Friday, May 25, 2012

Bad Joke Firday


A young lady visited a computer dating service and inquired, “I’m looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?”
The matchmaker said, “What exactly are you looking for?”
“Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hours if I don’t go out. Be able to tell me interesting stories when I need a companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”
The matchmaker entered the information into the computer and, in a matter of moments, handed the results to the woman.
The results read, “Buy a television.”


“I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting.’”
“So we stopped playing chess.”


A passerby noticed a couple of city workers digging holes along the sidewalks.
The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but couldn’t figure out what they were doing.
Finally, he approached the workers and asked, “I appreciate how hard you’re both working, but what the heck are you doing? One of you digs a hole, and the other guy immediately fills it back up again with dirt.
One of the workers explained: “The guy who plants the trees called in sick today.”


A lady called up a pet store and said, “I’d like to order 2,000 cockroaches.”
“What in the world do you want with 2,000 cockroaches?” asked the astonished clerk.
“Well,” she replied, “I am moving today, and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found it.”


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Facebook Divorce

The Facebook IPO may be failing miserably, but something else is up. Quentin Fottrell of Smart Money magazine says it may be wrecking marriages.
More than a third of divorce filings last year contained the word Facebook, according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a  legal services firm. And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “I see Facebook issues breaking up marriages all the time,” says Gary Traystman, a divorce attorney in New London, Conn. Of the 15 cases he handles per year where computer history, texts and emails are admitted as evidence, 60% exclusively involve Facebook.
“Affairs happen with a lightning speed on Facebook,” says K. Jason Krafsky, who authored the book “Facebook and Your Marriage” with his wife Kelli. In the real world, he says, office romances and out-of-town trysts can take months or even years to develop. “On Facebook,” he says, “they happen in just a few clicks.” The social network is different from most social networks or dating sites in that it both re-connects old flames and allows people to “friend” someone they may only met once in passing. “It puts temptation in the path of people who would never in a million years risk having an affair,” he says. Facebook declined to comment.

Did you get that? More than one third of divorce filings mention that Facebook is in some way involved. Is this not a good reason to get out people? Just sayin...and I hope you were not stupid enough to invest.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Second Timothy 1:8-12


According to the New International Version for the Bible, Second Timothy 1:8-12.
So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given to us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our savior Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel. And of this gospel  I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day.
Commentary

So Paul continues to encourage Timothy, urging him not to be ashamed of what he has been called to do - which is preach the gospel. Paul did not want Timothy to be timid or fearful of what might happen. Instead, he wanted him to push forward, without regard to the result, even if it meant persecution.

Paul didn't want Timothy to be ashamed of him either. There may have been a concern that people might take Timothy less seriously if they knew his chief mentor was in prison. The thing that Timothy needed to remember was that Paul was in prison for doing what was right. He was really a prisoner of Christ and not Rome.

It was more important that Timothy seize the power granted him by the Spirit and join Paul in suffering for the gospel. Timothy had to make a choice. He could trust God or cower in fear.  

Paul then lists some very important reasons for Timothy's perseverance. Paul reminds him that it was God that saved them. It was God that called them to a holy life. What's more, it was not because of anything meritorious that they had done. Rather, it was because of God's divine plan conceived before creation; one that would offer salvation to all humanity. It was a plan revealed through the saving work of Jesus; a plan that would destroy the powers of sin and death forever.

How could Timothy shrink away from that? He couldn't and neither could Paul. Paul said frankly that this was why he was in prison. God had called him to preach and spread the word and God's calling had landed him with a death sentence. But he would not be deterred by this. He refused to be ashamed, but instead, chose to stand firm. Why? Because he knew that what he believed was the truth, that Jesus Christ is the only hope for a dying world. It was for this reason that Paul knew God would take care of him, even in suffering and death. Paul wanted Timothy to embrace this attitude.

Questions

1) Paul urged Timothy not to be ashamed of Jesus or his calling or Paul and that situation. Why would shame be an issue here?
2) What would people think if they knew your best friend was in prison?
3) Have you ever suffered for your faith?
4) Suppose a church elder is falsely accused of something at work because of his moral stand on an issue and gets fired simply because his accusers thought his attitude was hateful or bigoted. What should our response be to this elder? Is this persecution for your faith?

5) Why did Paul invite Timothy to join him in suffering?
6) Paul explains that God saved us to fulfill his purposes. We receive his grace and so we serve. Nothing we did brought us this salvation, but we still have to deal with the bad times and hang on to our hope of salvation. Why can't the Christian life be pain free? Why is it sometimes so difficult to be a Christian? Or is it? (John 16:33)
7) In verse 12 Paul says he knows what he believes and for that reason he's willing to trust God with the outcome. What are you willing to entrust to God's care?
   

Second Timothy 1:1-7


Second Timothy 1:1-7 according to the New International Version of the Bible:
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, according to the promise of life that is in Christ Jesus.
To Timothy, my dear son: Grace, mercy and peace from God the father and Christ Jesus our Lord.
I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. Recalling your tears, I long to see you, so that I may be filled with joy. I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and I am persuaded, now lives in you also. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift  of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self discipline.
Commentary

So Paul, now facing execution in the very near future, begins his last known letter to Timothy, his young protege. His words are not the words of a condemned man, but instead, they are full of hope. He talks of Christ's promise of life. He uses words like grace, mercy and peace - even in the face of immanent death. He also expresses his thanks to God. He knows he's done nothing wrong. His conscience is clear. The simple fact of the matter is that he is in prison for serving God; for doing what he is compelled to do.

But he also remembers Timothy in his prayers. He remembers their last parting in Macedonia and how Timothy wept. Paul would really like to see him now. Few things would have made him happier.

It was the sincerity of Timothy's childlike faith that had impressed Paul; a faith handed down to him by his mother and grandmother. It was not bogged down with pretense or a desire for self aggrandizement. It was simple, pure and strong. Timothy trusted God and Paul longed to fellowship with him because of that.

Paul also wanted for Timothy the best things that such faith and trust in God had to offer. So he urged Timothy to press on, developing his spiritual gift that Paul had passed on to him. He told Timothy to fan into flame this God given gift. He was to use it for God's glory and the good of God's church. More to the point, he was not to be timid about it, but allow the Holy Spirit to use it with power and love and in self discipline. After all, what good is a gift if it's hidden or unused because of fear?

Questions

1) So if you were in prison, facing your death, how would your letter to a friend sound? Would it begin like this one?
2) Why does Paul talk about having a clear conscience?
3) What makes for the kind of sincere faith that Paul says Timothy has? (James 2:18-26)    
4) Paul opens the letter on a note of self confidence. There is no doubt in his mind that God has called him to serve as an apostle? What has God called you to do? How can we be as confident as Paul was?
5) Who does Paul credit for Timothy's sincere faith?
6) Paul urged Timothy to fan into flame the gift of God passed on to him by Paul. What does he mean by this? What does it mean for us?
7) What are these gifts for?
8) Timothy was apparently a bit reluctant to make use of his gift - so much so that Paul thought he was being timid in its use. What is it that prevents us from making use of our gifts?

An Introduction to Second Timothy


Second Timothy may well be the last letter that Paul ever wrote. At the time of its writing, Paul was imprisoned in Rome for a second time. This time it was quite serious.

His first imprisonment was mild by comparison. At that time he was permitted to live in a rented house while he was under arrest waiting for trial; a trial that his accusers never showed up for.

Now though, things were different. His accusers were imperial and his prison was quite real. Probably a dark, damp dungeon where he was chained to a wall - rat and filth infested. His fate may already have been decided. The impression Paul gives is that his death is near.

As we study this letter, please take the time to consider Paul's attitude, his faith and how he still cares deeply about the evangelism of the world. Even in the face of death, Paul stands firmly on God's promises and the hope of a better life to come. To his grave he upheld the standards that Christ gave him to live by, proving himself to be the greatest missionary that ever lived.

He wrote this letter for three basic reasons. First, he was probably lonely. He had been deserted by many of his friends and those that remained loyal had trouble finding him. He also wanted to see Timothy again - so much so that he asked him to come to Rome. Secondly, Paul was concerned about the state of the church and how it would hold up against this first official state persecution under Nero. And third, he also wanted to address the Ephesian church through Timothy specifically and thank the faithful members and those that had stuck with him to the end.

Paul probably wrote this letter sometime in AD 66 or 67. Tradition says that Paul was beheaded toward the end of Nero's reign and Nero died sometime in AD 68.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Bad Joke Friday



An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam
after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was
already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion.
Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute
the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up
and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group
wondered how he could have gotten an “A” when he had barely written
anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”




Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Slim, I’m 83-years-old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel as good as the day I was born.”
“Really? Like the day you were born?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just wet my pants.”




On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point. “Start preparing for landing when you’re at 300 feet.”
One student asked, “How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?”
“A good question. At 300 feet, you’ll start to recognize the faces of people on the ground.”
She thought about this for a moment before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know”?




Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?”
“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.”
The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn’t it?”
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”




One night a torrential rain soaked northwestern Minnesota, The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes.
Helga had been visiting her friend, Lena, when the flood came. They escaped to the roof of Lena’s house.
As they were sitting on the roof waiting for help to come, Helga noticed a baseball cap floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back toward the house.
It kept floating away from the house, then back toward the house.
Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, “Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floating away from da house, den back again?”
Lena replied, “Oh ya, dats my husband Olaf. I tole dat lazy man he vas gonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!”

Friday, May 11, 2012

Bad Joke Friday


A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively.
“I feel terrible,” she told him. “I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes, and it’s lucky you have,” said the woman, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”

 


The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.
“Can’t you see, Ben,” intoned the parson, “that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?”
“Well, I sort of disagree there,” replied the backslider. “It makes me miss the folks I shoot at.”
 
Iran just produced a new stamp with a portrait of Mahmoud Ahmadinejab on it.
But the Iranian post office reported the new stamps keep falling off the envelopes.
Ahmadinejab demanded an explanation. One brave post office official suggested the people were spitting on the wrong side.
 

A black man, an illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says:
“Hello, Mr. President.”
 

Monday, May 7, 2012

What Is Wrong With Humanity? Are We Irretrievably Bent?


There are days when I feel really good about the world and mankind in general, and then there are days like today. Reading the news is not a good way to find hope for the race. It certainly explains why most philosophies and world religions have to find a way to explain the way we are and how to change that way. I have to say, after reading about the latest health trend in South Korea, the change is not happening fast enough. 

What impulse would compel someone to come up with the idea to dehydrate dead humans, mostly infants, and put them in gelatin capsules to sell to people as medication? What kind of bent, unregenerate, sick, twisted soul could do such a thing? Hitler, Stalin and Mao did not do such things. The Spanish Inquisition did not do such things. The Romans did not do such things. Why would anyone in the 21st century think this was a good idea? Is it merely greed or is it just plain evil?

According to Mary Simon at CNN:

South Korean customs officials said they are cracking down on an operation that is smuggling in pills from China made from the flesh of dead babies, according to Korean media reports.
Twenty-nine smugglers of "human-flesh capsules" have been arrested after trying to smuggle 11,000 pills into South Korea from China while disguised as tourists, according to The Korea Times.
“Some put herbs together in the capsules so that customs agents cannot distinguish the unique smell and color of the human-flesh capsules," a Korea Customs Service official told the newspaper. "Others put the capsules in medicine containers to deceive inspectors."
The pills, which are taken by people who believe they may help increase stamina, for rejuvenation or by terminal cancer patients, are made of powder made from dried fetuses or dead babies, the customs office told the Korea Times.
More than 35 cases and more than 17,000 pills have been found by customs authorities since August of last year, the South Korean website Dong-A Ilbo reported. 

South Korea is not exactly a back water country. They are solidly members of the first world. They are an educated, wealth producing and highly disciplined society. How can this be happening there in the 21st century? The health risks alone should be enough to deter people from this, but this would also be in opposition to the tenets of every major far eastern philosophy or religion.

I am not picking on South Korea here. They just happen to be providing the most glaring example today. There are others in other places more egregious and I could go on, but I won't. 

What will we not try? Is there anything? I do not believe there is. We are doomed. Never mind climate change and nuclear proliferation. We are doomed because we will not stop even at eating our own young. It's over people. I'm sorry. It's just over.

Could you turn this:
into this:
and then sell it, buy it or swallow it? Some have been doing just that and now I fully understand why there is a hell. There needs to be. It's only just and right.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Mama Ground Hog's Garden - The Video

This is my first video. My camera technique needs work. Walking while carrying a video camera must be an art form. Stability is a learned thing I suppose. Either that or I have a cheap camera. Anyway, here it is below.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Mama Ground Hog's Garden

It's been just about a year now since my Mom died. I miss her and so does Dad, but we have many beautiful reminders of her work here. She was, among other things, a Master Gardener, in the very official sounding sense of that term. She was certificated. She could do wonderful things with the botanical life that God put into her hands and so I thought I would share some of these with you so that you can experience them too. Her garden is a little poorer without her, but I'm betting Paradise never looked so good. Mom, this is for you. You did good work.






 Dad took the pictures.  I hope to have a video tomorrow.

First Timothy 6:17-21

First Timothy 6:17-21 from the New International Version of the Bible:
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides for us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasures for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they make take hold of the life that is truly life.
Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge, which some have professed and in so doing have wandered from the faith. 
Grace be with you.
Commentary

Paul closes his letter with some advice for Timothy on how to handle the wealthier members of the Ephesian church. He wants Timothy to remind them of where their real security lies. It's not in money or social status. These things are temporary and should not be cause for arrogance. Rather, their real security lies in God who provided for them and made them stewards of this wealth. For this reason, Paul tells Timothy, that rich Christians need to be generous with what God has given them. They should use their money for godly purposes, doing good deeds and sharing with those in need. This kind of attitude toward wealth will prepare them for the real rewards later - and these rewards will last forever.

Then Paul finishes his letter with a reminder. He tells Timothy to guard the faith and not tolerate false teaching. It can only lead to a bad end.

Questions

1) Is Paul saying that being rich is a sin?
2) Can wealth be spiritually dangerous? (Proverbs 30:8,9)
3) What do you say to someone that tells you he or she is self made - they have what they have because they earned it? (Deuteronomy 8:17,18)
4) In verse 20 Paul told Timothy to guard what had been entrusted to him. What was it that had been entrusted to him?
5) What has God entrusted to you?
   

First Timothy 6:11-16

First Timothy 6:11-16, according to the New International Version of the Bible:
But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses. In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, which God will bring about in His own time - God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who is alone immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To Him be honor and might forever. Amen.
Commentary

So now Paul advises Timothy how to handle himself in the face of these church problems. He reminds Timothy that he is a man of God. His pursuits are not to be the material pursuits of the false teachers. Rather, he is to pursue the good things that lead to godliness and contentment; things like righteousness, faith, love and endurance. Practicing and promoting these things is what Paul calls fighting the good fight - boldly taking hold of the rewards granted by the Christian life.

He charges Timothy to be invigorated by his faith that he confessed before witnesses all those years before; and to keep these commands without failure until Jesus returns. Paul then closes with a brief prayer of praise, beautifully illustrating God's glory, majesty and place.

Questions

1) Paul reminds Timothy in verse 11 that he is a man of God. Why do you think he does this?
2) What's the significance of the word "pursue" in verse 11?
3) What things can hinder us from the pursuit of godliness until Jesus returns?
4) What does Paul mean when he says Timothy should "take hold of the eternal life to which he was called"? 

First Timothy 6:3-10

From the New International Version of the Bible, First Timothy 6:3-10:
If anyone teaches false doctrines and does not agree to sound instruction of our Lord Jesus Christ and to godly teaching, he is conceited and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy interest in controversies and quarrels about words that result in envy, strife, malicious talk, evil suspicions, and constant friction between men of corrupt mind, who have been robbed of the truth and who think that godliness is a means to financial gain.
But godliness and contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. 

Commentary

Paul concludes this last section of his letter to Timothy in much the same way that he opened it. He hits the false teachers in the Ephesian church hard, exposing their true motivations. Paul's perspective on this issue is obvious from his words. He sees these teachers as self obsessed - so much so that they reject the instruction handed down to them by the One they report to follow and worship - the Lord Jesus Christ. He says they are both ignorant and arrogant; that they enjoy causing division in the church with false doctrine, thus sowing the seeds of mistrust, envy, strife and gossip. The result is a constant friction between the divided groups that have been deluded by these false teachers and an abandonment of the truth. But the real motivation of these men is financial. They seek to enrich themselves through their divisive activities. They take the money of those they mislead thinking that their false form of godliness is a means to material success.

Paul tells Timothy though, that true godliness leads to contentment and not the desire for power and money. Life is short. We are born with nothing and what we have when we die stays here. We cannot take it with us. So, rather than fall into the trap of constant scheming for financial gain, Paul says that Timothy should focus on being content. The desire to get rich is a distraction that can make people miserable. If there is sufficient food clothing and shelter, Christians should be content with that. Why? The love of money is a root of evil that can cause grief and ruin one's faith.

Questions

1) In verse 3 Paul talks about false doctrine and sound instruction. What makes a doctrine false? What lens do we use to determine what false doctrine is? Look at Second Timothy 3:16 and while you are there ask yourself what "God breathed" means.
2) What false teaching today endangers the church?
3) How does false teaching divide a church?
4) What does internal controversy do to a church?
5) Where do you draw the line between holding church leadership accountable and promoting unhealthy controversy?
6) Paul said that at the root of the false teacher's motivations was the desire for money. What can make a ministry susceptible to dishonest gain?
7) Paul says that godliness with contentment is great gain. Isn't pursuit of wealth intended to bring contentment? Does it work? How does godliness bring contentment? Does this mean we should give up trying to improve our financial status?
8) How many of you have more than you need? How much could you give up and still be content? Is having food shelter and clothing enough for contentment? Can contentment even be defined in terms of material possessions?
9) Which of these situations could you accept without endangering your faith? Which of these would bring the most contentment? (Philippians 4:10-13)
  1. The ability to work for the rest of your life.
  2. Enough money for food, shelter and clothing (and nothing else) for the rest of your life
  3. Enough income to eliminate the need to ever work again.  

Friday, May 4, 2012

Bad Joke Friday


A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it
above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?” he yelled forcefully.
No one answered.
“All right, I’m going to have another beer, and if my horse isn’t back
outside by the time I finish, I’m going to do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t
want to have to do what I dun in Texas!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another
beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of
the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go, what happened in Texas?”
The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”


I was in a restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed
to break wind. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of
the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I remembered I was listening to my iPod.


One day, a man notices that his next door neighbor is erecting a tightrope in the backyard. The neighbor goes out to practice every day. He uses balancing bars, carries weights, and even pedals a unicycle across.
Then he starts focusing his practice on the tightrope with a wheel barrow. Every day, he puts more and more weight in the wheel barrow and goes back and forth on the tight rope.
One day, the man chats with his neighbor. “I’ve been watching you practicing on the tightrope for weeks now, and have to say, you’re amazing. But, what’s it all for?” the neighbor asks.
“I’m glad you’ve noticed. As a matter of fact, tomorrow, I’m going to cross over Niagra Falls on my tightrope. Why don’t you come out and see?” the man replies.
The next day, the neighbor is there watching the man get ready for his big show.
“Do you believe I can make it?”
“Oh yes, I’ve seen you practice. You can do it – easy!”
“Great – get in the wheel barrow.”