital to welcome the spiritually sick and not a fort to keep them out.
-----
Lord, please open the eyes of our hearts. Teach us to submit to you and take the gospel to the world. Please Lord, crush those that would lead us down the path of the enemy, using his tools in a fight that does NOTHING to promote your Kingdom. Please put mercy and grace and vast amounts of courage in the hearts of those that would lead us and show them how reckless the path is that they are embarking on. Make sure they know that You will NOT be going with them. Please destroy organizations outside the church that detract from and obstruct Your work to save. Lord, I think their intentions may be good, but their methods are simply wrong and wrong headed. They confuse their citizenship here with their true citizenship in Your kingdom. Remind them again of where they belong and whose they are.

Help us to open our hearts and minds toward other sinners as we pursue our life with You. Help us to embrace what might seem like a mess to us in the same way that you daily embrace our messes and our junk. Give us a heart for your kingdom. Create is us an awareness that we may not always be comfortable here as we seek to bring others into Your house. Lord, it's going to be a long strange trip if we do it right, but it will be worth it and I hope, worth the blood of Your precious Son and our King.

It is in His Name I pray...

Amen and Amen    

I will sing...

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

The Death of The Institutional Church

What is an institutional church? It's a group of Christians, large or small that have heavily invested in property and facilities in a specific location to meet, to worship Jesus Christ, to create an attractive place - a location - that will induce others to consider making it their place of worship. These churches are usually, but not always, part of a larger fellowship of believers. Generally you can find find churches of like minded people (like your particular fellowship) most everywhere you go in the nation you live in. Some are locally independent in that there is no church government structure beyond the local congregation. Orthodoxy is maintained at training facilities for pastors, elders and deacons, i.e. Bible colleges, seminaries and Christian universities. Churches like these would be the Churches of Christ, Independent Christian Churches, certain baptist and charismatic groups.

Other institutional churches have massive intra-church bureaucracies with regional and national headquarters. These would be the big girls - The Roman Catholic church, The Greek Orthodox church, The Episcopalians, Presbyterians, Methodists, the Disciples of Christ  and the list goes on. They hold massive amounts of property and wealth and in some countries they are actually supported by the state with tax dollars.

These churches and the independent fellowships mentioned earlier all have one thing common. They are doomed. We are doomed. The end is near for the institutional church. This notion flies in the face of what we see in the media and even what we hear from pulpits and noisy seminary professors, but I think it is nonetheless true. I believe the day will come, and soon, when Christians no longer attend their own central meeting places that are supported by the tithes of the membership. They will instead meet in smaller groups in homes and larger groups in public venues like parks or even rented private facilities. 

There are a number of reasons I can cite for this coming change.

The culture in the west where the church in its various forms once thrived is no longer predominantly Christian. Of those in the culture that still call themselves Christian, there is a lack of commitment to the faith. Believers tend to create their own faith, building it in their own image. Many of us do not see God's truth as something to be conformed to, but rather, something that needs to conform to our lifestyle, whatever that may be. We like the idea of Jesus, His sacrifice, His promises. We like to be guilt free. And we like to throw out what does not fit our agenda. We no longer understand "Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me." Maybe we have always struggled with what that means? Possibly.

There are also outside pressures that will bring the demise of the institutional church. We have become a tolerated minority. The tolerance is dying as we take our stands for God's truth in increasingly weird ways and places. We take public stands on moral and societal issues and we forget the cause of Christ - to seek and save the lost. Our first purpose should be to share Jesus with the world. Instead we tell the non-Christians that stand in opposition to us that they must conform to our world view without helping them understand why. We desire to place huge weights on them, not lifting a finger to help.

It's true that no matter how a Christian approaches our cultural changes, there are some outside the faith that will oppose us. There is as much hate and more determination among the forces that oppose us as there is in the churches. We fight and we struggle with what we believe to be evil and evil intent, but over what?

Is public school prayer, ten commandments in public places, abortion, gay marriage and transgendered restrooms the crosses that we want to die on? Is this really where we want to go for the message of Christ?

Yes, we are Americans too. We have rights. But is that what is important in the fight we are engaged in as Christians? Are we subjects of His Kingdom or are we citizens of the United States? Some would say both. Increasingly, for me, the US is just where I was born and live. My Loyalty is to my King, Jesus Christ. At the risk of offending my brethren, America is not our home. Remember the song?

This world is not my home. I'm just a passin through
My treasure are laid up somewhere beyond the blue.
As Jesus beckons me from heavens open door
I can't feel at home in this world anymore

There are things that we as Christians cannot yield to if we want to obey God. There are also things we must do if we desire to obey Him. Forcing the world to conform to the way we live is not one of those. Continually yielding the high ground is not an option either. So what are our options?

How about this? Why don't we preach the gospel. Let God take the harvest. Let those in the world, in government, in business and in other faiths do as they please. Instead of opposing them at every place they oppose us, maybe we should take our stand on the gospel alone. When they tell us we can no longer proclaim Christ, then we will stand for Him and we will take whatever they want to dish out.

Passive resistance. It worked for the primitive church. It worked for Gandhi. It worked for Martin Luther King.

In speaking with a very good friend about these matters, it was and has been his thought for many years that as our culture moves beyond Christianity, the institutional church will die. I find myself in agreement with him. He also suggested that this may be part of a divine plan. God's church has always been at it's best when it faces opposition from all sides. Persecution is what drove the primitive church under ground and it is what enabled it ultimately to prevail in the Roman Empire and coexist with those in opposition. The problems began when our Christian ancestors began to use the tools of the enemy (government, law and military force) to achieve its ends. We traded the power of the gospel for the powers of the prince of this world and used them like they were our own.

This practice will end when the institutional church dies. The faithful will continue on even if we do not meet in the building on the corner or invest in real estate for a home.

It's time for a change of tactics. Spiritual Guerrilla warfare, stealth and the element of surprise need to re-enter our modus operandi. We need to be truly evangelical, working one on one, quietly passing on the peace that comes with faith.

Let them come for us. Surrender to Christ and his will. Let His Father handle the other stuff.     

Monday, May 23, 2016

The Perfect Place To Take a Leak

My grandpa used to have a baseball cap that he got from a radiator shop. It had the name of the radiator shop on it with their logo - "Smith Radiator Service - The Perfect Place to Take a Leak". The baseball cap would engender much conversation as well as the disapproval and derision of my grandmother. It served all the purposes that my grandfather intended when he wore it. It was funny. It was offensive to some. It was advertising that you would remember and it also kept bald heads warm. What more could you possibly want from a baseball cap?

Suppose you had such a hat. Can you imagine a world where bureaucrats sitting on an unelected commission could look at your cap and say you were not allowed to wear it anymore because of the way you wore said cap or that the attitudes it evoked were dangerous, insulting or unfair to those that did not have radiators or baseball caps?

Such is the world that we live in.

Some of you may be aware of the current kerfuffle over unisex restrooms, or more specifically the desire of federal and state governments to force schools, businesses, health clubs and churches to comply with regulations requiring them to allow the use of public restrooms and locker rooms by transgendered people. For example, if a man identifies as a woman, even though anatomically he is still a man, he should be allowed to use the restroom of the sex he identifies with, i.e. the women's. The same would be true for women that identify as men. I am not sure where you would go if you thought you were a dog...maybe outside to the fire hydrant? Yes, I digress.

And so we fight for the perfect place to take a leak. It is such an odd issue that has to be unique to our time and to this point in our history. Many are up in arms about it. Many women do not want to share a  public restroom with someone that is anatomically male. As a man, I really don't want to share a restroom with any kind of transgendered person. My thought is that if you need to use a public facility, you should go to the one that matches your body parts, even if you are in a dress and heels, taking shots to grow boobs. Until you are post op, you need to go in the place assigned for your current genitalia.

As a side note, for me, I do not want to share a restroom with anyone. I would ask that I be given my own restroom wherever I go so I can go. To me, the perfect place to take a leak is in solitude, with no one else present. I am pee shy...again I digress.

One has to wonder what the motivation is behind the whole thing. Why do they want us all urinating, defecating and showering together? What is the point of that? Is it a matter of rights and egalitarianism or is there another agenda for which these things are just a mask? Why is it incumbent on the general public to assist the transgendered in their transformation by allowing use of very public, but also very personal facilities that are assigned by sex?

There are other cultures, like Japan, where everyone uses the same facilities right down to public baths and saunas. I'm not sure what they would do if a trangendered person entered their facilities. I'm thinking they would move to prevent such an event. The Japanese do not have much patience for such things. I'm sure transgenderism exists there, but I am also sure they would never let it become a facilities issue, much less even talk about it.

It's also true that in most American homes, families will share bathrooms, though it is not traditional for family members of the opposite sex to use facilities at the same time; never mind any transgendered family members

There is concern by many over the safety of their sons and daughters in public restrooms. Pedophiles could and have masqueraded as transgendered individuals to gain access to children for sexual purposes.

Beyond that threat, can you see yourself sitting down naked on a locker room bench next to a man that identifies as a woman or a woman that identifies as a man? My thought is that this is a ridiculous scenario that someone dreamed up to create an issue. Even so, this is really happening too.

Again, I do not see why I should have to be involved in anyway in their transformation. If they want to use a public restroom or locker room, let them go to the one their current genitalia dictates.

No special treatment. If you have the standard 3 piece set, go to the men's room. I you currently have to set down to pee, go to the women's, Got it? Good.

In the meantime...Y'all need to start getting my bathroom ready. It will not say "men" or "women" on the door. It should say "Ghog" ok?  It's mine. It's private. No one regardless of gender or imagined gender may use it. I want a padded, heated seat on the crapper please with Charman at the ready. A bidet would be nice, but it's not required. The urinal should not be one of those that extends to the floor. Floor splatter is a menace.  A can of deodorizer, baby powder scent, should also be available. Thanks for your consideration. That should keep the Iowa Human Rights Commission busy for awhile. It's my right to have my own facilities where I am comfortable because I am like no one else that I know.


For me, that is the perfect place to take a leak              

Saturday, May 21, 2016

An Old Story Told In A New Light

In Luke 18:9-14, Jesus tells a parable about those that think they are righteous and those that know they are not. I have changed the types of people in the parable, but strangely, the intent and meaning of the story remains the same.

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 “Two men went up to church to pray, one a free mason and the other a homosexual. 11 The free mason stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this homosexual. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
13 “But the homosexual stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
14 “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”


There is someone in my life at my church right now that does not approve of what I have done in outing myself before my brethren. He has gone so far as to whisper slanderous scurrilous insults while serving the Lord's Supper to one of my most trusted confidants. Aside from being completely out of place for an usher to communicate anything during the communion service besides the direction of the trays, he seems to think this is the way to influence someone that he believes to be on the wrong side of the issues.

To you sir, I say, "may the Lord rebuke you". He will be the judge between you and me and those that love me. Please count among those that love me, Jesus Christ. I would like to see you whisper intimidating words to Him at meal time.   

Beyond all that, there was one thing that would rouse the righteous indignation of Jesus to the point of verbalization. The main item that would always bring His reaction was self righteousness. I would ask my free mason brother in Christ to read Matthew 23. Verses 13 and 14 as well as verses 27 and 28 are particularly relevant.

Brother, we all need Jesus. Most especially us who are unrighteous. Please abandon your hard-hearted attitude and consider with love all those that can benefit from a church open to sinners of all stripes; the church that Christ intended. Jesus did not come to save the righteous. He came to save sinners.

In the meantime, if you really are without sin, please feel free to cast the first stone. 

I will be waiting.

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Friday, May 20, 2016

In Spirit Poor and Mercy Rich

Lord, it's Friday. It's been a weird week and that's no understatement. I have had so much on my mind and I just can't sort it all out. Judging by what has been written here, it's been going on more than a week. You seem to be taking me in a specific direction and maybe a place I did not wish to go not all that long ago.

Lord, if this is right, then I am here and ready. You drive OK?

I would ask only for the grace to find my way in this as you lead. Please give me the poverty of spirit required for this journey and fill my heart with mercy for those You long to love and embrace.

Give me Your words that I may speak them. Help me to not to judge with those words, but to build up. Help me Lord to yield to your guidance in all these things. Lord, I would ask for your power, but I have never been very good at it's use. Instead, as you go out before me, lay waste to those that would stand against us. Throw back the legions of hell and free the captives as you did in days of old.

Lord there are so many of us that have been injured by the bentness of our own flesh. We long for your healing power and that new body we will receive on the Great and Terrible Day. Until then, please apply your grace and discipline as needed with your usual forgiveness and love. We are and always will be Your children. Thanks you for standing with us, even when we do not see You there.

Lord, thank you for the care you take in seeing to my needs and the needs of my friends who have been enjoined in this battle for so long. We are a needy lot, but we also have much to give if we have opportunity. The well of talent among us is great thanks to your grace. Lord, please help us to find our place in your kingdom. Break the hearts of any brethren that would oppose us. Help them to see that we too are your children as we endeavor to serve.

For those that seem to have fallen along the way, please send us to help; send me. Restore them in time to their former vigor. Help us to find them and show them Your mercy and grace.

There are so many that do not know who You really are. Help them to learn this from us that serve you. 

In Your Name I Pray

Amen 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Kevin...This Is For You

Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? — Proverbs 6:27-28

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Commitment and Oneness - Revised

Commitment and Oneness are the twin pillars of marriage. I know there are people that have written about many more 'pillars' in marriage. I think these two cover most everything.

One might well ask, "what do you know about it? You've never been married. You're gay."

These are valid objections. Experientially, I know nothing. I do know what I have observed. I know what I have read in God's Word. I am well aware of what Jesus and Paul said regarding marriage and divorce and the things that would justify divorce. What I find is two things. Sexual immorality or more correctly, sexual activity outside the bounds of the marriage covenant or the desire of an unbelieving partner to leave a believer are both seen as valid reasons to allow divorce.

Let me state up front that God hates divorce. He always has. But He also loves his people. When a sexually immoral or unbelieving partner wants to leave the marriage covenant and it appears there will be no resolution to that situation, God will accept that divorce for the sake of the believer.

No married person should have to accept infidelity or the confusion of their partner about their sexual identity. If the situation cannot be resolved, there comes a time where a decision must be made. The victim of this wavering mate must at some point decide to move on and allow their marriage to dissolve. Release will bring renewal to the one and force the offender to make choices and decisions about the direction of their life.

I say this knowing that both parties may still love each other in some fashion. They may both fear the loss of security that some think comes with being married. To this I would say that the division does not have to be acrimonious. Many divorced people go on to be friends and share in the joy of their children and grandchildren. They become friends rather than marriage partners which may be what they should have been all along.

There are many motivations for marriage. Sometimes it's sex within the bounds of God's will. Sometimes it's partnership and friendship and children with sex as a side benefit. People have different reasons to merge their vital interests. Some simply want children.

There are same sex attracted people that will marry only because they want children and they want to be able to operate and appear in the straight world as normal. They use their mate and family as a disguise. This is a gross violation of the  two pillars. It is deception. It is manipulation. It is hateful and it is cruel. Those that do this often do not see it that way.

To those that have done this to their partners, I say repent.  This will not be an easy process, but you need to get out of the secret activities and break the habits that will eventually destroy you. This process could take years. You will probably fail along the way. This is why you must rebuild your relationship with Jesus and understand that His well of grace never runs dry. If you have left the church, then go back. You may not want to go to places openly hostile to people like us. You will need a place that understands that we are all sinners; a place where you will receive unconditional love for your repentance and desire to turn away from the sin that seems so natural. It should be a church that will support you in some way with your struggle. Most important, stop using people for cover and for sex. It is duplicitous at best.

To the partner victims I say divorce and take every last crumb in the cupboard with you; you deserve better. Let God deal with the user you married. In some regard, this seems harsh, but enabling the user is not a good thing either. If you still love them, this might be the best thing for them.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Sex and Sin

I was discussing yesterday's post with a good friend. We took it off blog and to email. It was a good discussion and I hope I can answer her remaining questions here today.

Her last question was, how is gay sex any worse a sin than the sex outside of heterosexual marriage, i.e. adultery?

The short answer is it is not. Sin is, as you say, sin. If I implied anything else, I am sorry. The intention from our Creator from the beginning was that sex is reserved for men and women committed to each other in marriage. This is what the Lord intended for the entire human race. It is more than cultural. It is supposed to be this way for everyone, whether you believe or do not.

Having said that, there are some things about homosexuality that are uniquely sinful and in some ways more offensive to God than common adultery. This also comes from the created order. The family unit is to be a microcosm of God's relationship to His people. Men and women together in a binding lifetime marriage is representative of Christ's marriage to the Church. And just like marriages between men and women, The Church can be quite the adulterer - the whore. I would say 'slut', but I will reserve that for the Unitarians.

What follows here next is my opinion. It comes from experience and it comes from history. Only some of it comes from the Bible.

So...when two men or two women come together in a love relationship (or lust), even if it is a binding monogamous relationship, it is in opposition to the created order. It is in some ways worse than adultery and here is why. The physical bodies of men and women were intended to compliment each other. The woman was to be the submissive partner when united with a man in sexual union. For her submission, she receives control and authority to raise the children produced by the union with the advice and consent of her husband. I know this grates against the modern thought process and ideas about women's roles in the world and even the Church, but is, I believe, what God intended for our lives here. In eternity, I believe it will be different. Instead, we will ALL be in submission to God and there will be no marriage...but I digress.

Homosexuality flies in the face of this created order. The bodies of men do not compliment each other. If men are to love each other sexually and in a penetrative way, they must find other means. I'm sure you've noticed that men lack a vagina and some other equipment that you straight guys seem to enjoy. Instead, if you are a man loving another man, one of you must assume a role of submission sexually. In effect, the dominant partner makes a woman out of a man that God created to be a man. It is a violation of God's created order and his original intentions. It is also why the Old Testament describes homosexuality as an abomination.  Men were not intended to submit to each other in a sexual way.

It is also impossible for this kind of union to produce children.

It is true that God created sexuality. It is also true that He put heavy restrictions on this gift. He did so for his pleasure and to create order. God is not the author of confusion. It's us that does that. It's that confusion that becomes sin and creates havoc in lives that were intended to be peaceful and joyful and in union with our God. It is our choices that continue to corrupt the race, both physically and spiritually.

Sin is sin and all of them are what God is not and what He does not want. Some sins though, are more devastating and life changing than others from our perspective. Adultery and homosexuality are two of these - sins committed with the body that can have devastating effects on those involved, both spiritual and physical. Sins committed outside the body will also effect your relationship with God, but they are not usually as destructive in a spiritual sense. Recovery from these kinds of sin is easier.

Got it? Or are you more confused?    

Monday, May 16, 2016

"I Don't Trust You. I Don't Trust Anyone"

I heard that twice yesterday from two different same sex attracted men that I met in two different venues in my church of all places. Even so, both of these married men talked about these deeply personal issues issues with me that I doubt they would be willing to discuss with anyone else. It's because I understand how they feel.  Neither one of them is out with their SSA status in any official way, though for at least one of them, most of his entire family knows. One of them is living on the down low in another part of the country and the other one is well guarded and regarded in his sexual behavior. Strangely, both of them talked about masturbation in a passing way, but neither of them wanted to discuss it's implications. We should talk about it one of these days. That time is not now.  In one case, I started that conversation, but it did not go very far. They were both more than willing to discuss their likes and dislikes in men and whether or not they had been celibate. When I revealed my 36 year streak of 'no man' status, one of these guys said it had been maybe 36 hours hours for him.  There was honesty in both conversations, but I thought, " if this is what they are willing to tell me when they do not trust me, what is the real truth?" Both of these men were practicing 'modest honesty' with me.

It occurs to me that I may be getting too direct for you. It is what it is my friend. If you need to go, I understand, but the things I need to say here have a direct bearing on the struggles that we endure as Christian same sex attracted men. We are at once an enigma and a contradiction. We love Jesus, we love our families (some of us have wives) and we love our churches, but the compulsion to satisfy our man appetites is great. The battle is constant and it is always on. Many of us lose regularly in the fight. We develop a self loathing that cannot be explained because we are constantly distracted by the desire and our failures in the fight.

I seem to be blessed with a lower sex drive than most. While I enjoy the company of men, I find that I do not want the baggage of deeper relationship or the brevity of soulless, anonymous sexual encounters. In short, I cannot live with those complications. I need consistency in my life. I hate riding the roller coaster that can be gay life. I need peace and peace of mind more than sex. I am not saying my life is easy. I'm saying that my life is as it is because I cannot live with the stress of living otherwise.

If the self loathing is going to stop, if we are going to desexualize our love for men, we have to drop the anger toward God about who we are and just submit to Him. It is the only way to learn to love ourselves and thus be able to love others in nonsexual ways.

As Jeremiah said, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?"

Well, our Creator understands it. He knows things about us that we have yet to grasp. He knows our potential and He knows how low we can go in our lives. 

Brother, I say this to you. Throw yourself on His mercy and grace; submit to Him in every way that you are able. When you fail, and you will, go to Him for your handout. That well never runs dry. You will not lose your desire, but it will becomes less interesting as you grow in your own self love and your nonsexual love for others. 

Some of us need to hit the bottom of the 'grace well' before we start to drink from it. So be it. It's going to hurt, but you may need to go there. My advice is drown yourself in it. The water is so satisfying. Then as you start your swim to the top, you will see what self forgiveness means and how to love others in a proper fashion.  

On a personal note, I think I am sensing right now, the direction that the remainder of my life is supposed to take. I want my SSA brethren to know the contentment and joy I am currently experiencing. I think it can be that way for all of us. We just have to 'man up' and do it. Think about what I have said here. There is so much more to talk about.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Problems With Chapter 9

As many of you are aware, I have been teaching "Messy Grace" by Caleb Kaltenbach at church in two classes every Sunday. I do like the book. It goes a long way toward bringing peace to the Gay vs Christians debate that has been so prevalent in our part of the western world and western churches. It has also done much for me personally. It has helped me to explain to my straight brothers and sisters in the faith how LGBT people can be believers even though we are same sex attracted in our sexuality. It was also an integral part of getting free of my last great secret. I desperately wanted to get out of my closet and for them to be free of doubt about who I am in Christ. In the months since my release from this self imposed prison, my life and the lives of those around me have been filled with the joy of the Lord about this. I want this for all my kind.  Only a very few have looked askance at what we are doing. Strangely, some of them are like me rather than the red necked heteros that you might expect.

I could go on, but that's not what I want to discuss here. I had some problems with some things that Caleb wrote in chapter 9. I would loved to sit down and discuss these items with him, but alas, he is not here, so I will go on without the blessing of his comments about my opinions. If y'all have anything to say, I'm listening.

Chapter 9 was all about "Another Way". It advised celibacy and maybe even heterosexual marriage for those of us LGBT folks that could do it. The celibacy I do. It's easier for me than contemplating a life of domestic bliss with someone I have no sexual attraction for. I have loved women for years. I enjoy their company. I enjoy spending time with them. The specter of sex with one, though, seems unnatural to me at best and downright gross at worst. Sorry ladies. I am not wired that way. I do not even think I could fake it with a dose of viagra and images of men in my mind. It just would not work.

And all of that brings me to this. Caleb thinks celibacy is a gift from God. He uses Paul's advice in I Corinthians 7 as evidence of this as well as the words of Jesus in Matthew 19.

My thought is that if celibacy is a gift, it's like getting socks for Christmas. Sure, everyone needs socks, but you don't want them for Christmas right? To my mind, celibacy was not so much a gift as it was a requirement. It was thrust on me if I wanted to be in an obedient relationship with my God. I was angry about this for a very long time. God and I did not talk much. The discussions we had were terse and, dare I say, unloving, at least for my part. I never really came to grasp just how much He loved me until much later. Needless to say, our relationship has improved. I am not so bitter about my sexual wiring...I still have my moments though. I rely on his love and grace when I feel weak. He does empower me and He does enable me.

I just do not see it as a gift. According to scripture, everyone, regardless of their sexual wiring must remain celibate until and unless they are married to a member of the opposite sex. And even then, our sexuality must remain in the bounds of that marriage. The restrictions are incredible given the power of the human sex drive.

Caleb also talks about choosing relationship with God over "any selfish fulfillment of my own desires." I have a problem with the use of the word 'selfish' here. My desires are not selfish, they are just desires. Again, it is the way I am wired. I want these things from time to time. A man gets tired of being alone...yes even me who loves to be alone. What I have learned over the years is that generally other men have been willing to spend time with me and be my friend. I have found a lot of satisfaction in these non-sexual relationships. Thanks guys for that. You know who you are and even so, you still love me just like Jesus does. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. It helps me to desexualize men and manhood in general...which is the key to actually being able to remain celibate...that and being very stubborn.

He also talks about "redeeming same sex attractions in heterosexual marriage" and he offers a real life example of this. A same sex attracted man marries his best female friend and they fall in love. She is the only woman he is attracted to because of his love for her even though he still experiences same sex attraction.

First, I guess I do not really understand how this redeems anything. He is still as gay as Dad's hatband. Second, I think this is a very dangerous practice. I can cite many real life examples where this failed spectacularly. I admire the willingness to sacrifice, especially on the part of the woman that enters a marriage knowing this. But if you choose to do this, know that the possibility of failure is great.  This idea should come with a big ole warning sign. I'm sorry Caleb, I disagree. I want to know that "Jerry and Betty" are still married after 15 more years. Call me 2031.

He also talks about something he calls "same sex temptations" in this chapter. This is way too mild in it's description of what LGBT people experience. Our SSA status is hard wired in our brains. It is part of who we are in the deepest recesses of our hearts. It is even stronger than addiction. It takes monumental strength to stand against sexual desire. You straight people need to know this and Caleb is good at helping straight folks to come to an understanding of it. I just want you to know that it is much more than mere temptation. The power of sexuality is one of our strongest drives. Imagine if it were you that was being asked to give up your mate or any potential for family or a love life.

If you can imagine that, then you can understand where I and many of my brethren have been in this struggle. This is not just a bad habit or something we resort to because we cannot get an opposite sex partner. It is an immutable part of our personalities just as your heterosexuality is.

I wish it was not this way. I wish I could flip a switch and be straight. I can't! What nut job would actually choose to live this way if they had another option.

Not me. So tread lightly with me as I work out my salvation with fear and trembling. Ultimately God will be my judge. I am confident as I come to the close of my life about what comes after. Can you say the same thing?

To those who are like me but have not yet mastered the monster within, let me say this. You won't. You will always be same sex attracted. That is not going to change with anything short of a miracle. It is part of who you are. What you can do is minimize the impact of these desires on your souls and on your bodies. Stay away from porn and internet hook up sites. Lean heavily on Jesus and sympathetic empathetic friends. Find or even create a safe space where you can talk about this with other SSA's without the sexualization that so often encompasses our lives.

Lastly...and you may not like this. Come out to your straight Christian friends. There is strength and accountability in numbers. Yes, do it even if you're married. You should have told your wife or husband prior to making that commitment anyway. I am deadly serious here.

Stop the deception and the self deception. Just stop it. Know instead what it means to be free indeed.  

What's not tried is never missed. Also, it's OK to be lonely as long as you're free. Seriously. It's OK.

I think I'm done now. Thanks for reading. Tomorrow I may tell you about my new friend. I hope he's still my friend tomorrow. We will see. It was good to talk. I know Someone else that would like to talk to you...He does love you. Start trying to wrap you mind around that. OK...goodnight!


Friday, May 13, 2016

Trust

The verses below from Proverbs have been haunting me. I have been thinking about them all day. Today I took Dad to the dentist and it was on the freakin wall of the waiting room as a work of art.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And lean not on your own understanding
In all your ways, submit to Him
And He will make your paths straight

Lord, I think I'm beginning to get the message...is this what you are trying to say?

"Jeff, just close you eyes and fall back into My arms. I love you. Never question My motivations toward you or your motivations when you want to do My will. Just know that I am here. It does not really matter if you comprehend what is happening to you. You may not fully grock what I AM doing in your life or the lives around you. Again, it does not matter. All you need to know is that I AM here. Leave whatever it is to Me. I know all too well that there are some things you cannot handle on your own and some that you cannot deal with at all. You already know what I want. Just do it. I am walking in front of you and behind you. I will not let you fall unless you choose to. Follow me and we will continue in peace and joy and love and everlasting life."

Is that what You are trying to tell me Lord? Did I take it too personally or over-exaggerate Your point? Probably not. You did put it on the wall for me. Is it because I'm stupid? Silly question. Sorry. Lord, I love You. Sometimes I just need to quit thinking.