Friday, May 18, 2012

Bad Joke Friday



An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam
after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was
already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute
the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up
and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group
wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written
anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”




Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83-years-old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel as good as the day I was born.”
“Really? Like the day you were born?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.”




On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point. “Start preparing for landing when you’re at 300 feet.”
One student asked, “How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?”
“A good question. At 300 feet, you’ll start to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
She thought about this for a moment before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know”?




Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”




One night a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota, The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes.
Helga had been visiting her friend, Lena, when the flood came. They escaped to the roof of Lena’s house.
As they were sitting on the roof waiting for help to come, Helga noticed a baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back toward the house.
It kept floating away from the house, then back toward the house.
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, “Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floating away from da house, den back again?”
Lena replied, “Oh ya, dats my husband Olaf. I tole dat lazy man he vas gonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!”