Ya...I do make people uncomfortable. I like to talk about things that do not usually come up in polite conversation. It's not because I do not know what is appropriate. It's because 'appropriate' is boring, dishonest and sometime hypocritical. This is not to say that I am not sometimes boring or dishonest or hypocritical. It is to say that I like conversation to be interesting if I am going to take part in it. I also enjoy provoking people to see their reactions. That may be a bit evil. Oh well.
I picked up the habit from an old friend. She was very good at it. It is a way to control the conversation too. Initially I would use it to deflect closer examination of who I was. Now, I do not care about that. It is the advantage of not having many secrets.
When I was younger, everyone and everything made me uncomfortable. I still have days like that, but less of them. I enjoy the difficulty that I and others have with discussing difficult personal matters. It's like removing a splinter from a finger. It feels so much better after it's over and it was definitely worth the process.
I was talking to someone yesterday at church that is a fairly new friend. I'm not sure how she feels about me now though. Her husband suggested that she and I were much alike, that we had much in common. I looked at her and said, "so, you like men too."
It was a priceless moment. I loved it and in that moment, I loved her. She was honest with me. She said I enjoyed making people uncomfortable. She is right. I do. It's a controlling type of behavior, but it is also me paying back the world for making me uncomfortable for decades.
I like it when people take a close look at themselves and me and think, "is this relationship worth the pain it will involve?"
If you are going to love me, it is going to cost you. I am very expensive in terms of patience, tolerance and longsufferance. You will have to decide if it's worth it. Many, many have moved on.
If you care to join me , I think you will find it a rewarding experience. Come and grow with me. Next time you can make me uncomfortable. There will be a bonus if you can make me blush. It's not as hard as you might think. I look forward to it. See ya in church!