I was thinking about the events in my life in the last three weeks and the last six months as I was trying to wake up this morning, standing in the cold water spray of the shower. Yes, cold water. Even at 58, there are things that just will not subside without a dose of cold water. But I digress :^)))
Anyway, as I was standing there on the edge of hypothermia, it all came together in my mind.
I am sooooo saved. I feel like I have aged 100 years in the last three weeks, but the events have not thrown me into panic or depression as it would have a year ago. I am good with whatever happens because He, the Lord, is with me. I have done what He wanted me to do. I did it six months ago and I have been steadfast to do what He wanted in the last three weeks of the current difficulty.
There is peace of mind in obedience.
I know that many of you think I am an unsubmitted, unregenerate sinner at this point. To this I say, I am a sinner, but the Lord's Spirit within me is now, and has been, changing me. I see things I have never seen before with a clarity I wished I had at 23. The path is clear to me and there is no turning back. I will, I must continue to help others like me find the way to freedom. There are many places that this can be done. I do not really want to move on. I want to stay and work where I am, but I do not want to be the house homo that proves how loving and accepting everyone else is. I want to be me and I want others like me to join us. Some are already in the house, but they are now afraid to speak and be themselves because of recent events. There is a chill in the air that was not there before. It's as though someone said, "this far and no further".
I think what I need to do is dial up the hot water and try to melt the hearts of those that bring the chill. There are some whose hearts are so hard, they will just crumble to dust. So be it. The Lord always loves a remodeling project. I just cannot, at this point, bring myself to pull up stakes and move on. Now is not the time.
Lord, you never gave up on me. I praise your name for that. Who am I to give up on my reluctant friends and even those that oppose me. I cannot. I must love them and do the right thing even if the whole process frustrates me and those I am loving cannot see the forest for all all the trees in their way. They are yours too. Even so, please soften their hearts, open their minds and invigorate their souls. Help them to see the contradiction in their behaviors then and now. Help me to be patient and not angry, to be merciful and not self righteous, to be loving and not vindictive.
Lord, I love you. In Your name I Pray These Things