I have had nothing but encouragement from my brothers and sisters in Christ since my Sunday debut. I thank you all for that. My doubts about all of this have all but disappeared. I did have a serious mood swing on Sunday afternoon after I watched the video of the event. Aside from having a face for radio which I was already aware of, I had no idea I sounded like that. I need to work on that. I also want to thank all of you that have to listen to me regularly for being so patient with this noise that I make. As for the mood swings, this has been a part of who I am for a very long time. It is not like it once was. I would say it is better, but it will probably happen from time to time. I suppose I could get a prescription for it, but I would like to retain what is left of my personality, so I doubt I will be seeking a cure for my mood swings anytime soon.
I also received a nice email yesterday from someone that used to attend at my church. I am not sure how she heard, but she does still have family in attendance. That would probably explain it.
She seemed to think that I was starting some kind of ministry. I am not sure that's what I am doing. The Lord has not given me any instruction about that...yet. I am already a teacher though, and in the spring quarter of Sunday school I would like to teach "Messy Grace" to educate people that there is nothing to fear and much work to do. This is not necessarily about SSA in particular. It's about learning to love and welcome people that are different from the average church member. This is where I "think" the Lord would like to go with this.
If there is ministry with others of my own kind, I do not know what it would be. My experience is probably unique to theirs and vice versa. We all have to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling and that process is unique from person to person in my view. I will say that there are many good people at church that you can talk to; not just me. And yes, for some reason some people see me as intimidating and threatening. I am not any of these things. I do enjoy a spirited discussion from time to time, but I do not use such things to condemn or injure others. I am not a predator in any sense of that word. I am actually kind of meek and self effacing. I know I'm bent and I will even joke about it. I know that makes some people uncomfortable. Too bad. This is me. I also have kind of a weird sense of humor in general. I will say things that I think are funny and people will not figure out they are funny sometimes until the next day. I do not know why that is, but that's the way it works. Once you figure that out, you will laugh right away.
If you want to talk, we can. I probably do not have answers to your big questions. I don't think anyone does, but we can still talk about it.
I also know about depression, loneliness and a lack of self worth. All of these things can be valuable if used correctly. They are not necessarily negatives. They are things we can learn from for our own good and the benefit of others.
Enough. See you Church!. If you see me, do not be afraid to approach. I'm not good at meeting people either, but we have Christ in common. We will have something to talk about. Love ya!