"The antidote to restlessness is desperation for God."
My Sunday school teacher tried to explain this to me, but I was not listening. I wanted to reject the simplicity of it so that I did not have to make an application to my life. I said, "so what are you saying? That I don't love God enough?"
I found all kinds of reasons to reject this statement. I mean even Jesus was restless to the point of sweating blood in Gethsemane and no one is closer to God than Jesus right? They are one.
Even so, it has been going through my mind daily, like someone was yelling it at me. I think Someone was yelling it at me.
I think I know what this means now, at least to me. Karla might tell me I'm wrong again. She is so brave. No one tells me I am wrong :^) I love you dear. I hope you made it to Boston safely. I need you in my life. Odd. You've been there all along. I guess you feel safer now that you know you don't have to marry me. Yes, I laughed out loud right here in Caribou as I typed that.
But I digress
Restlessness IS desperation for God.
Yes. We seldom see it that way, even us who believe, but that is exactly what it is. We need Him so much all the time, in us, with us and around us, but it's like we ignore Him and move on to whatever because we are restless.
I have been restless. I am currently in that state. I wander around looking for the next thing when I have my Father in heaven who should be the first thing and last thing in my life all the time. He has set me free and put me to service so I should get back to serving.
I would ask, Lord, that you help me to hear You. Show me where to go. I am sometimes so wrapped up in what's going on in my head that I do not see what I should really be doing for you. Make me your hands and your feet. I am ready for an adventure. I will probably still be restless, but it might just be the coffee. I know I will be seeing You in a short time. I want that to be good for both of us. Maybe you can cure me of my spiritual ADHD before I get there. I know I have said this before and even though I know you are here and that you are in my body, I miss You. I am reminded of that curtain in the temple between You and Your priests. I know You are there, that You are just on the other side, that I can talk to You and even feel Your Presence; but I want to see You. I should fear that as a man in a physical body, but for some reason, it seems right that I should be able to walk with my Maker as I have with my earthly parents. Will that day come? Probably not here, but somewhere right? Until then Lord...Until then. I love You.