In a text conversation yesterday with my old fishing buddy, Eric, I said that this blog was a monument to my own narcissism. He thought that was hilarious, and at the risk of putting words in your mouth buddy, I think you were laughing because you knew the truth of it.
I do tend to be overly focused on my own issues as evidenced by my recent posts. I would like to think I put all this stuff out there to help others in my situation, but that would be only partially true at best. For good or ill, I do this because I have been so damn silent, denying everything, even to myself for so long. I have experienced nothing short of a controlled explosion of my psyche. And by "controlled" I mean that I hope that any damage to anyone or anything was minimal and that we can use it as an opportunity to remodel.
Beyond all that, I am at an age where I want to leave some kind of record of my existence. I will not live forever in my present form (thankfully). Someday I will separate from this old body and move on and since I believe my life experience may have some value to others, I want it to live on after I am gone. Given that the internet is a forever type place, a blog that is only about the things that I think seemed to be a logical way to do that.
An ancient and loyal friend commented on a previous post today (Robert) that I may be oversharing. Could be...could be. I will have to deal with that and continue to evolve accordingly. If this soul bleeding is bothering people, I apologize to you whoever you might be. We should talk about it if that is where you are with me.
I feel kind of light and airy this morning. I'm feeling the love out there - in here. I was sitting at Caribou this morning reading and writing and someone from church was here with her daughter. She walked up to me to say "Hi" and shook my hand and after a few kind words, she departed.
I really have to get out more and get to know y'all better. I might actually be a celebrity at church and not even know it. If you know me or know of me, I invite you to walk up and push my buttons. If I seem uncomfortable, that's OK. I was born uncomfortable. At church, we are always talking about getting out of our comfort zones. It's easy for me. I am always uncomfortable.
I am so funny.
And please stop by the blog if you are in the mood. You can view the progress of my monument. If you have any suggestions, they will be taken into account. Just remember, this one is all about me...at least for now, but I will try to grow and move beyond that.
That's what all us narcissists say.