Withdrawal

It's an interesting word. It's what you do at a bank or it's when you're jones'n for another hit or it's when you deliberately separate yourself from from others. Context is everything when one is engaged in withdrawal.

My concern here is with the last definition. Withdrawal has always been what I do when I can't make life work. I separate from people and sometimes the people I need the most. It's never a pity party as you might think it would be. It is time to think, to re-access and to regroup. For me, it's time off from reality. Things happen in life that I do not understand or that I understand and get PO'd about. It's at this point that I become unpleasant. Ya, hard to believe, I know. Sometimes I overreact.

Late spring was like this for me. I had to run away for awhile. I'm still not quite right, but God has been watching over me through the process. I hope He will shake me loose from my mental stare here soon. He has sent a wide variety of people to my rescue me, or at least I have interpreted it that way.

I am at a point where I am deciding if I'm ready to rejoin the group or..or if I need to join another group. I might just need some more time in the desert too. The heat and severity of the desert often brings clarity.

Perhaps I should explain lest you think I'm being cryptic.

Is it time for me to resume my teaching career at church? A new quarter is approaching. Am I healed enough from my recent bout of apoplexy to serve without serving myself? The answer should be a 'no brainer' I suppose. For me, it's a confusion of fear and doubt with a major dose of pride and arrogance.

I'm still kind of crabby about things.

Then there is the withdrawal. This time, I mean I want another dose of what always and inevitably makes me feel so good. I just love teaching other Christians. The interaction of the classroom brings me joy like nothing else. I want it back.

Those who have a say in such things at church are ready I think. I guess I just have to figure out if I am ready.

Lord, I'm getting restless. I need you to help me get my groove back. There is stuff that needs doing and me doing it....right? Let me know in some way if You agree. Thanks for seeing me through this. I know I am one of your more difficult children. Please assign my stubborn heart a new task. I love you Lord. I look forward to hearing from You.