Friday, June 8, 2012

Bad Joke Friday


Two Greeks met in California. One started to greet the other in the language of their mother country.
The other motioned for him to stop and said, “We’re in America now. Speak Spanish!”



A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5,
Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the
first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral
lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my
brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’”
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
“Ryan, you be Jesus!”


A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell’s Angels bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie, and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man and spit into the old man’s milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man’s plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”
The waitress replied, “Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed over three motorcycles.”



A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of the animal one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the kitty out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
The man kept taking the cat farther and farther and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat out there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: “Jen, is the cat there?”
“Yes,” the wife answers, “why do you ask?”
Frustrated, the man answered, “Put him on the phone, I’m lost and need directions.”


A man walks into a Silicon Valley pet store looking to buy a monkey. The store owner points towards three identical looking monkeys in politically-correct, animal-friendly natural mini-habitats.
“The one on the left costs $500,” says the store owner.
“Why so much?” asks the customer.
“Because it can program in C,” answers the store owner.
The customer inquires about the next monkey and is told, “That one costs $1,500, because it knows Visual C++ and Object-Relational technology.”
The startled man then asks about the third monkey. “That one costs $3,000,” answers the store owner.
“3,000 dollars!!” exclaims the man. “What can that one do?”
To which the owner replies, “To be honest, I’ve never seen it do a single thing, but it calls itself a consultant.”