Thursday, July 7, 2016

Not Very Good At Being Gay - A Brief and Somewhat Cynical Synopsis.

I am not ashamed of this. You probably would not even figure it out right away unless you were like me - same sex attracted. I am not what many would classify as obvious. I suppose I do have certain 'tells', but unless you were paying attention, you would probably miss them. Other gay and same sex attracted people seem to catch it right away, but it's like they are not sure, so they don't bring it up or they do not want to discuss their own predilections, so why discuss it at all. Whatever.

I am not very good at being gay. I do not enjoy shopping, dancing, Judy Garland, high fashion or home decor. I could not decorate a grave appropriately. I dress comfortably, with absolutely no flair or coordination. I wish all my clothes were blue or black. Give me jeans and a tee shirt any day of the week.  And I  could care less about the latest pop stars. I do like show tunes, but I hate musicals. I am not what you'd call a gym bunny either. I am not obsessed with physical fitness. I really have no reason to stress about my looks. They are gone. No one looks at me anymore, except the occasional merry widow or divorcee that has not figured out that Jeff is not the man we thought he was. Go figure.

It all means nothing to me. I do not socialize outside of work or church with anyone that might be gay. There are some undeclared same sex attracted people at both places, and while we seem to know about each other, we don't care. I am the most boring gay man alive I think. I do not have gay sex. I do not have a boyfriend. I do not have sex at all. That definitely makes me the most boring gay man alive. Since about the age of 22 it has been this way with me. I'm almost 59 now, so you do the math.  This is not to say that I do not occasionally entertain the idea of finding a man about my age and settling down for those senior years. If I ever did such a thing, it would be a sexless, roommate kind of thing. A good friend for non physical entertainment and companionship. Finding such a man in my advanced years would be unlikely. Gay folks don't normally live this long. Besides, I currently live with an old man (my Dad) and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Just sayin'. 

Strangely, I am not as lonely now as I once was. I think age enters into it. Maturity. Enjoyment of solitude. I am also an introvert in most respects. Until recently, I have always been a very private person. Coming out at church changed that quite a bit. I have more friends now than I did previously. I'm not sure why. It might be that I feel more comfortable around people now that my secret has been told in such a public way. Whatever the case, my life is better than it was 8 months ago.    

Which brings me to this...

I seem to have girlfriends now and particularly at church and in the Christian world. There are women at church that never spoke to me until they learned I was a non-threatening male. Suddenly it was OK to talk to Jeff, to be his friend, to sit down over coffee and talk. I am OK with this. I like women. Some of my best friends have been and are women. They need to know right away though, I will not go shopping with them. If they're up to some fishing, that would be good. I would even go to a movie or dinner or both, but what you see is what you get. I am SSA. Short of a miracle, that will not change until I shuffle off this mortal coil to freedom. If I don't cut the cholesterol, that may be sooner than I think. Again, whatever... the gay world, gay men usually have a number of girlfriends. Call them what you like, in the gay world, they get branded as 'fag hags'. I kid you not. Some women will wear the tag like a badge of honor. Others are insulted by it and maybe they should be. I do not consider ANY of my women friends hags. I love you all for various reasons. Thanks for being there for me; helping me to get through this life with some company.

Most of the time, straight guys are wary to befriend a gay man, especially the older ones. I can deal with that. I understand. You think us SSA's look at you in the same you look at women...ya, you know what I'm talking about, and it disgusts you. It probably should, but most of us are not predators after straight men. Believe me, you are safe. The only thing that might make you unsafe is if you were not sure who you are. That might telegraph something else. Whatever the case, you will be safe around me. I am not interested. I know that's hard to believe. Trust me, I'm not. Old married guys are more boring than I am. Maybe that's a stereotype. I don't care.

Today, being gay is a younger man's job. Let me offer you young homos some advice. If you want to live to get old, you will need to stop 90% of what you are doing. That may be an exaggeration, but you know what I mean. If you're not going to give up the sex, at least protect yourself and quit sleeping around so much. No drugs. Moderate your alcohol use if you must drink at all. Settle down and get married...that's legal now. It's not got God's approval, but the state will OK it.

Surprised to hear me say that? Don't be. If someone is not a believer, who am I to deny them a legal choice? If they become a believer, we can deal with that at the appropriate time. We all make choices and we will all stand before the same God one day.

I'm not sure why I needed to talk about all this and I'm sure some of you are wondering too. I guess I will figure it all out later or someone else will tell me why. Y'all can be so helpful. In the meantime, enjoy the picture below in the spirit intended.