Monday, August 22, 2016

Retrospect

I wanna go back. I am going to try. I cannot deal with the freedom. I absolutely hate it. You know what I'm talking bout right?

It has not even been a year since I decided to let some light into my closet and all I can think about is that I want things to go back to the way they were. After some reflection, I have come to the conclusion that I was better off inside than out. I was better behaved, I was more careful about the things that I wrote, I was less offensive to my brothers and sisters and in some ways, I was more submitted to God. This last one is a big deal. Coming out can be good for some, but for people like me, it just exposes all the other problems that were also in the closet and lets them out to run around for everyone to see.

So I am going back. I am going back to teaching my little class at church, to not bothering anyone else, to going to work every day and taking care of Dad. I will never again discuss the subject. I'm sure I will be able to ignore the elephant in the room again. I did it well for decades.

I have been told that once you're out, you cannot go back. Piffle. I know I can and I will.

I do not like the new Jeff Brady. He is a monster. He has no class. He likes to look under rocks. He's disgusting, mean spirited, uncompassionate and remorseless. He can't leave anything alone without a full investigation. He was better off when he kept everything to himself. He was safer and so was everyone else. Bring the shackles, lock him up and close the door.

Done.

Thanks Lord. It was a bad idea. I should have consulted you more last September and others less. How I allowed myself to be so mislead is beyond me. I am seldom that stupid. I guess I'm getting old and soft headed.

I think I need a vacation. I need to be invisible again. Nothing is more transparent than that.     

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