Sunday, February 21, 2016

Foreboding

I have a foreboding. Something is not right in my part of the universe and I cannot put my finger on it. My intuition tells me something negative is going to happen in my life and I am not liking it. I have no idea what it is other than a bad feeling. It could be something I ate or maybe I'm edging up on a depression. I guess I'm long overdue for that. I need winter to be over and I think I need a vacation from my life. There's too much going on for me to deal with it all. I am not like other men. I do not multitask well and there comes a point where the machinery begins to break down.

My blood pressure has been too high. My meds are just not cutting it. My doctor's answer to that is more of the same with a higher helping of statins to cure my cholesterol poisoning. I probably need to get some exercise and knock off some of the caffeine. I suppose I might be edging up on a heart attack, but I've been trying to put that off until after 60. I can't be dying now. There is too much left to do. Still there's the dull tingling in my arms, especially the left one. I would like to think it's the nerves in my neck getting ground together by my narrowing cervical vertebrae, but who knows; and as my doctor says, "there's nothing you can do about it".

Modern medicine is a wonderful thing. They can come up with a vaccine in a week for the Zika virus, but they cannot fix my neck or cure my cholesterol poisoning except with another poison. 

There have been several people in my family with hypertension. None of them have had a heart attack or a stroke. Is it possible that I am going to be the first one? Seems like I'm always the odd man out with this stuff. We will see.

I suppose I could get struck by a meteor. This too would be much like me. At the funeral people would say, "he would do anything for attention. Who gets hit by a meteor? Well Jeff, that's who".

It could be nothing...maybe my foreboding is due to something else or nothing at all.

We will see.

I Am Of Two Minds..Or Personalities...Or Something

I can probably chock this up to his Alzheimer's, but I think Dad believes I am two different people and I think this may be my fault.

When I get up in the morning, I usually feel pretty good despite my age and all the other things that are wrong with me. I am in a good mood. I'm ready to go squat at Caribou and crank something out for the blog before work. I think the whole morning mood thing has to do with being able to leave and go somewhere else. It's like I am a prisoner on work release and that might be a subject for another blog post.

Anyway, when I come back from work at night, I do not always feel so good and sometimes my mood just sucks. I am cranky, bitchy and whatever else you can think of because people have been yelling at me all day on the phone.  I get the impression that Dad believes that I am someone else. I even heard him mention this to the dog on Friday night. He said, "I wonder which one it will be", as I walked in the house from the garage.

I must seem like Jekyll and Hyde to him, even so, I should have the same appearance only with a few more wrinkles in my clothes. It's hard to believe I am so different that he actually thinks I am two people. Whatever.

I just wish it would warm up so he can get back to mowing lawn. He needs something to distract him besides me, my alter ego, the TV and the dog.